A Small Child's "Mite"

I had a little boy in my class last year. I've journaled about him before. He has taken a piece of my heart, and I am still learning just how deeply he has affected me and perhaps changed my life in ways I may never be able to put into words.

He loves to give gifts- it truly is his love language. Last year, my wall and cabinets were full of small tokens of affection, creations he had made, and many of them were very creative. He has brought me presents this year for myself as well as my boys, a poster and a magazine he took from his room for them- specifically choosing each one for one particular son. Recently he told me he was still looking for a gift for my daughter & that he felt bad about it. Last week he told me he was trying to find a present for me... I tried, as I always do, to put that off, tell him it was not necessary, blah, blah, blah... So one day I told him I'd try to find him a gift too. I bought something for him and his sister of no value at all- literally $1 spent on each... It was just a little laminated note card that told them both they were special, and I talked with them about how much I cared for them, how much they meant to me, and how truly special they were and asked them to never forget it. That's it- $1 spent on each of them out of my abundance. Nothing to brag or write home about. So very little in fact that it's almost embarrassing to even mention it.

Today, in walks my friend with a present for me- a toy of his, this little toy gorilla. I know he has so little at home, truly nothing in more ways than I could ever say here out of respect for his life. How could I take this gift from him???? I was so awe-struck, so humbled, so many emotions at once. I, once again, tried to gently refuse the gift telling him I hated to take his toy, was he sure, what would his mom say... He insisted just as earnestly and sweetly. I knew if I didn't take it, he'd be offended, and I'd undo all the progress he & I have made and his trust in me. I can NEVER risk that, so I took the gift with more tears in my eyes than I can say. Once he left my room, I started crying- really crying- my kids were staring at me like I'd lost my mind- only they know I'm a cryer. I had to call Rob to ask him if I did the right thing. I still don't know, but I know I couldn't hurt him.

Now, hours later, I am still floored by this. This was truly this child's mite- one of his small, few possessions and he gave it to me out of his love for me. I cannot begin to say how this makes me feel, words can never express it.

I am thinking of all the things he has said to me over the past few weeks. He recently told me he wished he could come live with me & I would so take him in a heartbeat if he ever needed a home. He said he could NEVER be mad at me (though he forgot about our first few weeks together when he was such an angry little boy and hurting so much he couldn't show the sweet, loving side of him)... He told me if anyone ever bothered me or hurt me, he'd call the "po-lice" on them...

I think of what little I can do, and I so wish I could do more for him, more than my own small mite of nothing but love, hugs, daily bus checks, and an occasional kiss on the head.

God, I know You honored the woman who gave of her little all that she had. I know that You took a few little fish and loaves of bread and made so much, much more out of it- enough to feed thousands. Well, God, what do I have to offer? Nothing, so little, only a lot of hugs, smiles, encouraging words, respect, love, and my goofy, silly self. It's so little against the hurts of what so many of my kids face at home and in their lives... I DON'T understand at all how my little can do any long-term, eternal good, but I know You can turn nothing into something. Please somehow God, use my nothing to do something even I can't imagine in my friend's life and his sister's too, Father.

And help me to take this mite of love which is actually not a mite at all, but a huge treasure to me and love them all with everything that is in me. I do love my kids God.

I am ever Your servant,

Rebekah :)

Missing Missouri

The dogwoods are in full bloom and looking prettier each day here in north central N.C. I LOVE dogwoods!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait to plant some of my very own here in the new yard, trees that will actually be MINE! :) I have plans for that front yard of mine when it comes to dogwoods... :) :) :) (Not that my kids or hubby read this blog, but should they, consider that a HUGEMONGOUS hint, hint, hint) :) :) :)

When the dogwoods bloom it always makes me miss Missouri. I know that sounds silly, missing a state. Have you ever been to Missouri this time of year? The dogwood is the state tree of Missouri, and its not like here in NC (which also has the dogwood as its state tree). The wild woods of Missouri are chock-FULL of dogwoods. It was always so beautiful to drive through the country to our home and see the woods just full of wild dogwood trees- their white blossoms just filling the still bare woods. Someday, I don't know how or when, I hope to be back in Missouri at dogwood-blooming time so I can get some photos, walk in the woods, and just enjoy their beauty.

I think when I miss Missouri, it's more that I miss my family. I miss the daddy I only knew for a few short years who we left behind buried in a cemetery plot in a small southern Missouri town. I miss what might have been had he lived- yet I have no clue how my life might have been, let alone if it would have even been better.... I miss my momma- the strong person in my life, the one I always could & can count on, the only family member I always knew loved me for sure, no matter what when I was growing up. I miss my pop who came into my life after Missouri and has come to love me like his own. I miss the country and the freedom to run in the field, walk through the woods, go play in a creek & find crawdads and try to catch minnows...

I do love the dogwoods, even though their time to bloom is a bit of a melancholy time some years. In their delicate beauty, they remind me that life is not always easy, the path is not always smooth, but life is always beautiful. I am a better person for the hard times, and I hope there is some beauty in my life, some glimmer of God that shows through the wild woods of my heart, my attitude, my words, and my deeds.

Wherever you are, I hope there are dogwoods and beauty surrounding you!

Politics Make Me Sad

I DON'T discuss politics with anyone except Rob in the privacy of my home or even, more often, bedroom. I don't for two reasons: one, they just make me sad- the negativity, the attacks on people, the back-handedness of it all.... it just disgusts me. The other, I'm truly not very "smart" in this area, and I quickly (like in two or three sentences) get out of what I do know, I don't have a lot of very strong opinions and can't debate well, and just don't know the answers to anything, so I just listen to what others say and sometimes say, "Hmmm..."

Today, though, Robert & I are watching the Sunday morning news while I play on the computer I saw & heard something I think is absolutely ridiculous! The media was discussing the president & mrs.' trip to Europe... They began to discuss Mrs. O's popularity with the people she met and talked to, who she hugged, and what presents she gave and was given & then on to her fashion- clothes, makeup, hair. The summary statement before they moved on to the next topic was that they felt the trip could be deemed a success. This is crazy!!!! The trip was a success because of what???? All they talked about was Mrs. Obama, nothing about what the president had done or talked about or agreements made while they were in Europe... It was all- Mrs. Obama wore the latest styles, changed her clothes often, had beautiful makeup, loves & utilizes the new spring colors.... Wonderful. I agree she is a lovely woman, very beautiful and graceful, and I'm sure quite charming and poised in person... But is this really how we decide if the President of the United States had a successful overseas meeting???

What have we come to in this country???? I'm not sure I like it at all... Are Americans really this shallow? Or does the media just think we are? Why doesn't the media talk about the important things and treat the American public as if we were intelligent people???

I don't know, but once again, politics, media, our society just makes me sad.