Bored

I am having to do this in "spells" because the dizzies have struck again. I'm home sick again, and bored out of my gourd! I know Momma, but you have to admit I haven't used that words in ages. I can't even remember the last time I was truly bored.

I made it through the "planning day" yesterday, and tried not to let it show to anyone that I was sick, though Kristen knew. I can't fool her, and I'm not good at playing the tough role like my Momma can. Kristen can see right through me even on the few times that I've really tried. By the time everyone left yesterday afternoon, I was really not feeling well. I made it to the recliner at 7:00 and fell asleep, moving to bed about 8:00 and sleeping until 6:30 this morning when I got up for work, tried to get ready for work, & ultimately called off. I slept all morning, and have only sat up straight for about 30 minutes today before getting sick enough that I had to go lay back down here in the recliner.

Yesterday our grade level got to "skip" school (subs provided) and have a planning day. I offered our house as a meeting site if people wanted thinking it would be more comfy than a public place like the library or a restaurant. I fixed some food and drinks... We got a lot done that needed to be done, not as much as I had hoped, but enough for now. I was so nervous because there seems to be this tension between some on our grade level, and I wanted it to be a nice, fun, relaxing day for everyone. I don't know how that went; I felt like there was some tense-ness between some, but I don't know. I am often sensitive and am always a bit on the paranoid side. I know the things that have been said to me this year by my coworkers and the issues that some of them have with me, and I feel like there's a lot that's probably not said that they would like to say but won't. I think (am pretty sure) that some of them don't care for me much. I hate it, and I have tried to think of ways to fix it and have even tried some to change who I am a bit (if I could), but I can't. I am who I am, fat, big-mouth, sensitive, paranoid, put-myself-down, can't-say-no, avoid-confrontation, and everything else. I'm tired of trying to please people (did you hear that Pop & Momma???)!!! I'm just going to be me. Forget it! I'm also thinking I should start looking for another job down the road at another school. The question I'm asking God is where do You want me to be? And if I'm moving, when & where?