God Talks to Dummies- I'm Proof!!!!

Okay, tonight I went with Rob to the Y; didn't really feel like it, have too much to do for school and a checkbook that's horribly past due on some upkeep (I don't have a clue how much $ we have left or if I even have enough for the rest of our month and a stack of receipts to enter and to balance....)... But we went anyway. I was feeling a bit homesick & low about some things with work and wishing I could understand better and at the same time knowing I need to quit worrying and caring so much about what people think and whether they like me .... (my usual issues).

I took my player and was listening to my Mercy Me songs. Mercy Me & Casting Crowns are without a doubt my favorite groups- it's like they see right into my heart & life and know just what to write & sing about. Let me say, it was an experience like I've never had before. First off, let me say that somehow the good Lord must have kept my feet moving and my legs from falling out from under me & I did 2 miles- which I know is no big deal for most people, but when you are a "lard-butt" like me it is a BIG deal!!!!!!!!! But, more importantly, I had to actually work to not cry as I walked 20 laps around the track. It was like God was talking to me while I walked and listened to my music. Let me see if I can explain.

For a long, long time I've felt like something was missing; everyday was the same- get up and go to work and come home and cook/eat & do schoolwork and go to bed only to repeat this every day. Sure, I know I was touching lives- I'm sure lots more than I realize- but while I was working at my last school (a nice Lutheran school), I just kept feeling like I was not doing what needed to be done- even though I'm sure that God gave me that job and it was in His plan for me to be there. I kept thinking about how Jesus said he had not come for the well but the sick. I prayed for so long that He would allow me to get back in the public school system so I could be more helpful to those who needed His love and that I would be doing something for Him more than I was. But the doors were always closed; believe me I tried for years and could not get in. Then, in 2005 we moved to North Carolina- here I am. I still sometimes struggle a little with why we had to leave our family behind, our friends, our fields of corn & winter snow, the Midwest where we'd lived all our lives, and everything we knew. My kids had a hard time with our move and that worried me too. But, for the first time in my life, I feel like I'm where I belong. A long time ago there was Michael W. Smith song about finding "my place in this world" and that is what I was looking for. And now I have kids who aren't well off and don't come from well-to-do families, and guess what? I love it! I love my kinderkids from all over the world and from NC. I love my class of little people who love me back and take in all the love I give and give it back to me and learn all I can teach and teach me and bring lots of joy and sometimes a little/lot of frustration and worry to my life. And it's really been sinking in with me lately that although I am far away from my family and can't be there for them when they need me (& that does really hurt a lot!!!!), I am finally "Where I Belong." Tonight while I was walking (and my knee & feet were screaming) I heard this song again, but it was like it was the first time I'd ever heard it all over again. It's a Mercy Me song and it was like God said, "Hey dummy (I'm just kidding!), this is where you belong. You belong here, in the gap, for the little people I placed with you to love them for Me and to hug them and show them some light and joy and happiness and to teach them how to read, write, spell and do math and how to get along with others, but to also mention Me when you can and to show them My love... So, though I miss my family terribly sometimes, I am where God wants me to be, where I belong. I can't be anywhere else but where He wants, and if I go where He wants, then I am where I belong.

Here are the lyrics from that song: "Where I Belong"
Everybody hopes
That maybe somewhere down this road
We'd finally find that place where we belong
That place where we're complete
The one that occupies our dreams
That place we're lucky to call our home
Well, I have arrived
And I can't keep this inside
So I raise my hands
And shout Your name
To praise You with my song
My dream's at hand
I've found my place
The place where I belong
Everybody tries
To find the purpose for their life
In hopes that one more day is justified
But once you truly see
The very reason why you breathe
It becomes so much more than getting by
Well, I have arrived
And I can't keep this inside


Another song of theirs is Bring the Rain & it's what I wish my life's story could be like, what I wish people could say about me. It's what I am working on doing/being for you God. So, God, if I have to hurt for little ones that have horrible lives and for coworkers who are ugly because they don't know You and aren't happy, if I have to be away from my family and be homesick, then help me to be able to really, truly say this and live it. Let this be my witness for You.

Bring me joy. Bring me peace. Bring the chance to be free. Bring me anything that brings You glory. And I know there'll be days when this life brings me pain, but if that's what it takes to praise You Jesus, bring the rain.