Changes

It's funny how losing a very large amount of weight changes things.  Changes me.  Changes others. Changes relationships.  Especially changes me.

I know change is part of life.  I am usually one who embraces change and likes to see new things, go to new places, do new things...  I'm not saying I mind all the changes that are happening in my life, but it is definitely different, and some changes I did not expect.

I know someone who lost a large amount of weight with her husband's support, but when she got close to her weight goal, he left her because he couldn't handle it.  I thought it was so sad and strange and cruel at the time.  Now, I see people around me treating me differently.  A lot of friendly teasing going on, and that's cool, but I also get the smart-aleck comments, and the snide "oh look at you" kinds of statements, like it's somehow just easy for me to say "no" to things I want to eat or to exercise self control or push myself past horrible pain and make myself go to the gym daily, some days twice a day.

I also didn't know that I would change so much that I would feel alienated from people I've known for years.

I am learning to depend on God and myself much more and other people much less.  I have been able to count on my husband who is on this journey with me.  He is the one I depend on so many days and that I know I can talk to no matter what.  Most of the time he "gets it" because he's also experiencing these changes and the ways people are different to him as well.  And when he doesn't get it, he just listens to me, tells me he loves and then proves it.  I'm so grateful that I have him and his unconditional love.  I don't know where this journey is going to take me, but I am hopeful that God & Rob will be there through it all and I pray that for whatever I have to give up, God will give me the strength to stand on my own.