Last week we had to evacuate the room again and I had to teach in my doorway- supervising one student who was screaming and having a crisis while I taught the rest of the class who was lined up along the walls once again trying their best to learn the new phonics rule of the week. This after I had tried all my calming, reassuring, supporting, choosing my battles..... all the tools I have plus all the things I've been told to do with this particular child by his mental health professional.
We then just tried to ignore the crying classmate laying amongst us whining and being a distraction and throwing a tantrum because he didn't want to spell the words we were working on. When we ignored the smaller outbursts, then he began to scream and cry and throw an all-out tantrum, but the children are so used to it we just kept on rolling. When a classmate tried to help him and comfort him and get him back on track, he reached out and slapped the child and the screaming escalated to the point he was scaring some of the children. So we cleared the room. My children are so used to this, they know what supplies and materials to take with them depending on the time of day and the lesson we are working on. This shouldn't be the norm; this shouldn't be okay.
I was kicked and hit several times last week. I'm so over this. 😒
I now have to do the "perp walk" with a child to make sure a student doesn't expose himself, inappropriately touch another child or do anything indecent in a sexual kind of way to any other child. To protect the other children from this particular child, but also to protect this child from himself. Again, this isn't okay. I teach first grade. I feel like a flippin' warden. This really hurts my heart in a way I cannot express.
And CPS won't investigate. When I called to appeal, they told me I didn't give them enough "proof." Said I can "ask questions and gather proof and call them back, but without evidence they won't investigate." I felt so dumb because I don't understand. Isn't that the point of an investigation is to gather the proof or find that there is no proof? Isn't that THEIR job? I even tried to explain what our state-mandated training tells us to do and what it tells us we cannot do (ask probing questions). I asked them "what kinds of questions can I ask?" Their response? "Ma'am I can't tell you that." I was so angry I wanted to scream. I was polite, but when I hung up I was in tears and shaking. SO VERY ANGRY. And this child is being kicked out of counseling because his parents keep no-showing for the appointments so he's left with no help, no support. I feel so alone in this battle to try to help this child.
Spring break is in four days. Four. More. Days. But it feels like an eternity. Rob told someone last week that this job is killing his wife. That really hurt to hear that he felt this way. I pray to God it isn't true. But it probably is. I am having nightmares multiple times a night about school and really struggling to sleep. Please God help me to make it. And please God don't let this job kill me.
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