Lonely

I want to write, for myself only, that I am feeling a little lonely- outside of my family. I know that to sit and dwell on it would be a pity-party, and I so don't want to do that. But I also need to say it to myself and quit denying it, because that won't make it go away either. I am so very grateful for God's unending love; without Him, I don't have a clue where I'd be or what kind of person I'd be. I am sure it wouldn't be good!!!

I am so very in love with and thankful for my family. Without them I would be a miserable person and utterly lonely. It's just that I look around and listen and see all the people at work who hang out together, go out for drinks or clubbing or eat out together or who have young kids and socialize together.... then I think I have friends at church, but I really don't. I know I could confide in several ladies at church if I needed to, but a true friend- no. No one needs me as their friend or wants to confide in me or needs me to support them. I have tried when I could or knew of a need. Some of them have told me how important our family is.... blah, blah, blah- but it just isn't true. If I dropped off the face of the earth, no one there would really notice. They'd miss Rob and his guitar playing in the band; they might miss the nursery workers that Barbara & I are (but that would be replaced)...

I don't know if it is something I do wrong, or if I just put people off or what. I remember what my momma said about "be a friend to have a friend." Well, I want to be a friend so bad- I try, I really do. I have a strong need to be needed by others- probably why I am good with the kinds of kids I work with. I will just keep trying and reaching out; it just hurts when you look around and see other couples who do things together, and you have no one who wants to be your friend or have your company.

Then I remember my parents, my husband and children, and most important of all God. As long as I please God, do my job to His satisfaction, continue to be a parent who points her children to God, am a good wife to my husband and a daughter to my parents, nothing else really, truly matters to me. I just am lonely and wish I had a friend here in NC is all.

It'll be better tomorrow I know, or the next day. I hope I don't sound whiny to anyone who might read this. I just needed to get this off my chest, as it were.