Real people stores

I bought some sweatpants in Walmart a few weeks ago, and was so stunned that I could do so.

But today, my girls and I went to Dress Barn, and I did something I haven't done in well over a decade- I bought clothes for me that fit in a "real people store."  I did my best to not cry and embarrass myself or the girls, but I cannot tell you how it feels.  After years and years and years of only being able to buy clothes in a plus size only store and one that caters to extremely large women, well, it felt good.

I know my usual clothes store's sizes tend to range a little on the larger size too, so to go down two more pant sizes is a big thing!  (no pun intended)

I can't believe it, I really can't.  It seems like a dream.  I wonder when it will start to seem real and I won't have to be afraid of it going away.  For now, I am enjoying the feeling even if the fear is in my head somewhere.  Tonight I am going to put on a pair of my new smaller pants and one of my pretty tops and go out to a nice dinner with my hubby to celebrate my new less-morbid size. :)

R :)

weight loss journey

I am really hesitant to share but I think I will.  I've been working on getting to a smaller body for over a year now.  I have changed a great deal on the inside as I've worked on the outside.  I'm not sure about all the changes I see happening me some days, but mostly I think it's going well.

I have been journaling some of my thoughts the last few months and started blogging them a few weeks ago.

http://blobnomore.blogspot.com/

Ready or Not Here I Post

I do not know that I really want to post this or that I even should.  This is really scary, but here I go.




I never would have let anyone take a photo of me when I started Zumba with my teacher, Ms. Ana, back in late May.  Today my daughter came and took some video of me for an upcoming medical appointment.  

Anyway, I decided to post this video here because I should look back someday and remember just how far I've come.  Ms. Ana told me this last week that she wishes she would have videoed me the first day so that I could see how far I've come.  Looking at this though I can see it.  I feel really ugly the way my fat jiggles and swings around when I'm dancing the moves, but I am also a little proud of myself.  I know it will sound weird too, but some days I almost feel like God is smiling down on me too while I am sweating and killing my knees.  I hope this somehow counts in His book somewhere.

But whether it does in His book or my doctor's, I am counting it in my book. :)

I WILL WIN

This is part of my battle to get healthier.  Crappy knees.  It hurts!  No, that's not a good description, but I can't think of a good word.  Excruciating might be closer.    It is seriously challenging to get through the days at this point.  I cannot take much for pain/discomfort/inflammation so I go on without any medicine.

But I keep on going and fighting my fight and toughing it out.

Because no matter what anyone says or what I feel or think on my bad days, I am going to win this fat-fight! So I keep working out, staying active throughout the day, going to classes at the gym...  I will NOT be ruled by my bone-on-bone knees!  I will hike the mountain trails and walk down the thick sandy stretches of beach.  I will limp my way through my days and use the cane when I need it.

 I WILL WIN!

Missing what was

I've lost something that was and it doesn't get better with time.  I keep trying to go over it in my head, figure out what I did wrong, how could I have done things differently, what hurt did I do, what did I say wrong....

Thinking about this a lot.  These song lyrics just hit me tonight as I sit and do schoolwork.

"If you find somebody to love in this world, you better hang on tooth and nail.  The wolf is always at the door.... And in these days when darkness falls early, and people rush home to the ones they love, you better take a fool's advice and take care of your own.  One day they're here; next day they're gone."