My Bed

Last night I slept in my bed. This may be no earth-shattering concept or announcement to everyone else, but having been unable to do that due to a back injury, and sleeping in a recliner since the end of September, it felt so good to climb into my bed without any pain and go to sleep. Aaaahhh.

Of course, I woke up early this morning, and I was hurting, but oh well.... It was nice for a while anyway!

Halloween

The kids were supposed to go with the youth group on Halloween to "trick or treat" for canned goods for the homeless shelter. While Rob was taking them there, I was feeling a bit melancholy watching all the kids go by in their costumes and remembering all the years we went with our kids and all the fun we had. I'm enjoying the kids more than I ever did, and my momma was right about the kids being a lot of fun as teens, but I was just missing my "little ones" a bit.

Then Rob came back home with the kids who had apparently missed the announcement to be there early (classic kid moment!). They came home with oreos & milk for a Thomas family tradition. It made me feel a lot better! They may be teens, but we still are a close family, and they still love their parents. :) :) :)

The Thomas tradition- for YEARS now, we have come home from trick-or-treating, had oreo cookies and made "grinch milk" or "pumpkin milk" with food coloring, and watched a Dr. Seuss video- "Grinch Night." I found this video when the kids were little, and it was a "scary" movie when they were little. :) Robert has specifically asked the last two years if we're still going to do our Halloween tradition. We were talking about it on Halloween night, and he was saying how important this was to him..... It made me feel so good. Rob whispered to me that maybe the kids would carry on this one with their families. This got me to thinking, and I made an announcement to all three kids. When they have their own families, we will have to have a set time that everyone ends their trick-or-treating and comes to Grandpa & Grandma's house for oreos & milk & Grinch Night. Now that would be really, really neat! I hope they will be close enough to do that!

What am I doing wrong? How do I fix it?

Today was another day of me somehow torquing off some of my coworkers. I sent an email asking them when we could get together to discuss some things. Our day we had set aside has been not working out with other meetings and this Wednesday is a staff workday. I know everyone is going to be trying to get report cards done.... I honestly didn't mean anything but once again, I apparently was rude and ugly.

So, over the weekend I got a series of emails and then today another one from someone else. I just seem to hurt people's feelings, make them feel unwelcome, and I don't know what all. There were some ugly things said in the email today, and I'm so confused.

I am really upset because over the weekend & again this morning on my way to work I prayed and asked God to help me to keep a right attitude, protect my heart from being too sensitive, guard my mouth from being offensive or saying things I shouldn't. I have tried to just be quiet this year and mind my own business & stay out of the rumor mill after someone gossipped last year and a former coworker was hurt at me. This gets me in trouble. Then when I speak up, that backfires too.

I've emailed my boss and told her that I want out of the grade level position, but I doubt she will let me. I'm ready to tell her that I quit. And, though, I adore Kindergarten & my kids I've taught at AJE, I am thinking it's time I go to another school or another grade. I don't know. All I do know is that I have never had this much trouble getting along with anyone before. And, though there have been people I have worked with who didn't much like me/nor me like them, I've never had this much trouble working alongside someone in spite of it. Most people think I'm nice and friendly and considerate, but apparently I am rude and unkind and unfriendly to most of my grade level. And I don't even know it.

God, what am I doing wrong and why? How do I fix it? Because to be honest, now, my feelings are so raw, I am so paranoid about doing anything or saying anything to anyone, and I really am starting to not like people that I had once liked. I don't want that to happen. I want to like everyone in my building. Please change my heart, my mind, my attitude, my actions, words, and deeds to be pleasing to You and to mend this situation. If I need to just "eat crow" which I've tried to do by apologizing two million times, I'll do it again. I don't mind; I really don't have any pride to swallow, so it's not a problem. What do I do God?!?!?

Please rescue me from this mess, Lord. I know I don't deserve it, but You died for me and I am Your child. Please Father, will you help me to get through this situation? And if I've done wrong, please reveal it to me and forgive me. I keep asking You, but I just get more and more confused.
I want to run away Father. I want to hide and never go back. If it weren't for Kristen counting on me for student teaching, I'd just start looking for another job right now.