i hate feeling jealous. but i confess i have my moments. of jealousy. wrong i know. dwell on it i don't. but sometimes i just am. jealous.
jealous of the ones who got to know them, and we didn't.
jealous when they talk about all their happy, wonderful, good times, and we had none after him.
jealous because they know each other and we don't.
jealous because i remember them and they probably don't even know we exist.
jealous of their memories and the good times they represent.
jealous because something that should have been, could have been was stolen from us and we can never get it back. no matter anyone's good intentions now, it's gone and can never be given back.
i don't wish any of them ill. i am happy for them that their memories are so wonderful, happy that they have them, happy that they have a better relationship and family ties.
i just wish we did too, and it hurts. really bad.
love you
ReplyDeleteif it's any consolation, your kids have GREAT memories of me (or I think they do but that could be because I think I'm GREAT) :) and my kids (whenever and however they come) are going to have FABULOUS memories of Aunt Bekah and Uncle Rob. and Robert and Barbara and Matthew. And you're gonna be a grandma and great one in the not so distant future. You're making a great family tree!!!! I love yoU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
forever and ever no matter what