the short bus

my sister brought me a book to read when she was here for B's graduation- The Short Bus. i thought it would be interesting, and i was curious to read it as i'm always joking about how i'm "special" or how i ride the short bus to school still, and my personal favorite is that when it's my time to go, God will be sending the short bus to heaven for me, that He even has an IEP written for me... i truthfully don't feel "normal" in any way- not as a teacher, not as a mom, not as a human, and certainly not as a Christ-follower- and i truly believe that there are some things that are not quite right in my head. now don't take me the wrong way, i'm actually growing in my being okay with that, it's just part of who i am now, and i think it actually makes me a better teacher and maybe, hopefully a better person if i don't have a big head about myself.

well, i just finished reading the book a few minutes ago. this book was very interesting for me to read as a teacher and was definitely thought provoking. this book, once again reminded me of the influence schools have and the power (for good or evil) teachers have in a child's life. it's amazing, the power of the words and actions teachers have over a student's life and future outcome. i am not sure that all of us teachers really understand and realize how powerful we can be. i work hard to instill only positive into the lives of the children i teach no matter how they are labeled or not. i hope that i continue to view each of my children as special (but not in that put-down kind of way) as i think we are all special in some way or another and that i never just see a child's problem, label, disability, or condition and stop there. i think each of us have our strengths and yes, weaknesses. everyone has something they are particularly good at, love to do more than anything, excel in and something else we are not so hot at, loathe, can't understand, or are disabled in/at...

when i was a young student, i was better at reading and spelling, but horrible at math and handwriting especially. i remember spending most of 2nd grade inside at recess time doing math, looking up words in the dictionary, or practicing the formation of my cursive letters. my teacher made me write those stupid letters over and over and over. i don't know if i told my parents how much i missed recess or not- i remember being embarrassed and feeling dumb and hating my teacher. i know i was also being stubborn about some things too, but that "dumb" feeling followed me for years, and it wasn't until 8th grade that i truly began to "get it" that i was actually pretty smart.

the key for me, as a teacher, is to help kids find their strengths, maximize them, develop them, nurture them and use them and to help them to grow as a human being, learn "tricks" or strategies to help them in those areas where they are weaker or struggle, to encourage them to not let the individual disabilities we each have in some area or other to hold them back from anything in life.

there was this thought in the book that i just can't get out of my mind.

"Maybe the human experience is like a split tree trunk, the tree incorporating a moment of violence and trauma and growing around it. We all have damaged selves in some way, and the question is: Do you put yourself back together holding on to that flickering image of the ideal self, or do you let that go and see yourself for what you are- damaged, with other parts of stronger for it? I don't think we can ever be anything other than imperfect shadows of some impossible ideal."

from The Short Bus by Jonathan Mooney:

well, i agree with that idea sooooo much. i think that picture makes sense in my life. events happened in my life. they "damaged" me in ways that will never heal. i am, in fact, "special." but perhaps, just maybe, i grew around that pain and became a different person, maybe even a better person for it. maybe, rebekah rose thomas, i should quit putting myself down and embrace who i am, a very imperfect person, an obese and ugly lady, but a child of God, and one with a lot of love to give, a lot of joy to pour into the lives of children and adults, someone who can laugh at herself and take herself lightly enough to not get big-headed, someone who wants to help others. maybe, just maybe i am a better person than i would have ever been had that "damage" not happened.

and as for that last line, whether the author knows it or not, it is SOOOO true- we can never be anything other than an imperfect being trying to reach the ultimate goal of Christ's perfect ideal. only upon the final arrival will i ever be perfect, and i need to quit beating the crap out of myself mentally, emotionally, and in any other way when i fail to be perfect.

yeah, i liked this book. a lot!