sweetbitter

I know, I know- the word is actually " bittersweet," but I'm calling it this because I try to look at things from the positive- not that I actually am good at that, but I try anyway.

Tonight is the end of our family holiday time. My parents and sister have been here for Thanksgiving, arriving on Tuesday afternoon/evening and leaving tomorrow after they go to church with us. Last year we started doing Christmas too so that we can be together for opening presents instead of being apart and not seeing each other open the gifts. Plus, as fellow members of the "payday-to-payday" club, it helps us all save on postage. :)

Sweet parts- This is a good thing to have them come see us. I know from our own travelling back home how expensive it is- MUCHO!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know it is a sacrifice for them to pay for all that gas and hotel rooms and food and that they really don't have it to spend, but probably gave up something else to come. And, though I am not as old as my parents, and though my family may not understand how much teachers really do work, I do understand how tiring a 2000 mile round trip is and how hard it is to make that trip when you have to go right back to work. I know that my mom and sister both have to go back to work the day after they get back. I also know that, as my parents remind us, they are getting older and the travelling is harder on them then it used to be, so they are already really worn out and will be more so. SO, I'm so very thankful and appreciative that they would come all the way here for us to all be together for Thanksgiving!!! They could have just left it up to us or said, "You should come home to us for the holidays." But they didn't and haven't and have made the journey each of the three falls since we've been here in N.C.

We've had a lot of fun together and lots of laughs. They were also here for another round of "Parenting AAAAAHHHHHH"- the latest new parenting game guaranteed to drive you crazy!!! I was glad Momma & Pop were here for Rob and I in person this time; it helped a lot!!!! We stood in our bedroom together late one night and talked and cried and prayed together for the kids, one in particular. We also surprised Momma with a 5 year cancer survivor "thing" too since her five year mark was last week. Jessica and Barbara picked out all the decorations and bought her gifts. She and Babs and Matthew stayed home today and decorated the house and cooked the dinner and dessert- all dishes Jessica knew Momma likes and a couple "Jessica" specialties. Rob, Robert, Pop, & I took Momma out to an historical site here in Greensboro to distract her. I was bummed because I had really wanted to do this special, but probably hokey, rose thing for her as my contribution, but Jessica and Pop didn't feel like it would work since the flowers wouldn't survive the trip, plus with our distraction I couldn't get to the florist anyway. But I think my sister and kids did a nice job and Momma was really surprised so all's well that ends well.

Bitter- Now I can feel the bitter part coming, and I feel like you do when you have a big, old band aid that you need to take off the hairy part of your arm. You know it's going to REALLY hurt, and you dread it and don't want to do it, but also know it's best if you just yank hard and get it over with instead of pulling gently and slowly and drawing it all out...

I felt teary and a bit down before they got here thinking about the goodbye that was also going to be a part of the "hello," but decided not to think about that too much and just enjoy the time they were here. But now the goodbye is almost here and I've got to get myself together enough to not blubber my eyes out until they're gone and not in the church parking lot. You'd think after two years and four months, I'd be doing better. It's not like we haven't gone home to see the family or they haven't come here. I just get so homesick for my family. And knowing Christmas is coming and we can't go home to be with them, and that we'll be out here alone and they'll be out there without us. Knowing it will be months again before we see them... Knowing that it pains my daughter, especially, to be apart from her aunt and grandma who are big influences in her life and who I know she misses a lot- more than she lets on. Knowing that I took the grandkids away from the grandparents and that the grandparents really miss the kids.

So, like many, many things in life, this week has been sweetbitter- a lot of good followed by a bitter pill. I never was good at swallowing pills, and I sure have a hard time with this pill. I just keep hanging on to the sure feeling that Rob & I had when we moved that this was in God's plan. Sure hope we weren't stupid on that one!

Giving Thanks

I'm thankful for so many, many things. God, thank you for:

• Your way of salvation
• Your unending love & mercy
• putting up with my many, many faults and still loving me somehow for some reason
• giving me a momma & a daddy that loved me and wanted me and brought me into this world & who started me on the path to knowing you
• giving me an adopted dad who loves me like his own and who has been a good father and terrific grandfather to my kids and a dad to Rob too
• allowing me the privilege of growing up in a Christian home where I was taught about You and saw a Godly example before me every day so that I know what is right & wrong and how to live for You
• a sister who loves me even though we haven't always gotten along or agreed on everything
• sending me Rob (and at such a young age too) to be my husband, love, best friend, father of my children, and my life-mate
• giving us three beautiful & wonderful children whom I adore and couldn't imagine life without
• helping Rob & I to survive the bad times in our marriage and hang on to see these good days
• helping us through all the past troubles- money, housing, cars, college, sickness, no food, no sleep, no money, no time, no patience, sometimes no love...
• helping us through our current troubles- money, car, kids, work, no sleep, no money, no family nearby but our crew of 5
• being with me when I feel so lonely, down, homesick, stressed out, tired- or more like exhausted, sick...
• guiding our steps wherever they have gone
• being with us when our family was in the Philippines and our problems were monumental
• being with us always
• all the "material" blessings you've provided for us- food when we need it, a vehicle to drive, and help to fix them when they've broken, clothes on our backs, Christmas for the kids many times when we didn't have it to do, a place to stay warm and dry- and now such a nice place to live on top of it
• all the times You've shown yourself to us- in a rainbow as we moved, giving us peace when Rob enrolled in college full time, being with Matthew when he was airlifted and we were told he probably wouldn't live 24 hours.
• a good church & pastors (for the time we've had it)
• being with family as often as we can
• helping us to raise this family of ours and for your continued help to get the job done and done well
• all the help you give to us and for going with us each day to our classrooms and helping us to love and provide for our students' needs
• allowing our family to come here for this holiday- even though it hurts to see them leave again
• giving my momma five more years with us than she could have had or I thought she might- may you bless her and all of us with many, many more years of good health and wonderful times and memories together
• promising to never leave us or forsake us
• seeing us through to the end of our race

God, I'm so much more thankful than I can ever say or express to you, but I know You see my heart and You can see all the things I think of but can't quite get out.

Thank you God.

Rebekah

Godmother

Today, I became a godmother. :) This is such an honor, and a scary experience for me too. I'm not a great Christian by any stretch of the imagination. Ask God; He'll tell you! He knows all my faults! My kids and hubby could give you a long list too. Or me, I can really tell you all about me.

But anyway, for some reason I don't really understand, Maria & Tim chose me to be Noah's godmother. I work with Maria; she's on leave right now to take care of little Noah. We both started at AJE in 2005. Noah is a miracle- a show of God's love and healing and proof that God uses doctors and medical advancements and knowledge to provide healing and health. Noah had open heart surgery three or four days after he was born for a major heart defect. He faced several more surgeries, and then the Dr.'s felt that the heart defect was too serious, so Noah went on a transplant list. Maria & Tim prepared for a long wait for a donor heart for their little man. But, God provided a heart when Noah was about two months old! Noah has been through many ups and downs and scary times & more than most of us ever experience in a whole lifetime!

Today, Noah's baptism was completed at his family's church, and I was part of that as his godmother. It was so moving to me to stand there with his parents and uncle and take that promise to help guide Noah in his faith and to help teach him to love God. I took that promise very seriously and hope that I will be a positive influence and a part of his life! I bought him a beginner's Bible with Bible stories and a Bible cover and a Noah's Ark board book. I'm really excited about being Noah's godmommy!!! I even have his Christmas gifts purchased and have already been thinking about his birthday in February. :) This is going to be fun to have another baby to spoil and love on!

God, thank you for giving Noah a new heart and helping him to grow healthier and stronger with the days, weeks, and months that have passed since his birth. Thank you for showing Yourself in Noah's life and for being with Maria & Tim and their families through these hard times. Be with them as they continue to help Noah stay healthy and grow. Continue to be with Noah's new heart and help it to continue to grow stronger and stay healthy and rejection-free. You spared Noah for Your purpose; help him to find you and love you and serve you all his days! And thank you for bringing me here to be a part of this miracle and to be able to pray for and with Maria and for Noah, and for allowing me this special honor! Help me to be a good godmom to Noah.