In all the craziness of this winter, my family and I and orthopedic doctor reached an agreement that surgery needs to happen. The original plan was for one surgery this summer on my left knee (Fred) and then the right (George) next summer. After doing some reading about the surgery, rehab, and the costs I almost had a panic attack! It's a wee bit expensive. :)
Soooo.... the plan has become both knees this year. One summer, one bill, one heck of a challenge. I'm terrified, if I'm honest, but I'm trying to not be honest to anyone besides Rob. I will be okay I am almost sure. I am pretty sure I can do this. And I keep asking my doctor and primary care and Rob and trainer if they think I can really do this. Surely someone would say no if they thought I couldn't handle it.
Still, I know this is not going to be a pleasant experience. I'm trying to prepare myself for that. Pain- lots of it. Hard, hard, hard work to learn to use new knees and to regain the strength and flexibility in injured muscles. Then gaining back my strength and stamina in my exercise and weight loss journey that will surely be lost.
And in the preparatory work on the way to the big S day, life has become intensely intense. I'm struggling with maintaining my gym routines in all the parent-teacher conferences, lesson planning and prepping. My pain level is on the rise big time and my sleep has begun to deteriorate until I'm down to about 4 hours at most. All that is adding up to less gym time and that's not helping the battle with the scale or my willpower or self-esteem. I'm feeling like a failure again.
I keep telling myself, "Hang in there, this is going to pass. You WILL get through this time and look back on it and be proud of yourself. It is what it is. You've just got to do the best you can and accept that it may not be what you want it to be." And that's what I've got to keep doing. Going on, doing my best, hanging in there, and living this life to the best of my ability.
