Sleep deprivation stinks

I was going to sit down and make myself write out some of my feelings, but at this point I'm so tired I don't think it would even make sense at all.  I have hit some serious sleep deprivation and am starting to have difficulties with my memory, thinking, and emotions.  Yup, the self-hate train has picked me up and whisked me away once again. :(

I hope that this will all start to improve soon.  One way or another I hope to get some rest soon.  Surgery is three weeks from today.  I would guess that will knock me on my back and force me to rest.  I just hope I can sleep at some point. Three more weeks of this is going to be awful.

Maybe that's all I need to say for now.  I'm exhausted beyond description.  My knees are deteriorating qiuckly and the pain is awful.  I have had to be out of the gym a lot lately because of so many medical appointments and trying to get everything done to be ready for surgery and company and doing things with my family.  That is making me feel like a failure BIG time too.

I'm just in a tiny bit of a mood I guess.  Trying oh so hard to not have a pity party.  I have no reason at all to pity myself.  I keep telling myself "Suck it up, buttercup."

So for tonight, that's all I've got.