What to do when you have taught as long as I, aren't fit to do anything but teach, are decent at it & don't really want to do anything else? What to do when your best is never, ever going to be enough? When no one even notices a single positive thing about you or your class, let alone the growth in the students or you in just a short, short time? When strangers who don't even know you as a teacher, observe you unannounced, don't take time to share what they observed, or allow you to share your planning or thoughts, or take time to get to know a single thing about you except what they want to see? And if you DARE to offer any added info, you're just making excuses.
I go back to how I treat my kids. I would never treat my kids this way. Somehow, somewhere, we teachers have become these "monsters" in the view of many, and I am so deeply hurt tonight. How I can ever do this for the number of years I have left to retirement is beyond me. I'd pack up & go overseas if God would let me. Maybe they'd take a big fat, corny, big-hearted teacher and not mind her if she had a less than perfectly clean white board, one missing EQ, or any other # of faults my current employers seem to find in me.
God, please come down and help me. I can't do this anymore and it hurts so much more than I can say. :(
The steps of a good man (woman) are established by the LOD. And He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down for the LORD upholds him with His hand.
ReplyDeleteThank you Momma.
ReplyDeleteOh, Bekah, this hurts my heart. I can feel your pain and frustration. I ache for you and your students.
ReplyDeletei'm saying many prayers for you.
HUGS!