Fun Friday with My Marvelous Matthew

Today was a really nice day- one I will remember for a long, long time. Matthew came and spent one of his spring break days with my class and me! :) He will never know how much it mean to the kids but really to me!!!

And he truly was terrific with the kids. He worked well with the kids- did a small group math game with my kinders while I taught the 1st grade math lesson and kept them all engaged and active. They had a blast playing Number Bam with him! Then he worked with the 1st graders helping them finish their math work, measuring objects in the classroom. He played with them on the playground eagerly, and they were having so much fun chasing him around. :)

This afternoon he worked with kids one-on-one on some work they needed to do, helping one make patterns, helping another write, then working in the building center with legos, blocks, and cars with the kids. He also helped the kids make coffee filter butterflies this morning. We all ate together at lunch, and Matthew read to some of the kids at quiet reading time as well.

Truly, he just gave me some wonderful "Mom" moments today that I will cherish forever!!! On top of the fun time spent in each other's company, he was good to my "kids" & enjoyed working with them as much as I do- anyone who knows me, knows that if you are good to my kids- my own or my school kids- well I will love you for life! So it meant even more to me that he was so good with my school kids. I am so thankful for being all I always wanted to be- a wife, a mom, a teacher. And today I got to enjoy being two of those at the same time. What a day!

Thank You God, for a wonderful day with my son and my "kids." Thank You for the opportunity to know all these young people You've placed in my life, allowed me to work with, know, watch grow up... Thank You for my son, Matthew. Thank You for the gift of him and what he gave back to me today and to my kids at school. Bless him for his gift and show him the path You want him to follow in this life.

Night Father! Night world.

Rebekah :)

Two Paths Diverged...

"But the gate to life is very narrow. The road that leads there is so hard to follow that only a few people find it." Matthew 7:14 (Contemporary English Version)

This has been on my mind for a while, and I keep trying to put my thoughts and feelings into words, but find it so difficult to do. I still don't know if I can begin to express myself the way I want to, but I've got to get this out of me and somewhere to think about it. I'm hesitant to do this also because I don't really even know who reads this, and am pretty sure that anyone except my closest family members will not really understand where this is coming from. Please know that this is very, deeply personal to me. I AM NOT, IN ANY WAY claiming or acting or thinking or trying to seem like I am anything. Quite the contrary, I know I am nothing without God. I know, better than anyone in my family, church, or for sure a soul that works with me, that I am just a sinner trying to rely on Jesus' grace & mercy!!! These are simply some thoughts I'm trying to understand and work through.

Okay? Okay...

I am at a crossroads in my life, once again. It really has me thinking about crossroads, forks in the road, and other divergences on the path of life. It has me thinking about my past, choices I've made, examples I've set, the way I've lived. It has me thinking about the future, what choices I will make and where they will take me in life. I would never EVER have seen myself in N.C. or anywhere far from my momma, once upon a time. Where will my life go from here? Where will I venture? Or end up when it's all said & done?

I hear so much negative talk, and I am struggling to not let it pull me down. I feel like I am looking at this divergence in the road above. So many around me are walking along, complaining about their students, complaining about the parents and families.... I feel more and more left out and different, and I'm sure I look like a snob to some who work with me because I am withdrawing more and more and participating in conversations less & less... I HATE that a lot! A WHOLE LOT!!! I want to have friends, to feel like I belong and fit in, to get along with others, to be part of "the team."

But I cannot walk that path with them. It may be the path they've chosen, but if I go down that path, I'll hate me and not be true to who I am, who I was meant to be, who God wants me to be. For whatever reason, He made me who I am, gave me the talents and personality that I have (what that says about God I'll not even attempt to figure out ;)- wink, wink), and sent me lessons in life that have made the person I am, the mom I am, the teacher I am... I must continue on the path He has placed me on here in N.C. and trust that He has a better plan for my life. I must trust that my feelings are not what really matter and that the only approval I need to be concerned about is His...

I must choose the road less travelled. I am sure, in the end, it will make all the difference.

40 years

Forty years ago today my momma and daddy were married. I've been missing my daddy more (as I usually do at this time of year when the dogwoods start blooming and remind me of another life I lived long ago), and missing my momma- well that I do always. :)

I thought a lot about our lives as I cleaned and shampooed carpets this weekend... how they'd turned out so far... where our lives had taken us all... how things had happened... I wonder who we would be now if daddy hadn't died. I wonder if I'd be a better/worse/just different person. I hope I'm better for what I've gone through and learned. I hope I am a person that makes (most importantly of all) my heavenly Father proud of me, but I hope somehow, someway my daddy can see me and is also proud of me. I know my momma is, and that knowledge helps me sometimes when I'm low.

I am even more in awe of my mom now that I am getting a little older and wiser. I understand her so much better now that I have almost grown kids of my own. I thought about her a lot this weekend, how she had to bury her husband one day before her anniversary and a few days before her birthday. What a great way to celebrate! And do all she had to do with two young girls watching her very closely. I wonder, Momma, do you know how much I watched you? Do you know how amazing you are to me? Do you know how proud I am of you? How much I love you and respect you?

Somehow I know Daddy would be proud of you Momma, and how you went on each day, week, month... How you raised us to be who we are today. How you went on to love again and live a happy, fulfilled life. How you fought and survived the big "C." How you have lived for Christ in all that you've faced.

I'm thankful to God that He chose to send my momma someone else to live life with, to love & be loved by so that she would not be lonely the rest of her days. I'm thankful for that person, I've come to call "Pop" who has loved my momma for almost 25 years and who has loved us too. I know my daddy would be proud of you too, Pop. But most of all, he'd be thankful for you and all you've done and been to Momma & to us.

So, if it's not too weird, I'll wish my daddy up in heaven and my Momma down here a happy anniversary. Daddy, you are remembered still. Momma, I love you more than I can ever say. Thank you for bringing J & me into this world with daddy, loving us every day, teaching us to love Him, and how to live and for always being there for us.