I have been a part of your life for 24 years, and for most of that I have felt like an outsider around you. I grew used to it and wished it were otherwise, but tried to make the best of it. I wanted to have a good relationship with you, but my efforts never seemed to reap any results. I have shed so many tears over this, and spent countless hours feeling guilty about the situation.
Now you're gone. I am going through your belongings and personal things. I see little things that make me wonder- Did you like me after all? I found the posts from my blog that you had printed off and had with your Bible study things. Oh, how that has made me cry these last few hours. We found the photo of B in your firebox, and I wish you would have let her know she meant more to you than she knew.
I see how bad your health was and how limited your abilities were these last few months, and I wish you would have told Rob and me. I don't know what we could have done from NC, but we should have known. I'm so thankful now that we came at Christmas.
You had a hard life I know, and I would have liked to have been closer to you. The kids and I would have brought you much joy and laughter if you'd have let us in more. I am saddened for you that you didn't because you missed out on something good, especially with the kids. I am saddened that you didn't have a better relationship with Rob. He is a wonderful man- one that you would be proud of. He's been my best friend since we started dating. He's stuck with me and never left me or been unfaithful to me even through so many hard times. He's a terrific dad! He is a compassionate, gifted teacher; I wish you could have seen him or talked with him about his daily life as a teacher.
I know you are at peace today, having a wonderful time in heaven. I can see from your things that following God was important to you. I'm so proud to see all the Bible study things you printed off, the things that show how involved in your church you were while you were able-bodied and knowing how even when you became more limited in mobility, you kept involved in a Bible study group. I am hearing all these wonderful things about you from your neighbors and friends, and I am glad you brought joy to others around you.
I hope that somehow in heaven you can know that Rob loves you, that I do too. I'm sorry that I wasn't a better daughter-in-law. I hope you will be able to watch your son as he grows older and that you will see the good he does for God. I hope you will know about your grandkids as they continue to grow and mature and begin their own adult lives.
I hope you know that I did care.
Goodbye.
Rebekah
