I hate death!

I know it's part of life, and I know it's not healthy or normal for me to feel the way I do about it, but I HATE death. It causes so much hurt and leaves people lonely and sad and having to figure out how to move on.

I had a bad day....

I know there's a song with that line in it, but I don't know what the rest is. Oh well. It was a bad day at work today, and I'm really frustrated. I'm really glad it's Friday.

Dear God,
It's me, your wacky child. So, You know I've been working on this portfolio for this nomination for t-o-y. You know it's got me really frustrated. Lord, I know people think I'm all that braggy stuff- it's embarrassing sometimes, but You know me better than anyone else, and I know me, know my day in & day out, my failings (many they are!), my strengths and weaknesses... I so don't feel worthy of winning something like this. And I so don't know how to write what needs to be written for this portfolio.

And then, I feel a bundle of emotions too, because though I don't really feel like I should win such an award, I won't lie and say it wouldn't be a really neat thing to actually win county, or especially state t-o-y. I can't even begin to imagine that! I don't see how it could happen; I'm sure I'm not enough of the kind of teacher that could would that. I'm just me, a teacher who really loves her kids and families and tries to show that in everything I do. I try to see the best in each child, no matter how badly they behave. When I teach my kids, I imagine it's You that's teaching. When I hug my kids, pat them on the head or shoulder, smile at them from across the room, cafe, sidewalk... when I show them the "I love you" sign language sign and they show it back, well all those times I feel like it's You doing it and it's just my hand or face or arms. But, sure, I'd really like to win that. It would probably boost my self-esteem, but then again, You probably know whether it would make me conceited too. ??? I don't know.

So, anyway, will You help me with this portfolio? Will You give me the words I should say? Will You help me to represent You as I write this and when it goes to whomever it goes to? Will You let the people who read my portfolio see You in it? That's what I really want, no matter what. And help me to keep my eyes on You and nothing else.

Thanks God! I'm more appreciative of all You do for me, more than I can say. I hope You can see it inside me- where I hope it really counts...

Rebekah :)