Wednesday, January 05, 2011

After all these years...

It's weird after all these years how my daddy's death still so strongly impacts me. A few days ago, Barbara was talking about how her daddy taught her to change a tire and the oil... The conversation went a lot of ways, but one of the ways it went was me making sure she knows that should she EVER want to do either of those things she must tell me first. It was weird how quickly that thought could bother me.

Then tonight, Robert was telling me about something he did in his job today. Something I am sure is perfectly safe. He was talking to me, and I told him we'd have to not go too far in this conversation when BOOM! there it was, and I had to ask him to stop. I don't want to be that way with my kids- don't want them to have to not tell me things or not be just normal.

But I really can't help it. I've come a long- no a very long- way from the traumatized girl I was, but I guess some things just can't be fixed. I know my kids will understand and won't mind. I just wish I wasn't a messed-up person.
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2 comments:

  1. Rach10:24 AM

    Believe me, you are NOT messed up. We are all a product of our experiences, and yours are such that they affect you when you hear certain things. There is nothing in the world wrong with that.

    I know *I'll* never again be comfortable around salt water. I just won't. There is nothing wrong with that, it's just how it is.

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  2. Momma10:27 PM

    I don't see where finding your father dead when you come home from school and still having problems from that makes you "messed up." I would think you would be "messed up" if it had not affected you. Who would find their father dead and not have issues with it? Only someone who is either cold hearted or an idiot.

    I don't think that makes you messed up - I think it shows you are a normal person with normal reactions.

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