Another Sleepless Night

It's just about 6 AM, & I've just been lying here waiting for a half-decent time to just get up. I did what the dr. asked of me now for three nights in a row. Put down school work, computer work & play, reading, t.v. everything and went to bed at a decent hour. What did it get me- yet another sleepless night. The past two nights were the worst I've had in a long while.

What am I doing wrong here God? I don't understand why I can't sleep. And even with the medicine that should have knocked me out, I couldn't get to sleep and kept waking up all night.

Now I've got to drag my butt into school yet again and fake my way through. I am telling you now God, I'm going to lie all day. "Yes, I'm fine." And I know that it is wrong, and I'm asking you ahead of time to forgive me, but I am NOT discussing it with anyone. I'm not talking to anyone about this, God- not anyone. I'm not in the mood to talk to anyone, let alone try to explain what is wrong with me when I don't even understand what is wrong.

God, I must be going crazy or being punished for something, or maybe I'm dying. I don't know, but I feel awful and don't want to keep going on like this. I'm trying so hard to keep a smile on my face, show You through my tired, laugh & be happy, see the positives in life, be a light for You, and not be a "gloomy Gus," but I am failing at that too.

God, even You had a need for rest when You rested on the 7th day. Why can't I sleep God? WHY????????????????????????