Thanksgiving

I know it is the norm for people to express thanksgiving at this time of year. I'm not trying to be cliche, and if you were my FB friend you'd know I've been trying to take time every day to express my thanks for I have figured out just how blessed I am. But what I'm learning from the past year or two is that even when, at the moment, I might not "seem" blessed, I still am. I am learning in my late 30s' and now early 40s that time adds perspective and with perspective you can start to get a glimpse of a bigger picture. I can only imagine God's perspective- how amazing it must be!!!!

I can see how those unplanned pregnancies were some of the greatest joy-givers in my life. I can see how three babes in diapers under the age of three years old grew up to become the laughter, joy, spunk in my life and how much richer my life is for having them. When I feel lousy about myself, which we all know I do fairly often, all I have to do is listen to my young people talking/laughing/joking, listen to them talk about the world or their passions or about God (that's the BEST!), and I realize I this- I may have done nothing else right in this world, but I did that! I helped to raise three amazing, wonderful young people. That's no small feat! That's a lot of hard work and persistence and love and tears and tons and tons of prayers. I had a hand in that. The world will be a better place; they will touch the lives (already have) of many others and how can I not at least be thankful for that? How can I not be blessed by being their mom? I

am! And I am so thankful that I got to be their mom and that we have each other and that I finally realized all this before it was too late for me.

I can see how that man I took vows with has become my best friend. How those hard times we struggled to make it through, where we loved each other but probably didn't like each other so much at times, how they helped pull us together and wound our hearts together so tightly. I can see that because we made it through that junk we are now bonded together so much more and so much better. And because I didn't give up on Rob and Rob didn't give up on Rebekah, we have a friendship, a companionship that survives other rough times and makes them not seem so bad.

I can see how all those times when we could barely pay the rent or worried how we'd keep a roof over our heads led to me TRULY appreciating buying a home in a way that I wouldn't have if I hadn't ever had those worries. This place we live is so much more precious to me than it would have been otherwise, and crazy as it sounds I am so thankful that it took so long and so much to get here because I am really, really grateful to God for a home.

The same with food- because I have gone without, I am so much more thankful for having food on the table. Not a day goes by that I don't open the pantry or frig and see food there and think, "Thank you God that we have food in the house to eat."

And now, because I have known a minor degree of helplessness and having to depend on others through an illness/injury, I have a new appreciation for being able to do for myself and I look forward to being able to cook again, prepare my own plate, and do all the things that I took for granted before.

And what seemed like the "year-from-you-know-where" last year has taught me a lot, and I actually am thankful for that. I think I am turning out to be a better teacher for that year, and I'm finding out that even in my hardest time as a teacher I still helped some kids somehow-that one is totally on God. And for that I am more humbled and thankful than I could ever say. It's really a moment of awareness when you realize that even when you are brought down a notch or two or a lot by your critics, God can still use you- that God doesn't listen to the critics. And that God used me at all in the midst of all that hurt, betrayal, and anger I felt last year, that God could use me to reach some hearts in some bruised children... well I am honored to have been there. And yes, I know after all my hurts and venting I did last year, I am actually thankful that I got to be the teacher that was there. I thought I had failed, and that thought drove me crazy last year, but I am finding out this year that maybe, just maybe I didn't fail Him or them. And for that realization I am very thankful.

There are so many other things I could say I'm thankful for, but the material things really don't matter. I'm thankful for the loved ones I have, for God opening up the lines of communication this year with a couple of my cousins that I have dearly missed & that they loved me enough to come out here to spend time with me and mine- what a gift- they will never know how much that means to me. I'm thankful for time with my family, for His provision and care, for being able to be a part of so many children's lives over the years, for the love I get to give every weekday (and for the love He sends back my way through the smiles and hugs of some pretty neat children). I'm thankful that even though 1,000 miles separate me from my "home" family, we still have each other and remain close. I'm thankful that this year my sister and her husband have a little bundle of love named, Zoe Nicole Rose, to share Thanksgiving with. I'm thankful that Momma still has Pop with her this year and that he has her too.

So this Thanksgiving, though I may not be able to cook the meal as I'm limited to crutches still, I am going to take time to say thank you to Him for helping me to see the really, true blessings in life and for helping me to grow up some more, for helping me to have a heart of thanks in a time when I could have not.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. I hope He shines down some extra love, laughter, and joy to you wherever you are!

Rebekah/Beka/Bekaboo :)