Don't know much really, just wanted to say hello. :)
I finished my summer school session yesterday afternoon. YEAH!!!! I came home and watched "Sense & Sensibility" with Barbara in my room and took a little nap. Went for a drive with my hubby. Played Uno on Facebook. Rob cooked supper for us all & it was yummy. A very nice, lazy evening.
God knows what we need, and Jenny (one of Robert's youth leaders) invited Barbara & I out to lunch, so today we're headed to Moe's for lunch. THANK YOU GOD and thank you Jenny! I'll probably try to get groceries and pay as many of the bills as I can. (Man, I need my computer back where I keep my budget!!! I didn't have a chance to back it up before it crashed. :( ) I hope it gets back soon. I also want to post pictures of the kittens. They are SOOOOOO adorable!!! We've got to find them all homes in the next month.
Happy 4th of July to anyone out there. It will be quiet weekend here. Rob, Robert, and Barbara all have to work. Matthew is sick, but if he feels better I think he & I will drive downtown to see the ballpark's fireworks tomorrow night. Rob and I are sending the kids to church with Robert this Sunday, and we'll be doing something else church-wise, don't know what yet.
Thus begins my summer vacation. Whew, I made it. I survived one of the more stressful school years of my life (not my students, I want to add, just scrambling to figure out how to change what I was doing to do a combo class, a big work load, loneliness and isolation, health issues, parenting my own three plus one, and juggling an 5-6 insanely crazy schedules filled with the kids' sports & work, one in college, three in high school, Rob's 3-4 jobs and my own...) I did survive and hopefully accomplish a lot with my Father's help. Thanks God for helping me to do it, to make it to the end and still be alive to tell the tale. ;)
Happy 4th all!
Friday, July 03, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
forgiveness
I'm working hard on this right now.
I find forgiveness a doozy. You know this might surprise some people, but the part of forgiveness that I have the most difficulty with is forgiving myself. I just can't seem to cut myself any slack and when I do then I tell myself I'm just making excuses which is unacceptable. I can't win for losing with myself.
I battle with this almost daily- sometimes multiple times in a day. I cannot stand my failings, my imperfections, my "not measuring up" to some standard. I cannot stand the thought that I failed someone or let someone down, especially my family or coworkers, and most of all God.
And, I know it's all about His mercy, that none of us measure up, that we all miss the mark and need His grace and forgiveness, that is why Jesus came & died. I know those things to be true, but there is this part in my brain that just can't seem to stop it.
I know, I'm mental. Wish there was a cure for me and my stupid self. :) There is, it's called Heaven, and maybe someday I'll actually get there and be fixed at last.
I find forgiveness a doozy. You know this might surprise some people, but the part of forgiveness that I have the most difficulty with is forgiving myself. I just can't seem to cut myself any slack and when I do then I tell myself I'm just making excuses which is unacceptable. I can't win for losing with myself.
I battle with this almost daily- sometimes multiple times in a day. I cannot stand my failings, my imperfections, my "not measuring up" to some standard. I cannot stand the thought that I failed someone or let someone down, especially my family or coworkers, and most of all God.
And, I know it's all about His mercy, that none of us measure up, that we all miss the mark and need His grace and forgiveness, that is why Jesus came & died. I know those things to be true, but there is this part in my brain that just can't seem to stop it.
I know, I'm mental. Wish there was a cure for me and my stupid self. :) There is, it's called Heaven, and maybe someday I'll actually get there and be fixed at last.
Missing My Family
Soon my two youngest will be home from their youth group trip. I am sitting here by the door eagerly awaiting their return. Rob and Robert are at their jobs and won't be home for a while yet.
I listen to people talk at work, at church, see how people get together and talk about what they do on Facebook.... I realize that really all I have is God and my family. I'm lonely and will be so glad when the ones dearest to me are back.
I don't know what I'll do when my kids are gone. I obviously have sunk all my time and attention into my kids, my hubby, my marriage, my work- I don't have any real friends to do things with it would seem. I guess I'm going to get to spend a lot of time with my best friend, Rob. Hope he can stand a long time with me and the big itinerary I'm going to have to plan. :)
I listen to people talk at work, at church, see how people get together and talk about what they do on Facebook.... I realize that really all I have is God and my family. I'm lonely and will be so glad when the ones dearest to me are back.
I don't know what I'll do when my kids are gone. I obviously have sunk all my time and attention into my kids, my hubby, my marriage, my work- I don't have any real friends to do things with it would seem. I guess I'm going to get to spend a lot of time with my best friend, Rob. Hope he can stand a long time with me and the big itinerary I'm going to have to plan. :)
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