From My Garden to Yours With Love

Rob & I have really enjoyed our flower patches; this is yet another of the TONS of sunflowers we have in all varieties! We have every sunflower I could find seed for- dwarf to mammoth, very pale yellow to dark, dark red (like this one), striped, and even several Mexican sunflowers (which are probably my favorite out there this year). The Mexican sunflower has attracted lots of hummingbirds and butterflies! We have also seen lots of goldfinches eating our seeds on the other flowers. There's a home here for anything sunflower, along with zinnias, marigolds, brown eyed susans, echinacea, and lots of other flowers.

They make me think of people and God. It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round, and God loves them all. He made them all unique for different purposes. Hmmm, wonder what kind of flower I am in His garden ? :) Smiles!

Too Old For That

Barbara & Matthew are in Gatlinburg, TN with the youth group. Robert stayed home so he wouldn't miss his youth group service on Friday at the Vietnamese church, his church on Sunday, and then he got a lot of work, so it all worked out. Last night, he got home from youth group around 9:30 and was "hyper" as he calls it himself. He talked and talked, non-stop, literally- I am not exaggerating. He's always been like that, but now that he's almost grown, he describes these moments to us and often calls them "my ADD thing." He says his brain just goes and goes and his body may be tired, but his brain is on full speed and he can't stop it. He's fun to be with and a great guy to have around! He's funny and quite intelligent- even if I am his mom. He kept asking to do something- Sonic, a movie, a movie, a movie... I proposed bowling or a game, but he really wanted to go out and see a movie. We were waiting for Rob to get home from the 'Hoppers' game. I thought it would be fun to do something with him, especially since we rarely get only one kid at a time to do something special with. We looked up a movie, and by the time Rob got home the only movie still out there was in Burlington- a 20 minute ride away- at midnight. Rob and I didn't think we were up to that, but in the end, we left @ 11:30 and made the movie.

Let me just say it was a good movie, and we all had fun. I'm glad we went and made a memory with Robert. But, I am definitely not 20 anymore, and too old for watching a midnight movie out after working all day/week!

But, above all that, I'm glad I went with my "first baby" and did something. As Rob said when we crawled into bed @ 2:30- "Our days to do those kinds of things with him are numbered."

First Day of Work

I survived my first day back, and although I didn't feel "enthused," it was an okay day. Matthew came with me (God bless him!) and helped me move furniture and get things started on their way to being set up. I will be working my tail off to get it done by Friday with having to meet daily to get plans laid out and work out details.

So, on my first day back to work, I quickly fell right into the school year pattern:

• get up early
• go to work
• come home (only today I didn't have to go pick kids up from school or sports practice or an event or take them to work- so it was completely normal)
• take a quick peak at the mail & bills & check email
• cook a quick dinner
• take kids to work & church
• while kids are at youth group, spend TOO much time at walmart getting school supplies & snacks at two different stores for Kindercamp
• coming home from work/church & it's now 10:15 PM
• now starting my schoolwork that I do at home (oh yeah, teacher's only work until 3PM didn't you know)

And this is only the first day (& it was just a teacher "workday"- no kids, shorter hours); plus my own kids aren't in school/sports yet. It's only going to get busier!

Day 1 down; how many to go? :) Just kidding!

The Last Day of Summer

Today is my "last day" of summer vacation. Tomorrow I must return to Allen Jay Elementary. I love what I do, most of the time. I know for a certainty that this is my Godly calling in life, and I adore my kids-meaning students (most of the time). I enjoy working with families and being there for parents when they need someone in "their corner." I love making learning fun and new and interesting and making the kids excited about what I'm wanting to teach them. I love their enthusiasm and excitement and just being silly with them.

But I have to be honest with myself. Right now my heart is not in it. I've been worried about it some this summer, but thought "well, I'm just sort of burned out; I'll feel better when August gets here; my attitude will be better when it's time to go back." I know that my Momma and Rob would tell me that I've felt this way before, and it always works out just fine. I've had lousy years before; I've had challenges and problems and difficult students and difficult parents before. I know that's true! Then why don't I want to go back? Where is the Rebekah enthusiasm for a new year, new kids, new families, new crayons, new beginnings.....?????
I hope it comes back because I don't see how I can go through a whole year feeling "blah" about it like this.

It also hit me this morning, that this is my "last day" of summer with a "kid." I know that even though there will be a lot of changes next year when Robert goes to college, many things will stay the same. But, still, this time next year, Robert will need to be working as close to full time as he can to get $ for college. He won't be in high school anymore, and he will be "an adult" for all intents and purposes. His days of being able to hang out and run around with his mom are numbered. My first baby is really growing up and is almost there. So today, I took him with me (he even wanted to go) when I went to buy some clothes for me. He just went walking around the shops while I tried on clothes, and then we went to lunch together- Brueggers' Bagels- his choice. We talked and it was very nice. He was a nice gentleman, carried my purchases out to the car, held the store door for me. I adore that kid! :)

So today is my last day of summer. Thanks God, for a nice time with Robert, and for the reminder to do something special with him. Thanks God for a summer job that helped pay the bills. Thanks for taking care of our needs and wants and letting us go home to see family and finding a new church home and giving us a wonderful new car and, on this hot, hot day- thanks for air conditioning! I'd sure hate to sweat myself to death on this, my last day of vacation!

God, I know you know, but please help me to want to be at school again. Please give me a renewed sense of enjoyment, passion, compassion, and enthusiasm for what it is You've called me to do in this world. I sure would appreciate it Lord. And until then, please help me to just hang on to You!

With much appreciation for all You've done and with my love,
Rebekah :)

God, It's Not Me!

I aggravate some of my family and probably a lot of other people who know me because I'm "too hard on myself," "don't see myself the way others see me," "don't take compliments well," and a host of other such things I've been told my a million people. But the thing is God, that I don't want them to see me. I'm full of faults and failings, and though I may be too hard on myself, everybody else is way too generous with their high thoughts of me as a person and their praise. I don't want them to see me that way; I wish I could let You show more through me than I do, so people would see that what they really see is You, and not me!

I get all kinds of compliments on my children! It's a wonderful feeling! I love those compliments more than anything! I am so very, very proud of my kids! While most people gripe about their teenagers, I really can't too much, other than the usual parent/child moments, my three teens are respectful, obedient, responsible out the wazoo, pretty mature (well sometimes anyway), loving, compassionate, generous, helpful..... You know this all Lord! And, let me stop here to THANK YOU for them!!!!!!!!!! So many thought they were "mistakes" or "accidents," and I was counseled by some to not bring them into this world, but they were and are the ONE right thing I have done in this life!

But God, it's not me that makes me a good mom- it's been You walking along with me, smacking me upside the head when I was being a dense mom, helping me to learn from other's mistakes, giving me directions/guidance/help or sending me help and guidance and, most importantly, prayers through my own momma!

I get lots of compliments from many people about my style of teaching and the way I work with kids. But God, I'm not a good teacher. It's You! Lord, You know that I've been sick to death of kids and parents and coworkers lots of times. I'd have thrown in the towel a long time ago if it hadn't been for You who wouldn't let me! It's You that makes me love those kids and their families when I'm ready to give up on it all. You help me see the past the ugly and see the real kid behind all that "yuck" stuff I have to deal with. It's You that has given me favor with parents, superiors, kids. It's You that draws my heart out and makes me give myself to little ones so much. If it relied on me, I wouldn't because it hurts too much to stick your everything out there and get it trampled on.

I'm not a good friend at all to most people. I mean to be, but I fail so many times! And Lord, I know I have failed my family (especially now that we live way out here) many times. They've told me some of the times, and I'm sure there are many more that they just keep to themselves and don't tell me for kindness' sake.

I know I'm not a good church member. I am so embarrassed to admit this to myself, let alone to anyone else, but I often have HATED going to church. I'm sorry for this Lord, because I know this is not You. It really wasn't about You, but the other "stuff" that church can sometimes come to mean to other people, and the baggage I've allowed myself to pick up and the hurts I've allowed to cloud my vision. I am working on this one right now, Lord, You know that! I love to get lost in worship (especially when the lights are off and I can just focus on You), and I love to hear Your word (especially from our new pastor). I'm hoping things are going to be better at this new church, but I can't hide from You that many times in my life, going to church was just what I did because I knew I was supposed to and I should and that I would be sinning if I didn't...

I can go on and list all the ways I'm NOT..., but God You already know this. I just wish I could let You shine more and more and me be less. Please help me to not take Your credit away from You, and help me to keep on learning to be more vocal about passing on the compliments to You.

Please let Your light just go right on through me and out to those around me.

And, God, thanks for taking the "me" that I am, and making me better than I am. Thanks for making me be a good mom to my wonderful kids. Thanks for making me able to touch all those little lives I have been a part of. Thanks for giving me more time to be there for my husband, my parents, sister and brother, and friends.

I'll keep on trying.
Me