One of the things I miss about the Quad Cities (or living in the more northern parts of the Midwest) is that after Labor Day, it's not hot! Boy, it's been warm here, and I'm so ready for fall weather. Well after yesterday's rain, it has finally cooled down, and we turned off the air. We're sitting here with our windows open and the fans on, and I can here the crickets and katydids chirping. It's so nice! I'm going to go to bed and enjoy the cool, fresh, night air and the insects outside my window. Really makes me want to go camping. Hope we can scrounge up some $ for that soon.
Night God! Thanks for some nice weather finally.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Friday, September 14, 2007
It's Raining! It's Raining! It's Raining!
It's raining in Greensboro, NC!!!!!!!!!!
Do you know how long it's been since we've seen rain here? I can't even remember when the last time was it rained here. It's been ages! We're under a state wide burn ban and water restrictions. I've been praying for rain, and now it's come.
THANKS GOD!!! We need the rain, the plants, animals, forests, farmers...., but I needed the rain too. Guess I get that from my momma, but I love the rain and the storms, and I miss that about the Midwest! We even had tornado warnings and "real" weather here this afternoon. :) :)
Maybe I'll open my window tonight and listen to the rain. And, God, if you could end this drought and let us have more rain. The area really needs it, but my "soul" is dry too- not my spiritual side, but just the part of me that is me. It needs the rain too. Maybe I should have moved to the west coast since I like the rain so much. He! He!
Do you know how long it's been since we've seen rain here? I can't even remember when the last time was it rained here. It's been ages! We're under a state wide burn ban and water restrictions. I've been praying for rain, and now it's come.
THANKS GOD!!! We need the rain, the plants, animals, forests, farmers...., but I needed the rain too. Guess I get that from my momma, but I love the rain and the storms, and I miss that about the Midwest! We even had tornado warnings and "real" weather here this afternoon. :) :)
Maybe I'll open my window tonight and listen to the rain. And, God, if you could end this drought and let us have more rain. The area really needs it, but my "soul" is dry too- not my spiritual side, but just the part of me that is me. It needs the rain too. Maybe I should have moved to the west coast since I like the rain so much. He! He!
Thursday, September 13, 2007
God Talks to Dummies- I'm Proof!!!!
Okay, tonight I went with Rob to the Y; didn't really feel like it, have too much to do for school and a checkbook that's horribly past due on some upkeep (I don't have a clue how much $ we have left or if I even have enough for the rest of our month and a stack of receipts to enter and to balance....)... But we went anyway. I was feeling a bit homesick & low about some things with work and wishing I could understand better and at the same time knowing I need to quit worrying and caring so much about what people think and whether they like me .... (my usual issues).
I took my player and was listening to my Mercy Me songs. Mercy Me & Casting Crowns are without a doubt my favorite groups- it's like they see right into my heart & life and know just what to write & sing about. Let me say, it was an experience like I've never had before. First off, let me say that somehow the good Lord must have kept my feet moving and my legs from falling out from under me & I did 2 miles- which I know is no big deal for most people, but when you are a "lard-butt" like me it is a BIG deal!!!!!!!!! But, more importantly, I had to actually work to not cry as I walked 20 laps around the track. It was like God was talking to me while I walked and listened to my music. Let me see if I can explain.
For a long, long time I've felt like something was missing; everyday was the same- get up and go to work and come home and cook/eat & do schoolwork and go to bed only to repeat this every day. Sure, I know I was touching lives- I'm sure lots more than I realize- but while I was working at my last school (a nice Lutheran school), I just kept feeling like I was not doing what needed to be done- even though I'm sure that God gave me that job and it was in His plan for me to be there. I kept thinking about how Jesus said he had not come for the well but the sick. I prayed for so long that He would allow me to get back in the public school system so I could be more helpful to those who needed His love and that I would be doing something for Him more than I was. But the doors were always closed; believe me I tried for years and could not get in. Then, in 2005 we moved to North Carolina- here I am. I still sometimes struggle a little with why we had to leave our family behind, our friends, our fields of corn & winter snow, the Midwest where we'd lived all our lives, and everything we knew. My kids had a hard time with our move and that worried me too. But, for the first time in my life, I feel like I'm where I belong. A long time ago there was Michael W. Smith song about finding "my place in this world" and that is what I was looking for. And now I have kids who aren't well off and don't come from well-to-do families, and guess what? I love it! I love my kinderkids from all over the world and from NC. I love my class of little people who love me back and take in all the love I give and give it back to me and learn all I can teach and teach me and bring lots of joy and sometimes a little/lot of frustration and worry to my life. And it's really been sinking in with me lately that although I am far away from my family and can't be there for them when they need me (& that does really hurt a lot!!!!), I am finally "Where I Belong." Tonight while I was walking (and my knee & feet were screaming) I heard this song again, but it was like it was the first time I'd ever heard it all over again. It's a Mercy Me song and it was like God said, "Hey dummy (I'm just kidding!), this is where you belong. You belong here, in the gap, for the little people I placed with you to love them for Me and to hug them and show them some light and joy and happiness and to teach them how to read, write, spell and do math and how to get along with others, but to also mention Me when you can and to show them My love... So, though I miss my family terribly sometimes, I am where God wants me to be, where I belong. I can't be anywhere else but where He wants, and if I go where He wants, then I am where I belong.
Here are the lyrics from that song: "Where I Belong"
Everybody hopes
That maybe somewhere down this road
We'd finally find that place where we belong
That place where we're complete
The one that occupies our dreams
That place we're lucky to call our home
Well, I have arrived
And I can't keep this inside
So I raise my hands
And shout Your name
To praise You with my song
My dream's at hand
I've found my place
The place where I belong
Everybody tries
To find the purpose for their life
In hopes that one more day is justified
But once you truly see
The very reason why you breathe
It becomes so much more than getting by
Well, I have arrived
And I can't keep this inside
Another song of theirs is Bring the Rain & it's what I wish my life's story could be like, what I wish people could say about me. It's what I am working on doing/being for you God. So, God, if I have to hurt for little ones that have horrible lives and for coworkers who are ugly because they don't know You and aren't happy, if I have to be away from my family and be homesick, then help me to be able to really, truly say this and live it. Let this be my witness for You.
I took my player and was listening to my Mercy Me songs. Mercy Me & Casting Crowns are without a doubt my favorite groups- it's like they see right into my heart & life and know just what to write & sing about. Let me say, it was an experience like I've never had before. First off, let me say that somehow the good Lord must have kept my feet moving and my legs from falling out from under me & I did 2 miles- which I know is no big deal for most people, but when you are a "lard-butt" like me it is a BIG deal!!!!!!!!! But, more importantly, I had to actually work to not cry as I walked 20 laps around the track. It was like God was talking to me while I walked and listened to my music. Let me see if I can explain.
For a long, long time I've felt like something was missing; everyday was the same- get up and go to work and come home and cook/eat & do schoolwork and go to bed only to repeat this every day. Sure, I know I was touching lives- I'm sure lots more than I realize- but while I was working at my last school (a nice Lutheran school), I just kept feeling like I was not doing what needed to be done- even though I'm sure that God gave me that job and it was in His plan for me to be there. I kept thinking about how Jesus said he had not come for the well but the sick. I prayed for so long that He would allow me to get back in the public school system so I could be more helpful to those who needed His love and that I would be doing something for Him more than I was. But the doors were always closed; believe me I tried for years and could not get in. Then, in 2005 we moved to North Carolina- here I am. I still sometimes struggle a little with why we had to leave our family behind, our friends, our fields of corn & winter snow, the Midwest where we'd lived all our lives, and everything we knew. My kids had a hard time with our move and that worried me too. But, for the first time in my life, I feel like I'm where I belong. A long time ago there was Michael W. Smith song about finding "my place in this world" and that is what I was looking for. And now I have kids who aren't well off and don't come from well-to-do families, and guess what? I love it! I love my kinderkids from all over the world and from NC. I love my class of little people who love me back and take in all the love I give and give it back to me and learn all I can teach and teach me and bring lots of joy and sometimes a little/lot of frustration and worry to my life. And it's really been sinking in with me lately that although I am far away from my family and can't be there for them when they need me (& that does really hurt a lot!!!!), I am finally "Where I Belong." Tonight while I was walking (and my knee & feet were screaming) I heard this song again, but it was like it was the first time I'd ever heard it all over again. It's a Mercy Me song and it was like God said, "Hey dummy (I'm just kidding!), this is where you belong. You belong here, in the gap, for the little people I placed with you to love them for Me and to hug them and show them some light and joy and happiness and to teach them how to read, write, spell and do math and how to get along with others, but to also mention Me when you can and to show them My love... So, though I miss my family terribly sometimes, I am where God wants me to be, where I belong. I can't be anywhere else but where He wants, and if I go where He wants, then I am where I belong.
Here are the lyrics from that song: "Where I Belong"
Everybody hopes
That maybe somewhere down this road
We'd finally find that place where we belong
That place where we're complete
The one that occupies our dreams
That place we're lucky to call our home
Well, I have arrived
And I can't keep this inside
So I raise my hands
And shout Your name
To praise You with my song
My dream's at hand
I've found my place
The place where I belong
Everybody tries
To find the purpose for their life
In hopes that one more day is justified
But once you truly see
The very reason why you breathe
It becomes so much more than getting by
Well, I have arrived
And I can't keep this inside
Another song of theirs is Bring the Rain & it's what I wish my life's story could be like, what I wish people could say about me. It's what I am working on doing/being for you God. So, God, if I have to hurt for little ones that have horrible lives and for coworkers who are ugly because they don't know You and aren't happy, if I have to be away from my family and be homesick, then help me to be able to really, truly say this and live it. Let this be my witness for You.
Something to Think About
Race, heritage, ethnicity, skin color- all words people use to describe the way people look or where they come from or what kind of people they are.
There was a staff meeting yesterday where the "divide" between white & black students came up. A staff member made a comment that really has me thinking about myself. Do I treat students differently based on the complexion of their skin? Do I give better education to my fair-skinned students and less to those of darker complexion? I really don't think so. I am really trying to wrap my brain around this.
As much as I put myself down, critique & criticize myself, I would think I would have caught this in myself if it were happening as well as any number of administrators I've had. But then again, it is a "white world," and maybe I'm just blind. So I'm trying to be very aware of the ways I treat my kids. The problem is I really don't look at my kids and think "black, white, Asian, Mexican, girl, boy...." I just see my kinderkids and see their individual personalities, strengths and weaknesses. I sure hope I'm not a closet bigot!!! That's the last thing in the world I'd ever want to be and if I'm guilty of treating African American (or any other group) of students worse, than I need to quit teaching before I do any damage!
There was a staff meeting yesterday where the "divide" between white & black students came up. A staff member made a comment that really has me thinking about myself. Do I treat students differently based on the complexion of their skin? Do I give better education to my fair-skinned students and less to those of darker complexion? I really don't think so. I am really trying to wrap my brain around this.
As much as I put myself down, critique & criticize myself, I would think I would have caught this in myself if it were happening as well as any number of administrators I've had. But then again, it is a "white world," and maybe I'm just blind. So I'm trying to be very aware of the ways I treat my kids. The problem is I really don't look at my kids and think "black, white, Asian, Mexican, girl, boy...." I just see my kinderkids and see their individual personalities, strengths and weaknesses. I sure hope I'm not a closet bigot!!! That's the last thing in the world I'd ever want to be and if I'm guilty of treating African American (or any other group) of students worse, than I need to quit teaching before I do any damage!
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
A Prayer
God,
I know that the tiny, little, silly, petty concerns of my day are not important at all in the scheme of things- dying souls, starving people, wars, famines, droughts, cancer.... are all so much more important. But, if You could help to either change me or change the situation I am in or both, I'd really appreciate it! You know what it is I'm referring to and how I am feeling about myself, my work situation, myself.... Could you bring unity and a sense of "team" to my building? Could you help me to not be so sensitive and care if not every single person likes me? Could you help me to really understand and believe that I don't have to be liked by everyone and who really cares if one or two people don't care for me?
Please help me to not see or hear petty looks, comments, and attitudes. Help me to quit worrying about "why" someone seems to dislike me and just go on and do my job. Which is what I've been doing, but I wish it would quit bothering me. There is just something so unsettled in my spirit around a couple people. When I'm in my room, I'm perfectly at peace (despite the kids -smiles), but when I go to lunch or meetings or at grade level meeting time (which is torture!), I can just sense it- like I'm not wanted at one end of the lunch table or I'm "out" of the group. It's just an ugly feeling, and I don't think it's just me being sensitive. Kristen sees it, and today someone else even commented on it who is not on our grade level. I mean it feels like something else- ugly and mean and wicked. I don't know if it's just because I don't drink and fool around and go to the strip club or other things like that and have tried to not hide that I love You- though I'm a terrible witness even considering that. I don't know, I really don't.
I just know that I have to do this grade level chairperson & leadership thing and I don't feel like I can. And it might be wrong, but God if you could make a way for a couple friends and I to be together next year it would be so nice! I would love to stay in K with them, but if I have to move, please show me that it is Your will and that I can do it. Show me what I should do both now and in the future. I'm trying to listen to You God, and I know I'm doing miserably, but I'm trying to live for You too.
Your Rebekah
I know that the tiny, little, silly, petty concerns of my day are not important at all in the scheme of things- dying souls, starving people, wars, famines, droughts, cancer.... are all so much more important. But, if You could help to either change me or change the situation I am in or both, I'd really appreciate it! You know what it is I'm referring to and how I am feeling about myself, my work situation, myself.... Could you bring unity and a sense of "team" to my building? Could you help me to not be so sensitive and care if not every single person likes me? Could you help me to really understand and believe that I don't have to be liked by everyone and who really cares if one or two people don't care for me?
Please help me to not see or hear petty looks, comments, and attitudes. Help me to quit worrying about "why" someone seems to dislike me and just go on and do my job. Which is what I've been doing, but I wish it would quit bothering me. There is just something so unsettled in my spirit around a couple people. When I'm in my room, I'm perfectly at peace (despite the kids -smiles), but when I go to lunch or meetings or at grade level meeting time (which is torture!), I can just sense it- like I'm not wanted at one end of the lunch table or I'm "out" of the group. It's just an ugly feeling, and I don't think it's just me being sensitive. Kristen sees it, and today someone else even commented on it who is not on our grade level. I mean it feels like something else- ugly and mean and wicked. I don't know if it's just because I don't drink and fool around and go to the strip club or other things like that and have tried to not hide that I love You- though I'm a terrible witness even considering that. I don't know, I really don't.
I just know that I have to do this grade level chairperson & leadership thing and I don't feel like I can. And it might be wrong, but God if you could make a way for a couple friends and I to be together next year it would be so nice! I would love to stay in K with them, but if I have to move, please show me that it is Your will and that I can do it. Show me what I should do both now and in the future. I'm trying to listen to You God, and I know I'm doing miserably, but I'm trying to live for You too.
Your Rebekah
Monday, September 10, 2007
A Full Rich Day
Well, it's the end of a "full, rich day" as one of the characters on M.A.S.H. says.
I spent most of the afternoon yesterday working in my classroom doing cleaning and reorganizing that I had intended to do this summer, but never did with summer school and family things to keep me busy. My storage cabinets are better organized, and I only have my desk to organize (it's at least stashed well now) and one tub of teaching materials inside a cabinet to finish working on. The room looks better, though much more bare, in my opinion. Oh well. Rob said maybe I can go back later and put things back up, but I don't think I will. It was too much work to put things up and get it arranged, and now that I've taken it all down, I think it will stay that way. Besides if the county wants only 20% of the walls covered, then that's what they'll get (or as close to it as I can get without totally sacrificing my teaching needs). I can't handle not getting good/perfect "marks" on everything I do (yes, to my sister, I am being a perfectionist). I'm still pretty upset with myself that I wasn't "up to perfect caliber" when my principal came through the other day. I feel like I let her down and mostly it bugs me that I wasn't perfect on some stupid piece of paper that will sit in a cabinet and be in my file. I realize that it's not that big of a deal, and I'll be over it in time, but I'm not there yet. Lesson for me to work on, I guess. :)
Oh well, other than that, the Board of Ed came through today, but it didn't impact most of us too much I don't think. Thank God for that!!!!!!!!!!! My students were surprisingly good today after having a weekend following two short weeks. They're starting to get the routines down better, and it was actually a nice day. I even made it to the Y tonight!
My only frustration is that our van broke down again tonight. And it's a repair that we paid for and had fixed at the end of May/early June. AAARRGGHH!!! If it can just hold off for a few more months, Please God, please, we've almost got it paid for. We're almost there, we're almost there.... That's my new mantra. I use it when I'm walking/swimming and feel like I'm going to die, when I'm balancing the checkbook & paying our bills, when I'm worried about my kids and being a bad mom... :) Smiles- I'm a nut!!!!!!!!!
Well, it's now 11 PM, and I need to get to bed. We're now down to one vehicle so that will mean an even earlier morning and a longer day the next few days.
Goodnight God! Thanks for everything You do for us, even if I don't see it.
I spent most of the afternoon yesterday working in my classroom doing cleaning and reorganizing that I had intended to do this summer, but never did with summer school and family things to keep me busy. My storage cabinets are better organized, and I only have my desk to organize (it's at least stashed well now) and one tub of teaching materials inside a cabinet to finish working on. The room looks better, though much more bare, in my opinion. Oh well. Rob said maybe I can go back later and put things back up, but I don't think I will. It was too much work to put things up and get it arranged, and now that I've taken it all down, I think it will stay that way. Besides if the county wants only 20% of the walls covered, then that's what they'll get (or as close to it as I can get without totally sacrificing my teaching needs). I can't handle not getting good/perfect "marks" on everything I do (yes, to my sister, I am being a perfectionist). I'm still pretty upset with myself that I wasn't "up to perfect caliber" when my principal came through the other day. I feel like I let her down and mostly it bugs me that I wasn't perfect on some stupid piece of paper that will sit in a cabinet and be in my file. I realize that it's not that big of a deal, and I'll be over it in time, but I'm not there yet. Lesson for me to work on, I guess. :)
Oh well, other than that, the Board of Ed came through today, but it didn't impact most of us too much I don't think. Thank God for that!!!!!!!!!!! My students were surprisingly good today after having a weekend following two short weeks. They're starting to get the routines down better, and it was actually a nice day. I even made it to the Y tonight!
My only frustration is that our van broke down again tonight. And it's a repair that we paid for and had fixed at the end of May/early June. AAARRGGHH!!! If it can just hold off for a few more months, Please God, please, we've almost got it paid for. We're almost there, we're almost there.... That's my new mantra. I use it when I'm walking/swimming and feel like I'm going to die, when I'm balancing the checkbook & paying our bills, when I'm worried about my kids and being a bad mom... :) Smiles- I'm a nut!!!!!!!!!
Well, it's now 11 PM, and I need to get to bed. We're now down to one vehicle so that will mean an even earlier morning and a longer day the next few days.
Goodnight God! Thanks for everything You do for us, even if I don't see it.
Back To School "Party"
Saturday Rob & I had a back to school cookout for my coworkers and a few people we invited over from church. It was fun, and I think everyone had a good time- at least I hope so. :)
This is a picture of two of the cutest kids on the planet (after my own, of course!). :) Their moms are there too (Maria- in the back & Nicole- in the front); Maria is a K teacher on maternity leave. Nicole is a K teacher who has moved up to 3rd grade this year. And the kids? They are Autumn & Dallas. They were having fun inside running on this oval carpet like it was a race track going around & around! It was too cute!!!!!! And, Rob was proud of them because they were even going "the right direction," only a stock car person would think like that! :)
This is a picture of two of the cutest kids on the planet (after my own, of course!). :) Their moms are there too (Maria- in the back & Nicole- in the front); Maria is a K teacher on maternity leave. Nicole is a K teacher who has moved up to 3rd grade this year. And the kids? They are Autumn & Dallas. They were having fun inside running on this oval carpet like it was a race track going around & around! It was too cute!!!!!! And, Rob was proud of them because they were even going "the right direction," only a stock car person would think like that! :)Sunday, September 09, 2007
So Far- So Very, Very Far
Boy, did I blow it again this week. What's new? I seem to be so far, so very, very far, from what I should be for God. I am really, completely disgusted with myself. I have been really trying to be positive and trying to be a witness through my actions and words, and this week, I let circumstances get to me. I let things that I knew were not the norm from someone I look up to get me mad/hurt, and I took it all to heart like I had failed completely. This caused me to get more upset and mad at her and at myself more. Then my mouth started moving, and I know I did not please God through my words.
Now, I've been feeling very guilty for being mad, for being so imperfect, for being me.
Today, our pastor talked about running our race. God, I am trying to run the race you've set before me. I stumbled this week, and my knees are a bit skinned up. I'm sorry I fell & let You down, and that I let my mouth and attitude take over for a bit. Please forgive me, and help me to be like You. I don't want to let "earth stuff" get in my way or slow me down on this race. I want to run faster and better. Help me to stay on course and on my feet. Lift me up and help me to quit stumbling over stupid, little things.
Now, I've been feeling very guilty for being mad, for being so imperfect, for being me.
Today, our pastor talked about running our race. God, I am trying to run the race you've set before me. I stumbled this week, and my knees are a bit skinned up. I'm sorry I fell & let You down, and that I let my mouth and attitude take over for a bit. Please forgive me, and help me to be like You. I don't want to let "earth stuff" get in my way or slow me down on this race. I want to run faster and better. Help me to stay on course and on my feet. Lift me up and help me to quit stumbling over stupid, little things.
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