Listening

I'm in a week long training for mentors, and today one of the trainers read us this piece on listening. It says a lot of what I feel sometimes about people I've confided in, friends, family, and I know it is something I need to remember when others are talking to me. So I hope that I have become and will continue to become a better listener. For those who might read this and know me, I apologize for times when I wasn't so good at listening to you.

On Listening (an excerpt by Ralph Roughton, M.D.)

When I ask you to listen and you start giving advice, you have not done what I have asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings. When I ask you to listen and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as it may seem.

Listen! All I asked was that you listen; not talk or do- just hear me. I can do for myself. I'm not helpless, maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and feeling of inadequacy. But when you accept as fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you and can get about the business of understanding what's behind this irrational feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious, and I don't need advice.