bekaboo

Prayers

2012-01-30T21:27:00.000-05:00

Please pray for my mother-in-law. She's been having health problems and is not feeling well. She spent about a week in the hospital earlier this month and has had just about every test known to man run it seems with more to come. Thank you!

Other stuff for tonight:

Two days of half day "data meetings"-I don't like to attend meetings that leave me feeling "Ugghhh." Teaching children- I LOVE! :) The education system leaves me just tired and disgusted. :(
Went back to the ortho doc today. I'm on medicine now to heal up the inflammation/infection in my ankle and have been put back in the ugly, uncomfortable brace to immobilize my ankle. If it's not better in three weeks, I'll be getting cortisone shots and maybe an even prettier walking cast/boot.
Three more hours and we will have made it to payday. Is it bad that I am counting hours until payday? :)
One of my second graders brought me a pint of grape tomatoes today- her parents let her buy it for me because she knows I love tomatoes. :) Cute, sweet, funny. :) I do so love my kids!!!!
My kids have had a little trouble completing their work the past couple weeks with the "testing" phase going on in our room. I told them they couldn't pick on me anymore until they started getting their work completed- a real motivator for some of them. We have a mutual pick-on-each-other thing in my room. :) They LOVE to pick on me- punch buggies, calling me "Rebekah" (they think that's just awesome), sticking their tongues out at me, "stealing" my lunch bag or cell phone or other stuff. :) Today one of them said, "Oh yeah, we can't pick on you yet. I'm GOING to get my work done this week so I can pick on you again!" :) :) :) Too funny!

Well, I'm off to pack up for tomorrow and try to be crashing by 10 PM for a change. :) Night world!

Hope the week is good to you wherever you are! Praying for many of you!

Rebekah :)

Dear Person,

2012-01-28T10:27:00.000-05:00

Something was said this week, and the more I think about it, the more it bothers me. I would just like to say...

Dear Person,

From your comments to my six year old student, I assume you are anti-war/pro-peace. Whatever label you put on yourself, I can respect your viewpoint. I don't like war either. I hate the death it brings, the loss and sadness people have to live with as a result, the horrors that come from war, and the aftermath. I have never had to face those things directly really, not up front and personal in my own town, on my own street or in my neighborhood. Neither have you. We are so lucky, no blessed, here. We have never had to hide from the enemy, worry about going to the store and being killed by a stray bullet or blown up by a bomb. We don't have to worry about our children playing in the yard and being killed in the crossfire...

But, I understand that you have your personal views, just as I do. Here is where I disagree with you, however. Whether we like war or not, whether we think our soldiers should go into foreign countries and fight or not, we live in an imperfect, flawed world filled by fallible, messed up human beings who cannot live perfectly. Conflict happens. And our soldiers do what they're told to do. It isn't always what they want, and I'm sure that many times they personally disagree with what the country does, but they serve our nation to protect us- the people.

It is an honorable thing to serve our nation in this way. Somebody has to do it. If we have no military, we would be sitting ducks for everyone out there who hates us and wants us dead. I recognize that I have a biased viewpoint here, and want to tell you that up front. My grandfather fought in World War II. My daddy was wounded in Vietnam. My Pop served in the military for twenty years. I have relatives who have been in all the branches of the military. My cousin's husband was nearly killed serving in Afghanistan and will have serious lifelong health issues now as a result. His family paid a heavy price allowing him to give back to our nation- to protect us! My youngest son's greatest desire is to serve his country by being an infantryman, and at the time, he is not able to because of an ear problem. Many, many soldiers pay a price (and their families right alongside them) to allow us the freedom to dissent, to speak our minds, to publish our own opinions, to meet in public and so many other rights we often take for granted.

So when you treat a kid rudely because you disagree with his desire to be a soldier someday (and yes, even a sniper in the Army), I take offense. There is NOTHING wrong with his desire. Maybe his dad or uncle or grandfather or neighbor or a friend of the family did that job. Maybe he just thinks it would be cool. Maybe he's just a kid who is, like many kids, fascinated by those things. Perhaps in your manicured, middle-class world that is unacceptable, but please recognize that not everyone lives in your world. Please recognize that many people have fought, died, and yes, killed people, so that you could have that viewpoint and express it freely.

You have that right, but in MY classroom, you do NOT have the right to put my students' thoughts and ideas down, even if you don't agree with them. Because in MY classroom, everyone has a right to say what they think and feel, even when I don't agree with them. That's because in MY classroom, we are a family- a family I am trying to teach and lead by example to be respectful, thoughtful people who can treat others well even when they don't like what someone else eats, thinks, says, wears, or does. If the world would be more that way, maybe in the end we wouldn't need soldiers to go off and "kill people" as you put it to my child.

end of week thoughts

2012-01-27T21:52:00.000-05:00

Just a few things I want to write down so I can remember some other day:

Today I did something I don't think I've ever done- I confronted someone about something I thought was unprofessional and inappropriate. I stood up for a student. It was HARD for me to do- way more than you know- but I did it. Might not have done it well, but I did it. May cause me problems later, but I did it. I felt so proud of myself that I pushed myself past a roadblock in my personal growth!

One of my kids lost a tooth this week. She forgot to take her tooth home that afternoon, and when I saw her after that evening's concert, she wanted to go get her tooth from the classroom, but our building was locked so I wasn't sure she could get in. Her dad asked her to wait until tomorrow and being the super sweet, obedient child she is she agreed, but I could see it in her face that she was very disappointed. I leaned over and whispered that I was pretty sure the Tooth Fairy would visit the classroom for her. When I got home and just started mentioning this to Rob, before I could get two words out, he pulled out a dollar bill and gave it to me and said, "This is for ...." Sweet man! I wrote my kiddo a letter from the Tooth Fairy and printed it off in a different font than I ever use to try to throw her off, and left the money and the note on her desk with the tooth. She was so excited and it was so stinkin' cute! Then today I got the nicest email from her mom thanking me for the note and dollar. She told me that last night she found her little girl brushing the tooth (which the school tooth fairy let her keep to show her family) so that it would be nice and shiny for the home tooth fairy. :) :) :) Awwww....

And the last thing for tonight...

This is a chalk portrait drawn by one of my first graders while I was at a mandatory meeting this morning. On our way to the buses she stopped me to show me and said, "Look, Mrs. T. that blond girl on the ground over there... I drew that. It's you. She's pretty." Now as I sit here thinking about this, it seems kind of "deep" to me. Maybe it's just the end of a long week, a lot of tired and being in pain, but this makes me think... Maybe my kids see something, the real me, beyond the blubber that I see. Maybe they see who I am way down deep inside- a lady who loves them an awful lot, but most of all I hope they see God's love. And when I think of that, this photo just makes me cry. :)

craft club adventures

2012-01-25T22:31:00.000-05:00

I've been so busy and wish I had more exciting things to say here. I'm not that exciting I think. :)

But these craft club projects were exciting! Matthew taught kirigami today, and I taught quilling. I loved how our work is going so far on these! :) Next week we will continue these two and add pop-up cards for Valentines' Day.

Nothing Much, Just Life

2012-01-14T09:31:00.000-05:00

I wish I had more interesting things to say. I would love to come on here and write profound things every day, but I'm not that exciting a person. :)
I hope 2012 has been good to you so far. Time sure does seem to go by faster and faster; we're already halfway through January! I've gotten back into my school groove and am hard at work completing the eighteen million assessments we have to complete with our children. So far this week I gave five 2 different minute math "probes." I love that word-probe- think it is just a really ironic word for educators to have to use. :) I completed my spelling assessment with all the kids, completed the DIBELS testing and the next math chapter pretest with my second graders. I also started the lovely TRC reading assessment this week. I did all that while continuing to teach some actual real lessons too. :) Now all I have left is to finish the TRC with ten kids and administer two grade level writing prompts.... and there seems like there should be something else I should do..... oh, yeah, wait for it- TEACH! :) I almost forgot that's what it is I started out to do- be a teacher. :) hahahahahahaha In all seriousness though, I am happy with the testing results for my kids so far. No one will be able to label me a "bad teacher" this year- thank God!!!!

Everything at home is good too. Robert is hoping to buy his first vehicle today; he's going to with Rob to make an offer on a used truck in a little while. By May, he'll be back on the road with his job and gone most of the rest of the year (out of town on the weekdays travelling and working- home hopefully some weekends). Barbara was able to get two classes this semester and is still working at McDonald's while hoping for more gainful employment with more than two days a week soon. She found out she has enough college credits to substitute so she's started that ball rolling. I hope she can get some sub jobs before too long. :) Matthew is looking for work and starting to move on as it looks as though his ear will not cooperate and will prevent him from following his dream to join the Army. I know it's been hard for him, and I'm praying that he will be able to find his place in the world soon.

My mother-in-law was in the hospital pretty much all week this week. It was hard for Rob to be here and not know really what all was going on. I was trying to scramble some grocery funds together for him to go home, but she's home from the hospital and hopefully doing better. Please pray for his mom that she will continue to heal and feel better.

What other minute details can I bore you with? :) I made my third grocery cart seat cover this week for a coworker's baby shower, and it looked really nice! :) I'm actually getting better at sewing! I'm almost ashamed of that first one now that I finally figured out a tricky part of the pattern/directions (thanks to my awesome hubby!), but thankfully the last two have looked nicer and probably not too many people see all the mistakes I know about. I'm so thankful for the nice machine I was blessed with last summer and the push to get back to sewing my cousin gave me! I wish we had an extra room where I could set up a little studio. I haven't done as much with card making or crafting this past year, and a large part of it is there is no place to do it unless I just permanently take over the small kitchen table and clutter up our kitchen. My next project is to make a walker bag for my mother-in-law. Barbara and I found a really pretty quilted fabric for her, and I hope to get it done this week. Someone at work said I should open up a shop. I think about that a lot more than anyone knows, actually. I would love to have a small gift shop where independent crafters/artists could sell their stuff- including me, of course. I just don't have any idea if that's actually a good idea or how to go about finding out or getting started.

Barbara, Matthew, and I are doing an after school craft club still, and we started paper mache snowmen this last week. We used small styrofoam balls as our base and I think they're going to be really nice when we get done. Now I need to start practicing (in my spare time) how to do origami and kirigami because I have to be able to teach the kids how to do that in a couple weeks! I have a couple books for my research; I started that over break but I didn't have the paper with me to try it out.

Well, I have probably put you to sleep by now. I should get my grocery list finished and get on out the door. I have a TON of assessments to score this weekend and data to enter into excel forms. Report cards are due Friday too, and I have projects I need to do.

So bye! Hope January brings you something wonderful! Love from NC!
Beka :)

Uncle Rob

2012-01-01T17:19:00.010-05:00

Rob LOVES Zoe! And it seemed that Zoe kind of liked him too. I share evidence of these two facts here.

Eating and talking and just hanging out on our last day in their corner of the world.

playing with the blocks together

I know she's a bit blurry- she doesn't sit still so it was not easy to get a photo of her without her being " in action." :)

Loved this one!!!! Uncle Rob was reading and making all the animal sounds for her as they read together.

These are my absolute favorites!!!! These tell another story. Rob and Zoe would play "chase" and then he would hide around the corner and call out to Zoe. She turned around to come chase/find him.

Not sure what she was doing for sure, but she would holler and point at Rob. So stinkin' cute!!! She knew where her Uncle Rob was hiding though!

Or, she thought she did. "Where did he go???"

"Boo!" "Oh, there you are!" hahaha Zoe has the best laugh!!!!

Zoe and her Uncle Rob from Rebekah Thomas on Vimeo.

Untitled from Rebekah Thomas on Vimeo.

And the last one, Zoe gave Rob some kisses and hugs.

Zoe part 2

2012-01-01T16:30:00.003-05:00

Yeah, I know. :) You'll have to pardon me. I'm partial to that niece of ours!!!

These first few tell a "story"- Zoe loves phones and wanted Barbara's.

So, Barbara, being a good cousin tried to show Zoe her phone. Zoe just wanted the phone, though.

Barbara, not to be bossed around either, kept trying to show it to Zoe and talk to her about the phone.

But, as you can see, in the end, Zoe won the phone battle. :)

Bathtime with Aunt Beka

She puts that tongue out a lot- cracks us up!

I loved this face- it was like she was saying, "Aunt Beka, what are you trying to do- drown me?"

And with that, she was done and ready to get out. She was trying to climb out of Grandma's sink.

Yay!

Zoe's Sleepover with Aunt Beka, Uncle Rob, Grandma & Papa

My sister and Scott wanted to "trade" kids so we had a kid swap one night. The "old folks" got to keep Zoe, and the young adults went with Jessica and Scott for a late night of movie watching, eating video games, and talking.

So, what did Zoe do with us? It's our secret. You know- what happens at Grandma's stays at Grandma's? :) hahaha

Well, first we had some dinner. Uncle Rob enjoyed this! And one thing we learned while we were home, do NOT get in between Zoe and food. She promptly let us know if we did not feed her quickly enough. My kind of kid!

playtime with Uncle Rob (another post coming with tons of pictures of Zoe and her Uncle Rob)

Zoe got to campout downstairs with us. While we played Scrabble, Zoe played in her playpen with her toys. It was so sweet when she started talking to the Ernie character on the toy there in front of her. She just held it, looked at it, chewed on him, and jabbered at him. Awwwwww...

Hi Papa!

Helping her Papa spell some good words!

She was getting sleepy by now and not too sure what I was doing with my camera.

I promised Zoe we wouldn't tell on her and she promised to not tell on Uncle Rob and me because we let her stay up late with us and watch some t.v. :) Just our little secret!

Then she slept downstairs with Uncle Rob and me. She woke up about 5:45 not sure of where she was I think, but came and slept/snuggled with me on the love seat. I will CHERISH that memory for a long time to come!!!

Zoe and Aunt Beka at our 1st Sleepover from Rebekah Thomas on Vimeo.

Zoe

2012-01-01T15:55:00.000-05:00

Rob and I are thrilled that we got to be back home for Zoe's first Christmas. Zoe is our niece- our first, much anticipated, and much adored niece. It hurts to be so far away from her and not be a part of her day-to-day life, so this was a special treat for us.
I'll try to not bore you to death or make your eyes bleed from photo overload, but I can't hardly restrain myself. Here are some of my favorite "Zoe" pictures from Christmas.

Let's start with this cute video. Zoe was not too sure about all of us big people of course. On that first night we were there, though, she was fascinated with Robert and all his hair. :)

Zoe, Meet Your Hairy Cousin from Rebekah Thomas on Vimeo.

My Momma and her pride & joy, Zoe. :)

I know I'm partial, but isn't she a cutie?!? :)

Our oldest, Robert with his cute cousin. I love their faces in this photo. :)

She was, as all babies are, more interested in the wrapping paper than the gift. :)

My sister, Jessica with her sweet baby. For some reason, I didn't take any photos of Scott. Sorry about that, Sis. Not sure why that is???

Zoe is looking up at Uncle Rob. He wanted a photo of her with his Cardinals blanket.

On our last day together these two cousins decided to get together finally. Zoe smiled at Matthew while we were there, and was mesmerized by his height. Matthew is timid of Zoe because he is so big and she is so little. I loved these pictures of them together.

This is my favorite!!!! She just tucked up to him and grinned so big. So precious!

getting tired

sleeping beauty

Love how Papa and Zoe are looking at each other here.

blurry photo- but Robert and Zoe were laughing so hard together- it was adorable

Zoe wanted to put Barbara's necklace in her mouth. She just kept sticking it in Barbara's mouth and laughing.

fascinated by Barbara's face

Zoe kept playing with Matthew's chain and the ring he put on it.

tickle time!

Surprise Christmas Trip 2011

2012-01-01T13:10:00.000-05:00

We've been in NC for six years. When we came we hoped/thought we would get to go "home" for Christmases, but that didn't happen. Multiple paycuts, lack of $, and young people needing to work got in the way of that desire. I feel guilty (because it's Rebekah, she feels guilty about everything- in case you hadn't already figured that out).

Anywhoo, a miracle occurred this year and all of our kids were able to get off of work for a few days at Christmas. All the kids also contributed to the cash needed to go home and we snuck off across country as soon as I got out of school and showed up on my parents' doorstep one night before Christmas to surprise them. :) And surprise them we did!!!! :) :) :)

To save yourself some time, watch the first few seconds (about 10) and then skip ahead to about 2:35 or so to see the g'parents get their surprise. :)

Operation Surprise the Grandparents from Rebekah Thomas on Vimeo.

It was Zoe's first Christmas, so we hoped it would be an extra special Christmas for my parents. We were able to visit with them for a few days before heading down towards St. Louis to see Rob's mom and a few of my relatives in that area. What a trip- over 2,000 miles in total!

Home

2012-01-01T00:00:00.001-05:00

Home. A simple word. With so many meanings and associations and emotions.

I'm rethinking what that one word means to me now.

home-Greensboro NC- I reside in a place we call home. I go home after teaching a group of children every day. We returned home from our Christmas trip to the place we live. I do love this home we are buying; we had to wait a long time to get it, and I am so thankful for it. We live here now; have lived in this area for over six years now- longer than we've ever lived in one place before.

home- Illinois-side of St. Louis metro area- The places where I was born and did most of my growing up. A sense of "roots" if you will. Many of my extended family are still in that area. It is the place where my husband was born & grew up, where we met, fell in love and married, where we graduated from, where we struggled those first years of marriage, where we put ourselves through college, where our children were born, and many family memories are there.

"home"- Quad Cities, IL/IA- What we often refer to as our "home" or "back home" is 900 miles or so away from where we currently live. It is where my parents and sister/brother-in-law/niece live. It is where we moved from to move here. It has a lot of sentiment attached to it- long, green, tall fields of corn; lots of snow and cold; storms (real weather); farm fields where you can see for a long way out and watch storms come in or the combines harvesting the crops; the Mississippi (which I have almost always lived near); many memories of our children growing up, Christmases together, school and sports events; work friends; children we've taught...

The problem Rob and I seem to face is that we find we don't "belong" to any of those homes it seems. We visited some of them over our Christmas break, and it felt strange to us. We know these places, we have many memories and recognized the physical places we were in. But we felt like an outsider looking in. We grew up and lived in these places but they changed/we changed and we don't quite fit in anymore. Yet we don't belong to this new "home" we live in either. We are outsiders here in NC- strange creatures who know what tornadoes look like, know what "real" storms, cold, and snow is. We don't think the weather here is brutal or horribly cold. We don't care much for super sweet tea. We don't talk quite like people here (though I see that starting to change and kind of hate it). My family notices changes in me and though it's silly I know, I cried over that while we were home.

I guess all this means is that I will have to look to HOME - the only one that really matters anyway. This earth is only a place to travel and live for a handful of hopefully double digit years before moving on to the eternal home. And feeling like out outsider gets old some days. Feeling alone and disconnected leaves me homesick for HOME. So I'll try to cherish the good memories of my old homes, learn to make a home here for my children to cherish, and look for the day when I can go HOME to a place that will not leave me feeling homesick or left behind or disappointed. And until that day comes I will enjoy every day I get to come home to this abode and be with the ones I love and every chance I get to go "home" and see my dear parents, sister, brother, and niece.

crazy busy days

2011-12-19T19:47:00.003-05:00

I always do this- plan lots of projects and things to do in the last days before break.

Today my class worked on their service project (making treat bags for EVERY adult/staff member/volunteer including cafeteria, office, support staff, and bus drivers at our school). They baked gingerbread cookies with Matthew and decorated them with me. They helped me wrap two gifts for volunteers. Plus we had reading and math lessons somewhere in there too.

The last two days of school include:

jazz concert for those who earned enough "Jaybucks"
finishing our service project & delivering all those treat bags throughout the day
wrapping one last gift
making cards for our volunteers, a donor, and our parents
a class celebration
the monthly "Jaymart" store
the school's Holiday Store (kids get to go and choose one free gift for one parent)
and, oh yeah, I will be still teaching in there somewhere :)

I haven't slept much at all in the last week; I hate insomnia.

I have to go, but I will write later in the week to share some photos and blab about our Christmas I'm sure. I have some neat videos I hope to be able to post- have to figure out a couple things first, but please come back and see.

Until then, Merry Christmas to you and your families!

Much love,

Bekaboo :)

Craft Club fun

2011-12-15T20:04:00.003-05:00

I am doing an after school club this year- the Craft Club. I was really, really nervous about it but wanted to try to do something to support the after school club program at our school and help our kids. So, I stepped out and, boy am I glad I did!!!! What fun we are having! I have two of my own young people helping me; Barbara & Matthew have been GREAT volunteers at school and have been such a big help!!!

Today was our third session. The first week the kids made nature cards with pine branches, leaves and nature stamps. Last week they made fleece scarves for themselves and waxed paper/melted crayon "window" cards which turned out REALLY nice!

Today's project was holiday card making. I can't post the kids' photos, but Matthew took some safe pix for me. Each of us took one of the cards, and the kids rotated around to make one or two of each.

The kids seem to be really enjoying the projects so far, and I am having a blast working with the kids, finding and planning projects, and working alongside my own children. :)

We will be running this session through February and then starting a new group of kids through the end of the year. In January we are going to do paper mache snowmen, origami & kirigami, shape cards (snowmen/penguins), and I think maybe make some glazed coasters. I'm going to look for something really, really neat to do with them in February for our finish. I've been bookmarking lots of ideas and am thinking of things for the Spring session: paper mache "spring" baskets, book blankets, popup cards, paper flowers...

Where in the World is Jesus?

2011-12-12T19:29:00.003-05:00

Pardon the Waldo reference; it worked in my head anyway at the moment. :)

Jesus came in a manger. He died on a cross. He rose from the grave. But he's not in any of those places now. So where can we find Him? Well...

I might be wrong, but today I think I glimpsed Jesus at some not-so-"normal," certainly not-holy places. I think I saw Him wearing a Santa hat and playing Christmas music on his portable keyboard outside Blumenthals & Dollar General on Market St. in Greensboro. I rowed down my window, waved, smiled and hollered, "Merry Christmas" to him and he wished me a Merry Christmas too. Made me smile so big inside!!!

I saw Him outside the JoAnn's fabric store where I held a door for him and we chatted for a minute about using a cane to walk (he was). I told him how thankful I was to be walking and doing so well after the terrible fall I had six weeks ago. He gave me a present from his pocket- a tiny cross that says "God loves you" on it. We wished each other His blessings and a Merry Christmas.

I saw Him today in the smiles on three 4th grade children's faces as they gave up their recess time to come hang out in my room, talk with me, and just spend time around me and my students. I saw Him in A's face as she talked about her memories of my old Kindergarten classroom and the time that I hid the gingerbread cookies and told the kids their Gingerbread Men had run away and we went on a hunt for them. I saw Him in her love for me and mine for her. I saw Him in the pipecleaner bracelet E made for me, and in S's laughter at/with me and in the hugs and kisses they all had for me when it was time for them to return to their classes.

I saw Him in my children's hard work and improved behavior today. They were extra especially good for me when my stomach got sick and I had to keep running to the bathroom.

I saw Him in me too today- when I wished people Merry Christmas- I was sure I felt Him smiling at me. I saw Him when I walked with hardly no limp at all into a doctor's office where just two weeks ago I could only limp horribly in and the doctor thought I might have a permanent limp and need therapy.

I saw Him with me as I picked up pants for my son, gloves for all my students (their poor hands were freezing today at recess), thread for Christmas projects and things I'm making.

I saw Him in my 21 year old son who passed me our two bags of groceries as we left the store to run across the parking lot and offer his help to a single mom with her young son who was obviously fighting cancer.

I saw Him in my 20 year old daughter who is working hard to help me make a ton of cookies to give away to our neighbors, a doctor's office, the people who work at a fast food joint we used to go to, and whoever else we end up sharing with. (Let's just say my family teases me because it is my tradition to take cookie/treat trays to gas stations & fast food places on Christmas day- I'm weird, I know.)

I saw Him in my 19 year old son as he played on the playground with my students (oh, how they LOVE Mr. Matthew!!!) and as he worked with students today to help them understand their math assignments and as he exhibited great patience with great grace.

He came 2000 years ago to a poor, lowly family in the most unholy way a king could come. I think He likes to operate that way- on the humble side, coming to the world in unconventional, "unreligious" ways. Maybe I'm silly, but I don't think so. I think Jesus is all around us if we only look. He's in the most simple things as well as the grand things.

I'm curious. Where have you seen Jesus lately?

Holiday Expectations

2011-12-03T08:29:00.005-05:00

Expectations. We all have them. When they are met, it is a wonderful feeling- cloud 9, heavenly, top of the world, euphoric (that is a word, right?)... But when life doesn't match up to what we had expected or hoped, well that brings about a lot of feelings we'd rather not have.

The radio and television keep telling us this is "the most wonderful time of the year..." I am amazed at how many times I've heard the word "deserve" on commercials in just the last week. I deserve an 80" HD LED t.v. I deserve a Lexus, of course I do. I deserve a break today at McDonalds. (I know that's old, just couldn't resist throwing it in there too.) I deserve so many things I had no idea I deserved; it's amazing I tell you! I'm not harping against Christmas, buying gifts for people, or even trying to comment on the blatant commercialism of the season (though I suppose I could- I looked up that t.v. for curiosity's sake- $8,000 t.v.'s?????? Who'd a thunk it?)

What I am saying is this time of year is a mixed bag of emotions for many people. I am one of those people. I try really, really hard to fight it. I feel guilty about it because, well it's Rebekah- she feels guilty about almost anything. If you wanted to be rainy when it was sunny, or sunny when it was rainy, I'd apologize to you. :)

Every year, I feel the blues when Christmas is over, and I hate that. I love this time of year from October through Christmas- it's a wonderful feeling- all the beautiful colors of fall and then Christmas, the decorations around the house- 1st Thanksgiving and then the lights and colors and trees... I love the time with family, and baking with my kids, and the memories, sweet memories of my children growing up all these years and holidays with my parents and sister. I hate for that to all end. And Christmas, as we knew it all these years with young children, is changing. Our kids are starting their own lives and Christmas will change again. I know we'll grow to love the new Christmas traditions we'll start; it's just different having grown kids. I miss Charlie Brown and Frosty and Rudolph. I still watch them, but it's just not the same.

I struggle to ignore the homesickness for my family and "home" and the sense of loss of family that I had in all my memories from my childhood. I miss the family get-togethers with momma, daddy, my sister, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. That's part of life I know- people die, young ones grow up and have their own families, people forget, families have dysfunction, people move on and do what they have to do to survive....

So, the last couple years I am working really hard on my expectations of Christmas. I am asking God to help me remember what it is really about anyway- it's not about a tree or lots of wrapped packages under the tree. It's not the lights and decorations or a house that smells of cookies and breads. As much as I love a few people back in Illinois, Christmas isn't even about being with them. It's not about what I deserve in the sense of what the t.v. says. It is about what I DESERVE and the gift that was delivered long before I was a blip on God's radar screen.

I deserve a lot, and none of it good. We all do. But instead, God sent the greatest gift the world will ever know. The truly sad part of Christmas is that so many people don't know they have this gift. That's what should break my heart instead of me feeling sad because I don't have little kids eager to see the pretty tree or me feeling sorry for myself because I can't see my parents or be nearer to my family.

So, once again this year, I'm working on expecting different things this holiday. I expect to show and give love every day this month. I expect to see people smile as a result of the way I act. I expect to make other people feel good and laugh. I expect to find small ways to show Christ's love. I expect to love with all my heart. I expect to find God in new places that I might not have ever thought I would. I expect myself to find the good in bad things.

After all, as wonderful as this time of year truly can be, it is not necessarily the most wonderful time of the entire year. That's putting a lot on poor ol' Christmas. There's also Easter (what a truly wonderful reason to celebrate). There's spring with its new life and flowers and hope for fresh beginnings. There's summer- a time to relax, swim, go for walks, take vacation. There's fall with its gorgeous colors, crisp nights. There are anniversaries and birthdays- oh how I love to celebrate birthdays! There are lots of other days that have no special honor assigned to them that will be equally lovely because of the good things that may happen on them. Maybe it's putting an unfair burden on Christmas to expect so much from it. As wonderful as Christmas can be, it's just a day- a wonderful day- a day to remember the most important GIFT that ever was or ever will be given. But maybe God never intended all this other junk to be attached to His special day. I'm pretty sure He wouldn't say I deserve that big screen t.v. or a new car just because He was born 2,000 years ago. :)

I am challenging myself to give love away every day in honor of His birthday- but not just at this season- all year long. I am challenging myself to look for Him in the littlest of things. I found him too- yesterday morning when a lady cut me off on the highway and I didn't honk- I couldn't be sure, but I kind of thought maybe, just maybe, I saw Jesus out of the corner of my eye smiling at me and giving me a high five from the passenger seat of my car.

His kindness...

2011-11-29T23:05:00.001-05:00

I don't know if I can say this the way I want to- it's getting late, and I am just wanting to remember this for later- to think on it and maybe wade into the "deep end" more when I can.

I don't even remember now what it was exactly in the sermon on Sunday, but at one point, I said something to Rob because I felt some hope that maybe I am actually doing good for God after all.... Rob (also like me a "heathen Christ-follower" who struggles with his "Christianity" but strives to live for God) said something that has stuck with me all week- "His kindness leads to repentance." I looked it up to find it, and it's in Romans (Romans 2:4 "Don't you see
how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean
nothing to you? Can't you see that His kindness is intended to turn you from
your sin?") That has so much meaning for me personally... God is WONDERFULLY kind, tolerant, and PATIENT, Rebekah. God is not waiting for me to mess up, waiting to bust me, waiting with a list of my wrongs... God is kindness and mercy and if anything he is waiting to help me.

But I was reading in Acts last night and boy did something really jump out at me that goes so well with that scripture Rob reminded me of. In Acts 19, the Bible is talking about how Paul lived in an area for a couple years and was so well known that even the demons knew who he was. It talks about how Paul preached, taught, and more... and how people came to know Christ because they were at first curious about Paul but then came to know the Lord. People openly confessed their sins, came and burnt their scrolls of sorcery (and the Bible even mentions the value of it all- it sounds quite impressive, the change in people's hearts & lives). I was left with this thought- Paul taught and served God, and God worked on men's hearts. And what an amazing outcome!

I wish we could see that kind of outcome here, today, in our own country. It sure makes me wonder about that. I can't change the whole world. I can only try to change my own heart and be a positive influence on my children/family and the children whose lives I am a small part of each day/school year. I am trying to live a life that is as blameless as I can make it- got a long way to go there I know. And I'm praying that my life will be found pleasing to Him and that it will cause some kind of an amazing outcome in His eyes too.

And I'm praying that His church will see the "world" the same way He does. I hope we can learn to love, show His kindness, and let God lead people to His own repentance. He can do it so much better than we can anyway.

a gift that can't be taken away

2011-11-26T21:44:00.002-05:00

Our children have not yet flown from our nest, but it is getting to be more and more rare to have them all three home at the same time. With Robert working out of town so much in the past few months during the week, then youth group on Fridays when he's home, working a lot of Saturdays, and church activities on Sundays, we don't see him much anymore. Barbara works and goes to college, so she's gone several nights a week and of course she has plans with friends too more and more. And Matthew works a few nights a week.

So it's just not too often that we can do something as a family anymore. Rob and I are learning to get used to this and try to look on it as "practice" for when the empty nest does come.

This Thanksgiving we had a wonderful lunch together before Robert went to church and Barbara went to work. We all worked together to make a delicious meal. Matthew and Barbara learned how to make pumpkin pie. And the kids made all the veggies. Matthew helped me make the dressing (it was the best I think I've ever made!) We talked to our parents back home, had time with our kids; it was a very nice day.

I think, though, the thing I will cherish the most was the past two evenings. Robert and Barbara don't usually stay up too late. Robert is used to getting up very early so he's early-to-bed. Barbara usually goes to bed around 10ish (or when she gets home from work). She may stay up late upstairs working on homework, reading, texting, playing on her computer, but she's not one to stay up late downstairs. She likes to have her downtime in her room before bedtime. Matthew is a more solitary kind of guy- he needs downtime more than the other two young people, and can often be found in his room or in the backyard just walking around spending time in his thoughts or writing.

So last night, when Matthew got home from work at 9 o'clock, I was surprised when they all came in the living room and watched a movie with us. We watched the Jim Carrey version of "The Christmas Tale." The boys threw down pillows and blankets on the floor and Barbara spread out on the loveseat. We had a movie night together- all five of us. :) I can't even remember the last time we had a family movie night!

Then today no one had to work, so us ladies did groceries (my first time in a month!), the men worked in the yard on leaf duty and took down all the fall decorations. We went to a matinee movie at the dollar theater a block away from our home. Barbara's friend, Jonathan, went with us. Then we all came home and just hung out here- talking, laughing. Robert cooked some delicious Greek chicken and couscous for us. Now they're watching an old English Christmas comedy, and we're all here together again.

I will cherish this weekend's time together. So very, very thankful for a chance to be together -and a wonderful time too. In 24 hours life will go back to "normal," and we won't see each other as much or have time to watch movies or talk as much. Thank you God for giving us another time to be together as a family.

Thanksgiving

2011-11-20T09:37:00.005-05:00

I know it is the norm for people to express thanksgiving at this time of year. I'm not trying to be cliche, and if you were my FB friend you'd know I've been trying to take time every day to express my thanks for I have figured out just how blessed I am. But what I'm learning from the past year or two is that even when, at the moment, I might not "seem" blessed, I still am. I am learning in my late 30s' and now early 40s that time adds perspective and with perspective you can start to get a glimpse of a bigger picture. I can only imagine God's perspective- how amazing it must be!!!!

I can see how those unplanned pregnancies were some of the greatest joy-givers in my life. I can see how three babes in diapers under the age of three years old grew up to become the laughter, joy, spunk in my life and how much richer my life is for having them. When I feel lousy about myself, which we all know I do fairly often, all I have to do is listen to my young people talking/laughing/joking, listen to them talk about the world or their passions or about God (that's the BEST!), and I realize I this- I may have done nothing else right in this world, but I did that! I helped to raise three amazing, wonderful young people. That's no small feat! That's a lot of hard work and persistence and love and tears and tons and tons of prayers. I had a hand in that. The world will be a better place; they will touch the lives (already have) of many others and how can I not at least be thankful for that? How can I not be blessed by being their mom? I

am! And I am so thankful that I got to be their mom and that we have each other and that I finally realized all this before it was too late for me.

I can see how that man I took vows with has become my best friend. How those hard times we struggled to make it through, where we loved each other but probably didn't like each other so much at times, how they helped pull us together and wound our hearts together so tightly. I can see that because we made it through that junk we are now bonded together so much more and so much better. And because I didn't give up on Rob and Rob didn't give up on Rebekah, we have a friendship, a companionship that survives other rough times and makes them not seem so bad.

I can see how all those times when we could barely pay the rent or worried how we'd keep a roof over our heads led to me TRULY appreciating buying a home in a way that I wouldn't have if I hadn't ever had those worries. This place we live is so much more precious to me than it would have been otherwise, and crazy as it sounds I am so thankful that it took so long and so much to get here because I am really, really grateful to God for a home.

The same with food- because I have gone without, I am so much more thankful for having food on the table. Not a day goes by that I don't open the pantry or frig and see food there and think, "Thank you God that we have food in the house to eat."

And now, because I have known a minor degree of helplessness and having to depend on others through an illness/injury, I have a new appreciation for being able to do for myself and I look forward to being able to cook again, prepare my own plate, and do all the things that I took for granted before.

And what seemed like the "year-from-you-know-where" last year has taught me a lot, and I actually am thankful for that. I think I am turning out to be a better teacher for that year, and I'm finding out that even in my hardest time as a teacher I still helped some kids somehow-that one is totally on God. And for that I am more humbled and thankful than I could ever say. It's really a moment of awareness when you realize that even when you are brought down a notch or two or a lot by your critics, God can still use you- that God doesn't listen to the critics. And that God used me at all in the midst of all that hurt, betrayal, and anger I felt last year, that God could use me to reach some hearts in some bruised children... well I am honored to have been there. And yes, I know after all my hurts and venting I did last year, I am actually thankful that I got to be the teacher that was there. I thought I had failed, and that thought drove me crazy last year, but I am finding out this year that maybe, just maybe I didn't fail Him or them. And for that realization I am very thankful.

There are so many other things I could say I'm thankful for, but the material things really don't matter. I'm thankful for the loved ones I have, for God opening up the lines of communication this year with a couple of my cousins that I have dearly missed & that they loved me enough to come out here to spend time with me and mine- what a gift- they will never know how much that means to me. I'm thankful for time with my family, for His provision and care, for being able to be a part of so many children's lives over the years, for the love I get to give every weekday (and for the love He sends back my way through the smiles and hugs of some pretty neat children). I'm thankful that even though 1,000 miles separate me from my "home" family, we still have each other and remain close. I'm thankful that this year my sister and her husband have a little bundle of love named, Zoe Nicole Rose, to share Thanksgiving with. I'm thankful that Momma still has Pop with her this year and that he has her too.

So this Thanksgiving, though I may not be able to cook the meal as I'm limited to crutches still, I am going to take time to say thank you to Him for helping me to see the really, true blessings in life and for helping me to grow up some more, for helping me to have a heart of thanks in a time when I could have not.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. I hope He shines down some extra love, laughter, and joy to you wherever you are!

Rebekah/Beka/Bekaboo :)

I COOKED!!!!

2011-11-16T19:28:00.003-05:00

I know that sounds silly, but after not being able to for a while now, I'm so happy to have been able to help cook supper. Tonight I made all of us homemade veggie fried rice. So yummy!!!! And it's healthier too because I don't use much oil and no extra preservatives or stuff- just egg, brown rice, veggies, fresh chopped onion & garlic, sesame oil, soy sauce and black pepper. mmmmmmmm :)

And a sweet, cute, funny thing I heard today in my room- When I took a few steps (and I am talking just a few) with just one crutch, one of my kids saw me and told the other kids- "She's walking!!!" Then I heard the kids saying, "Mrs. Thomas, you're WALKING!!!" I turned around to see my kids clapping, cheering, and smiling from ear to ear. Kids are so funny!!!

So happy to be getting closer to "normal"- got a ways to go yet to be back to good health all the way, but I'm happy to be one day, one step closer today. And so happy for the prayers of many. Today one of my sweet girls told me that she had asked her church to pray for me. So somewhere in High Point is a Spanish-speaking Baptist church praying for a very silly, very clumsy teacher. Talk about feeling loved tonight! :)

Tonight when you pray can you pray for a little girl from my "back home" who is in desperate need of God's intervention? Her name is Marissa, and she needs a miracle from heaven.

little reflections

2011-11-15T21:51:00.002-05:00

I've worked two days in a row! :) If (make that "when") I make it through tomorrow I will have worked more in one week than I have in the past three weeks. :) Here's to my new favorite #- 3! :)

I have a new/better appreciation of some things after the past two or three weeks.

Continuing to grow in Christ- for that I'm more thankful than I can say!!!!!! I am finally getting better at handling trials- I hope this lasts, not the trials but the growing up in this area!!!! I've tried to be tough and strong many times in my life, but always felt like a failure at that. This time, I kept laughing, kept smiling, kept thinking about the positives, and (fingers crossed) I think I am about to leave that storm behind.
my family- words just can't say enough how much they mean to me. Through all this stuff I've had my family's prayers, love, calls, texts, facebook messages. And here at my home, my husband and children have taken such loving, good care of me. It makes me cry when I think of how good Rob has been to me- from helping me bathe and dress to waiting on me hand and foot to picking up the slack around everything else that needed to be done that I couldn't do, to cleaning up after I got sick- he's been a dream husband. Matthew has been super sweet to his mom. He has taken naps with me and watched movies with me while I was trapped in bed. He talked with me, joked with me, bought food and fixed me delicious, healthy lunches, helped me get up and down, came to check on me when he heard me crying... he's just been so good to me!!! We've had some really nice times together these past few days. Barbara has helped me bathe and dress and laugh and taken care of me. She's kept me joking and making fun of myself and keeping it light. :) Robert works out of town during the week, but he's called me and texted me and sent me pictures of the ocean while I was in the dr.'s office to cheer me up. He's prayed for me. My Momma has worried and prayed and called and worried and prayed and called. I have a new appreciation for what my Momma must have gone through with her cancer battle- I just can't imagine it all, but this gave me a tiny, tiny taste of what being ill for a while might feel like.
Being "able-bodied"- I try to be thankful for things. I don't take a lot for granted- there were really hard times in our marriage and family, and I see a lot in my job- so I know I'm blessed. But still, I never really understood how awesome it is to be able to do for myself. First it was surgery, then I got the silly staph infection/allergic reaction, then I did a header in the parking lot. Now, I am doing better day-by-day, but I still need one of my guys to help me get up out of the chair. I can't get a shower without Rob or Barbara helping me. I just started driving again today. I haven't been able to carry anything, and then on crutches can't even go fix my own plate of food or get a glass of water. I have had to have help to bathe, get dressed... I don't like to ask for help, don't take help easily, don't like to be needy... All of this has helped me appreciate simple things like taking a warm shower, driving myself to work, being able to walk and move on my own, putting on my own shoes....
Being able to work- after last year I can't believe I'd say that- but working is feeling pretty stinkin' good to me this week. :) Nice to feel needed by my children, missed and loved, and to feel like I'm contributing to something, to my family, to my school children... I was beginning to feel totally useless- not a feeling I liked!
being healthy- I didn't have cancer or major surgery or even a serious injury. But those combinations of things I did have put me out of work off and on now for three weeks. I've drained my sick days. I'm so grateful to be feeling better today (was SO sick last night), to be starting to move around more easily. I'm SOOOOOO looking forward to being totally back to good health, able to move easily, walk without taking headers, and get back to walking and losing more inches/weight! I will NEVER take that for granted again!

I can think of more, but that'll do for tonight.

I have loved this verse for years, since I worked for a really mean person way back in Illinois. This verse got me through some really rough, long days. But after all this stuff that's been going on, this verse has taken on new meaning. And a personal hope that it can be taken LITERALLY. :) :) :)

Psalm 121- I lift up my eyes to the mountains; where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip. He who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you; the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm. He will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

Night!

prayers please

2011-11-13T19:47:00.004-05:00

I'm going back to work (again) tomorrow. Please pray I don't fall again, don't get tripped up or do anything else stupid. I'm really not feeling too hot, my hand is getting infected, and I'm still on crutches so I hope this week goes quickly. Most of all, I'm praying I actually make it through this whole week without any sick days or any other "issues." I haven't worked a full week the past three weeks.

Hope your week is drama free and full of joy!

Rebekah :)

I think I need a bubble. :) hahahahaha

2011-11-08T12:38:00.002-05:00

I have tried twice to post an entry here, but Blogger and I don't seem to get along the last week or so, and it keeps losing my posts. :( Let's try one more time.

I'm alive and still laughing, though today I finally did cry. Twelve days ago, I had surgery on my back. The doctor took out a grapefruit sized tumor. I had a local and made it through with flying colors- no tears, didn't holler or be a baby about it. Came home, started recovering, stayed tough. For me, who is always hard on herself, I was proud of myself for being a "big girl" about it all.

Went back to work last Wednesday, two hours in, my incision started bulging. The short version is I have a staph infection. Got medicine, doc was concerned about it possibly being MRSA... by Thursday night I was starting to have an allergic reaction- stupid me went on to school Friday thinking, "Oh I can make it through the day... until I go in anyway for my followup." Yeah, no. Had to leave after lunch because my throat was feeling like it was swelling. So I started a new prescription and Benadryl. By Saturday I was feeling lousy- sinus stuff on top of everything else and I just didn't feel good. Still, I was trying to be tough.

Today on my way into school, I fell in the parking lot. Busted up my knee really badly and one hand, and have a badly sprained ankle. Doc doesn't think it's broken, but says he thinks I have torn all the major ligaments in the ankle. I am in a brace & crutches and waiting for an ortho appointment time. This is painful, and I have to confess I did cry today. I made it through the bloodied up knee and hand and the ride home, through the appointment, but when I got home and remembered (oh yeah!) I had to get up some stairs to my house, I started crying. I am home, in my pj's and have some lovely pain medicine left from surgery plus the prescription he gave me if I need it. I can't go to work tomorrow since my class is going on a trip to the circus. :( I feel so bad for being out again, but I'll get through it I know.

Right now, I just want everything to be healed up, the infection to go away, and to be able to walk with my husband and sleep in my bed without pain. The good news is even with all this stuff, and the lousy back, and not being able to walk for a while now, I'm holding my weight loss pretty well. :) :) :) So, how's that for a BIG HUGE "I like me" today? :)

So even though, I feel like crud, am embarrassed about falling and looking like a clutz (which I am), I am still making way in the battle against the lard. :) I WILL get better, my back will heal and the staph germs will go away, my ankle will get better, and I WILL get back to walking with my hubby and back to losing weight. It may take me a while, but I am going to win this war against my fat.

In the meantime, anybody know where I can buy a big bubble? I think for my own health, maybe my family needs to wrap me in a bubble wrap or a big bubble. My dear daughter, told me she thinks the family should all go in and buy me a Hover-round chair. hahahahahahaha Knowing me, I'd still find a way to injure myself and fall even with that! :)

Okay, here goes. Let's see if Blogger is going to let me post this.

Love,
Rebekah/Beka/Bekaboo :)

home from hospital

2011-10-27T20:30:00.003-04:00

Made it home from the hospital this morning and survived my surgery, which is always a good thing. :) :) :)

These GORGEOUS flowers came from my wonderful parents. Thanks Momma & Pop!!!! They are really the prettiest flowers- LOVE LOVE LOVE the sunflowers and the autumn colors and the ribbon. Looking forward to being home to enjoy them these next few days.

So the short version is the "thing" is out of me. It was very large- about the size of a grapefruit. I have 25 stitches and steri-strips to show for it. There was a nerve wrapped up in the tumor- believe me I felt that! It was a wee bit painful at times and I could feel some cutting, but I made it. I kept telling myself, "I can do all things through Christ." and "I'm saving myself an anesthesiologist's bill this way." Barbara gave me her dog, Red, to take with me and I squeezed that poor thing to death a couple times. He has been to every family surgery since I bought him for her when she was three and had her tonsillectomy, plus he has traveled on all family trips and many of my adventures too. He went to Asheville with me in August for my work retreat. I woke up this morning to see my beautiful, compassionate 20 year old standing beside the recliner with Red in hand waiting to give it to me. I LOVE that girl o' mine!!!

I hated being away from my students; I had to work really hard yesterday afternoon to not cry in front of the kids because I could see the sadness and worry in their faces, words, and actions. One girl brought me a special personal belonging that she wanted me to have to think of her. Yeah, that almost made me cry too. They didn't want me to go and kept asking me this week, "Mrs. Thomas, is your back better? Are you going to be okay? ...." Barbara said they missed me today but did a pretty good job for the sub. They're going to be disappointed on Monday when I'm not there, but I hope I can make it back in on Tuesday with lots and lots of hugs (gentle, avoiding the back kind of hugs, but hugs anyway).

So now I have pain meds and a wonderful family to take care of me. I'm home until Monday anyway and pray that there are no complications in the hole in my back. Here's to hoping I feel better soon.

sweetest email ever!

2011-10-21T18:39:00.002-04:00

I have never received an email from a student before. I had a 2nd grader who tried to email me yesterday but didn't know quite how to do it. We talked today about it; he had been visiting my class website and was so excited to see my photos and learn more about his crazy teacher.

He is one of the most thoughtful children I have known. I could tell you lots of stories. He hugs me EVERY day and then gives me another hug and says (every day, seriously) "Mrs. Thomas, please hug Barbara/Matthew and tell them 'goodbye' for me." Every day. When the 2nd graders left for their trip the other day, he came running back after they'd left with Barbara to hug me one more time and told me, "Mrs. Thomas, please tell the 1st graders I will miss them and I said, 'Have a nice day.'"

Today, I told my children very, very briefly today that I would be having surgery and would miss a day next week. I tried to keep it low key and very positive. I don't want to scare them. I came home today to find this email from my young friend.

"hey mrs thomas i will missyou are you goning to be oka i dont want to stay with mrs huks ar you goning to come back ar you gon fill bether dont for get to sent something back as soon as you can beybey or rith now"

Oh, God, THANK YOU for helping me to survive last year. Thank you for letting me love those kids last year who needed me to love them and be in their corner. And thank you for giving me this group this year and such loving, thoughtful children. Thank you for helping me to learn and grow from a hard place, and then blessing me with a joyous, peace-filled year so far to help me heal and regain my "groove."

And God, THANK YOU more than I can say for the wonderful results from one of my "last year" friends on her benchmarks this week. Maybe You helped me make a real difference after all. I am loved. You are showing me that. This week another teacher came to me to tell me that every kid she has asked said I was their favorite teacher. Wow! That stunned me!!!!

And then one of my kids this week asked me, "Mrs. Thomas, why do all the kids know you and hug you and shout at you?" THANK YOU God, for loving me through all these children, and more importantly letting me love them for You.

Blessings

2011-10-21T18:35:00.002-04:00

I think I've shared this before, but I am really being reminded of this lesson in the last few months.

19 years

2011-10-20T23:58:00.002-04:00

I should be asleep, but before I finally crash I wanted to write this down as a small prayer between God and me.

Thank you God for being there - always.

Even in the darkest times. You really are.

When it doesn't seem You are there. You really are.

Even when one can't sense Your presence. You really are.

When life hits you so hard it takes your breath away. You really are.

When you think you can't survive or go on another moment. You really are.

When no one is on your side and the world seems to be set against you. You really are.

And someday, down the road, you can see things more clearly. You realize that God was there through it all. And you're oh so humbled and grateful.

And, God after 19 years with a child I almost didn't get to have, I'm still humbled and grateful for every moment of every day of every one of these last 19 years. Thank you for my "gift of God," Matthew Lane Thomas, born 10/20/1992.

But most of all, God, thank You for being there 19 years ago when life fell apart and got really hard, and for all the other hard times in our lives (there have been more than a few, God, and You know them all and have been there for them all) that You were really there and I just couldn't see You. Thank You for not giving up on me then, or now. Let me never forget You and Your faithfulness. Let me be just a little more like You each day.

Hi

2011-10-08T21:32:00.003-04:00

I miss being here! Teaching two grades sure is a lot of work, and I am going solid every night and most of the weekends. When I go back to just teaching one grade, I am not sure I'll know what to do with myself. :) But I'm keeping up, staying pretty organized, keeping my classroom looking nice... thanks to a lot of work on my part and two pretty AWESOME young people who volunteer in my room a couple days a week each. :) :) :) Thank you Barbara Rose and Matthew!!!!! I have a great group this year, and we are off to a great start. It will soon be the end of the 1st quarter already! :)

Rob and I took a mini-retreat to Asheville last weekend. We had to do schoolwork in our hotel room, but it was so nice! I have a love affair with the mountains I tell you!!!! We got up on Saturday and ate breakfast at the hotel and walked around downtown A'ville- such a neat place. I got a start on a few Christmas items too- can't wait to send my niece her gifts for her 1st Christmas! :)

I'm having some issues with my back- an ongoing problem for a few years now, but finally maybe I'm going to get some help and hopefully some healing. I started physical therapy this week, though I cried all the way home because I can't afford to do it. He says I need to come 2-3 times a week (at $65 a visit- YIKES!!!). I won't be doing that, but hopefully he can still help me. I also see a surgeon this week for the removal of a tumor in my back. The p.t. doc says that has to be causing some of my problems, so hopefully I'll feel better down the road.

My smiles lately include:

taking time to get away with my hubby/best friend
the mountains- God sure made a BEAUTIFUL world!!!!
fall is here!
getting back my "groove" in the classroom- thought it was gone forever, but it's coming back, and for that I'm more thankful than I can possibly say :)
refinancing our house - thank You God for a home after all these years and the opportunity to lower our payment too
Saturday grocery trips with one of my young people- LOVE that time just them and me. Matthew and I always play this guessing game as to the final price of our cart. Barbara and I always pick on each other while we check out. Whoever is with me, we always make the cashiers laugh and smile. :) I like doing that!
weekends home with my family- my haven from all the craziness of life
phone calls from my Momma- she doesn't know how much I love that!
leaving phone messages for my Momma at her work on my way to school- knowing it will be the beginning of her workday when she gets them :)

prayer request

2011-09-19T20:50:00.001-04:00

Please pray for my sister and her hubby and infant daughter. Jessica has meningitis and Scott is starting to not feel well too. Please pray for Zoe and my parents that none of them will come down with this.

Thank you SO much for your prayers!!!!

Rebekah :)

Thinking of a friend tonight

2011-09-06T22:12:00.002-04:00

I've been working hard all night on grading papers, evaluating my 2nd graders place value pretests, creating a spreadsheet to do said analysis... Matthew & I also made my fruit dessert for the 4th grade teachers tonight.

But I've been checking on a friend too in between all that. Today was her daughter's first day of Kindergarten. Her daughter, Hannah, died a few years ago, and I knew today was going to be quite a day for her. I'm sitting her crying after reading her blog. Her Hannah sure blessed a lot of people in her short time here. Her bus driver still remembered Hannah, and is still carrying a card Hannah made for her all these years later.

Rach, I don't know if you still come here, but THANK YOU for sharing your Hannah with those of us who visit you. Thank you for being honest and real with everybody- the good and the painful. I'm praying for you sweet lady!!!!! And sending you hugs and a lot of love tonight!!!!

God is love!!!!

2011-09-03T08:53:00.002-04:00

Oh wow, I just got done writing and then watched this video my sister sent me. Talk about timing and reading each other's minds! :)

God is love!!!!

Christians give God a black eye sometimes. :(

2011-09-03T08:26:00.002-04:00

Disclaimer: I am a Christian, but I have NEVER claimed to be much of one- in fact, I am often saying how I am not a good Christian. I know that I am sinful, have major issues, and am a long way from where I want to be, let alone far from the mark God wants me to be. And because of that, I don't go around spouting scriptures or trying to tell others how to live their lives. I know that I am a full time job and am no expert in a position to tell others how it is supposed to be done.

Now, on to my soap box. :)

First of all, I know Facebook is not a place for truly intelligent conversations. A while back, I "liked" the Bible page on FB. A few weeks ago, there was this huge, ugly debate there about tattoos. It was truly ugly. People were quoting verses from Leviticus right & left and saying how people with tattoos were going to hell, that God hates tattoos, etc. Other people were quoting a scripture in Revelations that talks about Jesus returning with a mark on his thigh (and saying that sounded like a tattoo)... It truly got to the ridiculous point. I broke my policy of not talking religion and politics, and stupidly commented with some scripture about how we are supposed to love one another and isn't that the way we are known... A couple days later it was still going on and I stupidly again posted a comment about how it was wrong for Christians to be tearing each other up so much. I will NEVER again break that policy of mine. Just dumb. People that stuck in their ideas aren't likely to be convinced anyway. I just get upset. Moving on. I now no longer "like" the Bible- at least on FB. :) That just kind of cracks me up. I do like the Bible though, so don't worry.

Today I see on Casting Crowns page this comment, "Well I've been thoroughly rebuked for mentioning Amazon since apparently they sell books written by sinners. Go figure." Seriously??? Give me a break! I'm just not going there. But really people.

I think a lot of judgmental Christians either need to read or reread the gospels. They must have missed Jesus' life. Folks, he ate and associated and "hung out" with SINNERS- oh my!!!! People accused Him of being a drunkard because of who He associated with. Jesus did not condemn people (oh so many he could rightly have done so too). He didn't cast the first stone, he ate at the tax collector's house, he was friends with a prostitute. Maybe I have it all wrong, but it sounds to me like this Jesus we find in the gospels wouldn't have been liked by our modern-day church people either. Oh my, maybe He would even have had a tattoo. He probably would have hung out with the homeless, he might even have listened to rap music- you never know.

What I do know is that He told us to LOVE. He loved people from young to old, sick to healthy, poor to wealthy. He wept over a city filled with people who didn't know the truth. Over and over and over in the letters of the New Testament, I keep reading "love, love, love, love...." We are known by our love. We are to love our brothers and sisters. We are His if we keep His commandment to love... I think LOVE was a big deal to Jesus and still is.

So why do we go around beating each other up, what in the world do we expect the "outside" to think???? We represent Christ, God's love, and we supposedly want to bring others to know Him. Well, I know if you were telling me you were some follower of a great teacher but you acted rude, called each other names, told each other where to go (as it were), I would think your teacher was awful and have nothing to do with him/her. As a public school teacher, if my students say I'm the best but they go around unable to read, not able to do basic math, write horribly, the public would say I'm not a good teacher. The same thing is happening every time we Christians tear each other down.

It can't please God at all. I think it has to hurt His heart a great deal. And though I'm so far from what I need to be too, it all just makes me sick. To be honest, it's a lot of why I'm just done with church. I go, and will continue to work on improving that, but sometimes my heart is just not in it and this is mostly why.

God, help me to not judge others and be this way. Help me to change my own sinful ways. Let me not give You a bad reputation or black eye with my words and deeds. Help me to bring You honor through my life and the example I live. I know I have a long way to go, but help me get there.

Out of the blue...

2011-08-31T22:34:00.002-04:00

I had a good day at school. I am enjoying my new students. My daughter and son have volunteered a lot and helped me much more than I could ever say or repay! I came home and have had a nice evening with my husband and Matthew.

Then out of the blue, it hits me. It hasn't been here for a few days. And now it's back. And I hate it. I wish it would go away. Maybe I'm just pyscho.

And, why, I ask myself, am I doing this tonight? Why did the blues hit me hard? Because somebody said something and it made me feel like they think I failed. I'm tired of being told, "You're back where you belong." I can't tell you how many times I've heard that in the past month. And, I don't know why that statement bothers me at all, except that it makes me feel like all these people think I sucked and failed last year. I'm tired of hearing about bad teachers and how badly our school sucks, and then to hear it from people I like or look up to, and I'm hearing it more and more from people I care about. I know my school is a "failing school," and I don't make excuses. I am HARDER on myself than anyone could ever be to themselves. I don't think anybody could push themselves more than I do myself. Yeah, I agree that graduation rates and test-pass rates around the nation are atrocious. I just am struggling to understand how that many teachers are that bad. And am I one of them?

I think anybody who knows me knows I CARE about my kids, probably more than most. But what if that's not enough, because these days it seems it's not in most people's books. And caring a lot doesn't give the almighty test score a boost, and that's all that matters.

I hope I wake up with "it" gone because right now I am just very, very blah.

On a happier note:

I am so thankful for my WONDERFUL young people. I have the BEST kids in the whole wide world!!!!! Barbara & Matthew have been volunteering in my classroom and helped me tremendously get moved and unpacked and set up. My new kids love Barbara & Matthew too, which is sweet! :)
Thanks to my kids' help and a lot of work on my part, I am more organized than I've ever been in all my years of teaching- even with two grades in one room!
My classroom looks nicer than ever before, and I've gotten lots of compliments on it. It's so nice to walk into each morning- just makes me smile. And at the end of the day, I know it's silly, but I just look around my room because it looks so good. :)
My new class- they're sweet and eager and my biggest problem, so far, is some chattiness and a class clown or two. No violence, no racial slurs, no fighting and bullying, no drugs or weapons. Refreshing!
Charlotte, who co-taught with me last year and still believes in me- she will never know how much that means to me. She doesn't think less of me and still wants to be my teaching partner. :)
A 4th grade teacher came to me today and what she said just touched my heart so deeply. She probably will never know how much it meant to me too, but being needed and helping others just makes my day. And she made mine! :)
Payday- we made it to payday. Sure we are major overdrawn and behind on bills; we didn't have enough to make it all the way, but we made it. Thank God for a job and for money coming back in once again, even if it is less money than last year.

Limeades for Learning- please vote

2011-08-31T18:20:00.002-04:00

I'm needing to get serious about work stuff- have Donors Choose screening to do, lesson plans to write, assessments to score and analyze, spelling words to upload online, and bills to pay (thank God, we made it to paydays again!)...

But I have to put my plug in (sorry to seem like such a beggar). It's that time of year again when Sonic does their Limeades for Learning deal. This is such an awesome way to help a teacher you know & love or even one you don't know or love, and it doesn't cost you a dime! :)

All you have to do is go here and vote every day with every email you have. You have one vote per email each day. Plus if you do visit Sonic between now & Sept. 30, you will also get a code to enter online for a bonus vote.

If you don't know any teachers who have projects on Donors Choose, I just "happen" to know a lot of teachers who would love to get some wonderful teaching resources and materials for their students. Here are a few:

My hubby & best friend, Rob is trying to get netbooks to create a mini computer lab in his classroom. This project is for one netbook.
Mrs. Hauck is a fourth grade teacher at my school. This is her first Donors Choose project ever, and I would sure like to help her get it funded!!!! :) She is asking for funds to purchase Time for Kids newspapers for her students to read and take home.
I have a couple projects live right now, this one is for an iPod. I'm hoping to build a small set of iPods to use as a learning station as well as to use in having kids record themselves reading and listen to audiobooks and music. I'm trying to get them one at a time.
There are lots of other great projects out there. You can search the site by state, city, county, school. If you are looking for other great teachers, search High Point, NC, Allen Jay Elementary!

Many thanks!!!!

Rebekah :)

Hurricanes and Other Things

2011-08-28T19:48:00.003-04:00

Irene has come & gone, and other than a very windy day we didn't see anything here in our neck of NC. I have been keeping tabs on one friend to see if they made it through alright. I emailed a second cousin to check on her before/after, but haven't heard from her. I'm guessing she's okay, just without power, but I know her area was hit hard. I watched a photo slide show from the areas of NC & southeastern VA that were hit. OH MY!!!! It was so surreal to see photos of the Outer Banks and Morehead City. Oh, how I love that area- so beautiful!!! I just kept calling Rob, "Come look at this! Rob, come see this!" There were photos of Highway 12 that runs through the OBX, and the ocean has washed the road away in several places!!! I am praying for all the families who have lost loved ones or suffered losses from this storm.

Irene brought me a gift this weekend too. But first, I have to back up a little bit, or a lot.

I was pretty quiet in high school, just sat as far back as I could in class and prayed to not be noticed. I was in the honors classes and graduated high in my class. I knew all the kids I was in classes with, but usually sat there quietly watching and listening and never interacted much with any of them. They were all popular, partied and did things together. I was just the nerdy, shy girl in there with them. I didn't think that any of them would even really remember me, let alone like me. Hmmm... you couldn't get me to relive those teenaged years again for any price in the world!!!! I even graduated early because I was so lonely and miserable in high school.

Fast forward all these years later (23 to be exact) and lo & behold, a few of them do remember me and are now my FB friends. Who'd a thunk it? :) Certainly not me!

Sarah lives in the Norfolk, VA, area. Her hubby is in the Navy and is stationed out there. He had to go with the helicopters before the storm hit, and she decided to leave and not ride the storm out in case in got bad. She FB'd me and next thing you know she was headed to G'boro! So Saturday morning, she pulled up and hopped out, and she hasn't changed much at all- still the ever-present smile I remembered from class all those years ago! It was so nice! We tried to feed her a good home-cooked meal and chatted. Barbara was excited to meet Sarah too, and we ladies had a good time! I was surprised because it didn't feel like I was meeting a stranger I sort of knew from years gone by (which is what I would have expected), but it felt like I was meeting a friend I haven't seen in years. That's, I'm sure due to FB where we've been able to get to know each other a little. And as we talked I realized how a lot of those silly teenaged insecurities were for nothing as everyone else was dealing with their own very similar insecurities and issues. Oh, if this Rebekah could go talk to that one!

And the rest of the weekend- well it was normal life stuff- Donors Choose screenings, lesson plan writing... yeah, like that. And may I just say that I forgot that it is a bit challenging to fit two grades' lesson plans into mine. I am going back and forth between two grade levels' curriculum planners, two grades' lesson plans, plus a lot of other resources too. I better get going- newsletter, seating charts, reading logs, and more are still waiting on me.

One funny thing before I go. Saturday afternoon, while the wind was gusting pretty good and the clouds were swirling around (the sum total of the non-drama we saw from Irene), I heard an ice cream truck go through our neighborhood, and I PROMISE, I'm not lying, it was playing "Silent Night!" In August, with a hurricane brewing just an hour away and the wind, clouds, humidity churning up here quite a bit. I was sure that if I looked out my window, I'd see Rod Serling telling me I had just entered "the Twilight Zone." :)

School supplies

2011-08-21T21:25:00.002-04:00

I'm going to be a beggar here. Sorry. If you don't want to read, please just come back another day. I promise I won't do it too much.

We were told on Friday that there would be very limited to no funds for instructional supplies this year. One ink cartridge for our printer, limits on paper, no money for field trips....

So as I sit here tonight trying to make my school supply list, I am stuck. Many (probably most) of our families at school can't afford much for supplies. Every year, I end up supplying a majority of what my room uses- extra glue, crayons, kleenex, soap & sanitizer, pencils, toilet paper even... I don't mind; it's what Rob & I do. We buy what our kids need to help them learn and don't even think about it.

But this year, it's August 21 & I've been overdrawn for at least two or three days. I have $100 cash to get us groceries and gas for the rest of the month. I can't buy anything for school right now.

And I am NOT the only teacher who is feeling the pinch after several years in a row of paycuts or pay freezes. So if you're a friend or family from home or just a stranger who visits here, and ONLY if you felt so led, I'm asking you to consider helping a group of hard working teachers at a school I know so very well. If you know of ANYONE who might help, would you please pass this info on? If your employer is looking for something good to do, could you share this info?

All of us could use, and would be SO grateful for extra supplies (if you're shopping some of these great back to school sales):

looseleaf paper
single subject spiral notebooks
copier paper
pencils
erasers
glue sticks, glue sticks, glue sticks
hand sanitizer or soap
crayons, colored pencils, or markers
pocket folders
page protectors
Sharpies
whiteboard markers and/or cleaner
staples
tape refills

Someone on Facebook also suggested gift cards to Walmart, Staples, or Office Max. That would be great too!

If anyone wants to help, please leave me contact info & I can send you my address at school. I will share anything we can get with my fellow teachers, or if someone has a particular grade they want it to go to, I will direct your gift to those teachers. I would be so thankful if you'd pass this info on to your colleagues, family, boss, church, anyone. THANK YOU!!!!!

2011-08-18T21:51:00.003-04:00

Making this quick since it's right at 10 PM and I need to do lots of stuff still tonight. Just finished cutting out 70 yarn necklaces/chains and over 300 pieces of yarn for one of the activities tomorrow at staff meetings.

This was the fourth day of training, and I have to admit I got SUPER stressed when the tension level rose in the room. I think that's the problem- me and conflict are not bff's. I HATE when people are rude to one another, when people get snotty and are condescending. By lunch I wrote a note to myself and the teacher next to me. It said, "I've had enough estrogen for one day!" :)

But I made it. Getting a couple more students tomorrow! :) I like to have larger classes, and if there's anything I want it is to NOT get preferential treatment (combo class or not). I want to give no one room to say, "She has a smaller class." or "She has all the 'good' kids." or anything else like that. I pull my own weight!

One more day this week; praying the meetings go quickly and that we get a nice chunk of time to work in our rooms. My dear, sweet daughter has worked hard this week to help me get unpacked. We're almost there. Matthew came also and has helped and is going with me tomorrow to help me finish unpacking and get bulletin boards up. That's my goal for tomorrow. Then next week, I have to get the library, discovery, math, and literacy areas set up plus nametags, cubby tags, and all that other stuff ready plus my materials for Open House. Here come the long days! I'll post some photos next week as I get my room finished.

My :) for today:

as always, having my daughter nearby makes my day- seeing her smile, hearing her laugh, when she stops and gives me a hug, when she can sense that I'm having a bad day or see the stress and she just grabs my hand and gives me our "secret" family I love you signal or a hug, and says, "I love you Mommy," seeing her love the kids I love- well all these things make it easier to get through hard days
all the help my family has given me- moving me to my new room, helping me unpack and get set up
my daughter's FB comments in defense of her ideas and in defense of her mommy :)- Go Barbara, you ROCK!!!
my sons- Matthew & Robert- who sometimes don't mind me being mushy, let me give them hugs & kisses still, and help me out from time to time (Matthew, as I mentioned, has been a big help to me this week. Robert went out tonight and bought yarn for me with his own money tonight for this school project.)
a lunch out with a coworker who insisted on paying- thank you friend!
playing with some of my coworkers' kids today- chasing them in the hallway, playing tag, sticking out tongues, tickling... I love kids! :)
made it through another day- thank you Father for helping me!!!!!!!!
yummy grilled salmon and a salad for supper
a back that is still hurting a LOT but is not quite as bad as the other day- thank you God!!!!

We heard today that we are not going to have money for basic school supplies that we might normally get some help with. This means that on top of everything I spend money on, I will now have to buy my own paper (lesson plans, learning materials, worksheets, newsletters, etc.), staples, tape, glue, etc. We can't ask our families for more since many of them are strapped for cash too. Pray for our school please- for our kids to have a good year, that they will grow & learn and make leaps & bounds in their learning! Pray for our staff to be in unity, to be encouraged and lifted up and to grow in their abilities, pray for our families that their needs will be provided and that they will grow as families. Pray for our nation and its leaders. We need some major changes in the education system.

Love to you all!

Rebekah :)

Day 1 is done

2011-08-15T21:55:00.002-04:00

Today went pretty well. This training was good- well at least I liked it better than anything else we've had. Usually PD is hit or miss (often miss). This presenter was good, knows her stuff, was sharing very useful info and teaching us things many of us didn't know or clarifying misinformation.

I found out today that I do not have a class assigned to me yet; hoping maybe that will change tomorrow but who knows. I'm trying to relax and go with the flow, but I hope I do get kids soon. It's hard to listen to everybody making plans, to decorate and set up a new classroom, to work with grade levels when you don't know exactly what you will end up being.

And don't let me leave this out- let me just say I have the BEST young people around! Barbara & Matthew got up early and came to school with me. While I was in training all day, they started setting up the furniture in my new room, unpacking boxes and baskets and working on getting my room ready. Matthew made my door display- the neatest tree with a little owl and got the words cut out and everything laminated. Barbara is being the organization queen for me. THANK YOU YOUNG PEOPLE O' MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love my family, and am so very, very blessed!!!

My back started really hurting last week on the retreat by the end, and I am in horrible pain this evening. I went and fished out the pain medicine the doctor gave me back in March when it flared up then. So anytime now I am going to get sleepy (I hope). The recliner and I are going to be good friends for a few nights I'm afraid. I hate that because I missed Rob a lot today, but I cannot sleep in the bed when my back is hurting. :(

So, good night. Hope wherever you are, your Tuesday is filled with lots of laughter, some good hugs and tons of smiles!

Rebekah :)

What I got right today:

no complaining or griping
no words I regret from my mouth
I'm still reading my Bible and doing my God-journal :)
I volunteered (you did hear that right?) to lead two group activities at this Friday's opening staff meeting!!!!!! Do you know how huge that is????? I know it's going to hit me in a day or so, and I'm going to be wondering, "What in the world was I thinking?!?!?!?!" :)

My prayer requests for tonight:

My cousin, Laura Beth, just had her first baby. I'm praying for her healing physically, lots of rest, and for God's help as baby, mom, and dad all learn each other and make all these big adjustments.
My back- I NEED this to be healed. I cannot go like this much longer without a dr.'s visit, and I don't have the $, the time, or the desire to see the dr. again- especially when they'll just give me drugs and send me home.

Goodbye Summer, Hello 2011-12 School Year

2011-08-14T10:23:00.004-04:00

Staying up late, sleeping late, reading, movies, Plants vs. Zombies, walks, laughter, visits from my family back home, cooking, relearning how to sew, family time- that's how I've spent my six weeks off. This was the first summer that I have not taught summer school, babysat, or tutored. This is the first summer I have not worked on school stuff, and oh how nice it has been! I started summer with my Momma, Pop, sister, brother-in-law, and niece here for graduation. On Fathers' Day, my cousin, Regina and her family popped by for lunch with us, and then in July, Regina came back and brought another cousin, Pam, to see us. They stayed for a few days, and oh, what fun we had- staying up WAY late, laughing like crazy women, shopping at every craft/fabric store in G'boro plus countless trips to Walmart- hehehehe, eating Regina's delicious cheesecakes, sewing and sewing and more laughing!!!! I've really relaxed and taken me-time this summer, which is something I don't think I've ever done before.

But all the time, I've been scared inside. I've told Rob and my Momma, but it's been more than I've even told them. The bad dreams about work started two weeks ago, and my stomach has bothered me more, but the anxiety has really hit this week. I have never been one to have anxiety/panic attacks, but I think that is what I am experiencing, and it is NOT fun. I know I'll get through this. I just wish I didn't have to. I wish that teaching had not become what it has. I wish it was still all about the kids and the politics and pressures weren't ruining it. I wish I didn't feel so burned out, so stressed, and so useless. But being totally honest, I feel completely like a waste of space and a failure as a teacher. I hope & pray I am not. Momma told me yesterday (and deep down inside-where it counts- I think she is right) that once I am with the kids it will come back.

I have some goals for myself for this year:

get better organized- After moving around grades and classrooms for the past few years I have a lot of stuff and it's not well organized. Barbara is going to help me this week unpack my new room, declutterize :), and organize.
be a better reading teacher- I feel that I am stronger at teaching math, so I want to work really hard on becoming a better reading teacher. I have bought a couple books that I am working on reading towards that goal, and am excited to try some new structures in my literacy block.
have the data to back up myself- Last year I was burned by the "data-god loving people." Not this year! I plan to have a BIG data notebook prepared as I did before when I was in the lower grades, and it will include behavior data. See I'm pretty good with kids who have behavior issues, and if only I would have documented in cute, color-coded charts and graphs last year the growth... well I would have at least had that on my side. "That" woman still wouldn't have liked me, "those" people at work still would have said their snotty things and had their data to back them up, but I would have had something at least. I learned my lesson, and this year, it's all about the data! I will have data for math, reading, behavior, you name it- I'm going to have it! I don't have to like the game, but I will learn how to play it and play it well!!!! I have to avoid the dreaded "ineffective teacher" label so that I can keep doing this thing I was called to do.
continue the good things I started this year, namely, taking care of me- I am leaving at a decent hour at least three days a week (not letting myself get sucked in more than I have to), walking regularly, wearing my pedometer - I love that thing!, eating well, drinking more water, writing down here some positives about myself, my day, my life- "I Like Me's" as Crystal called them. Plus I have started a God-journal, and I want to keep that with me daily so I can write down things between God & me no matter where I am.
learn to forgive myself- now THERE is a challenge!!!!!

I have really come to the end of myself, but I am finding that God is there, as He always is. I'm so thankful for that because if He weren't, I couldn't walk into that door tomorrow. He was really with me this past week when I had to go to a leadership retreat- I felt so peaceful (of course the mountains have that effect on me too, but this was definitely God!). I know He will go with me and help me; I'm counting on that!

There is a Matthew West song, "Strong Enough" that I have heard but it really hit home with me this week. He sings, "I know I'm not strong enough to be everything that I'm supposed to be. I give up... Lord I'm asking You to be strong enough for both of us..." That's me- I can't be what I'm supposed to be on my own, Lord. There are some kids and families who will count on me, and I can't let them down. I don't know how to come back from the burn-out, betrayal, and hurt I feel inside, and I'm scared that I can't "come back." But this I know. I was made to be a teacher; I have no doubt that God formed me for this work. I know He called me, and I know He is carrying me through this rough time. I wish I wasn't experiencing this, but I know I will learn something useful and when I look back I'll be glad for the experience.

God, walk in there with me and help me come back, please. Because this is a big part of who Rebekah is and she truly does adore those kids.

Ready or not, God, here we go. The school bell is calling us, Father.

***************************************************************************************************************************

For those who pray for me (THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU), I might start putting prayer needs here too if that's okay.

My back is really giving me trouble after last week's retreat and sitting in chairs all day. I need God to heal this permanently and help me. When it gets bad like this it interferes with my walking.
I also have all the symptoms of a stress fracture in my left foot (have had one there before) and it is bothering me. I want to keep walking to get healthier. Please pray for these with me.
All my old kids as they move to 4th grade, a few at new schools. Pray God will help them have good teachers who will see the good inside them and love them too.

2011-08-13T18:11:00.002-04:00

Here is the Wordle I created for my classroom door! I LOVE the blues!!!!

Wordle: Mrs. Thomas 2" style="padding:4px;border:1px solid #ddd">

I'm going to use this for a getting to know you activity too- let each kid make one for him/herself to share with the class. I have my "all about me" word list ready for myself to model and make mine for the kids! :)

Why am I like this???

2011-08-11T09:22:00.003-04:00

God, I know You are forgiving and merciful and full of love. Why can I not just forgive myself and accept myself the way I am? Why do I treat myself so meanly? Why does it matter to me so much that a few people might be offended or not like me or not think I am "Ms. Wonderful?" Why am I like this?

Please help me Father.

I forgive other people so much more quickly than I do myself. You can be mean to me, lie about me, walk all over me, and I'll find a way to forgive and still like you. But when it comes to myself, I can't seem to forgive myself for any little thing, real or perceived. I know where the roots of some of this lie, but don't seem to be able to totally get through it. I start to better and feel better and then something comes along and sabotages it. This week it was hearing that two colleagues were telling others were talking/complaining about me to another teacher. Do I need to see the shrink or take a pill, Lord? You are the healer. Can't you heal my messed up mind?

I developed a wall this past year after so much garbage at work, and got angry. That wasn't good, but neither is being this mealy-mouthed, "I'm sorry for everything under the sun" person either. God, please help me to find the right balance in You. I can't go on like this crazy person.

I made my own purses! :)

2011-08-04T22:50:00.005-04:00

When my cousins, Regina & Pam, were here, we had a lot of fun, laughed a lot, ate a bunch of good food, went to every craft store we could find in Greensboro and to Walmart so many times I lost count, and just had a wonderful, wonderful time!!!!

Regina bought me a springform pan, which I've wanted for a long time, and she made a cheesecake which we all loved. We loved it so much, in fact, that she made us a different one the next day, and then, the next thing you know, she made us one more the following day- so we got to try different flavors and compare. My kids LOVED it because I've only once or twice made cheesecakes since I didn't really have a good pan for it. It was like a cheesecake of the day club. :)

Pam taught us how to make bags/baskets and got me sort of out of my creative slump- or on the road back to being creative. After making one while Pam was here, and one after she went home, I got braver and have tried to make the bag with handles. I did it, and it turned out pretty good, so I tried again and have made myself my very own teacher purse/bag. :) So cool!!!!

Here they are:

I know you're going to think it's silly, but I keep looking at them thinking, "Hey, I did that! I actually made my own purse! Who'd of thunk it?!?" :)

I love the colors of this one! Blues are my favorite colors, and these prints just jumped out at me at Walmart! Then I found the lining fabric at JoAnne's another day & I was so happy with how well it went with the quilted part!

And now, my very own teacher bag. I am sooooo excited!!!!! I can carry this with me to my work retreat this weekend. When I get uptight, bored, frustrated, or whatever else, I can look at my purse and think happy thoughts. :) hahahahahahaha

Now that I think about it though, Pam & Regina did all that, and I didn't do anything but eat, laugh, and learn. I always was a deadbeat! :) I definitely owe them something for sure. :)

Not that they will see this, but Regina Baldwin & Pam Brown, I LOVE YOU LOVE YOU LOVE YOU!!!!!!!

Rebekah :)

My Guys

2011-08-02T22:22:00.002-04:00

Last night Rob had gone out for a bike ride and when he came back in, he was clearly in distress, but was having trouble telling us what was going on- he was obviously being attacked/bitten by something but we couldn't see what was going on. He was just standing in our kitchen, twitching and saying, "Oh!" Robert & I were trying to figure out what was going when finally Rob made it to the bathroom and the dog started tangling with a wasp/bee in the kitchen that followed Rob into the house and was chasing him into the bathroom. Rob got his clothes off and there were two more still on him, stinging him. Robert ran and got him Benadryl, and Rob is okay, but he has been hurting from the stings. He says he got stung four times, but I think he had more on his back. So thankful to God he is okay!!!!

Robert has had a horrible case of poison crud (I don't know if it's ivy, oak, sumac or something else- he's done this before and is VERY allergic to something out there). He is starting to heal from that, but is still really, really broken out all over his legs, stomach... Then Sunday while working he thought he got into more and came home breaking out in new places and was miserable. He showed me, but it looked different, and I wasn't sure. Yesterday he showed me again, and it was clearly spreading, but it was really odd- his hands have developed thick callouses from his work and whatever this is has spread under the callouses and not on top of his skin. He woke me up early this morning in great pain from this and asked me to pray. After we prayed, I looked at him closely, and whatever this is has spread on tops & bottoms of his hands and arms up to his elbows and he has it on his legs (around/on top of the poison crud he already has). I recommended he go to Primecare and be there when they open so he could get seen before he had to work today and maybe make sure he is self-treating it correctly. He called me later, and he definitely has poison crud but the new stuff is chemical burns from industrial cleaners he was using at work. Poor guy!!! They gave him steroids and some other drug to take.

I teased Matthew to look out. It clearly is not a good time for the Thomas men in our house. :)

Today Barbara & I went to Kristen's house and hung out with Kristen & Erin (gals I used to work with who have moved on to other schools). Kristen has the SWEETEST little two year old girl, Elizabeth. She was such a ham- she counted to ten, followed by "Here I come!" She sang songs for us, and was HYSTERICAL when she rolled her eyes at her Mom's request- best eye-roller I've ever seen! We laughed and cut up and shared "war stories" about school. I am always nervous when I get together with people (even my family for some weird reason), but once we got there I was perfectly at ease and fine and had a nice time. I forgot how they just take me for who I am and are okay with this Rebekah.

I came home and fixed a new recipe for supper. It was good- Gazpacho Salad- it was cooked cheese tortellini laid on a bed of lettuce, topped with chopped tomatoes, cucumber & red onion, drizzled with a homemade vinaigrette and topped with croutons. It was done in no time too! Plus more sweet watermelon, and Robert brought home cookies & milk. :) I've done some crafting and am going to call it a night now.

Random Photos

2011-08-01T22:04:00.006-04:00

These are nothing big, but just some photos I took this summer and in my laziness, never posted.

Rob & I have renamed these two. Meet Unstoppable(formerly known as Barbara Rose) and Unmoveable (also known as Matthew). :) These two were being silly. He was sitting on the loveseat and she walked up and said, "Move!" So he laid down (he moved), so she tried to sit on him and it became this game. The poor dog was confused and excited at the same time and jumped up to be in the middle of whatever it was. :) They ended laughing and both refusing to give in. Funny young people!!! My poor loveseat has not been the same since.

The goldfinches love our sunflower patch. Rob was drying these heads to collect the seeds for next summer, but this guy (and his mate not pictured) was having a feast! They come back every day to eat in our garden. The female bird is quite brave; she will hang upside down, tail feathers in the air, to get to some of the more challenging seeds/flowers. :)

This beetle comes around a lot too. We keep seeing him, and I finally caught him with my camera. :)

Summer veggies sauteed up in a tiny bit of olive oil with garlic- yummy!

This huge sunflower is probably now my favorite. It is bigger than even the mammoths but has TONS of flowers and has been blooming for weeks now. :)

Meet our oldest son, Robert. He's a goofball. Here's a little story. He works long hours with a contractor. He always comes home hungry, especially on days he doesn't get to eat lunch or get a break. So he came home, made himself three hamburgers, and carried them all into the living room like this in one hand. He was just carrying them in one hand talking away (like he always does- yeah, he's like me). :) Then he starts giggling and says, "I have an idea."

This was his idea. He actually tried to fit it all in. That picture is too blurry to post from my laughing so hard too.

Here he was dying laughing. He can really crack himself up- and us too. I love my kids!!!

And then there's Matthew again. This is his idea of a "small bowl" of ice cream. :) If you come to our house and we have ice cream, you definitely want to be in front of him. :)

Cooking Chicken- exciting stuff I know

2011-08-01T21:40:00.004-04:00

Okay, I know I'm silly. Who else posts pictures of bags of chopped, cooked chicken & pitchers of chicken broth? :) Me- I'm weird, I know.

I promise I had a reason. :) See, we've been trying to be healthier, and I just wonder about all the stuff we use to preserve our foods, so when I can I am trying to avoid processed, precooked, packaged/canned food. I am NOT a health-nut, but am just trying to be more conscious about what we eat. Plus, I am hoping to stretch out our food dollars. I never buy canned chicken; when a recipe calls for it, I cook up my own chicken. But I usually only buy boneless/skinless chicken breasts, and that is expensive to use. I thought I'd try to do this in a more economical way. So today I hit the 5 for $20 that Save-a-Lot does and got five big packages of chicken legs and thighs, came home and filled my stock pot and cooked it all up. It took two rounds of cooking to get it all cooked. I got it all de-boned (Samson LOVED getting some bones!!!) and chopped up. I even used Robert's mini food processor and made a nice bowl of shredded chicken for Rob to make his yummy chicken salad. I have three BIG bags of chopped chicken ready to use, plus over a gallon of strained broth. Matthew helped me work on straining the fat out. I'm going to freeze that up in small portions too.

It was a lot of work, but I think it will save us money and hopefully be healthier- no salt, no preservatives, no chemicals, no corn syrup (Barbara was stunned today as we shopped at how many items have that in it). Matthew and Rob were standing there waiting for me to shred up the chicken tonight, so it must have smelled good. :)

Summer, Happy Trails to You

2011-08-01T08:27:00.002-04:00

Happy first day of August! This is my last week of vacation. I'm NOT ready to go back. :( Oh well. :) Such is life.

I have no big plans for this week, just to hang out with the family, work on some things I've started, read, watch movies/Netflix. I have to pay some bills and get groceries in for the family too since I'll be leaving Sunday for a "retreat" for work. I get to see an old work friend and her little girl tomorrow; can't wait to see them! Oh, how I MISS working with Kristen!!!!

I've been putting old recipes online since that's what I've used a lot this past year. It's taking a long time, but I think it will be worth the time and will help me a lot. Yesterday I put together the menu for August and even got each week's grocery list put together! Woohoo, having the grocery list done already will definitely help me a lot as the craziness kicks in soon.

This summer has been a different one for me, but it was what I needed for sure after a most stressful school year and grad school. I have never been such a bum or relaxed so much, and oh how nice it felt! I did next to no school work either, which is just not normal at all for me!!! I'm going to have a hard time getting back into my normal life after five weeks off.

Well, I guess that's it for today. Riveting stuff I write here, huh? :) hahahahaha

That was then, this is now.

2011-07-28T08:04:00.004-04:00

I'm not who I was. Before you say it, I know... none of us are. We all change. That's life and how it is supposed to be. But this summer I've had time (something I don't normally have) to think a lot about who I am, who I was, where I'm going, who I want to be and all those "deep" things. There are things I like much more about this Rebekah than "old Rebekah" and there are things I question about the me I am today. I'm just not sure if it's good or bad or if it just is what it is.

I realized a few weeks ago, just how hurt I have been and how far away from the "old Rebekah" I have come. The past three or four years of church and work have left some battle scars and I have tried to heal and move on, but something made me see how hard that has been and how far I still have to go. Now please, before I share, please know that I am not just listing a list of grievances and being an angry, bitter person. I have diligently tried to move on and not be bitter. I'm sharing from my heart, some VERY deep, VERY personal hurts that have shaped who I am today- for better or for worse. If you feel I am wrong, please just pray for me.

I won't bore you with details, but let's just say that growing up in church, I've seen a lot of God, but also a lot of not-God. As a church member, I've seen a lot. As a preacher's kid from my late teen years through adulthood, I've seen a lot. Rob & I (and our young children) have been escorted from church & asked to not come back because my shoes were "offensive" (a clean but cheap pair of canvas sneakers bought at Walmart). I've been told by a pastor's wife to have an abortion because God doesn't like unplanned pregnancies in poor folks apparently. I've been the subject of sermons after confiding in a pastor. Apparently insomnia is caused by hidden sins and God was trying to strike me down for my arrogance. Rob had to be called out by a church committee because he was not really a Christian due to his bad habit of tardiness and his desire to befriend a lonely guy in the church instead of going to pray at pre-worship prayer time. Suffice it to say that in more than one place we've not measured up to the ideals/standards of God or a particular church's view of God. When I look back, I don't think I've felt accepted at a church for a long, long time. We always fall short somehow, someway. I have felt like a misfit for years now.

After the last time- two years ago- I told Rob I would NEVER step my foot across the door of any specific denomination, I would NEVER join and become an official member of any church, and that I would NEVER go to church in a small church where people would be able to be "up in your business" and know you and watch you to judge you. So we looked and visited and struggled for a while. I am so thankful though because we do have a church we truly do like now. I am always glad when we get there, but I still get stuck and can't get through it. I know it, and yet I don't know how to fix it. It's been two years now since the last "church thing." It's now the summer of 2011- my cousins, Pam & Regina, come to visit us. We go to church together. It is communion Sunday. I get sick to my stomach as soon as we walk in and I realize what today is. See, I haven't gone up and taken communion in all this time. Rob has brought communion to me sometimes, but very few times have I taken it even then (and mostly because I wanted to set a good example for my kids). I have not taken my own self up to the front of a church and received communion in all this time because I know the truth about me- that no one (except God who knows it all and Rob who lives with me) knows. It really hit me that Sunday morning how far I've gone from that "old girl." It got me thinking...

The "old Rebekah" (let's call her OR for this part) was in church every time the doors were open- morning service, evening service, Bible studies, prayer nights, revivals. OR was very involved in church- Sunday School, Children's Church, playing her saxophone, singing occasionally, cleaning the church, helping with every event that came along in whatever she could find to do. OR knew these were the ways you expressed your love to Him. OR knew that a faithful Christian did these things. OR tried to not let anyone down, tried to get out of her bashfulness and greet others, invite people to church, always took communion after reflection and prayers for forgiveness. OR had it together in "church-ways." She was a good Christian, or at least she met the "good Christian" standards found in most churches.

This Rebekah- well I've already talked this through with Rob and called my Momma to share with her, so I guess I'll take the risk and bare my soul with you too. This Rebekah, well I'm none of those things, and that's a lot of why I've felt like and called myself a bad Christian for years and years now. That's why I do really live in fear that I won't "get in" to heaven someday, why I worry about it sometimes. It's why if I do get in, I will be more than content to just sit quietly in some corner of heaven and be quiet and not bother anyone. God doesn't even have to speak to me, look at me, or mess with me at all. I won't even try to bother Him or come near Him. I'll just be oh so thankful for being there. See this Rebekah, she isn't faithful in her church attendance; I do go to church, don't get me wrong. But I also miss church more than I'd admit to anyone, and it's not because I want to miss church. I'm always glad once we've gotten in the doors, but the path from my home, out to the car and down the road is an awful, really awful, weekly battle. This Rebekah hopes to just sit in the back and not be noticed by anyone. It's taken me over a year and a half of going to this church and I just talked to two of our pastors for the first time in the past couple months. I don't do anything in the church; I used to try to get involved, but now, after all these "church things" I know I'm not worthy to be teaching anyone's kids or doing anything in the church. I greet others at the "meet & greet" times and smile and am friendly to those I sit near and pass coming in/going out, but I don't really know anyone there. I would like to sometimes, but I'm terrified to at the same time. I feel like I'm keeping the real me a secret because if they find out, well like all the others, they won't like me/us either. No one has in a long, long time. Or worse yet, you think they do, but then you find out they don't really and you just were stupid and thought they did. That hurts even more, and I don't want to do that again- ever!

The thing is, I actually feel closer to God, in the craziest place. I am a teacher in one of those "failing schools" - I've taught in worse schools before, but it's certainly not an easy place to work. The past two years I've felt like I've been walking through hell honestly; it is certainly a challenging place to be many days. But, I feel God with me, know His pleasure and love more in my public school classroom than anywhere else I go. When I am hugging kids, holding a crying/hurt child and secretly, and sometimes not-so-secretly, praying for them in my head, when kids run up to hug me, when I love an angry, violent child in spite of their issues... well it's those times when I almost think God is smiling at me. When I get love back from countless kids (and honestly, it's almost embarrassing how much love I get from the kids at school), I feel like it's God giving me a hug back. I feel His warmth and love so much in what is supposed to be a "heathen" place. I feel like I please Him there. I feel like He is happy with me and I am where I ought to be. I KNOW that I KNOW I am a better teacher for having felt the sting of rejection, for knowing how the criticisms and disapproval of others feel. I am glad for having experienced it for I know how to not do that to my students and to their families. I feel like a misfit amongst adults at work too, but when I'm with the kids- OH, the love and acceptance I feel- nothing else really matters to me. I am loved by my family and by a host of kids and their families and when I am at work, I KNOW I am loved by God.

So I am struggling with all this, trying to figure it out. I know I need to fix these "church issues" I have. And without realizing it, I have put up a wall- not a wall between me & God. He & I talk frequently, and I feel Him around and in my life all the time. But I do have a big wall when it comes to church and other Christians. I never meant to; I didn't really even realize I had done it. I have started knocking this wall down. I did go get communion with my family that Sunday- got out of my seat, walked in the aisle and took it. Funny thing- for whatever reason, the servers actually came down the aisle that day- they've never done that before that I've seen. :) Maybe God was meeting me halfway??? I don't know- maybe I'm just silly and see God in everything when He's not (well I do that I know!). I've also started reading my Bible again- something I'm not proud to admit, but I wasn't doing faithfully. I've just felt so unworthy for so long, but I'm trying to fix that.

Where I am going, I don't really know. I am sure I will not drop this wall tomorrow because inside there is a very scared Rebekah, but I will keep trying to take out one stone at a time and peek out carefully and keep going. I know I'll get hurt again because people are not perfect, just like I'm not. I know I'm going to have to accept that and let it happen and be okay with that. And honestly I'm not there yet, so my wall is going to stay up a little until I can let God really get in there and heal my heart. In the meantime, I'll keep reading my Bible, loving and being there for my family, loving on kids & families with all my heart, trying to accept me for who I am, going to church more and more faithfully, making myself get out of my seat to take communion even when I know I am awful, and as always talking to Him (He probably gets tired of hearing from me some days :), but I know He loves me so it's okay.). I'll get there eventually.

And when you get to heaven, if you see me in the corner of heaven, off hiding, well you'll know I made it. You don't have to speak to me if you don't want to, but if you do, I promise I'm a good hugger. :)

Summer Projects

2011-07-20T20:53:00.006-04:00

I don't know why exactly but I'm sure not being my normal self. I mean, I usually come on here and write boring stuff from my life pretty regularly. I know the two people who used to come by here probably really miss my boring life. :) hahahahahaha I seriously think I was/am burnt out, and I am actually concerned about that, but it's not what I really want to think about or deal with right now, so moving on... :)

Anywhoo, here is a photo of a project I started - well I'm embarrassed to admit this- but two years ago. It was going to be a Barbara and me project, but then she didn't want to do it and grad school started and work became insane... I've worked on it a bit here and there, but finally I'm getting it done!

It's a homemade braided rag rug. I cut the cloth myself, and had to make one HUGE, long braided strip. It is seriously long- I should have measured it before I started. :) Now I am sewing it together. This is what I have gotten sewed today- after I had to rip it apart and start over when it wasn't staying put the way I wanted.

This is a project Barbara and I worked on together too. We practiced our sewing by making Zoe a grocery cart seat cover for when she goes shopping with her momma. :) It's got lots of mistakes too, but I was happy with how it turned out for my first attempt. Thanks Jessica for letting me/us practice on you and Zoe! :)

I am also working on making baskets. My cousin, Pam, taught Barbara, Regina (another cousin who came to see me and brought Pam with her), and me how to make them. The first one is full of mistakes, but I'll share photos soon. I'm making a new one now with the prettiest blue prints. Hoping it turns out better! I bought "teacher" fabric and am going to try to make small teacher baskets too to give to the new art teacher at our school and then use as gifts or something.

I miss being on here, and need to get back to it. I guess I just was tired, have been being relaxed (or a bum- depending on how you want to look at it), and feeling kind of "blah" after graduation, dealing with continued run-around from the Army, and family being here and the loneliness that comes after they're gone. Most of all, though, I've just truly relaxed and been with my family and enjoyed this time. It's the first summer in years I haven't worked summer school, babysat, or tutored and it has been sooo nice. Tough on our finances, but oh so wonderful to be home with my loves and just be me. I'm sure going to hate going back to reality. Like Scarlett O'Hara, I'm not going to think about that today. I'll think about that tomorrow. Maybe. :)

Love,

Beka :)

Sweet Sunday

2011-07-03T21:31:00.004-04:00

I'm back. :) I don't know why I haven't gone blabbing on here or posted photos sooner. I made it through the end of the school year (one of the worst, busiest, stressful times of the school year), survived my goodbyes, had a WONDERFUL WONDERFUL WONDERFUL (but very short) weekend visit with my family, made it through Matthew's graduation and the cookout/party the following weekend. And a packing up my room to get ready to move classrooms/buildings again, and then a week of literacy training. Oh, and a surprise, AWESOME visit from my cousin, Regina, and her family one day as they were passing through the state on vacation. :) :) :)

And then, I don't know, I've just been a mix of blah, kind of "aaahhhh" relaxed, kind of just being a bum. I have watched my kids play video games, but never could get the hang of the controllers, then I found a computer version of Plants vs. Zombies, and I've been playing it and just been an at-home with my hubby, hanging around the house, going for walks, kind of bum this past week. I don't think I have EVER done that before!

So here I am. I will be back tomorrow or Tuesday to share photos from graduation and our family portraits. I just figured I better come back and say something. For tonight I will just say this has been the nicest Sunday in a long time- church, lunch out at Elizabeth's Pizza (yummy!) with Barbara, Matthew, and Rob, cooking a French roast with Robert, a short Sunday nap (haven't taken one of those in months and months and months- oh so nice!), finishing cooking a delicious supper, a movie with Rob and Robert, and then a walk just the three of us and Samson. Now I'm going to shower, climb in bed and read a book. :)

I MADE IT!!!!!!!!

2011-06-11T08:25:00.003-04:00

There are still two days left until I am officially done with this school year, but the kids have gone home, and I am left standing. I MADE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! With the help, support, love, and prayers from my heavenly Father and family and friends I got through the hardest year of my 17 years as a teacher. I think I might have learned a thing or two and be a better person for it, I'm not sure yet. :) I want to do a lot more reflecting on that and put my "lessons learned" together more cohesively, but that is for another day.

Today my "baby" graduates from high school!!!!! Our family arrived Thursday/Friday. What an adventure it was for my parents to get here, and they, along with Rob & I are wiped out! Hopefully they got some rest overnight and we will all feel much better today and be able to have a wonderful, fun-filled day today. And let me just say that without a doubt, I have the MOST ADORABLE niece on the planet, EVER! :)

I'm going to the store in a minute for some produce, milk and such, and going to make a yummy brunch for us this morning. This afternoon Matthew wants to make/have "grandma's parmesan chicken," so we'll cook up a delicious supper and head to Winston for graduation. Tomorrow will be at church together and Monday we are all getting photographed at the Arboretum before they have to head back to Illinois.

I will post photos and blab some more soon. I just wanted to say that I MADE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you have prayed for me and my kids this year, I cannot say enough, "THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Much love,

Rebekah :)

STRESS

2011-06-08T23:03:00.002-04:00

Ever have everything go wrong when you least need it to? Yeah, that would be tonight. And I'm frustrated beyond words.

I won't bore myself, let alone you. It will all be okay. In 48 hours I will be done with the teaching part of this year. I have to get there that's all.

Taking my cranky self to bed and going to pray for grace, strength, and a little help in the computer-on-the-fritz department.

Night!

Photos-outside

2011-06-05T17:05:00.005-04:00

This is our front porch/steps.

St. Louis Blues' colors with purple and yellow lantana

My little rose plant that was here when we moved and didn't look like it was going to do anything is doing much better this year. I had made plans to dig it out, but was putting it off because roses make me think of my Momma. Then it is making what I hope will be a comeback. :)

My family thinks I'm silly, but I LOVE lambs' ear! It's so soft and fuzzy and the blooms are pretty and boy do the honeybees love it!

Finally got a butterfly bush, and cannot wait. Had this one in the ground one day and am already seeing butterflies and moths. I also bought a white one. :)

Had this little wire basket thing Rob bought me a couple years back for Mothers' Day. I decided to experiment. We'll see how it goes, but for now the vinca is loving its home.

Now for some before/afters. This is my peach tree- my first Mothers' Day tree- as it appeared spring of 2009 when we moved in this house.

My wonderful peach tree this spring :)

My little Japanese maple (2nd M.D. tree) in 2009 when we moved, maybe 2-3 feet tall.

Look at this beauty now!!! WOW, what a lot of growing it has done! I think it loves its new yard home. This is what it looked like a couple weeks ago here in its corner of our yard.

And though we are between a rock and a hard spot this summer in finances, I spent $ I shouldn't have and bought mulch for this corner and a few plants. Here is my beautiful dwarf maple now with its new friends- echinacea, butterfly bush, shasta daisy, delphinium- and upgraded home. I know you can't see the flowers much, but I'm sure in a year or so this area will be full of blossoms and butterflies!

A view from further back

and a deck shot

and a "just because I love this tree" shot

That's it for now Rach. I'll post some photos this summer as things get settled in and start to bloom more. :)

Photos- Inside

2011-06-05T16:23:00.006-04:00

So I promised Rach some photos. :) Late, but not forgotten, here we go. Rach, don't get too excited, it isn't much, but hopefully you can see what we did. :)

Love,

Beka

I didn't take a "before" shot last weekend, so this old one will have to do. This is from when we moved in two years ago. We weren't quite unpacked yet in this photo, and the bookshelves were not as full then, but were LOADED with books we've bought since. This is where we had them though so you can see- there were three in the corner of the living room with a corner chair squeeze in against the piano, and the recliner right in the center of the photo. It was a tight squeeze in here. On the other side across from this is a small loveseat in front of the windows and the t.v. plus Rob's desk.

So we moved the bookshelves out, put the corner chair in a corner, where it belongs :), slid the piano down, and now have a great photo corner! I am working on getting Matthew's baby & senior photo up on the wall there in that empty spot this week- he's going to help me pick the photos for his space.

We put one bookshelf on the other wall between the window and t.v., got rid of the corner stand and used the old three-tiered table/shelf that I have had all my married life. It belonged to my Momma and Daddy. :) It is holding our printer and all the kids' game stuff.

The piano and the rest of the photos. I still have to print photos for the frame on the piano- saw that yesterday and liked it.

Moved one of the other bookshelves into our bedroom by my bed. It barely squeezes into the space between the bed & closet, but it works and actually looks good. The third bookshelf went into the kitchen and holds all my books for school and my grad school books.

My houseplants LOVE this spot! I moved some outside for the summer, but these stay in and grow like crazy all summer! Here is my shamrock. Love this plant! And my spider plants up there, they grow so much I have given away spiders each year and the second one in this photo came from the first one.

Last Week of 2010-11

2011-06-05T16:12:00.003-04:00

Whew, it's finally here! I cannot hardly believe it as I typed those words! This is the last week of school for this year, this oh so challenging, full of growth, sometimes good, sometimes not school year. We have so much to accomplish, and it will be a crazy busy week for the kids and me. This is just a bit of the happenings this week:

Finish memory books (kids) and bind 18 books (me)
Thank you project for a volunteer (Barbara)
Teach the Teacher Day (Tuesday)- Some of the kids have chosen a topic and will be presenting their lessons to the class.
Field Day (Wednesday)
Water Day incentive, assembly, and class celebration (Thursday) I am super excited because I am working like a crazy woman to create a movie to surprise the kids with at the party. It's almost there, and I have to get copies burned for all of them by then too.

Sometime in there we have to pack up all the kids' things and clean up the room too. I will be out on Friday to be with my family- WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but will be going in during the afternoon to say my goodbyes and see the kids off. I have to get all my cumulative folders done by Thursday too so they'll be ready to check in and have paperwork ready for the big appeals meeting. Oh my, I wish I were still young enough to pull all-nighters! I have tried to act like a 20-something the past two nights and am feeling my body protest today. :)

Have a great week! I will post photos (if my family is willing) from our WONDERFUL visit and graduation this weekend!

homemade proverb

2011-06-02T22:58:00.004-04:00

I'm trying my hand at writing proverbs. :)

He who toots his own horn eventually runs out of air.

Sometimes I wish I were better able to write my thoughts in a paper journal as I can't always post the deepest, most personal or "ugly" thoughts/feelings/experiences here. I just know that I really cannot stand people that have to brag about themselves, try to make themselves look like something to others, puff up their own sense of pride by bragging, or who try to make others feel/look like less compared to their "wonderfulness." It may motivate some, but it only aggravates me and turns on my "defiant" side, and I never even had much of that growing up. Makes me want to do the opposite just to show them, though I do try to hide that side of me. :) If you want to do something, do it. You don't have to tell everyone about it and how wonderful you are because you did this. I see this at work. If you want to mentor a kid, do it. If you want to attend a summer workshop, great! If you want to read lots of articles and study outside of work and improve yourself- good for you. If you want to stay after school and do things for kids or help other staff members on your own- you're a wonderful human being. But what's your motive when you have to tell everyone about it? Makes me suspect you, to be honest.

I just know that for me, there's that Bible verse that talks about not letting your right hand know what your left is doing and that good deeds should be "hidden." It smacks to me of being like the Pharisees.

I have this same problem when people post such spiritual things on their FB status too, and I know that's wrong of me. I know I'm judging, and I shouldn't. Probably every single one of them is a better Christ-follower than I am. Oh, the church-people issues I've got! And I do try to work on them, I really do!

Well, I'm off. Report cards & PEP's are due tomorrow. It's after 11 PM, and I still have bills to pay tonight. This weekend, I have to finish some things for my Momma who is working on Matthew's graduation book (I'll have to share more about that soon), and get ready for our BIG week next week! I'm just a WEEEEEEEEE BIT EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you tell? :) hahaha

Love,

Beka :)

Big I Like Me's :)

2011-06-01T21:11:00.002-04:00

Hey, Momma, Crystal, and Rach, this is for me but also for you!

I have been working hard on being healthier and living longer. I was on such a great roll with walking in spite of some really big challenges with work, grad school and everything else. Then I hurt my back again- ugh- and it was a little more difficult, but I kept going pretty well. Then, life got INSANELY busy here the past couple month with final grad school projects. I was still doing something but it wasn't as much as I had been doing. I was discouraged and worried, "Have I just fallen off the path again?" But I kept telling myself, "No, you have hit a hard time, life is too busy, but it's not that way for long. Do as much as you can. Give yourself some grace. You are still better off than you were six months ago, and still much more active than you were six months ago." And I have done just that- given myself some grace. :) :) :) HUGE HUGE HUGE growth for me, wouldn't you say? :)

Next, I HATE hot weather. I feel awful in this humid, hot weather, get light-headed, puny... just not my kind of weather. So, the normal Rebekah would not do much in it. Well, again, we'll see how I am later this summer, but I think I am changing. Here's why. My classroom AC has crapped out; the room is HOT!!!!!!!! Seriously hot! After all day there, I went and stood (not sit) and watched some students play soccer, then ran every which way taking Barbara to work, going to get clothes, mulch and salad supper stuff with Matthew, fixed a delicious salad for the boys and myself, and..... get ready for this...... drumroll please..... Me, big 'ol Rebekah, went outside and opened and spread twelve bags of mulch, trimmed back, weeded, and watered for an hour in the heat! I came in soaking wet in sweat and hit a cold shower. :) I am soooo proud of myself! Oh and my pedometer reading for today - 2.53 miles. :)

I am liking me quite a bit, it's kind of surprising at times to hear a happy voice about myself. :) And as for this summer, I am ready. Rob & I have a game plan- a 5K walk in the mornings before it gets too awfully hot(ter) and then a bike ride in the evenings. Please pray I can do that often and that it has the effects I need/want it to.

Other smiles for my day.

I now have 2 butterfly bushes- had to have another one.
My kids and I had a sweet talk (and several were crying) this afternoon about how they don't have to miss me because wherever they go, they will take a piece of me with them, that when they are stressed, hurting, frustrated, discouraged, they're going to hear my voice telling them "I love you. I am proud you. You can do it! Don't give up," and how I will never forget them either.
My daughter- she is a hot head, she and I can sure fight sometimes (though that gets less & less as she continues to mature and so do I :) hahaha). This 20 year old young lady is working two jobs and taking one summer class. She goes to work at McDonald's on the second shift and gets home usually around 11:30/midnight, and she is getting up with me each morning bright & early and going out the door to work with me at 6:30 each day to help volunteer every day. She works every bit as hard as any teacher or t.a. at my school! She loves my kids, mentors several students in the school, gives hugs to kids she knows and doesn't know (like her Momma) and shines His love to all the kids she sees. Then she comes home, changes clothes, and goes to work to do this all over again. I COULD NOT BE MORE PROUD of this young woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please pray for her. I know she's tired, she has a situation at work that could be bad, and she is applying for work with the school system. I would LOVE for her to be able to get a job so that she could have regular work hours, better pay, some benefits and be able to pay for the rest of her college. Most of all, please pray with me that God will just bless her socks off for all the love and time she has given to a lot of kids and teachers. She really has loved some pretty unlovable kids this year, and I am more in love with her each day that passes!
Hmmm, what else- oh yeah! My family will be here one week from tomorrow (but who's counting?!?!) And in less than two weeks I'll be through "hellyear"- :) aaaahhhh, that sounds so nice!

Love,

Beka

P.S. Rach, you asked me for photos. I promise I haven't forgotten you. I will have photos, if not before, by the weekend (inside & out). :)

M's Graduation Announcement

2011-05-29T12:19:00.003-04:00

So ignore the red line around the outside of this; I took the lazy way and just did a screenshot of it. Here is the last graduation announcement from the Thomas house.

Saturday adventures

2011-05-28T20:37:00.003-04:00

I have more school work to do than I can get done, and I should have been doing it, but instead I dreamed up some crazy scheme to rearrange our furniture a little to make a tiny bit more floor space/moving room around the living room in the hopes that it will give us a little more room for our family that is coming to see Matthew graduate. So my sweet family all pitched in and between Dad's taxi service for two to McDonald's and back for their work shifts and Robert & I running to get groceries and go to Lowe's, we got it all done.

Next weekend I want to take the bare wall that is left from the bookcases being moved and make a photo wall, then this room will look much better I think! Rob is so patient with me. I know he didn't really want to do all that mess of work- taking three bookshelves' contents off, moving the bookcases to other rooms and reassembling them, taking one t.v. shelf apart to take to his school, moving the piano and tons of books, photos.... He did it all without a sigh as did the kids (for the most part)! :) :) :) Thanks family o' mine!!!!

So, maybe I better get on the school tasks that are screaming at me. Lesson plans - due Monday, report cards & PEP's- due Friday, and preparations for another week of EOG testing- ugh! Plus I want to make a movie for my class; I did this last year and the kids and parents LOVED it! And I need to prepare end of year awards and plan the party for class. So much to do, not enough time, but soon it will be over!

Happy Memorial Day to you!!!

Matthew's senior/graduation photos

2011-05-27T18:53:00.012-04:00

I am sooooo happy with these- I just cannot say. Thank you Hearfelt Portraits; you did a terrific job!!! Most of all I am so proud and so in love with our son, Matthew Lane Thomas!!!!!! :) :) :)

Smorgasbord Post

2011-05-25T19:22:00.006-04:00

So belly up to the table. I'm rambling away in my head, so here goes. :)

Can't get Joplin and the other towns hit so hard by tornadoes out of my mind. I stayed up waaaay late last night because when I said I was going to sleep I happened to see that the Joplin area was getting hit by bad storms and possibly another tornado. I started praying and kept updating the weather page I was on to see what was happening. Next thing I know it was midnight and I was still awake praying. Guess that might be silly, I don't know. But I did it and boy, was I tired today. Doubt God moved a storm all on account of me, but oh well.

Tonight the storms are in the area where we are from and where our families are. Praying for all of them tonight and those communities too.

Last night Momma texted to check on us as she'd heard on the news that our area was getting bad storms. Tonight I called to check on her and asked Rob to check on his mom. We are Midwesterners through & through. Grown up and lived there our whole lives. Never thought about storms like this before- they happen all the time; you get used to watching the weather, being aware of what's going on, and living life. Just makes me think about living my life the way I ought to and reminds me that each day I get to wake up is a blessing and one I ought not to waste. That old song says, "I don't know who holds tomorrow, but I know who holds my hand." Important thing to know in times like these.

My smiley list for right now:

Two weeks from tomorrow, we will all be reunited again- the N.C. part of our family and the Illinois part of our family, and I can HARDLY wait!!!! :) :) :) :) :)
Two weeks from tomorrow will be my last day with students and we will have our celebration. I will be missing our last day for the first time in my life as a teacher to stay home with my parents, sister, brother-in-law, and niece. Though I am taking the day off, we will be going over to the school so the kids can meet Zoe and the rest of my family and for me to wave goodbye to my kids on the bus lot as they leave for the year. This year my Momma, Pop, and sister will join me and be with me at a very emotional moment for me. I hope they can see the love my kids & I share and why I do what I do.
Sidebar- We teachers all do this every year, line up along the bus gates and wave to the kids as they leave. The kids all hang out the windows shouting to us. I cry, I am the only teacher that does, and I do it every year. I can't help myself. They take away a piece of me, and I cry to see them go. I worry about them, I love them, and yes, in spite of it all this year, I will miss them. Today one of my kids said, "You wave to us kids every year don't you? You cry too, don't you, Mrs. T.? Will you be there to wave goodbye to us? Will you cry when you say goodbye to us?" Hmmm.... I hope they know how much I really do love them in spite of their ornery side, their stealing, cussing, fighting, lying.... I really do love them. I can't help myself. :) Jesus loves me; guess He can't help Himself either. I really am so thankful for that.
Two weeks and two days from today our "baby" will graduate from high school. I plan to make that whole weekend as special and fun for us all as I can. We're getting family photos done at the Arboretum, and I'm looking forward to that! I want to make as many memories and write them in my heart and mind. Can't wait! Did I say that already? :)
Three weeks from today and I will be temporarily "free" (sort of) of some of this insanity called NCLB, AYP, EOG..... I will have training the two weeks after school is out and then again in August, so I don't really have much time off, but at least July is looking slow. Praying they don't find any training for us to have to attend in July. I plan to read, spend time with my family, read, make lots of cards, walk & ride my new bike, read, enjoy my flowers, eat homegrown, fresh tomatoes to my heart's content, read, go to the farmers' market when I want to, and relax, and oh yeah, read. :)

Well, folks that's it for tonight. Love to you all and wherever you are I pray you are safe from the real storms and the other ones life can throw at us.

Beka :)

Matthew's senior photos- sneak peak

2011-05-20T18:12:00.002-04:00

The photographer just posted a couple photos to Facebook. I had to share them as a sneak peak until we get ours. Oh my, I love these first two already! :)

I love this young man!

They say God moves in mysterious ways...

2011-05-19T19:02:00.003-04:00

There is a song out right now with a title that would offend many Christians. My daughter posted a link the other day to it on Facebook, and she got a comment or two that was negative. I don't know what it says about me that it doesn't, and I'll leave that to others to decide. But I have listened to the song and if you can get past the title the words are really something. This is the song I mentioned the other day. I think it sounds kind of weird perhaps to say that God would use a song with vulgar language in it, but I promise you that is sure what it seems like to me.

You might not know me personally, but I want you to know that I LOVE LOVE LOVE the children at my school- the ones I have taught and the ones I haven't. I get hugs and visits daily from many of my "old" kids and from kids I don't even know by name, only by face that I never taught, and I try to hug them all and give them a bit of my attention. This year, as every year, I have several students who have touched my heart yet drive me crazy with their behaviors. I don't know why I love them some days because they can be quite obnoxious, but I honestly do. I see something in them, and know that kids don't just come out this way. They don't get to choose their lives and the circumstances they find themselves in, they are not emotionally, mentally, or physically equipped or empowered to cope with much of what they see and hear and they see things most of us have never, things we can't fathom, and things they should NOT ever see, hear, know. So, I get up each day and try to love them like Him, put up with all the drama, and help them learn the academics, but most importantly learn how to live and work with others and work out difficulties in better ways. I feel like a failure more this year in so many ways; it's been a year of discouragement and frustration.

Then, I hear this song on the radio while driving with my daughter. I didn't know it had this "naughty" word in it, because it was on the radio and edited. I looked up the words when I got home, and oh my goodness- this song just grabs me. I feel like I should buy it and play it for my kids. I feel this very strongly. This first verse is the life many of my kids may have and I hope they'll find their way out of it somehow. The chorus is what I would like to say to them. And that second verse- it's what this rough, rowdy, troubled class of third graders that many people don't like say to me constantly- "Mrs. T, don't put yourself down. It makes me sad when you... Stop saying bad things about yourself Mrs. T...."

So I bought it and waited for the right moment to play it for my children. After the big reading EOG test, where my kids were persistent through that long, awful test and I didn't have any serious behavior problems (which was an absolute miracle and a FIRST for my class this year- THANK YOU GOD!!!).... I just felt moved to tears with pride in these kids. I turned on my computer and told them I wanted them to listen to the words of this song, that it was our song- my message to them and the message they'd given back to me. I went around my room and as they ate their lunch and listened, I gave each of them a kiss on the top of their heads. When I got around to one particularly troubled child, the chorus "just happened" to come on at that exact point. I said his name, he looked up at me, and I pointed to the speaker and his whole face contorted in tears, he covered his face with both his hands and SOBBED loudly for ten minutes- this street-smart, hardened, tough, prone to angry outbursts, threats, and outright violence- kid. He couldn't even speak. I went on and told every child that no matter what the day, what the problem, how they behaved, I loved them each and every one and thought they were perfect to me and always would. Finally, this young man came up to me and bear-choked me and wouldn't let go. I asked him why he was crying, and could barely talk, but said, "Because you love me." Oh. My. Word. Now it was my turn to try to remain composed. I just held him and cried silently with him. And prayed like I have never prayed in my life. God, I don't know how a simple teacher's love (which is really Your love I know) can overcome all the stuff in his life. He has a lot of his life left with a lot of "stuff" to overcome I'm sure. But somehow, let this moment stick in his young mind. Let it be enough. Let it never be far from him. Let him remember these words and know that somewhere, someone (You and me) love him. Let him, and all my kids, be able to overcome and rise above the "stuff" they are facing.

And today, another one of my kids came up to me out of the blue at breakfast, grabbed onto my waist and squeezed. When I bent down to hug him back, he whispered to me, "Mrs. T. you are absolutely perfect to me."

And as always, I turn to mush inside. ALL, yes all, Rebekah Rose Thomas, all this garbage- the administrator from hell, the stupid criticisms like the slight haze on the whiteboard, the old bulletin board display, the pencils on the floor, the bickering, fighting, cussing, knives, drugs, threats, the daily soap opera drama that drives me insane- all of that was worth it if just one (please, God, let it be more) of these kids can make it. How could I ever put a price on their lives? Who am I to think that my life, my peace of mind, my comfort, my daily life, peace, ease is more important than their success in life and eternity? I felt like a failure all year because "they" were judging me based on the test scores. But the growth that is happening and is yet to be really, truly measured may not be seen by me or my principal or school. If these kids can make it through all their stuff and grow up to like themselves, be well-adjusted adults who love their families and friends, then I was perfect to them.

So on this, the last night of the first round of EOG's- I am reminding myself that my comfort and so-called "ease" is not what this life is about. Thank you God for songs to remind me, for letting me hear the message behind this song, helping me to see how I could use this to touch my children one more time with an important message, and for letting me be the one this year to hang with these kids, love them in spite of the drama, and be a small part of their lives. And thank you for a group of rough, hurting kids to teach me something so many people have tried to tell me.

And though they'll never see this, Chris (and all of you 3rd graders of mine), I am changing those voices, day-by-day-by-day, just like you. One of these days, we're going to like ourselves and overcome all that "stuff" we all have in our lives. Thank you for loving this "old lady" teacher of yours who doesn't always like herself. That is a gift no one can ever take away from me!

Love to you all!

Rebekah/Beka/Mrs. T

xxxxx Perfect by Pink

Made a wrong turn
once or twice
dug my way out
blood and fire.
Bad decisions,
that's alright.
Welcome to my silly life.
Mistreated, misplaced
misunderstood,
Miss "No way its all good."
It didn't slow me down.
Mistaken,
always second guessing,
underestimated;
look I'm still around.

Pretty, pretty please
don't you ever,ever feel
like you're less than
less than perfect.
Pretty,pretty please
don't you ever,ever feel
like your nothing.
You are perfect to me.

You're so mean
when you talk
about yourself.
You were wrong.
Change those voices
in your head.
Make them like you instead.
So complicated
look how big you'll make it
filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game.
It's enough I've
done all I can think off.
Chased down all my demons
see you do the same.

Pretty,pretty please
don't you ever,ever feel
like you're less than
less than perfect.
Pretty,pretty please
If you ever,ever feel
like your nothing
You are perfect to me.

EOG's- we're almost there!

2011-05-18T20:03:00.005-04:00

We're almost through round 1 of EOG's! I CANNOT say enough how thankful I am for all your prayers! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please keep praying- one more day of this for third & fourth graders and two more for fifth graders. Then a week of "remediation" and more retesting for many kids.Whatever the scores are, I am very proud of my children! They have worked hard, behavior has been good, very little in the way of frustration, quitting, bad attitude... hopefully that will pay off and result in great scores, but either way I am thankful that they have cooperated and tried. :)

I have some stories I may share, but I am just hopping on here quickly tonight. Let me just say that I find God to never cease to be amazing. He used a song most Christians would not approve of from the title to help me share His love this week, and the result blew me away. God, please let that memory stick in the mind of my friend and never leave him. Let it come back to him over & over & over again when life gets hard.

Last night was Matthew's last concert (and ours as parents). Very moving night for Rob & I. I videoed all his songs, and will try to get one posted this weekend. Here he is with his band teacher afterwards. This ~~kid~~ young man hates to smile for photos, I don't know why. He was smiling two seconds before,

but then... this. :) Go figure!

Tonight we had a photo shoot at the arboretum.

I can't wait to see the photos and share some here!!! Our photographer was great, took TONS of photos, and let Matthew change from his BDU's (all Matthew wears anymore), to his dress outfit, to his cap/gown, to his JROTC Army uniform. She was terrific! Matthew was his goofy-don't-smile-for-the-camera self, but she got some good ones of him I think. The one thing that really hit Rob & I tonight was when Matthew helped her fold up her flag they'd used as a prop. We stood there watching our son, soon to be a soldier, fold up an American flag. God, if it is possible, please let us never receive one of those folded flags on his behalf. And if it is what the future will bring, please help us make it. No matter where our son goes, let him never forget that You love him and that his family (all of us) love him. Keep him IN You. That is, in the end, the single most important thing to me- that my three kids live for Christ all their days.

Those big hands... once upon a time they belonged to a little baby boy who could barely breathe, who was covered in tubes and monitors and we couldn't even hold. His little finger could barely grasp ours and we didn't think he'd live. Now he is this gentle giant of ours about to leave home and go serve his country.

And on a silly note- notice how high water his pants are- yes, that is how much this young man has grown! He is TALL! :) He just told me tonight that MEPS measured him at 6'6"!!!!!! WOW, that is tall! :)

Well, I'm outta here for tonight. Going to try to crash early. That concert last night was LONG- almost three hours- didn't get out of there until 9:40!

EOG week- Day 1 is done

2011-05-16T19:04:00.004-04:00

I am wiped out! We did a very short survey questions section today, and then my class worked on a service project. They enjoyed it, and as always it was nice to make others smile. Hope that lesson sticks in my kids' minds!!! The kids, Barbara, and I made and delivered over 80 little paper cones filled with candy and a thank you note for all the staff at our school and the bus drivers.

After school Barbara helped me (THANK YOU sweetheart!!!!) finish emptying my walls and spaces of everything. Personally, I find the level of sterile-ness we are told we have to go to absolutely ridiculous, but I have to comply. The new seating arrangement is set, desks moved, and I just have to cover the bookshelves in the morning and we're set for the big, bad EOG. I'm really nervous about messing up and getting in trouble, but praying I can do this. More nervous for my kids and praying they do their best and that all of our hard work will be enough. It's in God's and the kids' hands now. I've given it my all.

Matthew is headed to MEPS next Monday, and hopes to finish the medical exam now that the tube was removed from his ear. If he passes that small part of the medical, then he'll be swearing into the United States Army sometime next Tuesday afternoon. He goes to the recruiter this Wednesday to do paperwork for that and get his job assignment.

Between the enlistment/child leaving home/graduation emotions and the stress at work with the EOG and everything else, my brain played a mean trick on me last night. I woke up in the night from a nightmare about my daddy. He hasn't bothered me in my sleep for a while, and though I did love my daddy, I HATE when I dream about him because it's never good. It's weird how the mind works and how stress, lack of sleep, milestones, life events.... can all work in the mind and produce strange dreams. This was definitely one. I hope this doesn't happen again tonight; I need to sleep and I need to be at my best tomorrow. Mostly I wish I didn't dream about him.

I'm tired, really, really tired. Going to read through my test booklet for tomorrow, take a shower, and try to sleep in the recliner tonight for my poor old, hurting back.

Hope you had a great Monday.

EOG week is here

2011-05-15T17:33:00.003-04:00

Please pray for the children at our school, and the teachers and staff. The End of Grade tests are here. Stress and pressure are at crazy levels for us all. I could say a lot about the insanity of our system, the injustices I feel exist, the stupidity of so much time lost for assessments all year long and the amount of time we lose for teaching with these assessments... I could say much, but instead I am going to just pray, try to sleep and ask for your prayers.

Marking the milestones

2011-05-14T08:53:00.004-04:00

Matthew spends a great deal of his free time in the backyard just walking around. He has worn a path in the yard where grass just simply refuses to grow. We've lived here for two years now and last summer we began to tease him about it, and Rob fought the good fight all last year trying to coax some grass seeds to sprout but to no avail.

But now as Matthew's graduation is looming on the near future and his enlistment is looking more and more likely, we are becoming quite the pair of sentimental fools. :) (Okay, I admit it, I already was quite the sentimental fool to start with!). :) We decided that we should just let the path stay. If Matthew doesn't get into Uncle Sam's club, he'll still be here pacing away any grass that might pop up. And if he's gone this fall.... well, we want to keep this to remember our youngest by. We don't have the finances now to do much with it, but sometime down the road we're going to mulch it in and put walking stones down it.

In the meantime, I got this maybe goofy idea to put a little flower bed in one spot where he's walked a circle and left a patch of ground with about six blades of grass trying to grow. :)- snicker, snicker- I should also tell you that it's very shady back there and any grass that does come up just won't do much because of the lack of sunlight for most of the day. As you can see in the picture down there, the new grass that is coming up is after two years of Rob seeding, reseeding, watering, chasing off the boy and the dog and nursing, digging, transplanting...

Sooooo... Rob and I went out and bought some plants, and then Matthew and I went back and bought some cheap stones and mulch and the hook and basket. It's not much I know, but after a little work with my son, voila! If Matthew stays here, I've decided to call it "Matthew Knoll," but if he goes away, Rob is going to name it "Homecoming Park" and plans to etch Matthew's dates of leave into the stones for all the times he gets to come home to us.

I was thrilled too because I finally found a way to have one of my favorites- this fuschia! When we rented the other house we had a really shady front yard so these did well there, but this house, well the shady part is at the back of the yard, so I can't do fuschias hanging up at the porch or on the deck- way too sunny. But then we did this, and I got the idea that I could hang one in this spot and it would be perfect! :)

This thing is LOADED with blossoms. Just gorgeous too!

And the hummingbirds love these too. :)

Pondering

2011-05-14T08:10:00.005-04:00

The Bible says that Mary "pondered these things in her heart" or something to that effect. I think I am beginning to grasp what that might have felt like as I have been trying to grab every memory of every day, even the little things- no especially the little things, and writing them on my heart and mind so I won't forget them. I want to remember these last days of being a mom to a high school student. I want to remember how fun, crazy busy, hectic, frustrating, sometimes aggravating, and full (of life, busy-ness, laughter, joy, silliness and so much more) our lives are right now. It will come to an end, and I will miss this. God, please don't let me forget how blessed I am. Ever.

I'm feeling very sentimental; I usually am anyway, but this is big. It has really hit me that this is the end of a loooong stage of our lives as parents. I knew this all year, but now that we have less than a month to go to graduation, wow!, it has really sunk in. I will not be a mom to a school-age kid anymore, ever again. No more sports, band concerts, awards programs. No more running to pick kids up from activities or going to the school to give them a ride. No more, "Mom I need such and such for school." This next fall, Rob & I are going to not have to take kids to buy school supplies, shoes, socks, or backpacks. How will I feel? Will I be okay? What's next after 21 years of parenting kids through diapers, bottles, toilet training, learning to use a fork, ride a bike, tie your shoes, read and write and do math, chores- oh lovely chores!- growing up, learning to be an adult, balance a checkbook, work, drive a car, dealing with heartbreaks and the trials of adulthood????

This is definitely going to be different. I'm at times ready for this stage, ready to not have so much hustle and bustle, ready to start living a little more for me, ready to have a house that is more quiet. But most of the time I'm not ready for that yet. And this "hurry up and wait" game with Uncle Sam is getting old too, for I just want to know if my baby is going to be enlisting or not. But then I remember, these 21 years flew by- MUCH. TOO. QUICKLY! Let it go slowly, Rebekah, because it's all going to be gone before you know it.

So for these next few days I am enjoying and writing it all down in my heart: the last band concert, the "little" 6'5" boy who sleeps on my couch with his camo pants & soldier boots on, that young man who walks around in my back yard talking to himself and playing with the dog, the occasional "I love you Mommy's" that I get and the tender moments when they come. Soon enough, he will leave for the Army and I'll never again get back these moments.

Pondering all this in my heart today.

Thank you Father for them and for every moment I got to have and will still get to have with them. If it all ended tomorrow, help me to cherish what I have had. I have been a very blessed woman!

I love you babies of mine, always have, always will.

Mothers' Day 2011

2011-05-08T21:21:00.007-04:00

This was a wonderful day. It is looking likely that Matthew will be sworn into the Army in the next few weeks, so this very well may be my last Mothers' Day with all my kids home. It hit me hard on Saturday (I'm only 40 and my kids are all grown- how did this happen???). It is so bittersweet, and I had no idea how hard letting go would be. I am determined, though, to live for the sweet and not dwell on the bitter. I hope I do this stage with grace and laughter, that I adjust quickly to a new stage of parenthood, and that I make God, my parents, my best friend & hubby, and my kids proud of me throughout every stage of my life. :)

My family has been so much fun. I live for days home with Rob and the kids!!!!!!!!! I am so thankful for them!!!!!

So today's photos (sorry, there's a lot), in no particular order:

My personal chefs for the day :)

Matthew made bruschetta- doesn't this photo make your mouth water? Yummy!

Robert has cooked professionally, so he always has everything prepared and ordered and ready before he will start cooking. Here he is getting everything ready for my chicken marsala. :)

This photo is for my Momma & Pop (Grandma & Papa, here he is 21 years old and he still spins in "spinny chairs." :) hahahahaha Just hope there was nothing breakable around him. :) snicker, snicker

the final product- yummy, yummy in my tummy- Boys, you did an outstanding job. This was an absolutely delicious day! :) Thank you for cooking some of my favorites for me!!!!

A few years ago Rob and the kids started a tradition, only they didn't know it was going to be a tradition. They decided to buy me a flowering tree to plant for Mothers' Day. Matthew picked a peach tree that year; he was in 8th grade. This year, Rob and Robert and Barbara did something else, but Matthew insisted that he wanted to keep the tradition, so on his own he bought me another tree and planted it for me. This year's tree is an ornamental pear.

This is our loyal, loving dog, Samson, also known as Sam and Sammy. He is particularly fond of Matthew and me and follows us around. He sniffed and explored the front yard where he doesn't get to go often and then came and laid down by Matthew and I while the tree was planted.

Matthew asked me to take photos of my other Mothers' Day trees. This is the peach tree from the first year. It was well established at the house we rented at the time we bought this house and moved. I was sad to leave it behind so Rob said we should try to bring it. Matthew dug it up and he & I replanted it here at this house in the rain. We weren't sure it would survive, so we even stood outside, he & I, and prayed for the tree in the rain. Look at it today- doing great!

This is my second tree- a dwarf Japanese maple. It moved with us too and is doing great- really filling out. I hope to work on this part of our yard and slowly over the summer dig it up with the boys' help and find cheap/free mulch and fill it in.

I love lambs' ear, and this patch is just looking pretty to me! :)

Rob & Robert bought me a bike to match Rob's (his was a Fathers' Day gift last year from us). Now Rob & I will be riding bikes together in the evenings and walking in the mornings this summer. :)

Matthew watering the trees. The redbud on the right is the Mothers' Day tree from two years ago, and the dogwood on the left was last year's tree. The redbud had something eat away all its leaves last summer, and we weren't sure it would live. It didn't bloom much at all this year, so I was worried about it, but it's doing very well now. :) Someday these trees will fill up our front yard and make for more privacy.

My Army-bound son, his tree, and me. I asked him what he would do next year when he was gone; he said he will send me money to buy a tree and continue the tradition. :)

I REALLYREALLYREALLY hate photos of me, and it is very rare for me to post them in public, but I decided to do it anyway since this was a special day for me. I hope to have a skinnier photo to share next year. My clothes are getting baggier on me; I don't know if you can tell in the photo, but they are.

I made crepes for us as a special treat. We filled them with fruit preserves. I haven't made crepes since I was a newlywed so it was a bit of an adventure but fun. My silly Barbara Rose made hers into a smiley face. :)

This young lady and I have some doozy of arguments sometimes, but I simply, absolutely ADORE her!!!!!!!!!! She is a terrific young woman, and I am so proud of her!

My crazy, silly, joking, smart-aleck, make me laugh until I pee my pants, drive me crazy, love you to death family.

Thank you God for this family. All I ever wanted to be growing up was a wife, mommy, and teacher. I got to be all of those, and I never had any idea how much love and joy it would bring to me. Rob, Robert, Barbara Rose, and Matthew, thank you for a truly wonderful Mothers' Day. I LOVE YOU all very, very much- much more than words could ever say. I will be eternally thankful for each of you and the love and memories we share.

God is always there

2011-05-07T13:20:00.004-04:00

God, I know you're always there. No matter the situation. No matter how good or how bad things might be or appear to be.

Please be with my cousin who needs You right now.

Please be with Rob & I and a situation, You already know it all and how it will all work out. Help us to be like You and forgive where we need to forgive. Help us have Your wisdom about how to proceed. Please provide what was taken from us so that we can provide shelter, food, transportation for our family as we enter the lean season once again. Right now I can't see a way through this lean time intact, but I know You can provide. Help me to give it to You totally, trust You totally and wait patiently for Your help.

Most of all, God, please help me to forgive because I've been forgiven much I know.

Happy Mothers' Day to all the moms out there

2011-05-06T19:22:00.001-04:00

Heard this on the radio this morning and came home to find the video. Made me smile.

Sunshine

2011-05-04T20:24:00.003-04:00

Thank you God for another pretty good day- well, by this year's standards, a really good day.

I even got to see "my girl" come back out from the dark recesses she's been hiding in. I was afraid I'd not see that side of her again, but thank you heavenly Father, the hurting, angry side went back in just as quickly as it had popped out again these past few weeks. I'd begun to feel like a failure for the backtracking she'd done. I'd questioned myself and my ability to reach "these" kids. I must confess that I was truly regretting my decision to move up to be with her.

And it wasn't just her; the past weeks have been seen behavior in other friends really worsening. The days have been so dark lately in our classroom for some of us kids and their worn-down teacher. Today was like the sun emerging after a raging storm. Its warmth reached way down deep inside me and the smile on her face and her wonderful laugh, oh how I wish she knew how happy she makes me too! We spent some one-on-one time at specials together, making copies, grading papers, laughing, her telling me jokes, talking about her grandmother, and sharing her worries and wishes for the EOG's. It was time so wonderfully well spent.

I moved up to be with her- both sides of this wonderful child. I do so love this child- the sunshine-y side and the stormy one, but this day... well, it was a welcome and much needed reprieve in the storms of our third grade life.

I pray the days of sunshine increase for her and the days of storms, hurt, and anger lessen. I pray that anyway, for her and for all my friends, and for children all over the world.

just a photo of my "baby"

2011-05-03T22:01:00.006-04:00

Matthew got his cap & gown today. He came home late from a JROTC event and asked me, "Do you want me to try this on for you?" :) I know it's still five weeks away, but here's a photo of our youngest son. He really hates getting his photo taken so his smirky smile made my day!

He almost died at birth and when we brought him home from the PICU a week later, the dr.'s told me he'd be a scrawny, puny, frail boy. I ask you- does this 6'5" young man look puny, scrawny, or frail to you? :) God has a sense of humor I believe! No matter what the future holds, we are so very thankful that we've had 18 terrific years with him!!!

Boy, I love this young man!!!! I'm also posting a photo someone posted of him at the last JROTC campout when they went rappelling. He loves to do that!

If you've got little ones, hug them tight; they grow up before you know what happened!

And though I know he'll never look at this, I LOVE YOU MATTHEW LANE THOMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A confession, happy thoughts, and other little bits

2011-04-29T19:16:00.007-04:00

First, my confession. Please forgive me. :) I used to be a little judgmental of teachers who started counting down the days until the year's end way out in advance. I have to confess and ask forgiveness, because this year, that is me, sort of. I'm not counting out days, but I do know that I have been counting weeks for a couple months. I hate that, but it is what it is. In my defense, I will say, my counting is somewhat enhanced by the fact that in six weeks not only will I be saying "goodbye" to another group of children, but I will be saying, "hello" to my dear family back home and meeting my sweet niece for the 1st time who will be here at the same time for Matthew's graduation. And as for judging, I don't think I'll be doing that the next time I hear a teacher saying, "Only 179 days until the end of the year." hahahaha :) :) :)

I do love all my kids at school though, and there are a lot of them now. :) Something really nice was said to me today, and I hope you won't think I'm bragging, because HONEST, I'm not. I include it as one of my "I Like Me's" I do as per the instructions of Momma, Crystal, and Rachael. :) So ladies, here I go. A substitute bus driver was on one bus the past couple days, and today she called out to me as I walked by. She said, "I can tell you love these kids. I was watching you as you walked around out here, and it just shows that you really love the kids. I can see it all over your face." Made me feel so stinkin' good inside because I do love the kids at our school- a WHOLE LOT- and I am so glad it shows. Hopefully the kids notice that too.

We made pudding in a cup today as a Friday surprise for the kids. I am trying to do something each Friday afternoon for them to keep their spirits up as we are headed into testing insanity. The pressure is on, BIG TIME, and I want to protect them from that as much as I can, while hopefully motivating them to really try and do their best. A weird and difficult balancing act for sure! Our pudding fun was a bit challenged as we had to vacate the classroom for another classmate acting out, but we pulled it off without too much difficulty and the kids loved making pudding to take to other teachers. :) I always love teaching my kids to do for others and not just think of ourselves. Hope that life lesson sticks in their lives now & down the road!

I'm trying to come up with something fun and unique for next week, and the last week before EOG's, I want to do a dance-off sort of, kind of thing (I don't know, it sounds better in my head, and it's probably cheesy, but kids like cheesy). I am looking for inspirational, fun songs that will help them see how great they are and feel pumped up and excited and happy and all that.... Got any suggestions for me? The last day before testing begins, I am planning an EOG Carnival with review games and snacks and prizes and I hope to make it super fun but, of course, it will have to address learning objectives and have essential questions somehow for the visitors that are constantly criticizing.

Well, that's it for my rambling for now. Two grad school assignments to finish & submit by midnight. Rob & I are going on a lunch date tomorrow after he puts tires on my car, then groceries and grading papers/lesson plans. Church and a walk or two this weekend too. What are you doing this weekend? And if you can think of some good, clean, but pumped up kinds of songs for 3rd graders, leave me a note.

Love,

Beka :)

A Rollercoaster Day

2011-04-27T21:26:00.002-04:00

Today has been a roller coaster kind of day for the emotions. Don't want to bore the one person who probably is reading. :) Don't want to bore myself or be a drama queen.

Let's just say I had to take Matthew to the doctor to help him get past the last obstacle to his admission into the Army. I'm about six million emotions wrapped up together, and it's a little hard to juggle today.

I came back from the dr.'s office to be greeted by a colleague yelling at me about my class and finding out that it was a big awful mess- suffice it to say true ugliness and that I am more embarrassed than I have ever been as a teacher. I keep trying to write about the day without saying anything I shouldn't or seeming like I'm just griping again. Best to just be quiet. Let me just say that some think I am not too soft or not strong enough or that I am a bad teacher- well they can take my class anytime. I doubt too many people would have hung in there this long, and I have dealt with a lot of stuff this year and still come back each morning. That seems like someone who is pretty strong and tough to me. I may look like a softy because I hug EVERY kid I know and most adults too. I may seem like I'm a big baby because I tear up and get so wrapped up in my kids, but I have been a momma for 21 years and a teacher for 17, and I have a firm hand and can be the bad guy when I need to be. I may not manage kids the way other teachers would, but I do get results.

So, I'm going to go crawl in bed with my best friend, cry on his shoulder, try to sleep a bit, get up and do it all over again tomorrow. Just, God, pretty please can tomorrow include no racial slurs, threats, chairs, physical attacks, stealing, cursing, or other yucky stuff? And if you could either keep the visitors away or help them to see the good in me and mine, that would be really, really nice and just plain refreshing too. Okay? Thanks!

What Easter is All About- He Loves Us Anyway!

2011-04-23T20:59:00.003-04:00

This is one of my all-time favorite songs- I love the message.

"I am the thorn in His brow, but He loves me anyway. I am Judas' kiss, but He loves me anyway."

I cannot fathom why or how He loves me, but I am so thankful that He came, died, and rose again to show us all His love- a love that no one else has ever been able to duplicate.

I hope wherever you are, you have a wonderful Easter, but most of all I hope you see His love in Your life, and that you experience Christ in a way you have never known before.

With much love & Happy Easter,

Beka :)

My Catch-up List

2011-04-21T19:08:00.002-04:00

I have been so far behind on home, grad school, sleep, and just barely keeping up on work these days. I have a huge list of things to do over this three days off, and I usually plan way more than I can do- both in the classroom and at home, but I am working on getting some things done. So far, so good. One grad school project started (out of the three last big projects left), the capstone exam is done (now just one final exam to go), working on mopping & the bedroom closet tonight.

Thank you Heavenly Father for some time to get a little caught up. Only You know how truly overwhelmed and behind and frazzled I was starting to feel on the inside. It truly was approaching a panic level, and if I hadn't gotten this time off, I'm not sure what I would have done.

Back to my work I go. Making a breakfast casserole for the fam for tomorrow morning and next up, dinner & mopping. :)

You will have to smile!

2011-04-20T22:01:00.002-04:00

Saw this today on Facebook and had to laugh. How could you not when you see this cute baby laughing hysterically?

I made it to spring break!

2011-04-20T21:19:00.004-04:00

Today began my three day reprieve from all things insane :). I had to work like a crazy woman, but I was able to leave Tuesday afternoon with EVERYTHING planned and prepared for both myself and my tutor- all copies done, spelling words loaded online, lessons prepared, copies done and stapled and filed... kind of scary being that with it. :)

I was beyond thrilled when my body and mind mostly cooperated and let me sleep in- something I can rarely ever do. After Rob and the kids all left for work, college, and high school, I drifted off to sleep and dozed until mid-morning. I felt guilty because I am Rebekah, it is what I do. But it felt sooooo wonderful, and I felt more rested than I have in ages and ages! I stayed in my pj's until I left this afternoon to pick up my kids. :) The rough draft for one of my grad school projects is now done. Tomorrow I hope to start polishing it up. I have that and the summative 2 year program capstone exam to do this week. Then two or three more projects/assignments, the course final exam and the capstone portfolio and I will be done in one month.

This afternoon, I picked up Barbara, ran her to High Point to trade uniform pants, went to Winston/K'ville/Walktertown-wherever East is actually at???? to get Matthew and take Rob supper. We came home and ate the YUMMO chicken/bean tacos I had started in the crockpot, took Barbara to work, and then Matthew and I took Samson along for my walk. Matthew was my DI and did cadences for us to walk to and set a pretty brisk pace for me. I shaved a few minutes off my time today. :) I sure wish it would get a smidge easier so I could go further or that I could walk faster, but I'll get there eventually. I keep telling myself to be patient, that in a year I will see a big difference.

As Matthew and I were dropping Barbara off a song came on the radio, can't remember the name of the song, but it's about wishing for one more day - "One more day, one more time, I'll be satisfied.... but it'd leave me wishing still for one more day with you..." Couldn't help thinking of how my "baby" is soon to graduate from high school. Soon this stage of our lives as parents will be over. We're still waiting to hear from the Army as to the disposition of Matthew's enlistment. He has an appointment next week to see his ENT to schedule a surgery/procedure that the Army is requesting. Matthew is hoping that this will remove the final block to let him in. If you'd be in prayer for this, I would appreciate it as would Matthew.

I am so thankful for God's help in making it to this small break, for time spent with my children and husband, for still working on living healthier and getting smaller eventually, and for a little rest- I am soooo in need of that!

Hope you are having a great week wherever you are!

Beka :)

God so loved the world...

2011-04-17T19:02:00.004-04:00

Yesterday there were severe storms here in NC (and throughout the Southeast). According to the news, this is the worst outbreak of storms and tornadoes here in 30+ years. At least 20 people died from the tornadoes in NC yesterday.

Today, as I was looking on a weather website, I saw a few comments about God's judgement on people as they talked about those storms and the people who died from them. One person even said, "God didn't like the people who died."

May I just say that makes me just really, really sad and mad all at the same time? Because it does. I am not God. I won't even pretend to know how His mind works or why He does what He does or allows what He allows. But seriously???? I'm pretty sure the Bible says "For God so loved the world that He sent His only Son..."

Unless I'm mistaken, those people that died, or the people who died in Japan's earthquake/tsunami, or the people who died in the tsunami a few years ago, or the people who died or are still suffering in Haiti or the people who have died in any other number of natural disasters or tragedies, or the people who just die because they get cancer or are in the wrong place at the wrong time....

ALL those people were part of the "world" God so loved. So maybe God is sending judgement, I don't know. But to say that He didn't love those people is just biblically wrong. At least in my opinion. I'm so tired of Christians and those "well-meaning" people who say those stupid things out in public or, even worse, to the hurting who are left behind after these things.

Maybe God did it, maybe God allowed it, maybe it had nothing to do with God at all, but was instead just part of the world/nature. Either way, I'm pretty sure God loves the people (all the people in the world) and it pains Him to have hard things happen to the ones He loves.

Perhaps if we all stopped trying to make bad things some one's fault, and just tried to comfort those who are hurting, help those who are injured, house those who are homeless, love those who are lonely, maybe the world would be a better place. Maybe we'd hurt people less and do more for the God we are trying to live for.

Just my thoughts tonight on the day after a rainy, stormy day.

Is it Friday yet?

2011-04-14T17:55:00.003-04:00

I am so weary. But I'm home with my family- most of them. I am not sleeping well; I am working like a crazy person and haven't even gotten the taxes or my grad school assignments started. I am so overwhelmed with what I have to accomplish and am truly not being dramatic when I say that I cannot get it all done. I'll keep plugging away at it and juggling everything, but I am so tired and ready for this to be over. :)

I was told by the boss this week that after we return from break next week they will be ramping up the pressure on us teachers even more. Don't even know how that is possible at all, and honestly I'm afraid to see what is coming next.

Going to get back to work. Tackling things bit by bit and tonight's bit includes grading, starting lesson plans and a walk with Rob though I don't honestly feel like I can put one foot in front of the other. God help me through this and let me live to see the other side.

Whew, is it Friday yet?

2011-04-12T22:50:00.004-04:00

Boy this has been quite the week already, and today was only Tuesday. Only.

Yesterday I got pulled into another drama at the soap opera, As the School Turns. Boy, do I hate drama! Nothing like being yelled at by a colleague!

Today's fun included getting slugged by a student amongst other "normal" daily fun.

Here's to hoping for some peace & quiet tomorrow. For us all!

My :) for today:

a cancelled staff meeting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How often does that happen? and YEAH!!!!!!!!
getting to pick up Matthew from school, go home and meet Robert and do the grocery run with them- THANKS boys for helping your mom!
time spent with my sons!!! I sure do love those two young men!
pizza from Elizabeth's Pizza- delicious!
sore legs- hopefully that means something is going on good inside them :)
my pants were falling off of me as we walked around the store- felt so nice to have to keep hiking them up :)
BEAUTIFUL clouds and the sun trying to peak through this evening as the boys and I came home from the store
a new MP3 player to replace the one that died- and I know this is totally silly but I like my new little player- when you turn it on, it says "Hello" and when you turn it off it says "Goodbye"- cool! :)
getting picture mail from my sister of my ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL niece, Zoe!!!! She is so pretty! I cannot hardly wait to see her!

For Those Who are Perfect (or close to it)

2011-04-11T19:57:00.002-04:00

Just an observation from someone who is so very far from perfect. If you feel you are gifted, talented, saintly, heroic, wise, patient, or any other admirable characteristic and you want to share it with those of us who are much less than you, a bit of advice.

You might approach someone less than you with a little sensitivity. Just a tiny bit of humility, sensitivity, or compassion would go a very long way. Remember what Mary Poppins sang- "Just a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down..." It may be a silly movie and song, but there's a whole lot of truth in that line!

I Did It! I really, really did it!

2011-04-09T14:24:00.004-04:00

I got to do something new today- an adventure I really was nervous to try but enjoyed and made it through with flying colors. :) I participated in my first 5K! (Yes, I did say 1st!) And though tired, and a little winded from that last hill, I made it without having to be pushed, pulled, or towed to the finish line.

That's right! Big ol' Rebekah, who would NEVER in her wildest imagination have dreamed this up, walked for a really long time! :) I had the company of my devoted husband, an adorable, sweet friend, Matthew, for whom we were all walking, and his wonderful family. I enjoyed talking with others and most of all just getting to walk with some really nice people!!! Crystal & Bryan, I love you and your little man so very much!!! Thanks for letting me (and Rob too) join Matt Matters and allowing me to love your little boy and be a part of his life too!!!!!

So back injury, hurting knee, and crazy work/college schedules aside, I am not a failure. I, me, Rebekah Rose Thomas- I can do this!!! I was really having a hard time lately with my back and life being so crazy and feeling like a failure. I got in the car and realized what I had done and started crying tears of happiness. For the first time, I felt what I think was a little pride in myself. I hope you'll understand- it's not the sinful, puffed-up kind of pride- just happy that I stepped waaay out of my comfort zone, didn't let my obesity rule my actions or limit what I did, and happy that I have stuck with exercise now for three months. :) When I started I was only walking 3/4 mile and huffing and puffing at the end of that. Today I walked over three miles and did it while talking, laughing and ended with a smile. :)

And if you'd like to give to the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation, it's not too late. Rob & I had each set a goal of $100. I have reached that goal thanks to an anonymous donor and my sister. You can still give to me or help Rob reach his goal of $100 or just give to our Matt Matters team. Thanks!

a very happy Beka :)

Happy Birthday Momma

2011-04-07T23:13:00.002-04:00

April 8 the greatest Momma ever to live was born.

Happy Birthday Momma mine!

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so very thankful for you in my life!

Smile, it's almost Friday :)

2011-04-07T22:59:00.005-04:00

I have done a killer lesson planning session this evening. Stayed at school until about 7 PM planning out my rotations and independent work and working on copying. Then came home and wolfed down some yummy supper- thanks to my old/young men for cooking a yummy dinner- and went back to planning. I finally have that done! :) Well, mostly, I still have guided reading to do- maybe. :) I missed seeing my Barbara Rose though as she was gone to work when I got home. :( I am not staying late more than one night a week anymore (I used to stay so late- but I can't say here how much/how late or I'd get in trouble with my Momma) :) :) :), and I hate having to do that. As it is, I am not compliant in several paperwork items I am supposed to have done, and will probably get written up for it, but with meetings five or more times a week during the day and after school, I don't know when we're supposed to do all this stuff.

For now, it's time to take my headache to bed. Nighty-night world!

My :) for today:

We went to the symphony today- so neat! I've only gone to the symphony once a few years back when my parents took me - just them and me, oh, that was such a fun night, getting to go out with my parents as a grown-up, no kids, just my Momma, Pop, and me. :) Today brought back those good memories and made me smile thinking of them.
Beautiful music- thank you God for music!!! They played music from various places around the world- loved that! My favorites were the African drum piece and the Argentinian dance piece.
My class was almost saintly today on our trip. I was prepared with my "mean Mrs. Thomas" face (seriously have to share that story), but only had one episode with one student and the rest were GREAT, GREAT, GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOOOOO proud of my kids! And soooo thankful that the "mean one" didn't have to come out today.
Helped out another teacher who was called to jury duty. Made me feel good to be able to help someone else. I guess it might be conceited, but I like to feel needed and useful.
Laughing with Rob while he read to me from one of our favorite teacher blogs as I worked. I did that for him last week while he worked; tonight was his turn. CRACKING me up!!!!
And last, but not least, tomorrow is my Momma's birthday!!!! Happy Birthday Momma! :)

Sharing a thought

2011-04-06T21:00:00.002-04:00

I read this the other day, and it was so timely, so what I needed. I asked the author if I could share it here.

You will be blessed I am sure!

Rebekah :)

My :) List today:

Thai food with my young men tonight- just momma and her boys :) :) :)
seeing Barbara for a few minutes as I took her to work- I miss the kids when they're gone so at least I got to see her tonight. :)
having papers graded and entered into the grade book early tonight- yes!

:)

2011-04-05T22:15:00.002-04:00

I have had another day at work, but I wanted to post some :) for myself.

It stormed pretty hard for a few minutes last night- tore up a lot of trees in the area, power out... so thankful this morning that our home was still standing, no damage to the roof (we have to get a new roof in the near future), no trees down, no home or car damage, but most of all we were all safe and sound.
Though she was terrified, our 20 year old daughter needed her "mommy & daddy" last night when she woke up, realized we were under a tornado warning and heard how bad the storm was. She came in our room and grabbed me. I hate that she was so frightened, but it felt good to still be needed by my child who is now grown. :) I hope she always has a need for her mommy. :) I know I still need mine!!!
I know a lot of damage was done last night, and I am not happy for those who suffered from it, but I do love storms. I miss that so much since we moved here- being able to watch storms build and come in from miles and miles away. Watching the lightning and wind and rain come down.
Students who give me lots of love too. I don't do my job for that, but it sure is nice- especially on the hard days when I deal with so many other issues.
A special student who was absolutely perfect today!!! So proud of him!!!!
God, who loves us all, in spite of our imperfections, our sins, our mistakes, our silliness and stupidity, our unworthiness. I have a lot of questions about God and a lot of things I used to think I knew that I doubt very much now. But I haven't given up on God, and I am thankful that He hasn't given up on me. I may not understand most things about Him. I don't have to. I'm counting on His unending mercy and grace.
Rob, who has been my lifeline of late, especially. I LOVE YOU Rob Thomas!
Our dog and cat playing- too cute! Poor Cinnamon gets tired of Samson sometimes, but he's also figured out how to get in tight places where Sam can't go. Cracks me up to watch Sam try to figure out how to get in there and when he can't listen to him give his short little bark, like "No fair! Come out & let me chew on you!" :) :) :)
In a few more weeks I will see my family, the ones I love so dearly! I don't feel like I can make it, but I'm trying to hang on until then.

Good night! Praying you are well wherever you are! Don't forget that God loves us all! I know I'm trying to really remember that even though my feelings are all over the place right now!

Love,

Beka :)

the wall

2011-04-04T20:06:00.004-04:00

I think I have found that proverbial wall I've heard people talk about. You know, the one you hit where your body says, "No more!"? Yeah, that one.

My back is healing but still giving me some pain, especially at night. :( Making for poor sleep. Add to that my already insomniac mind, the huge amount of work I had to do this weekend for work and grad school which kept me up way late, some food-poisoning ick over the weekend, some people I love and am concerned about, and I am now very sleep-deprived.

I started feeling my energy say "Adios" at lunch and by the second grade level meeting today, all I wanted to do was go home and crawl in bed. Which is exactly what I did. I left straight after the meeting and went home and crawled in bed. Rob and Matthew came home about six and found me there still. That is so not me.

I've got the bills paid finally now, and am going to grade a few papers, print a couple things I need, and make one math paper for my lesson tomorrow and I'm going to bed. I want to feel better and be sleeping well with a pain-free back.

Praying for some very special people who are facing life challenges or making important decisions. You know who you are, and I LOVE you!

Dear Zoe

2011-04-03T15:17:00.003-04:00

Dear Zoe,

It's been a while since I wrote to you. How could your Aunt Beka let that happen??? You will soon be two months old! How can you let that happen? :) You are growing up so quickly, and I miss not being there to see each little change you go through, each stage of your life. I'm going to miss a lot of that, but please know how very much your Uncle Rob and I ADORE you!!!!

Your momma and daddy took a video of you and daddy talking last night and put it on Facebook. Uncle Rob and I have sat and watched it over and over and over since then. You make us just smile and smile and smile. You are such a pretty little girl, and your smile melts my heart! I loved hearing your voice trying to talk to your daddy.

I cannot wait to hold you, and talk with you and see you smile. Your Aunt Beka is a silly, crazy lady, so I know I'll make you smile a lot. I imagine all the fun things we can do together when you are here and when you visit us throughout your life. Momma says someday she's going to let you come spend summers with us. Uncle Rob & I talk about the things we'll do with you, things like go to the beach, camp in the mountains, go watch baseball games, and take you out to eat at our favorite restaurants (the Thai place, Rio Grande, Elizabeth's, Applebees- oh I'll have to get you hooked on the hot wings there!). The bookstore will be a MUST every time you come! I'll do crafts with you, and Uncle Rob will play ball or go for bike rides with you. We can read together or do puzzles or play games. We can make playdough and bake cookies, and I will have to teach you how to make a big ol' pan of lasagna so you can do that for your mommy who loves lasagna!

Until you're old enough for all that, we'll have to be penpals. I'll write you here but I'll write you "real" letters too. I can make you handmade cards, and you can draw or paint beautiful pictures for me to hang on my refrigerator and at my desk at school.

Speaking of school, I have to tell you a funny story. I am a teacher, so is Uncle Rob. This year I teach third graders (they're big kids compared to you). They were the first people I told about you the day you were born, and they cheered with me. We were all so excited that you came, and they bug me all the time to show your pictures to them. They love you too. :) I got a little netbook for my class a couple weeks ago, and my students were fussing at me that I didn't have your picture on it like I do my own computer. So finally, I took a few minutes to load some photos of you on there for them. I forgot about it. The next day at school, the computer was sitting on the little cart and we were all working at our desks/tables, when all the sudden a big group of kids started RUNNING to the computer and "ooohing" and "aaaahing." I couldn't figure out what they were doing until one of them shouted, "Hey guys, it's Zoe!!!! aaaaaawwwwww!" The kids were sooo excited to see you again, and they think you are beautiful too!

I told them you were coming to see us, and they are thrilled. They cannot wait to meet you. I think they like you maybe more than me. :)

Well, as you'll learn about your Aunt Beka, I talk too much sometimes. I think I better go work on my lesson plans and homework for college. I love you Zoe! Very much!

Until we get to meet, keep smiling and talking. We have lots to talk about.

Love always,

your Aunt Beka

My Boys

2011-03-31T23:46:00.002-04:00

He's been gone for a very long time. I only knew him as a child and through the stories and memories of my momma. We had very little connection to anyone else who could keep him alive for us. So all these years later, it still strikes me as odd how strong the desire to have a connection to a person gone so long. Here I am a 40 year old woman, mother of three young adults, wife, teacher... and without warning, I can be that little girl who wishes he was still here and had not gone away.

I have no idea if my children really have any of him in them, or if it is merely wishing that they did that makes me want to see something of him in them. But tonight, as I worked on lesson plans and EOG prep work, missing my youngest son who is gone to take his military physical exam, I heard from upstairs the sounds of my oldest playing a song he created on his guitar. It is one of my most favorite pieces of music in the world. I don't know if Robert knows just how much I love his song. I looked up from my work and saw the family portrait taken the year before he died. I teared up, though I tried not to.

I know this will sound completely silly, but this 40 year old woman put down her schoolwork, took that portrait off the wall, sat it on the steps below the boy's bedroom, and and sat down beside it to listen to the music. I cried as I wondered what he would say about his grandsons. One plays a guitar like he did, loves music and church and is a hard-working young man. Robert has his feet and is hairy like he was. :) Matthew is trying to enlist in the military and has been strongly influenced by both his Papa and by this man he never knew but only heard about sometimes. He is tall- taller, even than his grandpa was. He has a sweet, gentle side, but also a hot temper. Both my boys have a good sense of humor and neat laughs and like to joke around and play pranks.

Oh, how much it can still hurt after all this time. I'm thankful for all my blessings, and I wouldn't have Rob or my children if he'd lived. But it still hurts. Even 29 years later.

Matthew

2011-03-30T22:24:00.004-04:00

It's getting later and I need to be asleep. Story of my life, huh? :)

Just wanted to write down for myself to look back on. Tomorrow Rob will drive our "baby" - our youngest who almost didn't make it- to the Army recruiters' office where he will leave for Charlotte to go through MEPS. We are eagerly/anxiously/nervously/excitedly/ and a bunch of other -ly's waiting to hear the outcome of his physical. He scored VERY high on his military aptitude test, so he is off to a good start.

I have a lot of emotions and thoughts about all of this, especially since he is just 18 and soon to graduate high school. But above all, I want Matthew to choose the life path God has in store for him. As long as Matthew never parts company with Christ, I am at peace with the life he lives. If he pleases God, strives to stay as pure as one can, and looks to Him for guidance in his own life decisions, what more could I ask? Nothing!

I've not really "gone there" as there was just no need to cry, worry, stress, etc. over something that might or might not happen. I have no explanation except that I feel a peace about it- that whatever comes from it all, God will be with Matthew and God will be with us. In that sense, I am okey-dokey. :) I just am starting to realize that my child, my youngest child, my first child to leave, may be leaving me sooner than I had ever pictured. I have to start getting ready to say the "big" goodbye. The momma in me is not ready for that, but I know I'll be okay.

God, you gave him to us. He almost was taken from us, but for whatever reason, You spared his life, and I am thankful- oh so thankful- for the 18 years we've had together with Matthew Lane. He's yours, I know. I give him back to you now. We've done what we were commanded to do- raise him up in the knowledge of You and train him to have a relationship with You. Now I do my very best to release him back into Your hands (in whose hands he's been all along), and I have to trust You. Help me to do that. Help Rob to do that. Help us to let him go when the time comes - be it to Uncle Sam or whoever/whatever.

Thanks God!

42 years

2011-03-29T19:49:00.003-04:00

Today would have been my parents 42nd wedding anniversary. I am so thankful for parents who loved each other and us girls.

So thankful for a Momma still with me (she almost wasn't) and a few good memories of a daddy who loved us.

Momma, if you read this, Happy Anniversary. Thank you for everything you gave up for us girls, for the love you have given and always will give us, for your Godly example, for being my friend.

With much love,

your BekaBoo

Quiet weekend

2011-03-27T16:27:00.005-04:00

My house is quiet right now- it's happening more and more in the past couple months. The kids are growing up and slowly preparing us for the empty nest. That's a bittersweet thought, some days more bitter, some more sweet.

We had a great time of laughter (Rob & I) with Momma yesterday and that was sooooo nice. We may be 1,000 miles away from the ones we love, but we try hard to stay close. It felt good to help Momma laugh at a really hard time in her life too. I LOVE my Momma (in case you hadn't noticed), and I LOVE when I can give back to her just a portion of what's she's done for me.

I woke up yesterday with a killer headache, and it has not gone away since. Driving me crazy. I am also extremely achy, exhausted, and my back continues to really bother me (and that just needs to stop!). I have not felt this tired in a long, long time, and I've been pretty worn out for a while. I wonder if this is a bug or if my body is trying to speak to me. :)

I finally got the interactive white board stuff through Donors Choose and have spent part of this weekend trying to learn how to use it and downloading lessons for this week. I'm excited to finally have this tool and learn how to use it. I KNOW my kids are going to love it!!!!

It promises to be a very busy week. Two mandatory evening events at my school, a workday (with meetings and report cards), a daytime school event, my intern teaching a lesson (and my paperwork for that), the tutor starting (hopefully the kids take to her without too much drama) and all the normal busy-ness.

Somewhere in all this I have two grad school projects looming on the horizon plus this week's homework. I have no clue where I'm going to get it all done, especially feeling like this, but God always helps me to find a way. I just wish I felt better. It's no fun slogging along feeling icky.

Many, many thanks to those of you who prayed for my kids last week during benchmarks. The final results were not what the higher-ups wanted, but I was EXTREMELY proud of my class. There was a lot of growth in many ways, and I saw my kids trying harder than they ever have before.

Please pray for Kari and her family. My parents could use prayer too.

Thanks! Hope wherever you are, it's a great week!

Pray for Kari

2011-03-26T20:29:00.001-04:00

Please pray for this family. The situation is very grave.

Thinking of You

2011-03-25T22:00:00.003-04:00

Here it is again, the day of the year I like least. March 25. I tried to not think about it today, and had plenty of other not-so-much-fun things to occupy my mind at work. And I know it's stupid to say it here to you- like you can read a dumb blog in heaven. :) hahahaha That is funny to think of. :) You, up there, in some heaven-internet cafe. ;) I crack me up sometimes. :)

Even though you left us a long time ago you are still missed. This year your youngest grandson will graduate from high school. And though he doesn't "know" you personally, he wants to go in the military like you and his Papa. You influenced him somehow even though you were gone. Kind of cool, huh? I think of you often, even after all these years, but I'll be thinking of you more in the next few months as I prepare for the "baby" of our family's graduation and possible enlistment. Oh, how I wish you could know your grandchildren. I wish you could be there for Jessica and could know her daughter. I find myself mad at you again lately since Zoe was born. But, I know that's silly too.

Mostly I just think of you and wish you could know us and our kids and our husbands. But life is funny, God is good, and He has taken care of us.

Anyway, just a note to some dead dude in heaven to say you are still loved and thought of and missed even now so many years later.

With much love, your daughter,

Rebekah :)

God smiled in my classroom

2011-03-24T21:03:00.003-04:00

I know it might sound silly to those who don't know me, and maybe to some who do, but I walked around my classroom this week during benchmarks and just prayed silently, in my head, for each child as they began their tests this week, each day. I prayed that God would help them not become frustrated or overwhelmed. I prayed that He would give them peace and wisdom and help them to know what to do, what the questions/problems were asking for, and know how to solve them.

And, right there in my public school classroom, I felt God's presence with me. I knew that He was smiling down on us. No songs in the background, no band playing, no "holy" stuff from church or people saying things that church people say that, to be perfectly honest, often annoy me (and yes, I know I'm wrong for that, but I'm being honest here). No hallelujah's or "praise the Lord's" or anything. Just a teacher walking her room, and the sound of pencils scratching on paper. But there was God among a group of kids in a down & out school with their obese, big-mouth, struggling third grade teacher. And I'm not quite sure, but I think God might have been smiling with me in pride at how far my kids have come.

Third graders, I know you'll never see this, but your Mrs. Thomas ABSOLUTELY WITH EVERYTHING IN HER ADORES YOU and always will!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today the "judgment" already started and tomorrow is a full day of listening to/talking about how bad our scores are and how much we failed and how bad we are and "what are you going to do about it..." Knowing me, after a few hours of this, I'll probably get disgusted and fed up and go home a little (or a lot) angry. But I'm hoping I can remember that for a little while this week, God smiled down on us.

My kids and I have grown, we have worked hard, we have all learned about life, about third grade stuff, about how to learn and how to teach and how to grow as a person. I think, no, I KNOW that my kids and I are better people for working together, though it has been a hard growing time for many of us. Those are things that matter. The "people" above me have to look at numbers, but in the end, my kids are just numbers to them. My kids are, and always will be, people whose faces and personalities are engraved on my heart. I will carry little bits of them with me throughout my life, and I hope they will carry part of me with them wherever they go. That is what being a true teacher is about. Not some test score.

Benchmarks Day 1 and a big I Like Me thought

2011-03-22T18:34:00.004-04:00

Day one of third quarter benchmarks are behind us. I will leave the judgement to those higher than me or to my colleagues who will decide how successful or unsuccessful my students and I were. I'm sure to be notified by one or both of those groups sooner or later.

As for my opinion, I was PROUD PROUD PROUD of my kids today. I was, quite literally, moved to tears by the level of effort I saw in my room, the amount of hard work I saw, the perseverance I saw displayed by all my kids. They made me proud long before I got the scores. And that hard work, perseverance and effort did pay off in some big improvements for many and almost all of my kids went up from last quarter's scores.

Take that you stupid test! Take that school district. The kids and I really don't care what you have to say!!!! I taught my heart out and they worked their hardest. So there. :P

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

And my other thought for the day is this. Allow me to introduce myself, in case you hadn't met me before.

My name is Rebekah. To a very small few, I am sometimes called Beka. To a very few, special cousins, I am BekaBoo. I am also "Mom" or "Mommy." During the day you might hear me referred to as Mrs. Thomas or Mrs. T.

Who I am not?

Miss Perfect whose room and home is pristine, whose lesson plans are wonderful, whose husband, children, home, nails, clothes, oh generally everything is exactly as she wants it to be. Who looks perfect and knows she is such a wonderful human being. I have a big butt, great children who are NOT perfect, a house that is never quite clean enough with floors you would definitely not want to eat off of, and am way too big mouthed & sensitive, and too many other faults to ever be this person.

Miss I am God's Gift- I can never be her. She is a notch about Miss Perfect and she knows it.

Miss Organized- I could never be her either. I've moved too many times, have taught to many things, and accumulated too much stuff. Add to that, living in a smaller home and having most of my teaching things in storage, running three million directions on any given day to pick up & deliver various young people to work, school, church or other places, grad school, and who knows what else- well, I'm just not to her level either, and likely will never be.

Miss Know-a-Lot - This lady is cousin to "Miss Know It All" - she may or may not be as obnoxious as her cousin depending on the day. I could try to do this, I suppose, but I know, only too well, what I do not know and how much that is. I would be such a liar if I even tried to act like this.

Miss You Should Do What I Do/Say/Think/Feel- I don't know why, but I just don't care if you agree with me or do what I say/think/feel. You are free to be different. Please allow me to be also. Now, this might not necessarily apply to my children. ;) hahahaha Just kidding!

Miss Smug/Arrogant/Want-to-Impress, Shmooz- This person is only interested in appearances and how she can advance herself through dressing fine, kissing up, and looking good to her higher ups- but doesn't care one iota how she treats those beneath her.

I am just me, Rebekah, Mom, Mrs. T, Beka... big mouthed, VERY loud laugher, too sensitive at times, waaaay too critical of myself (could be called a self-hater but I'm working on that), hugger extaordinaire.

But I'll tell you what kind of teacher/mom I am- Miss I Love Them All!!!! And guess what, I like that about me, and I am NOT going to change that one little itty bit!!!! So no matter what judgment heads my way on Friday or any other day coming up, I'm going in with this little chip on my shoulder. I may not be "as good" as the rest of them, but I am not changing who I am. I am going to teach my kids for life, not for the test. I am going to hug and love them all, and know that is what is truly important to their lifelong success. I am going to like me too- no matter what!

Benchmark Prayers

2011-03-20T14:41:00.005-04:00

This week will be the third quarter benchmark exams at our school. Please pray for the students of my school. They need your prayers, and so do all the teachers who are getting a lot of pressure and negativity. And so do those who are doing the pressuring and negativity as they are feeling it from higher up too.

Some of my third grade friends have an especially hard time during benchmark testing, and it affects them and the whole class, making it harder for us all to focus and do our best. Please pray for peace to fill my classroom and my children's hearts and minds.

I would also appreciate prayer because I have a sick back, and I am in a great deal of pain. Last week was rough, and I am hurting so much today I can hardly move. Without God's help, it will be a long, miserable week.

Thanks!

peaceful Saturday with my best friend :)

2011-03-19T18:25:00.002-04:00

Aaaahhhh, it's been a peaceful Saturday, and I am so thankful! Rob was out of town from last Sunday morning until Wednesday night with a school trip to New York & D.C. Then work of course on Thursday, and I had to work a school function Thursday night. Work Friday and Rob worked the baseball game last night. So we haven't really seen each other or had time to talk. I missed him a LOT!

Barbara and Matthew went to Acquire the Fire this weekend, so they've been gone last night and all day today. Robert worked both jobs today, so we've had a quiet house. We went out to lunch and just talked, went and got our groceries, worked together cleaning and reorganizing the frig & pantry and just took a long walk together. I sure do love that man!!!!

Now we'll cook some supper, do some school work, watch some movie and enjoy the quiet a little longer. So glad we can finally have time being in the same house at the same time. I love just having him close by!

Asparagus

2011-03-18T19:10:00.002-04:00

Oh, asparagus, I owe you my sincerest apologies. When I was a child, I used to go with my momma to Bohn's farm where she would get fresh asparagus. I remember how much she liked it. I remember how she always made us eat our food and wanted us to not be picky, but oh, how I hated asparagus. I never liked it as a child, and hadn't eaten it in years since I left home.

Then my oldest son made some for us a couple years ago, and oh how good it was. I have been eating it since and each time I wonder, What in the world was I thinking? Why didn't I like it? What in the world was wrong with me? All these years I missed out on this yummy and healthy food! I must have been a brat or something to turn up my nose at you, lovely asparagus! Please forgive me!!!

Rebekah :)

(photo from: http://find.myrecipes.com/recipes/recipefinder.dyn?action=displayRecipe&recipe_id=10000001087034)

News Piece

2011-03-15T22:55:00.003-04:00

Rob, Barbara, and I got to be part of one of "Ms. Melissa's" news pieces. Melissa is a journalist that has been volunteering with my class for four years. We had fun doing this together! :) Thanks, Melissa for including us!!!!

2011-03-15T16:34:00.003-04:00

Someone very dear to me tagged me with this video on Facebook. Wow, is all I can say.

This line- "What if your healing comes through tears?" So, God, do you heal other people's hearts from my tears? 'Cuz if You do, then I know a lot of kids whose lives will end up better for all the gobs of tears I've shed for them. If that could be true, then it would be worth it all.