Since we have moved to Greensboro, I keep running into- some almost literally (that's another story)- homeless people. It doesn't seem we can go anywhere, drive anywhere, walk anywhere, or even sit in our own home without seeing someone who is homeless and begging for $ or food or something. It kills me to see them. I have been warned by coworkers to be more careful about talking with, dealing with, helping these "people." I even had one person tell me that many of these people live better than me. I've heard about undercover news stories that showed homeless people who begged all day and then went home to big fancy homes and Hummers and the like.... I don't doubt that these people might, in fact, exist. I know that many homeless people are just "drunks" or "junkies" or have mental illnesses. But, no matter what I hear or even think about why people are homeless or the problems/addictions/sins they may have in their lives, I can't get past that God loves them too, that God has blessed me too much to just turn my back.
See, I've been hungry before. Not for long, not starving, not without any hope, but hungry and without enough food in our home. I remember a time when Rob & I ate only ramen noodles (at 10 cents a pack) for breakfast, skipped lunch, and then another pack for supper so that we could buy diapers, baby food, and formula. When we got that bad off for a few weeks, I swallowed my pride and went to a food pantry. I sought other sources for food so we wouldn't go hungry. Boy, were those humbling experiences to have to ask for a handout from a church or organization because we couldn't provide enough for ourselves while going to college. We also took a lot of help from our family, without whom we would have been homeless at one point or living in a car. I don't have any idea how embarrassing it must have to be to stand on a street corner or to approach someone in the parking lot or on the street to ask for $, but I know that you have to be pretty bad off to resort to this. I know that without family and "resources" available to me and a good upbringing, I would now be in a much different place. Without God, who knows where/what I would be right now.
I HATE passing people on the street and not helping them; I hate thinking that maybe they are hungry and I could at least for one meal solve that problem. I know I can't solve all or most or even a few of their problems, but I can at least buy them a meal or take them some food from my home. I don't always do this, but I have when I could. The last time I did this, the lady ended up almost harassing us several times late at night and wouldn't quit coming. She wouldn't take food from us, only wanted $, which we could not do. We ended up calling the police on her finally because she was trying to open our door and scared me and the kids half to death. I was "warned" by the police officer about giving "these people" food or $....
So yesterday, while Robert and I were on our weekly lunch & grocery run, we met Tara who was begging in the parking lot of the restaurant we were visiting. We "missed" her going in as she went to someone else first, but before that, she almost walked into the car trying to get me to stop (this is not the first time that has happened to Robert & I). When we came out with our full stomachs, we couldn't avoid her. I feel shamed for admitting that I was going to try to avoid her as I was afraid it would be another scheme for cash. She shook my hand, complimented my dress, and shook Robert's and wouldn't let go of Robert until she told her story (nice trick). She was crying and hungry and told us where she was headed.... All she asked for was some food from the Taco Bell down the street. I asked her if that was what she wanted, just something to eat. After my last experience, I wouldn't let her get in my car, but told her to walk down there and I would buy her some food.
I will never forget her face- the look of relief that I was really going to buy her something to eat, and the look of fear that I might just be lying to get away from her. She walked on down the street, but not without looking back over her shoulder several times to see if I was really coming. Robert noticed and told me, "Mom, she is afraid you aren't coming." Robert & I agreed to pray with her before I took her in, and I am so proud of that 17 year old son of mine! We stood together and held her hands and prayed with her and for her right there on a crowded, busy street in G'boro- one of the busier, and he wasn't the least bit embarrassed! She hugged us both several times- in the parking lot and in the restaurant and cried, thanked us over and over. She hadn't had a bath in a while I could tell from the way she smelled and the condition of her hair and clothes. I told her that I was more than happy to buy her a hot meal. Told her that there had been a time when there hadn't been enough food in the house for us and three babies, and that God had taken care of me and I was praying that He would take care of her too. She was only going to order a taco, and I told her to get whatever she wanted. She ended up spending a lot more than I intended, but as we followed her afterwards for a block or two, we watched her meet up with someone else who was out begging and she shared her food with that person.
That has happened before. One time, we cooked some food for Rob to take to a guy on the corner of two busy streets begging. Rob told me when he got there, there was enough for him and one other person we had seen, but when Rob gave the man the food, he whistled and some other homeless people came down from nearby corners and they all shared that food with each other and were so thankful for what was now not that much between them all. Thanked Rob over and over. Made us feel so humbled and bad that we hadn't taken more food.
So God, I know that I've been lied to by "these people" before and that Tara was giving me a line about walking to Burlington. I know I am probably a big, gullible, sappy, dumb person who will feel badly and may appear to "fall" for someone's story. And I guess when I get to heaven, You can give me the "Dumbest, Most Gullible Christian" award. That's okay. But will You please watch out for Tara, Sonya, the man in the ice storm last winter, the lady on Christmas day, the High Point Wendy's lady, all those people who stand on High Point Road and Holden and the Randleman Rd/Hwy 40 overpass, and all the others we've met, seen, driven by, helped or not helped, but noticed and wished we could do something for? You love them too, I know, and they need You more than I could ever know or imagine. Somehow in their dark conditions, let them find You and call on You to guide them into the light and into a better life.
And help me to find ways to help "these people" and give me wisdom to know when I shouldn't and protect me from my own "stupid" but well-intentioned self.
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