"Motivation"

A while back someone told me, "Isn't it wonderful that you're finally motivated?" referring to my weight loss success.  I know it was one of those well-meaning kinds of comments, but it bothered me.  I can't speak for anyone else.  I only know my own history and where I'm trying to get to now.

Motivation- what is it exactly?  What is it not?

The dictionary says it is a lack of interest or enthusiasm in something.  The thesaurus lists these words as synonyms:  apathetic, indifferent, lazy, unambitious, uninspiring, unmoved.

While I won't lie and say I was motivated enough to stick with the hard times, my obesity was certainly not a result of me being apathetic, indifferent or unmoved.  I never lacked interest in being healthier.  To me the word "unmotivated" implies being lazy.  I am a lot of things, but I don't think lazy would be one of the words anyone who knows me would use to describe me.   I had three children in three years while I was earning my bachelor's degree and carried a good GPA too.  I have worked full & part time jobs and most of my summers "off" were spent working in daycares, babysitting, or tutoring.  I've served as Mom's Taxi for years and years and am always finding some project to do for someone; in fact my family teases me about how I can never just sit still and do "nothing" like watch t.v. or a movie.   I am always doing something- constantly!

I have always cared more than anyone knew about my weight, about being heavy/fat/obese/morbidly obese.  I have always wanted it to be different, to do something about it, to fix it, to be the thin person I once was.  I have tried many, many times to go to the gym, to walk, to change my food habits, to do all the right things I knew to do.  But when the hard times came, and they did, I couldn't find my way through it.  It was never about motivation, but more about discouragement and not believing in myself that made me lose step with the long-term goal.  It was more about putting everyone else first and myself not even making the list.

Now I've been working for eighteen months in the gym, the longest I've ever stuck with an exercise program.  It's part of my life now.  I could stop tomorrow; it wouldn't be that hard.  Life is busy for everyone, including me.  Going to the gym, sweating, working out, those things are not easy- whether you're fat or thin, in shape or out- working out is HARD WORK!!!!  I'll never be able to take a break from that.  I know this is a life long battle that I will have to stick with to maintain the successes I've had and the ones that are yet to come.

But the success I've had so far is not because I'm suddenly this wonderfully motivated person.  It's because day-in & day-out I keep exercising and doing what I need to do.  Some days I am motivated and want to go to the gym, looking forward to the good feelings I'll have and the pride I feel in myself.  Other days I have to make myself go to the gym because I know it's the right thing to do or because I can't let a day's laziness undo all my hard work.  I know that one day of laziness leads to two, then to three.....  My weight loss is because I work VERY HARD and put in a lot of time and effort.  I am dedicated to making changes and accomplishing my goals.  I guess that's what some people call motivation, but to me, it's not some cliche word.  It's a hard, effort-ful thing.  If it were only as easy as "just being motivated" everyone would lose weight!

Okay, I'm done with my soapbox for tonight.

R :)