Baby Steps

I know, I know, God, I've been here before- how many times? I don't even want to know the answer to that question. But God, you know You've got my attention this time. You really do.

They may be baby steps, but Father I am really trying. 2 quarts to 1 gallon of water a day each day this week, healthier eating & smaller portions, didn't even get my favorite strawberry fruit slush the two times a kid went to sonic this week, got my exercise bike and started using it.... I told my students before break to help bug me about the water and they are (so is my assistant). They are excited to see me drain that big jug of water, ask me if I rode my bike, and most of all are so loving to me in this effort I'm making. They, like You, love me just as I am!

Most importantly reading Your word- really doing it too, not just a chapter or two. Finishing a whole book in the Bible in one week - 4 days actually- (not Isaiah maybe, but not Ruth either). ;) I'm trying so hard to put You first in my life- my home life, my work life, my heart, everywhere. Even gave up eating in the cafe with the other teachers and my kids (which can be a big problem sometimes when coworkers take offense or don't understand) to do something I felt like I was supposed to do at lunch instead.

I know I've fallen down so many times You really should be sick to death of me. But may I say thanks for not being sick of me. Thanks for picking me up, dusting me off, and gently nudging me back onto the path of taking care of me. That is so hard for me to do- I'm used to taking care of my kids, my hubby, my checkbook, my students and their families, even coworkers, but not myself. Thank You Father for being patient with me as I learn how to do this.

Truth is, I know that I can't do this. I can't God, and You know it too. If I could, I'd never have gotten to this stage of Two Ton Tessie. I would have long ago done what needed to be done because if I could do it, it would be so easy. This is going to be impossibly difficult. Lots of people keep telling me "You can do it." "You can do anything you set your mind to." "If you could go to school, have kids, be a good teacher....... (fill in the blank) then you can do this....." But people don't know (unless they are truly this huge). I know You do. Right now I'm grateful for You still loving me as I am- and if I died today in this elephant stage I know You'd still take me in. But I know You can make me change, You can make me who I need to be and, Lord, who I truly want to be, a healthier person who will live to see her grandchildren if You allow it.

For tonight, I'm thankfully Your Two Ton Tessie daughter working on being One Ton Wanda. ;)

P.S. Did I make You smile at least a little God? I try. :)
Rebekah