Momma, What If's, God's promise

Most people who know me know that this girl LOVES her momma! I'm way more attached than most people probably are- in some ways it's probably "not right," but then I'm "not right" so it's okay. :) Most people out here don't know this about me; in fact most people I've known as an adult don't know this, but my "real" dad died when I was 11, and I've always been clingy to my momma since. I'm just a momma's girl is all.

Moving out here so far away from my family-momma especially- was very, very, did I say VERY hard. It was certainly the most adventurous thing I've ever done- well besides having three babies in three years while pursuing my teaching degree (but I think that's more insane than adventurous). :) I knew it was what we were supposed to do, but I felt like (and still do feel this way many, many times) I was abandoning my Momma & Pop. What if they get sick? What if they have to be in the hospital? What if they need help with their home, their yard, their car, just something, anything? What if they get hurt? What if they need us? What if? What if?

Ok, here's honest. Here is the BIG one that is so hard to say- What if the cancer comes back? And I'm way out here far away from someone so very truly dear to me, someone that no one can ever replace? What if I can't get back out there?

I've tried really hard to not think about the "what if's" too much or to let myself dwell on them. I can't change the future by worrying about it or by worrying about things that may or may not happen. Sometimes that doesn't work though, like when your Momma or Pop is sick, or you get a call that they are in the ER, or there is "something" there and your mom has to go back to the dr., or your mom is sick and you just don't want the "C" to come back.

I went through this so many times with God from the time we started talking about moving out here, to interviewing, to contemplating accepting jobs, to preparing to move, to moving, to living out here, to present day when I think of these things at least weekly. I feel so guilty for leaving my family behind and separating our family so far away from each other. Each time I've talked about this with God though, I am always reminded of a lesson He taught me back in '05 when we were preparing to leave. That helps a lot to remember things God taught me, even if it doesn't make me feel 100% better, it helps to know He is watching, He cares, He will help no matter what "ifs" happen.

Tonight, as I was reading my Bible, I saw a scripture that I never really saw before even though I've had to have read it several times in my life. Matthew 19:29 "Everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or fathers or mothers or children or lands, for my name's sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life."

I don't even begin to liken my moving to NC to be like anything big or any major sacrifice that compares to so many true sacrifices people are having to make or have made. I am no martyr or super Christian or wonderful Godly woman. But this I do know. I love my momma, and I had to leave her behind to come out here and teach because God said to do it. I left my momma, my Pop, my sister, and a few dear friends for Him. Maybe in some small way, that will count. At least I know now that God counts it.

Thanks God for that promise You showed me tonight. And God, will You please take care of a momma, a pop, a sister "back there" where we left, no matter the "what if's" that come our way? I know You will, and I thank You for that.

Yours,
Rebekah :)