I Do Believe

My heart is heavy tonight.  A student from my first class of students was murdered with his girlfriend, and I feel silly but it is really bothering me.  I care deeply about the students and families I work with.  Once you've been one of "my kids," you're always one of my kids.  As is often the case, God talks to me through music.  I heard this song on the way home from school.  Maybe it was just coincidence, but I felt like it was God talking to me and telling me it's okay to question and wonder and have doubts.

Yes, I do doubt.  I do question and wonder, and I try to do it as respectfully as I can.  I'm no idiot- He's God, and I am not.  I don't question Him like a spoiled child throwing a fit, but more like a kid who really wants to understand her Father and is having trouble.  He made me the way I am, and He knows the things I've gone through in life and how they have helped me become who I am.  He knows I have this silly, ridiculous-sometimes heart that cries over the hurts of others & that cares, perhaps too much.  If He doesn't want me to ask Him honest questions, then I hope He will move me to someplace where I don't have to see things that make me wonder.

Until that day, no matter what, I still believe:

• that He is God, and I am not (thank goodness for that!)
• that He is good 
• that He loves us all
• that He forgives even the worst things and His mercy is forever
• that He cares so much more than I can possibly imagine
• that even in the darkest moments of pain that anyone goes through He is there 

Jeremy Camp says it way better than I ever could because, unlike this stupid, sappy, cry-too-easy teacher,  that's how God uses him.