Once while my Momma was going through her rough days of chemo, she missed a band concert of Robert's. I had just gotten a cell phone a few months before, and thinking she might like to hear his concert, and feeling a bit melancholy for her, I called her and held up the phone so she could still hear Robert's band play. I remember it was the jazz band, and I thought she would have really liked it.
Well, tonight, I did the same thing so Grandma could hear Matthew play with a few other young people in the East Forsyth Brass Ensemble as they performed at a tree lighting ceremony in Kernersville. I HATE being so far away from the family, hate the kids not having their grandparents around for these things. My parents have always tried to be at everything they could- even when we didn't live close by they still made it to some of the things the kids did. So I really hate that I took them away from their grandparents who are a big, important part of their lives. I HATE that I took the grandkids away from my parents who adore them, enjoy their company, and would like to be able to be at these important events. I HATE that I am alone with only Rob to watch the kids' "moments" pass by, with no mom or pop to make the memory with. So, tonight, I did the only thing I could. I called my mom and held up a cell phone so she could hear the band play, and cried in the dark.
But, it wasn't all homesick and "blues" as my family is full of clowns!!! Rob, Robert, & Barbara were full of wisecracks and jokes and laughing- Barbara especially!!!! Before the event, we picked Matthew up from the high school where he had practiced, and drove to Sonic where we ate and joked and laughed. Then we went to the park for the big ceremony. We left after Matthew played, and went back to G'boro to get a Christmas tree. I even tried to do a line from the movie Barbara & I hate- The Christmas Story- and got us all doing it. YIKES!!! We picked out our tree- a pretty white pine and have come home and begun the decorating process. We have our tree up with colored and white lights to please the kids and the mom. It has all our homemade, kid-made, momma-made, and other keepsake ornaments. It is a homey looking tree, but as I sit here and look at it in the dark, I realized that, though, the tree may not be very pretty to an outsider or make my home look "beautiful," each ornament that is on that tree has a memory of a child who made it, a momma who painted some when I was little, memories that come with some of those ornaments from my childhood, special memories of our younger/poorer/harder days as a young couple with young children. I may someday trade in a "homemade" tree for a "prettier" one, but I hope I can find a way to keep these special mementos to remember a life full of loved ones and good memories.
While we decorated, we had Christmas music going. Robert went in search of our large stash of Christmas music and acted as our DJ. Barbara & Matthew had fun dancing together in the kitchen and creating dance routines to the Trans Siberian Orchestra's version of music from the Nutcracker. It was too cute and too funny to watch them dancing, leg kicking, twirling, grabbing each other by the elbow and spinning... Then they, literally, begged me to let them hang lights all up and down the hall. I'm starting to get old enough that that doesn't really appeal to me, but as I opened my mouth to say no, I thought twice, and remembered that there are only a handful of years left, if that, that my kids will even be here to decorate with me. There are only a few years left that they will want to do that, and then it will all be gone- no kids to joke and tease with while we hang up things, no kids to watch dance and laugh together in the kitchen, no kids to say, "Please Mommy, can we have colored lights in our room/in the hall/on the door?" So, I quickly changed my mind and told them it was okay. So now my hall is lit up very gaudily, but the two are quite pleased and that's all that matters to me.
Now I sit here in the dark with the fireplace going full-steam (oh yeah, I forgot to write that we woke up without heat this morning, so it's getting kind of chilly again), and my candles are burning brightly in the dark, and the Christmas tree and angel on top are all shining, and it is all very pretty. Though I'm very homesick right now for my family, I'm so thankful for the family that came all this way with me. They make my days so much better, and make me a better person! It's been a wonderful, fun night, sure to give us all pleasant memories down the road. So, as I drift off to sleep, I'll say Thanks Father for a way to share a brief moment of time with my momma through a silly cell phone (a century ago, that would not have even been possible, two centuries ago, I would have never even seen my family again if I'd made this move). Thanks for Your birth and what this holiday is really about. Help me to keep focused on that and not to forget it in all the busy-ness. And Thanks for a fun evening chock full and overflowing in laughter and fun with my family!!!!!!!!!!
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