note for heaven

You've been gone a long, long time now.

I was a kid then.
I am a middle-aged woman now with grown children of my own.

I've lived longer than you got to and done many things you never were able to.  I graduated from college, and next May will graduate with my master's degree.  This summer I will celebrate my 25th wedding anniversary.   I have watched my children perform in band concerts, participate in different sports, graduate from high school and one from college, get their driver's license and first car.  Now I watch as our children start their adult lives, going to college, working, moving out and planning to move out.

I am blessed or lucky to have been able to live longer than you did.  Some days I think I will run to find you if and when I get to heaven.  Other days I think I am not sure I will want to see you for reasons I don't want to share because they sound weird and stupid even to me.

Yesterday my oldest took my breath away when he said he thought of you and even talked to you as he went for a walk in the woods behind his apartment complex.  He had tears in his eyes when he said he wished he could have known you and when he asked me if I thought you would have liked him.

I know you don't know.  I know you can't see or read a stupid blog.  But I have nowhere else to put it so I'll write it here.  You are still thought of.