Love

I Corinthians says, "... the greatest of these is love."

I am so in love with my students, words just cannot express it. Something was said this week that let me know just how much impact that love might be having- I didn't think it was much, but maybe it is. I'm just thankful I remembered Who it really is that is the love in my room and remembered to give Him the credit for it instead of me.

When it comes to the children in my room & the children who have walked through my room and moved on, and even the children who aren't "mine" but just come by my room for a hug or whatever reason they come, I pour myself out, I love them with my all- on the good days, the bad days, the awful-terrible-wish I could pull my hair out days. But no matter how much love I give away, it keeps coming back to me tenfold, a hundred-fold, in bushel-baskets overflowing with big, huge hugs, kisses, "I love you's" signed and spoken, gifts made by little hands, notes left for me in my mailbox, smiles, giggles, silly faces, laughter, shared moments & memories... I can never seem to give enough away, they are like little sponges who keep soaking it up but who also squeeze their hearts back out to give to me.

On an afternoon when I felt discouraged after school and feel so out of sorts with adults (I'm just not as good with grown-ups as kids for whatever reason), I just sit here and close my eyes and I can see all those smiling, laughing faces sitting on my carpet looking at me, teasing me, joking with me, sticking their tongues out at me, chasing me on the playground, "attacking" their teacher, jumping up on my lap, hugging me from any direction. I see a new little girl who was scared and upset to be back at school after being out of country for almost a year, who was just plain traumatized and in tears, who responded to my "Te amo!" with "Yo tambien," and who has been hugging me non-stop & smiling these two days she's been with us. They are awesome kids, and I so don't deserve their love, but I am thankful for it. It fills my heart with joy and makes my days worth being alive and coming to work. It makes a job that can be so stressful on so many other levels, much worth it.

Nor can I forget the little boy from last year (who hated me at first) but who came to love me too. That tough little guy who has had to survive so much already who brings me little gifts of his, makes me notes, and lets me love on him when I can. That little boy who today asked his bus driver to honk at me so I would come back to his bus. When I did, he jumped down to give me a giant hug, took my face in his hands, turned my cheek and kissed it. That little guy will never know how much it means to me when he does that. He will never know how much of my heart he has captured. He will never know God loved me through him, but He did.

Oh God, Rob keeps telling me that You created me in my momma just for this purpose, that I am just what You made me to be. What can I say to that? How humbling to know that all my life from before I was born, my childhood, the hard things in life, motherhood, all my work experiences, led me to this place in time, to love these little people in my life with all my heart and soul because You love them. To know that You've helped me to turn the bad things in my life into lessons that have helped me better understand and minister to my little ones and their families. To know that You are walking in that room and that Your spirit is there in a public school classroom all day long with us. I'm just trying to picture you walking in amongst us as we learn to read, write, add, subtract, make a shape, memorize our alphabet, numbers, words, and all that we do. You were walking around the children doing puzzles today, walked in the middle of the carpet and the children working there. You watched the children reading, playing in the sand table, building with legos. You were there watching Elba & I as we assessed the children and worked with them. You were at the lunch table today when the kids begged me to sit with them; You sat with us too and listened to us. You celebrated another year of life with us today.

And in all of that activity and busy-ness, I can just see You walking around admiring "my kids" and loving them too. I can see You standing at the back of my carpet watching the kids and I teasing each other as I tried to "trick" them and they proudly didn't let me, as I read with them, and as we expressed our love for each other. And somehow, I know You were smiling- not just a polite smile, but a big love-filled smile. I can see it tonight, and I thank You!

Your word is true. The greatest of these is love. I may not have much faith or hope sometimes, but thank You for filling me with Your love and letting it spill out to those little friends of mine. Let me never lose Your love Father.

Lovingly, your Rebekah