Thankful for encouraging words, the love of others, and yes, even life's challenges

First off, I have to say that I am SO very thankful for the love God gives freely even when we don't deserve it. I am grateful for the love and support of my family- the ones I live with and the ones back home in northern Illinois. Without God and that family, I don't know where I'd be, who I'd be, and I don't want to think about it.

I'm also thankful tonight for the encouraging words two ladies have given me lately- Rach & Crystal, I am grateful for you and the timely encouragement you have sent my way!

Momma, you have ALWAYS been there for me. Your undying love and belief in me has been an example of God's love to me, what a mother's love for her children should be, and has held me up in some icky times in my life. Thank you for being that Momma! Not everyone gets one of "those" kind of moms, and I am more grateful than words can ever express!

Rob, you have stood by me for a long, long time now. We certainly had some hard times, but we hung on and made it through. You stuck with me through all of it and have been my best friend, the one who has to listen to me rant & rave and complain and cry. When I get in the car to come home, I can't hardly wait to reach this sanctuary we have created together- this safe place in an ugly, ugly world- home is my haven where I find God and love, joy and laughter. Thank you for that!

This weekend I was stressed about college and work. It all came to a head and I made it home to fall apart. Rob let me cry, held me in his arms and listened to me. My momma listened to me and prayed for me. Then she told me something that helped. "Rebekah, you have done many hard things and done them all well." That really helped, Momma. And you're right Momma. I thought about the challenges life has brought me. None of them were easy, but I did make it through and they all made me a better person.

Then Crystal sent me a message to tell me that I just don't see myself the way others do- which is not a new thought for me. The list of people who have spoken to me about this and said that very thing could probably stretch all the way back home to Illinois from here. :) I have long annoyed people I work with, let alone my family, for this very flaw. :)

I have LONG said, that I wish I could have a new pair of glasses that let me see myself the way God does. I just don't see all good things other people see. I see the real me- the side I try to hide because inside of me are some ugly thoughts, words that I'm not proud of, anger, laziness, gluttony, jealousy (oh, I don't want to admit that one), and lots of other awful things if I were completely honest with myself.

BUT, "someone" kind of challenged me tonight to start writing five positive things about myself each day. Not sure if I want to do that either. :) But I'll try. I feel self-conscious and conceited.

So I'll say it this way:

• I am not a perfect person, waaaaay far from what God wants, but I am His child. That's the bottom line.
• I have been a good wife to Rob Thomas for 22 1/2 years. I have stuck with him through the bad times too and support him in everything he does.
• I haven't been a perfect mom; God knows I've made lots of mistakes and have lots of regrets, but my kids have become these WONDERFUL young people! Not perfect either, but trying to live for God, respectful, loving, giving, laughing, seemingly well-adjusted young adults in spite of my mistakes. I can take credit for that. :) After all these years and all my worries that I'd mess them up, I didn't. I "done good."
• I have been a good daughter to my parents. I have tried to be there for them- not always done that well either, but mostly, I think I have. I have honored them, mostly obeyed them, listened to their wisdom, watched their lives' example.
• I have been a good teacher to a lot of kids from southern Illinois to northern Illinois, Iowa, and now North Carolina and have done so for soon to be 17 years. I will never win some big award, but I have loved with all my heart more children than I can count anymore. Wherever I have taught, I have given all of myself and then some. I can honestly say that I have never taught somewhere and not worked myself to death almost to be there for my students and their families. I am NOT saying I have never failed in that endeavor or made mistakes as a teacher. I am NOT saying I am some great teacher who is the best. But I have tried with every fiber of my being to show God's love to every student who walks through my door as well as the adults who come into my life.

For over a year now, I have tried to ask myself these things at the end of each day:

• Did I please God today?
• Did I do right by my family today?
• Did I do right by my students today?
• Did I show love to those entrusted to me today?

But if I may confess, this year has been even more challenging and difficult than even last year was, and it was a pretty rough year. I still try to do those four things EVERY SINGLE DAY, but I have let the negativity and hurtful, spiteful things said and done in my work environment take root in my heart and tear me apart. I have let all the garbage at work and the negativity and the focus on some stupid #/score and the 30-second sound bytes from people who never observe in my classroom dictate what I focus on more than I should. I need to go back to those ?s up there. That should be the true measure for myself at the end of the day.

So, taking up this challenge given to me and modeling after Rach who lists "sparklies" and "milestones," I will try my very best to list something good about myself each day. If you read, please don't see me as conceited because I know I will. :)

With a lot of love and gratefulness,

Your BekaBoo :)