Pondering

The Bible says that Mary "pondered these things in her heart" or something to that effect. I think I am beginning to grasp what that might have felt like as I have been trying to grab every memory of every day, even the little things- no especially the little things, and writing them on my heart and mind so I won't forget them. I want to remember these last days of being a mom to a high school student. I want to remember how fun, crazy busy, hectic, frustrating, sometimes aggravating, and full (of life, busy-ness, laughter, joy, silliness and so much more) our lives are right now. It will come to an end, and I will miss this. God, please don't let me forget how blessed I am. Ever.

I'm feeling very sentimental; I usually am anyway, but this is big. It has really hit me that this is the end of a loooong stage of our lives as parents. I knew this all year, but now that we have less than a month to go to graduation, wow!, it has really sunk in. I will not be a mom to a school-age kid anymore, ever again. No more sports, band concerts, awards programs. No more running to pick kids up from activities or going to the school to give them a ride. No more, "Mom I need such and such for school." This next fall, Rob & I are going to not have to take kids to buy school supplies, shoes, socks, or backpacks. How will I feel? Will I be okay? What's next after 21 years of parenting kids through diapers, bottles, toilet training, learning to use a fork, ride a bike, tie your shoes, read and write and do math, chores- oh lovely chores!- growing up, learning to be an adult, balance a checkbook, work, drive a car, dealing with heartbreaks and the trials of adulthood????

This is definitely going to be different. I'm at times ready for this stage, ready to not have so much hustle and bustle, ready to start living a little more for me, ready to have a house that is more quiet. But most of the time I'm not ready for that yet. And this "hurry up and wait" game with Uncle Sam is getting old too, for I just want to know if my baby is going to be enlisting or not. But then I remember, these 21 years flew by- MUCH. TOO. QUICKLY! Let it go slowly, Rebekah, because it's all going to be gone before you know it.

So for these next few days I am enjoying and writing it all down in my heart: the last band concert, the "little" 6'5" boy who sleeps on my couch with his camo pants & soldier boots on, that young man who walks around in my back yard talking to himself and playing with the dog, the occasional "I love you Mommy's" that I get and the tender moments when they come. Soon enough, he will leave for the Army and I'll never again get back these moments.

Pondering all this in my heart today.

Thank you Father for them and for every moment I got to have and will still get to have with them. If it all ended tomorrow, help me to cherish what I have had. I have been a very blessed woman!

I love you babies of mine, always have, always will.