It Was 1989

It was 1989. I was 18, very naive, and said, "I can go to college and be a mom at the same time." :) Ha! I had no idea what I was getting into or what was headed my way! I was young, dumb, and so inexperienced! I thought I could parent a child and be a student (and I did), but I didn't know that child # two & # three would make back-to-back appearances behind #one! However, I did manage to go to college and be a mom at the same time- even with three! My time was filled with being a mommy, trying to manage all our schedules (feeding, diapering, playing, etc.) with two adults' college schedules and work schedules, and fitting (cramming) assignments and projects for my classes in where and when I could. I remember my mother telling me to enjoy the children because time would go by very quickly and they would be grown and gone before I knew it. Yeah, right, Momma! How can that be possible?! They're just babies for crying out loud! I will & do enjoy my children, but is there anything wrong with wishing they were older so I didn't have so many dirty diapers, diaper bags to carry, bottles to make, toys to pick up, and sleepless nights?

Jump ahead to 2007. I am 36 years old, a mom of three great teenagers (no, I didn't kill any of them), a wife, a teacher, and still just as busy-only with different demands on my time now. And, I found out that my momma was right. I always knew she was, but couldn't really comprehend the concept she was trying to get through to me. :) (Are you smiling yet, Momma?) I am now mother to three high school students- a senior, a junior, and a freshman! Where has time gone? How did it happen so fast? What happened to all those moments I remember?

Now looking back, I can see so many moments- big & small- that we went through, my children and I. Some of them were "big" in my eyes and I knew they were, but so many more were just day-to-day events and things that were not necessarily even thought of at the time. At the time, I didn't recognize their importance in my life or just thought it was a "normal" day. But now I am beginning to see that those simple things are just as important and "big" as all the "big" memories I have. These are just a few of the moments I hope I will always remember:

"Big" Moments:

• feeling their movement inside me
• hearing their heartbeat for the first time
• seeing their shadows on an ultrasound photo
• their births
• all the "firsts"- the first diaper, the first bottle, the first trip in the car to go home, first sounds & words, sitting up for the first time, crawling, standing, walking, running, talking
• hearing my little ones say "Mommy" and "I love you"
• going to school, and then middle school, and then high school
• learning to play an instrument
• puberty- need I say more?!
• learning to drive- YIKES!!!!!!!!
• first crushes and maybe, now or soon-to-come, first loves

"Little" Moments:

• taking naps with them when they were little-watching them sleep & enjoying them cuddling up with me
• reading stories together
• playing in the play dough or doing puzzles or building together with Lego's & blocks
• playing Barbies with them and doing silly voices
• having "camp-out" nights in our room or the living room where we watched a movie together and then all just went to sleep right there on our sleeping bags or in our bed
• watching them play on the playground and in the yard
• hearing them fight with each other and play with each other
• the "haircut" in the closet they tried to hide from me
• the candy in the Barbie helmet
• the famous "slide fight" of 1995
• the "Nascar" incident and the "white trash teacher car"
• the night conversations and walks that they were not even awake to remember, but we laughed a lot about later
• the famous "floating" blanket that nightly made its appearance on its way to our bedroom
• all the gazillions of times they came home having learned something new at school, and now all the times they learn something I don't know or can't help them with
• the water fights and pillow fights and real fights
• cooking together
• turning out the lights in the church :)
• puking on a stuck up lady at church :)
• frantically searching for certain children who liked to hide from me in Walmart under the clothes racks and thought it was terribly funny!
• going to all the games and meets and concerts, and sometimes laughing at the silly faces certain children made during the event! (and one time holding up a cell phone so a sick grandma could hear the concert music)

I knew these moments would come to an end one of these days, but I didn't realize how quickly the time would go. I was too busy washing cloth diapers, preparing bottles, picking up toys, diapering, feeding, and being a "mommy" to notice that my little ones were no longer so little. Then these past few years, once that realization sunk in, I have been adjusting to their being in "middle childhood," and I have gotten used to them developing into teenagers and being so smart and learning lots of new things. But, still, I thought time wouldn't go so fast. Instead, it's only gone faster.

Today, we received Robert's senior picture info and his photography appointment time. And it has really sunk in, for a moment anyway, that my children are almost grown. All those big & little moments will, in just a few more years, come to an end. I am about to take another of those "big" steps we parents have to take, ready or not, whether I want to or not. We've been talking college and adulthood and life plans and "stuff" (Robert, Rob, & me) this past year, but I'm slow to wrap my brain around these things. Robert knows where he wants to go and what he wants to do after graduation, and he will still be around here for a few more years, but, still, it's going to be different soon. He's almost an adult, and I have to start letting go more and more. And then, it will be Barbara's turn and then Matthew's shortly afterwards. I'm not going to get much of a break between them all or have much time to prepare for my new parenting stage.

I know there will be lots of "other" moments after this stage of parenting. I know from my own "kid" experiences, that when you have a good parent you never stop needing help/info/advice or a relationship with your folks. I look forward to all those moments, whatever they may be- eating out together as adults at a nice restaurant (& not McDonald's), meeting future daughters-in-law & son-in-law, weddings, grandchildren, college graduations, family get-togethers where I can wait on my family like my momma has done for us for years, and hopefully, most important of all to me- a chance to be my kids' friends. And there are certainly parts of this stage of parenthood that I will not miss: being "dumber" than I thought :), listening to three know-it-all kids argue with each other and try to prove the others wrong, trying to help with homework I can't even understand, running, running, running, running (it will be nice to not have to be somewhere almost every night of the week again), all that $ spent on food and clothes and school expenses and gas, all that laundry, cooking, cleaning...

BUT, I am going to miss the noise too, and hearing "Mom" from across the house, and seeing my daughter wave goodbye to me everyday no matter the time of morning I leave or the weather outside or how sleepy she is, and watching my boys roughhouse together with each other or their dad, and having Robert talk to me about his friends and school, and playing a game or watching a movie with Matthew.

I am making sure I enjoy each day I have with my children because the days with them are numbered, and I want to make sure that I don't miss any of the "moments"- big or little. I want to catch them all and fill my mind full of all the times we have had, both good and bad, so someday I can tell my grandchildren about them and so that I can look back and remember all these steps I took with my kids.

A Beautiful World

I just got back a few days ago from a trip "home" to Illinois to see our family there. I love driving across the country. From our first visit to NC in 2005 when I was able to see the ocean for the first time, to last week when I travelled again across the Appalachian Mountains and out into the "plains" of Illinois, I have been reminded again and again how truly creative and powerful God is.

I know my travelling experiences are so minute compared to many people, and I have seen so very little of the world. But, I have seen enough to see the hand of God around me and to know that He exists.

Travel with me from NC to my native Midwest. I have seen an ocean that flows in and out as if a mighty hand pulled it back and forth like a yo-yo in steady motion. To know and feel the awesome power contained in each wave, the ability to push/pull objects into the land or sweep them out to sea, to crush boulders and shells into tiny, minuscule pieces of sand. To see the life that manages to live right at the edge of the sea and thrives in spite of the harsh conditions. To feel the constant wind blowing on your face. To watch the birds that look for food amongst the waves, rocks, plants, and sand, and to know that God is watching over them and knows their every move.

As you drive across this state, you can see the coastal plains slowly rise into the hilly "Piedmont" which, in turn, gives way to foothills and then to mountains. To see the mountains looming overhead, and to know that they are larger than they appear from below or far away in your vehicle. To fathom the number of trees it must take to cover those mountains or to think of the plant and animal life contained in those forests that stretch for hundreds of miles on end and know no state boundary. To imagine the Creator just stretching out his Hand and speaking those hills and forests and mountains and life into existence.

Then on "the other side" you do the process in reverse. Mountains give way to foothills, which yield to rolling hills which eventually level out into the plains. Let me tell you about the plains. They are beautiful when they are filled with fields of wildflowers and prairie plants (my personal favorite), but the fields of corn, soybeans, and alfalfa are also wonderful to watch grow from seedlings through to harvest. Each season brings its own beautiful colors, and I always loved driving the back roads to school to watch the farmers plow, sow, and harvest and to see the fields change from seedlings to full crops and to see the plants change from light green, to dark green, to golden. To see the storms come across the fields and watch the clouds out in the open is an awesome experience! To see for miles across the fields. To see all the little farms, barns, fields.

I've never been further west than this or out of our own country, but I hope to someday. I know there are many more wonders to behold, and each proves God's existence. I like to think of God holding this sphere of clay we call Earth in His palm, and using his fingers to mold the clay & soil into hills, plains, mountains, plateaus, seas, rivers... I can just see Him, as the ultimate artist, critiquing His own work and saying, "Oh, I think this area should be flat, and I want to put some mountain peaks here. What about a river through this area? Hmmm, this would be a good place for a lake." I know that is just my silly view, but however He made our world, He has proven by its existence that He is the most powerful, creative, and awesome being.

And, God, it sure is a beautiful world!