Saturday, December 20, 2008
What a Week!
It's 5:45 AM, and I've been awake for a little while. As I was lying there trying to ignore Rob's snoring and my brain revving up into a million thoughts, I realized that my stomach was feeling funny. I laid there and after a bit, recognized the very beginning of the acid pain. So I quickly decided to get up, put some food and water in my stomach along with an acid pill and hope and pray that I beat it quickly enough to keep it from being all the way up my throat this time. Maybe if I can start to learn to recognize it more quickly like that I can deal with it before it gets so bad.
This was a great week in so many ways. The kids were wonderful; no they were not perfect, but WOW for all that we had going on and knowing one of their teachers was gone for two days- well they behaved terrific-ly. (Is that a word? :) Guess it is now.) I have never seen a school week packed with so many things- seriously. It was CRAZY!!!!!!!!!! Yet, we accomplished all we needed to get done- gifts for Elba, Melissa, the students' families, treat bags for staff & bus drivers & Mr. Paul, plus programs, the school Christmas store, finishing up my DRA assessments, a dance, a "Holidays Around the World" unit with the other K teachers, class store, and somehow in all that a few lessons too. :) Whew!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No wonder I was tired last night! :)
Spending time with other classes also made me realize, again, just how much I adore my kids. Not that I didn't know it, but as I taught a Kwanzaa lesson to a different class each day this week, I realized how special my group of kids are to me. My children probably weren't little angels to any of the other K teachers, and probably acted up in some way or another. I'm sure the other teachers could see the mistakes and faults I've made in their behavior & their knowledge, but I realized while they were gone in the other rooms that I could see the personality of my little classroom family, and it really struck home with me that I have a big influence on them. I can see my personality and silliness and the love in my group of kids, and I am so thankful for them and for the time I get to spend with them. I was so glad to have them back. I really missed them for that short thirty minute block they were gone. :)
Something bad happened yesterday though that put a black spot on my week. Why did a week that went so very well have to end with that I'll never understand. My heart is so very heavy. In the end, I have to examine my motives and my actions and try to justify them to myself, to the principal, and to the family. On Monday, I'll have to go speak to my boss and deal with this situation. The funny thing to me is for me to be told "don't fret; have a wonderful holiday...." (which I still will), but someone has said some pretty ugly things about me as a teacher and I will likely lose a student over it and it happens after such a wonderful week of school and after I was only trying to help and do my job, and I'm supposed to not fret???? All I can say is that whatever I do, I feel very deeply about life, people I care about, things that happen- good, bad, ugly- it's all done "with all that's in me." So if I care, I really care. How can I do any less than that? How can I make this not hurt and not bother me? And, shock of all shocks, but I have to admit that small though it may be, I do have some pride. This hurts my pride in my work. Another teacher will have to get in my business and fix the mess that was created, and that makes me sad, angry, hurt....
Oh, I'm such a mess of emotions and complicated feelings.
God, what a week it has been. Filled with so many, many good things, and I thank You for those. I thank You for being a teacher, for being a part of all these lives and being able to drop a little love into their hearts each day. I thank You for the love the kids give back to me. I thank You for all the kids (big & small) who come to see me each day & week to get a hug. I thank You for helping me & the kids & Elba to make it through an amazing week of activity and helping us to get everything we needed & wanted to do done. Most of all, I thank You for helping Elba's niece to make it through surgery without any major complications.
This week has also held a few bad things- this incident and the stupid dr.'s visit which made me feel even cruddier about myself than before. I owe you such an apology, and I am so truly, deeply, very sorry for not taking care of me and making this body such a hideously ugly & unhealthy one. I spent all my adult life taking care of all these kids in my life, and not taking care of me, and now I'm a mess of a person. There's no excuse for it; I just didn't do what I should have and for that I am sorrier than I can say.
Father, I have looked at the work situation so many times & in so many ways, and I feel so bad to have caused anyone pain and hurt and anger, but I don't think I have done wrong. But God, if I did, please forgive me.
All I know to do now is to ask You to pick me up, help me dust off the mistakes of my life (oh, they are so many) and help me to learn to do it the right way. I know I don't deserve Your goodness or Your help, but God I'm going to need it. Please help me to persevere through what I have to do and to not give up on myself. I never give up on the kids in my life, but I find it very hard to not give up on me. I want to honor You in everything I do, and this could honor You too, but I'll never make it without Your help in a BIG way. I'm a BIG woman Lord, and I'll need BIG help to make it over this BIG obstacle. :) See, even here I can find the humor; hopefully You're smiling at me too.
Please help the ones I've hurt to be made whole. Help them to find You. Send someone to them to show the way to You and to help them with all they are dealing with in life right now. Please help the principal to make the right choices that will help the situation, and allow a good relationship between home and school, teacher & child. Whatever is best for my little one, please bring that about. Please help me to swallow my pride and let someone else be involved if that is what is needed. It's not about me, and I need to remember that the child is first above all else.
And God, while I'm working on the big "O" could you help my stomach to quit overproducing the acid? This is just horribly painful, and it adds to my stress and raises the blood pressure. I'm counting on You God. My momma always told me that Your word was true, & I know it is. Your word says that ..." it will not return unto You void..." so I'm counting on You to be who You are- a merciful and forgiving God. If you can forgive Jonah for shooting off his mouth & defying You, if You can forgive David for adultery & murder, if You can forgive Peter for denying You & then go on to use all of these people for great things, then You can forgive big ol' Rebekah too. If You can help Moses to part the Red Sea, help Noah to build an ark & collect all the animals, help the Israelites to slay enemies when outnumbered and overwhelmed, help Peter to walk on water, help David to slay his Goliath, then You can help me to slay my Goliath which is my big fat body & my crappy low self-esteem. So here goes Father, "I can do ALL THINGS through You who strengthens me." I need some strengthening today Father.
Thank You for forgiving me for all this stuff. I'm gratefully Yours until You call me home.
Your Rebekah
This was a great week in so many ways. The kids were wonderful; no they were not perfect, but WOW for all that we had going on and knowing one of their teachers was gone for two days- well they behaved terrific-ly. (Is that a word? :) Guess it is now.) I have never seen a school week packed with so many things- seriously. It was CRAZY!!!!!!!!!! Yet, we accomplished all we needed to get done- gifts for Elba, Melissa, the students' families, treat bags for staff & bus drivers & Mr. Paul, plus programs, the school Christmas store, finishing up my DRA assessments, a dance, a "Holidays Around the World" unit with the other K teachers, class store, and somehow in all that a few lessons too. :) Whew!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No wonder I was tired last night! :)
Spending time with other classes also made me realize, again, just how much I adore my kids. Not that I didn't know it, but as I taught a Kwanzaa lesson to a different class each day this week, I realized how special my group of kids are to me. My children probably weren't little angels to any of the other K teachers, and probably acted up in some way or another. I'm sure the other teachers could see the mistakes and faults I've made in their behavior & their knowledge, but I realized while they were gone in the other rooms that I could see the personality of my little classroom family, and it really struck home with me that I have a big influence on them. I can see my personality and silliness and the love in my group of kids, and I am so thankful for them and for the time I get to spend with them. I was so glad to have them back. I really missed them for that short thirty minute block they were gone. :)
Something bad happened yesterday though that put a black spot on my week. Why did a week that went so very well have to end with that I'll never understand. My heart is so very heavy. In the end, I have to examine my motives and my actions and try to justify them to myself, to the principal, and to the family. On Monday, I'll have to go speak to my boss and deal with this situation. The funny thing to me is for me to be told "don't fret; have a wonderful holiday...." (which I still will), but someone has said some pretty ugly things about me as a teacher and I will likely lose a student over it and it happens after such a wonderful week of school and after I was only trying to help and do my job, and I'm supposed to not fret???? All I can say is that whatever I do, I feel very deeply about life, people I care about, things that happen- good, bad, ugly- it's all done "with all that's in me." So if I care, I really care. How can I do any less than that? How can I make this not hurt and not bother me? And, shock of all shocks, but I have to admit that small though it may be, I do have some pride. This hurts my pride in my work. Another teacher will have to get in my business and fix the mess that was created, and that makes me sad, angry, hurt....
Oh, I'm such a mess of emotions and complicated feelings.
God, what a week it has been. Filled with so many, many good things, and I thank You for those. I thank You for being a teacher, for being a part of all these lives and being able to drop a little love into their hearts each day. I thank You for the love the kids give back to me. I thank You for all the kids (big & small) who come to see me each day & week to get a hug. I thank You for helping me & the kids & Elba to make it through an amazing week of activity and helping us to get everything we needed & wanted to do done. Most of all, I thank You for helping Elba's niece to make it through surgery without any major complications.
This week has also held a few bad things- this incident and the stupid dr.'s visit which made me feel even cruddier about myself than before. I owe you such an apology, and I am so truly, deeply, very sorry for not taking care of me and making this body such a hideously ugly & unhealthy one. I spent all my adult life taking care of all these kids in my life, and not taking care of me, and now I'm a mess of a person. There's no excuse for it; I just didn't do what I should have and for that I am sorrier than I can say.
Father, I have looked at the work situation so many times & in so many ways, and I feel so bad to have caused anyone pain and hurt and anger, but I don't think I have done wrong. But God, if I did, please forgive me.
All I know to do now is to ask You to pick me up, help me dust off the mistakes of my life (oh, they are so many) and help me to learn to do it the right way. I know I don't deserve Your goodness or Your help, but God I'm going to need it. Please help me to persevere through what I have to do and to not give up on myself. I never give up on the kids in my life, but I find it very hard to not give up on me. I want to honor You in everything I do, and this could honor You too, but I'll never make it without Your help in a BIG way. I'm a BIG woman Lord, and I'll need BIG help to make it over this BIG obstacle. :) See, even here I can find the humor; hopefully You're smiling at me too.
Please help the ones I've hurt to be made whole. Help them to find You. Send someone to them to show the way to You and to help them with all they are dealing with in life right now. Please help the principal to make the right choices that will help the situation, and allow a good relationship between home and school, teacher & child. Whatever is best for my little one, please bring that about. Please help me to swallow my pride and let someone else be involved if that is what is needed. It's not about me, and I need to remember that the child is first above all else.
And God, while I'm working on the big "O" could you help my stomach to quit overproducing the acid? This is just horribly painful, and it adds to my stress and raises the blood pressure. I'm counting on You God. My momma always told me that Your word was true, & I know it is. Your word says that ..." it will not return unto You void..." so I'm counting on You to be who You are- a merciful and forgiving God. If you can forgive Jonah for shooting off his mouth & defying You, if You can forgive David for adultery & murder, if You can forgive Peter for denying You & then go on to use all of these people for great things, then You can forgive big ol' Rebekah too. If You can help Moses to part the Red Sea, help Noah to build an ark & collect all the animals, help the Israelites to slay enemies when outnumbered and overwhelmed, help Peter to walk on water, help David to slay his Goliath, then You can help me to slay my Goliath which is my big fat body & my crappy low self-esteem. So here goes Father, "I can do ALL THINGS through You who strengthens me." I need some strengthening today Father.
Thank You for forgiving me for all this stuff. I'm gratefully Yours until You call me home.
Your Rebekah
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
New House 2 :)
Well, after some "issues" that were going to cost us more- $15000 more- than the bank would even loan us, Rob & I decided to look at other houses and see what we could see... So today our bid on a second house was accepted, and we signed the contract on this house. 
Cons: It is smaller, which will be a problem for us, but we'll make it work. Besides, in a few years more, we won't need all the space we do now.
the backyard looking at the house, the sliding door opens into the kitchen/dining area & lets lots of natural light into the room! the backyard is fenced in and even has another second fenced in area in the back corner so when we have company or cook out we could put Samson in there if we needed to
Pros: This house is a little cheaper asking price, and will be lots less (we think) in work, so we should have a lower house payment than the rent we are now paying. The house is in pretty good shape and looks like it was well loved and taken care of by its previous owners. I LOVE the kitchen in this house! :) There is a school right smack behind this house. Hmmmmm...... Since there won't be so much work to do, we should be able to move in sooner I hope.
So anyway, here are some pictures of this house for my family to see. Momma, Pop, & Sandy, Rob & I will keep you posted as soon as we know what's going on and as we go. You all know more about this house-buying stuff than us. :)
the downstairs bathroom which also opens in the first floor bedroom- not a good picture, sorry
So we think this will be the house we'll be getting in a few weeks. We have a home inspection on Monday, so we'll know more than, but this house looks MUCH, MUCH nicer on the inside and there are not nearly as many (hardly any at all actually) things we can see wrong with it. Rob found an inspection report on the house, and it looks good.
Cons: It is smaller, which will be a problem for us, but we'll make it work. Besides, in a few years more, we won't need all the space we do now. the backyard looking at the house, the sliding door opens into the kitchen/dining area & lets lots of natural light into the room! the backyard is fenced in and even has another second fenced in area in the back corner so when we have company or cook out we could put Samson in there if we needed toPros: This house is a little cheaper asking price, and will be lots less (we think) in work, so we should have a lower house payment than the rent we are now paying. The house is in pretty good shape and looks like it was well loved and taken care of by its previous owners. I LOVE the kitchen in this house! :) There is a school right smack behind this house. Hmmmmm...... Since there won't be so much work to do, we should be able to move in sooner I hope.
So anyway, here are some pictures of this house for my family to see. Momma, Pop, & Sandy, Rob & I will keep you posted as soon as we know what's going on and as we go. You all know more about this house-buying stuff than us. :)
the downstairs bathroom which also opens in the first floor bedroom- not a good picture, sorrylaundry room (right off the kitchen/dining area)
When you walk into the front door, you come into the living room, and there are stairs right there and the door to the main floor bedroom there too... the carpet in the living room and the stairs will need to be either deep cleaned or replaced (probably replaced or partly replaced)
the upstairs rooms are almost 100% identical- the green room has two closets & the pink room only one- cute rooms with a window looking out front and one on the side
this is my favorite room in the whole house- it is one room, but the dining area is off to the side and there's lots more room in this kitchen than in any kitchen in any house or apartment we've ever lived in. nice, newer stove and a good dishwasher. the door in the picture opens onto the driveway. where i'm standing to take the photo is where the table would be and the sliding door is to the right
So family, hope this gives you an idea until we can take TONS more photos to send your way. Until then, enjoy this little view of what we hope we will be our home. Hopefully, God willing, this will work out in a few days/couple weeks and we can start actually getting ready to move. :) :) :)
Rebekah :)
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