Hi God, it's me again. It's Wednesday night, and I'm really dreading tomorrow. I had a great day with kids and only a couple bad things today, but once again I left school feeling like a big flop. I cried all the way from High Point to Winston to pick up Matthew today. :( I'm NOT the teacher I want to be or that I have been. I feel as if I'm making excuses for myself when I try to remind myself that I am teaching two grades, that I have no assistance, that I am also very loaded with other responsibilities, jobs, etc., but that is no excuse. I feel very lonely, not really a part of anything (which is my fault too), but I also feel like an embarrassment to those who work around me. I'm pretty sure none of the teachers around me really like me much. Then there's the situation in my room, and well, God, I just feel like I've failed in so many ways this year.
Now I'm tutoring and it's quite challenging dealing with the behaviors of a couple students, and frustrating because the other two really want to learn...
I need to spend a lot of time in my room to get it rearranged and organized. It's not that I'm a slob God, but I can't keep up with things when I have no time for anything it seems. God I just want to quit, and it's not the kids God. It's me, it's the negativity and the chaos of someone else that is driving me crazy. God I need something to change. Please God, please. God I don't know how I'll even make it to next Tuesday, let alone the end of the year.
Still waiting to hear if you are off President's Day and if that would be a good time for me to fly out and see you.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, Rebekah! I am sorry that it is a tough time. When I told my husband I did not want to return to work (when I started my new job) he said that we all have to face trials that are beyond what we can handle sometimes, and it is awesome what God can do with that. (He already is...) Keep on praying!
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