Thanksgiving break 2009- photo memories

This is picture heavy. It's just a bunch of photos that show the fun we had together as a family on Thanksgiving break. It was a much, much, much needed break. We are so thankful for our first home, our first big holiday in our home, and for our family (though we often argue and get on each other's nerves- we do really get along well and love each other and their company alot!!!)

Robert and Dad pretending to fight- goofy boys!

Matthew "breaking it up" :)

my little "ducklings" all grown up now!

Matthew guarding this bridge- "None shall pass."

Late November and there are still beautiful leaves. I just can't get used to this even after 5 falls here in North Carolina. :)

my goofy son, Robert

I love my kids!!!!!!!!!!!! And our dog, Samson too!

I love this man!

We went for a walk at the Arboretum, and I saw these pretty berries- American Beautyberries.

Samson and Matthew explored the little creek that runs by the Arboretum.

my hubby and best friend

my sweet, happy-go-lucky daughter

It was NOT anywhere near cold enough to be dressed like this. We teased her a lot about it, to which she replied, "I'm being cute! It's called style!" :)

I just liked these pretty steps. :)

Sammy is happiest when he is with us, and he LOVES LOVES LOVES going for rides!!!

our 1st Thanksgiving in our 1st home! THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

our backyard still has tons of leaves falling down and not yet fallen- we'll be raking leaves all winter at this rate!

Robert makes the funniest faces! We kicked off Thanksgiving break with cookies & milk and game time.

the 1st holidays in OUR home :)

On my list of things I am thankful for this week was, once again, having a home of our own. It still seems like a dream to Rob & I even after 8 months. I keep thinking every once in a while that it's been a while since the landlord called to complain about something. :) Or I wonder how much our rent will go up when we renew the lease. :) Or has the landlord been by to inspect the house/property? :) Or can we hang this up on the wall? Or how much will the landlord charge us when we leave?

I am so very grateful for a home- a warm place to live and keep us safe from the wet, cold, windy, hot weather. But I am so very grateful also for a place that is ours (or will be in 30 years). :)

And now today, the kids, Rob, and I are about to begin to decorate our home for its first Christmas with the Thomas family. :) I will post photos later. I get so homesick for the family we left behind, but I am hoping that making my new home pretty for Jesus' birthday will be another reminder to me to keep being thankful, to keep focusing on Him who brought us here, who has blessed us with a home of our own, but most of all who blessed us all with His love, His unending merciful, adoring love.

That is the most important thing in the world to me and the biggest blessing to be thankful for- way more than a roof over my head, mine or not.

THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I made it Momma, made it to Thanksgiving break...

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. 2009. Time sure continues to move by at such a quick pace.

A few weeks ago, when I was teetering on the edge and about to have a nervous breakdown or something, I called my Momma and she told me to just focus on making it to Thanksgiving. Well thanks to God's help and my husband and momma listening to me (and my kids too) so many times I can't even name them all, I made it! Thank you God, Rob, Momma, and my kids!!!! I would NOT have made it without your support and listening and prayers for me!!!

Thanksgiving break. Last night we played Yahtzee together, the five of us. It was sooo much fun. Today Barbara went with me to an appointment then we ran an errand of hers and hit the store for last minute things. We were all home together this afternoon until the two olders had to work. I helped with leaf collection in the backyard this afternoon for a little bit- boy do we have a HUGE pile of leaves going back there in our compost area!!!! Tonight I am making pumpkin pies and I also wrote some new donorschoose proposals for my classroom.

Tomorrow we will all work together to make cornish hens, some ham, mashed potatoes, stuffing, spinach supreme (my FAVORITE!), and vegies. And we will play a game and I'm sure watch some football and movies, and my kids will tease me but I'll try to watch the parade in the morning just because I always used to as a kid and then as a young mom. They don't like to watch it anymore and they like to tease me about it, but I'm nostalgic like that. :)

I so wish we were all together with the rest of our family, but I'm thankful for being alive. Thankful for my Momma still being alive and with us and doing well after the big C. I'm thankful that Pop is still here after the heart attack a couple weeks ago; he could have not made it and my Momma would now be facing a major holiday alone, and that would hurt her. So I'll focus on what I have and not the distance between us... or I'll try to anyway. :)

I have plans to relax on my days off but also have to do a BIG assignment for my grad class, finish up my lesson plans for next week and make some more Christmas cards to sell (hopefully). It's been a nice break so far, and I'm so thankful for it!!! I don't know how I'll get through the rest of the year, but I'm trying to focus on just today and not think too much about the big picture. :)

Thanks God for time away from the stress of work. Thanks for helping me to focus on what I should be thankful for and not on all the other negative things. Thanks for helping me to make it, for my family, for being loved, and for Your love above all else!

Thankful it's Friday :)

I have never been so thankful for a work week to come to an end!!!! It's Friday night, I'm snuggled up warm under my favorite throw- the super soft, brown one given to me by a very sweet "old" student I nicknamed Red 2 (her older brother is Red 1 and I tease her that we will have to call her baby brother Red 3). I have on my pajamas and even took a short 15 minute doze, but am now trying to stay awake so I won't have too many sleep problems later tonight.

This weekend's agenda:

• buy items for and make the family gift bags for Monday's 1st Grade Family Night- started stamping and making gift tags for the bags too, nothing fancy but hopefully they'll look okay
• do as much of my grad school homework as I can so I won't have to spend too much time over break on it
• update/fix any changes to my lesson plans
• finish my Momma's cards and try to make a couple more sets to post for sale (I hope to make and post a bunch over Thanksgiving)
• visiting our daughter's "friend's" church Sunday :)
• asking God for enough grace and strength to make it through two more work days until Thanksgiving- my momma told me to just try to focus on making it to Thanksgiving- only two more work days until then Momma. Then I'll try to make it to Christmas, and then the long haul will start. I dread that, but I'm going to be like Scarlett O'Hara- I'll think about that tomorrow- well maybe. :)

He is With You- Mandisa song/video

i heard a new song on the radio- well it is new to me anyway- a song by Mandisa- He is With You. i LOVE this song. and it caught my attention because of the way it starts... "There's a time..." fits with my new verse up there on my header and how i have been feeling of late.

here's a link to her video if you aren't familiar with the song or just want to hear it anyway.

hard questions

today i found myself trying to answer some hard questions my two oldest asked me. i tried my best, but in the end it only left them still not understanding and i don't really either. how am i supposed to answer them? i don't think there is an answer, oh how i wish there were. something i could say to explain it to them, to explain it to myself. it hurt to hear my kids express a loss they've never expressed before- hurt more than i can say. now i'm left with a big old, very old wound and feeling like i've failed once again somehow, that i should have done more, should have tried harder, reached out more, picked up a phone, or made a trip, or done something- i don't know how or what or even if it would have worked...



i know we just have to take what comes to us and make the best of it. Lord knows i've tried and will keep trying, and they will continue to make good in their lives and hopefully (prayerfully) live for Him their whole lives. i will pick myself up tomorrow and move on, what more can i do, but for tonight i hurt for me, for my family, for my kids, for the unknown. i regret the past and all that ol' damn water under the bridge. i wish the bridge would go away and the water would dry up and we could all go back to the way things used to be, but then, "the way it used to be" wasn't really real either- it was just a dream, a dumb idea of a dumb kid who was too stupid to know it was just fake- all an act. maybe that's what i'm grieving- the idea that was never really real, the family i thought i had that i didn't really ever have.

praise You in this storm

God is with us even in dark places, even in scary times, even when you feel all alone. He is with us when we are far away from our family and can't get home in emergencies. He is with us when we are sick, when we are hurting.

God, I will praise You for always being there when I need you. I don't deserve it. Thank you.

He Gives and Takes Away

That song has been going through my head all week.
"... He gives and takes away... still my heart will choose to say, "Blessed is Your name...."

This weekend He gave me a chance to meet someone from my daddy's family, someone I haven't seen since I was a little girl, the first person in my daddy's family I've seen in over ten years and the first "real" visit, truly positive meeting I've had with anyone in his family since I got married. It's been quite a weekend- awkward at moments, nerve-inducing, but filled with laughter, tears, and fun. I'm truly grateful for a chance to know someone who carries some of the same dna as my daddy. I hope he is in heaven smiling down on his cousin and my family tonight.

Then I am awoken (is that even a word????) at 12:30 with a call from Illinois- which can only mean something bad is going on. My pop- the man who has loved me as his own for all of my adult life, the only grandfather my kids have ever had, Pop- is lying in a hospital bed having a heart attack, and it sounds bad. I can hear it in my momma's voice, and I so need to be there for her, for him, for me. I'm trying to be ready for anything- the good or the awful. Trying to be where God wants me to be and be content here and yet wanting to be home right this instant to be there by my momma's side as she waits in a hospital waiting room in the dead of night for news good or bad. What if's are trying to roll through my mind, and I'm trying to not focus on them.

God, I know death is part of life. I know it's something we all must face- our own death and the deaths of loved ones. I know he has lived a pretty long life so far, and if You chose to take him home right now, he's ready to meet you. I know we have no guarantee of tomorrow or this afternoon or our next breath. I know You are so wise above me and You see the big picture when I can't see the next step I'm supposed to take... God, what else I know is that right now my momma who has buried one husband is sitting in a waiting room trying to be strong and feeling all kinds of emotions. I know I'm not there to hold her hand or let her cry on my shoulder or just sit with her and keep her company. I know it's not about me, she is a big girl, a grown woman, she has a daughter there, and no one needs Rebekah swooping in "to save the day..." Please just be with Pop, whatever it is please help the dr.s and nurses caring for him to have wisdom. Help Pop not to be too scared or in too much pain and help this to end as quickly as possible. Please God, PLEASE be with my momma right now. Comfort her as You always have in her times of need. Let her feel You sitting there right beside her in the waiting room. Give her strength to face whatever it might be. Be with my sister and her husband who are also there, with my sister who lost her daddy too already and doesn't want to lose another one. And God, if it's possible, please don't take away just yet. And if it's Your will to do so, please help us all to make it through.

I'm going to try somehow to sleep now God. My alarm clock will call me soon enough, and somehow I've got to teach and go on tomorrow no matter what happens.

a big day

today i will meet a cousin that i haven't seen since i was kid. today will be the first day in more than a decade that i will have seen anyway even remotely related to my daddy. it will be a big day...

to do lists & accomplishments

one of the things that has been suggested to me is that i need to begin to learn to make lists for each day and mark the items off as i accomplish them. the hope being i will feel good at the end of the day at what i've accomplished, i'll learn to see (perhaps) that i'm doing too much and to prioritize what's truly important, and ultimately learn to let go the things that don't really matter so much and learn to say no...

so here goes. here is my weekend's to-do list. God help to me get it all done.
Friday night:

• eat supper & clean up after myself (or leave it for my kids- ha ha ha)
• make a card for my hubby before he gets home to tell him how good he is to me (he cleaned the whole house from top to bottom today!, went out and bought a turkey roast and made me a yummy supper- turkey, boiled potatoes, black eyed peas & asparagus), and fixed some things around the house too
• make one set of Christmas cards
• make a grocery list for November's shopping trip tomorrow
• lesson plans for as far into November as i can get

Saturday:

• grocery shopping for November
• family time 12-4 (silly, yummy "Halloween" lunch- "Bat Wings" (homemade boneless chicken wings), "Franken Fingers (homemade potato wedges), Eyeballs (grapes), Spooky Salad & a ghost story movie- "The Others"
• GTCC class- 2 or 3 lessons
• Grad school- read, read, read, & post
• type EQ's for school and make guided reading plans
• late night movie and family Halloween tradition of Grinch Night when the kids get home from work around midnight... Since the kids were little, we've always watched Grinch Night and had "Grinch milk" and oreos... This story is an old Suess book that was made into a video, oh, I don't know maybe in the 60's. I bought a copy when the kid were little, and we've been watching it for years now... They are now 19, 18, & 17 years old and without fail, they still ask us if we're going to do this with them- they want to! Robert asked us to please wait for him to get home from work & do it late at night since it wouldn't be the same if we did it in the afternoon, so we're having a late night family time too...

Sunday:

• pay bills
• read, read, read for Monday's class
• make more Christmas cards & post them on the web for sale

So, I'm getting off of here and on to this list. Busy, busy, busy

On a happy note, I want the whole world, or the 3 people that come "see" me here to know that I went ALL week and only had 2 diet cokes all week long (from Sunday morning to tonight!!!!) TWO PEOPLE, TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's a major miracle for me! I had one the other night in the hopes of breaking a 4 day headache that I believe was caffeine withdrawal-related. Nothing else was helping, and I broke down and had one. Then I had one this afternoon as I had to hit the drive thru on my way between a workshop and school. But I'm still sipping on it now- 6 hours later. I'm doing it!!!! I'm doing it!!! I'm doing it!!!!

YEAH for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And even bigger- YEAH FOR GOD who is helping me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!