the short bus

my sister brought me a book to read when she was here for B's graduation- The Short Bus. i thought it would be interesting, and i was curious to read it as i'm always joking about how i'm "special" or how i ride the short bus to school still, and my personal favorite is that when it's my time to go, God will be sending the short bus to heaven for me, that He even has an IEP written for me... i truthfully don't feel "normal" in any way- not as a teacher, not as a mom, not as a human, and certainly not as a Christ-follower- and i truly believe that there are some things that are not quite right in my head. now don't take me the wrong way, i'm actually growing in my being okay with that, it's just part of who i am now, and i think it actually makes me a better teacher and maybe, hopefully a better person if i don't have a big head about myself.

well, i just finished reading the book a few minutes ago. this book was very interesting for me to read as a teacher and was definitely thought provoking. this book, once again reminded me of the influence schools have and the power (for good or evil) teachers have in a child's life. it's amazing, the power of the words and actions teachers have over a student's life and future outcome. i am not sure that all of us teachers really understand and realize how powerful we can be. i work hard to instill only positive into the lives of the children i teach no matter how they are labeled or not. i hope that i continue to view each of my children as special (but not in that put-down kind of way) as i think we are all special in some way or another and that i never just see a child's problem, label, disability, or condition and stop there. i think each of us have our strengths and yes, weaknesses. everyone has something they are particularly good at, love to do more than anything, excel in and something else we are not so hot at, loathe, can't understand, or are disabled in/at...

when i was a young student, i was better at reading and spelling, but horrible at math and handwriting especially. i remember spending most of 2nd grade inside at recess time doing math, looking up words in the dictionary, or practicing the formation of my cursive letters. my teacher made me write those stupid letters over and over and over. i don't know if i told my parents how much i missed recess or not- i remember being embarrassed and feeling dumb and hating my teacher. i know i was also being stubborn about some things too, but that "dumb" feeling followed me for years, and it wasn't until 8th grade that i truly began to "get it" that i was actually pretty smart.

the key for me, as a teacher, is to help kids find their strengths, maximize them, develop them, nurture them and use them and to help them to grow as a human being, learn "tricks" or strategies to help them in those areas where they are weaker or struggle, to encourage them to not let the individual disabilities we each have in some area or other to hold them back from anything in life.

there was this thought in the book that i just can't get out of my mind.

"Maybe the human experience is like a split tree trunk, the tree incorporating a moment of violence and trauma and growing around it. We all have damaged selves in some way, and the question is: Do you put yourself back together holding on to that flickering image of the ideal self, or do you let that go and see yourself for what you are- damaged, with other parts of stronger for it? I don't think we can ever be anything other than imperfect shadows of some impossible ideal."

from The Short Bus by Jonathan Mooney:

well, i agree with that idea sooooo much. i think that picture makes sense in my life. events happened in my life. they "damaged" me in ways that will never heal. i am, in fact, "special." but perhaps, just maybe, i grew around that pain and became a different person, maybe even a better person for it. maybe, rebekah rose thomas, i should quit putting myself down and embrace who i am, a very imperfect person, an obese and ugly lady, but a child of God, and one with a lot of love to give, a lot of joy to pour into the lives of children and adults, someone who can laugh at herself and take herself lightly enough to not get big-headed, someone who wants to help others. maybe, just maybe i am a better person than i would have ever been had that "damage" not happened.

and as for that last line, whether the author knows it or not, it is SOOOO true- we can never be anything other than an imperfect being trying to reach the ultimate goal of Christ's perfect ideal. only upon the final arrival will i ever be perfect, and i need to quit beating the crap out of myself mentally, emotionally, and in any other way when i fail to be perfect.

yeah, i liked this book. a lot!

New Donors Choose Projects Went Live Last Night!

I'm so excited that my new projects went "live" last night on Donors Choose, and Rob has two new ones for his new school too.

If you know of anyone who would be interested and willing to give a little to a great group of children, and their somewhat silly, but utterly devoted teachers- would you please pass our sites on? Anyone can give any amount- even $1. The great thing about Rob's grants is that the Gates Foundation is covering half of each of his if he can get donors for the other half. If funded, he can get a laptop computer for his students to use in the classroom for research, project presentations and such for just over $300, and an LCD projector to use in class also for just over $300!!!! That's AWESOME!!!! He will be teaching at an alternative middle school in the underprivileged part of the city, so these tools will be a big help and give his kids access to technology they might not otherwise have.

I broke up my bigger grant ideas into smaller ones so they'd have a better chance of getting funded. I often help partially fund my coworkers and some of Rob's and my own, but I can't do it all alone, especially with paycuts.

And, even more importantly, if you pray, would you send up a prayer or two that these projects will get funded for next year! That would be the best thing you can do!

Thanks so much!

Rebekah :)

Rob's projects:
Put It On the Wall- http://www.donorschoose.org/donors/proposal.html?id=288165&verify=-2138368187&zone=0 (an LCD projector)
Bringing Technology To the Past & the Classroom- (a classroom laptop computer) http://www.donorschoose.org/donors/proposal.html?id=287639&verify=1054880055&zone=0

My projects:
Science is Amazing!- http://www.donorschoose.org/donors/proposal.html?id=288728 (science materials)
Read, Play & Learn- http://www.donorschoose.org/donors/proposal.html?id=288681 (puppet theater and puppets to go with literature I use in class)
Give Us an Ear- http://www.donorschoose.org/donors/proposal.html?id=288692 (a wheeled station for my tape player & headphones and books/tapes)
Life is Beautiful- http://www.donorschoose.org/donors/proposal.html?id=288721 (an incubator and butterfly kit to teach children about how animals grow, change, hatch and about the beauty and fragility of life)
Positively Puzzling- http://www.donorschoose.org/donors/proposal.html?id=288701 (a puzzle station)
Read, Play, & Learn Some More- http://www.donorschoose.org/donors/proposal.html?id=288696 (more puppets to go with classroom literature)
We Love Puzzles- http://www.donorschoose.org/donors/proposal.html?id=288704 (more puzzles)

Fathers' Day

Happy Fathers' Day must be said today to the fathers in my life:

God-
Happy Fathers' Day God! As I grow up more, I am learning more and more to put You first and keep You first. I know I fail at this a lot, but You constantly amaze me with your perfect love and unending patience with me and all humanity. Thank You for being a father that never leaves us, that never fails us, who never gives up on His children or throws in the towel and walks away. Thank You for the example You leave us in Your short life on earth, in Your scripture, and in the way You just love us so simply and yet extravagantly. Without Your fatherly love and perfect example, how would any of us ever learn to love too? I know it's just an earthly day that we've set aside to celebrate fathers, but I want to celebrate You too if that's okay. I can't express my love to the fathers in my life and not remember the most important father of all- You! Happy Fathers' Day, God! I love You and want to please You more than anything in the world!

Rob-
Twenty-two years ago on Fathers' Day Rob and I met at church. And then we dated, fell in love, married, and well, the rest as they say "is history." Though, I know he won't read this, Rob, you are a wonderful dad. Thank you for our family and the life we have lived together for almost 21 years. There are many things I would love to "undo" in my life, but marrying you and having the family we have would never be one of them!!!!

Pop-
Pop, like Rob, won't read this, but thank you Pop for taking Momma and Jessica and me into your hearts, for loving me when I didn't want to be, for sticking through the "uglies" with me and being my father. Thank you for being a dad to my husband too and for being the only grandfather (and a darn good one at that!!!) my kids would ever know. PaPa is such a wonderful word in our home because of you!!!!

Daddy-
Happy Fathers' Day to a daddy in heaven too. You will always be loved and missed. I hope, somehow, you can see down on us from time to time and see how we turned out and that it brings a smile to your face, joy to your heart, and laughter into your day up there!

With all my love,
Rebekah :)

Lonely

I want to write, for myself only, that I am feeling a little lonely- outside of my family. I know that to sit and dwell on it would be a pity-party, and I so don't want to do that. But I also need to say it to myself and quit denying it, because that won't make it go away either. I am so very grateful for God's unending love; without Him, I don't have a clue where I'd be or what kind of person I'd be. I am sure it wouldn't be good!!!

I am so very in love with and thankful for my family. Without them I would be a miserable person and utterly lonely. It's just that I look around and listen and see all the people at work who hang out together, go out for drinks or clubbing or eat out together or who have young kids and socialize together.... then I think I have friends at church, but I really don't. I know I could confide in several ladies at church if I needed to, but a true friend- no. No one needs me as their friend or wants to confide in me or needs me to support them. I have tried when I could or knew of a need. Some of them have told me how important our family is.... blah, blah, blah- but it just isn't true. If I dropped off the face of the earth, no one there would really notice. They'd miss Rob and his guitar playing in the band; they might miss the nursery workers that Barbara & I are (but that would be replaced)...

I don't know if it is something I do wrong, or if I just put people off or what. I remember what my momma said about "be a friend to have a friend." Well, I want to be a friend so bad- I try, I really do. I have a strong need to be needed by others- probably why I am good with the kinds of kids I work with. I will just keep trying and reaching out; it just hurts when you look around and see other couples who do things together, and you have no one who wants to be your friend or have your company.

Then I remember my parents, my husband and children, and most important of all God. As long as I please God, do my job to His satisfaction, continue to be a parent who points her children to God, am a good wife to my husband and a daughter to my parents, nothing else really, truly matters to me. I just am lonely and wish I had a friend here in NC is all.

It'll be better tomorrow I know, or the next day. I hope I don't sound whiny to anyone who might read this. I just needed to get this off my chest, as it were.