the life of this teacher

i am a teacher. i have the honor (and often the challenge) of being a small part of a child's life for 180 days a school year in the hopes that i make some sort of life changing impact that extends far beyond those few 180 days.

sometimes this job is fun, filled with laughter and wonderful memories that i cherish dearly.

sometimes this job is hard, filled with frustration (with self, with students, with families, with administrators or other coworkers or the "big wigs") and in the last year and a half filled with a lot of heartburn, unfortunately.

sometimes this job is filled with heartbreak over the things our children face and must deal with, things i cannot possibly fathom or ever understand and most certainly don't want to accept.

this week was just another typical week in the life of this teacher. lots of wonderful times, laughter and joy. laughing so hard i wet my pants at some of the cute (and not so cute) things my kids say or do. one of my kids made a dress out of tissue paper with heart stickers for buttons and even made tissue paper boobs to stuff it with- HILARIOUS!!!!! one of my kids invented new words i had never even thought of before. others made me cards and gave me hugs and cared for me while i was sick this week.

there were also times this week i had to keep a smile glued on my face so i didn't let the kids know that inside my heart was crushed. how God can stand the sight of so much ugliness and hurt in His creation i will never understand. it turns my stomach; how does it not His? it saddens me to think of how we pervert and twist and ruin this wonderful creation He made us to be (myself included in that statement!).

i don't know how i can ever help combat all that "stuff" when it is so dark and horrible. i don't understand how the simple love and affection of one silly teacher can ever do anything against so much hurt. and it hurts my heart.

more. deeply. than. i. can. express.

yet i trust in Him who called me to this job. i don't understand how simple love can do much, i truly don't. but i know when i hug a child, i am really not the one doing it- it is Him. when i show compassion it isn't really me, it is Him. when i care, i am not really the caring one- it is Him. so i hope and pray that He is shining through me, and that somehow that simple love will somehow stick with my kids and in the darkest of places, they will see His light and remember and see Him.

i have to trust in Him. or i have no purpose and no reason to get up early each morning and drive to school.

please God. please let Your simple, profound love be enough for my kids and the whole world. please.

spring is really here!!!

today has been an ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS BEAUTIFUL day- spring is really here, and it was so pretty out. i ate lunch with my class outside today before i left to come home and sleep. i am sick and feeling pretty blucky right now (fever, sore throat, congestion, cough, body aches) but i'll live to see another day thank God. :)

robert is doing a lot of practicing on his driving and has been a help to me while getting his practice time in. yesterday and today he drove (with me in the passenger seat) to get the other two kids from their assorted places and it gave him some driving time while letting me just be a passenger. he's just about got this manual transmission thing down. he's improving very quickly and God willing, he should be a legal, licensed NC driver in just a couple more weeks.

barbara has been an absolute sweetheart!!!! she is giving up her spring break to sleep, be a bum, watch t.v. and do nothing and is getting up with me each day and volunteering in my classroom. she even went in yesterday and helped my t.a. while i stayed home sick!!! she stayed today too and helped when i came home early. she and my new coworker have really hit it off! it's so nice, and just another confirmation to me that God is with me and things work out in the end with His help (thank you Father for that help!!!!)

now i'm going to do some more homework and stay bundled up under all my blankets, sleep and pray that when morning comes i am all better :).

happy wednesday all! i hope wherever you are, spring is finding you also. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!