Almost there

Taking a quick mini brain-break between chapters of the thesis... I have so many emotions and thoughts as I'm ending this big chapter of my life.  Before you read on (if anyone is here besides my brain and me), I'm not crazy- well not medication/hospital/lock-me-up-and-put-me-away crazy anyway, not yet.  But in my head there are two Rebekah's- one my hubby calls "Evil Rebekah" and the new one that is learning to like herself at least a little somedays.  We've been having quite the conversations lately.

• Oh my word,  I have so much to do still!  You're going to fail at the end.  Shut up, I am NO quitter!
• I can't believe the end is almost here! Wow, you've managed to do it!
• I am going to make it. :)  Am I going to make it? 
• Wow, me!!! I am writing a thesis!   Yeah, well you've had to look pretty stupid to some people for all your dumb questions & your struggles with that stupid lit review, and it probably isn't much of a thesis.  It's not like it's a "real thesis" anyway that you had to defend. Yeah, well whatever it is, I did it, and I am going to graduate.  They don't let stupid people earn masters' degrees you know!
• I always said I wasn't smart enough to get a masters' degree, and now I'm less than a month from completing one.  How can that be possible?
• Graduation?!?!  Why did I say I'd march?  I have to walk in front of a large crowd and put myself out there in front of others.  What was I thinking????
• I don't want all the attention.  I just want to get my diploma, get a photo with my kids and my niece, chat with my family about anything not-me and go back home.
• I want to attend my commencement because it's the right thing to do.  I worked hard for this and should take a minute to be proud of myself.  If it were my kids I'd bug them to go.  I will regret it later if I don't.  I'm setting a good example for my three young adults who will remember this.  A family memory, a moment they can be proud of their mom.
• I'm setting a good example for my firsties who will remember the teacher they helped earn her degree and graduate.  Who knows how far that might go in their lives someday??? Maybe not, but then again, it might just help them.
• It's not a big deal. Yes it is. No, it's not. Yes it is. No. Yes. No.....
• I wonder if he knows.  Do I care? I wish he did know.  Would he be proud of me? What would he say?  Who cares, he died and you didn't do it for him.  But I wish I could tell him.  Get over it.  Well, I do.
• It's just a degree, Rebekah.  Still, you've worked hard, and you never thought you'd even pursue one let alone earn one.
• You've changed a lot, girl.  A LOT.  You don't listen to the evil me as much anymore.
• This is the hardest thing I have ever done. I just want it to be over now.  Soon, girl, soon.  You're almost there.
• Can I sleep please?????   NEVER!!! mwhahahaha