the life of this teacher

i am a teacher. i have the honor (and often the challenge) of being a small part of a child's life for 180 days a school year in the hopes that i make some sort of life changing impact that extends far beyond those few 180 days.

sometimes this job is fun, filled with laughter and wonderful memories that i cherish dearly.

sometimes this job is hard, filled with frustration (with self, with students, with families, with administrators or other coworkers or the "big wigs") and in the last year and a half filled with a lot of heartburn, unfortunately.

sometimes this job is filled with heartbreak over the things our children face and must deal with, things i cannot possibly fathom or ever understand and most certainly don't want to accept.

this week was just another typical week in the life of this teacher. lots of wonderful times, laughter and joy. laughing so hard i wet my pants at some of the cute (and not so cute) things my kids say or do. one of my kids made a dress out of tissue paper with heart stickers for buttons and even made tissue paper boobs to stuff it with- HILARIOUS!!!!! one of my kids invented new words i had never even thought of before. others made me cards and gave me hugs and cared for me while i was sick this week.

there were also times this week i had to keep a smile glued on my face so i didn't let the kids know that inside my heart was crushed. how God can stand the sight of so much ugliness and hurt in His creation i will never understand. it turns my stomach; how does it not His? it saddens me to think of how we pervert and twist and ruin this wonderful creation He made us to be (myself included in that statement!).

i don't know how i can ever help combat all that "stuff" when it is so dark and horrible. i don't understand how the simple love and affection of one silly teacher can ever do anything against so much hurt. and it hurts my heart.

more. deeply. than. i. can. express.

yet i trust in Him who called me to this job. i don't understand how simple love can do much, i truly don't. but i know when i hug a child, i am really not the one doing it- it is Him. when i show compassion it isn't really me, it is Him. when i care, i am not really the caring one- it is Him. so i hope and pray that He is shining through me, and that somehow that simple love will somehow stick with my kids and in the darkest of places, they will see His light and remember and see Him.

i have to trust in Him. or i have no purpose and no reason to get up early each morning and drive to school.

please God. please let Your simple, profound love be enough for my kids and the whole world. please.