For such is the kingdom...

Yes, His kingdom is like this. :) Read on...

My class enjoyed some yummy popsicles and were amazed to see their tongues changing colors. I told them we'd take a silly picture of them sticking their tongues out at me. Ummm.... :) I'm a goofy teacher, but we had fun and believe me, I needed it!

The past two days have not been good for me. I won't record the details because they aren't important for me to remember someday if I look back at this journal entry. It will suffice to say that people can be hurtful, sometimes very much so. I left school today during the middle of the day for about an hour and fell apart after two days of mean and hurtful things; I am exhausted and sick and just came to the end of my rope for this week. I just got on the interstate and drove and cried and prayed and ended up calling my momma before I pulled myself together and went back to work.



I was all prepared to sit down and write it all out, to spill my guts here, but then I've had time to think about it and what I really want to remember is that once again, in the midst of frustration and hurt, God used my little ones to love me and to teach me.

I don't like pictures of me, but I love the kid in this picture, Kevin, my hugger!

Several times over the past couple days Kevin kept coming up to me in the middle of centers, on the playground, at lunch, throughout the day at various times and just bear hugging me for no apparent reason, whispering to me, "I love you." (I need to tape his voice as there are no words that can describe Kevin's voice to you; I absolutely adore it when he talks- it is just simply precious!) Kevin gives the best, biggest, longest, most heartfelt hugs I've ever had. Then Abbie, who likes me I know but doesn't normally give me hugs and such, just came up to me yesterday and today to hug me several times, again just out of the blue for no obvious reason that I'm aware of. Matthew, who has very slowly warmed up to me, brought me a handful of flowers and spent his whole recess today picking me flowers along with Jiquan and posing for my camera.

Matthew's gift to me today- a handful of flowers and silly faces- God used this little boy to make me smile and laugh at the end of this stressful week.

It made me think a lot about the scriptures where Jesus talked about children and the kingdom of heaven. This is what God loves about children. Though they certainly can be mean- I've seen it plenty of times- they have an ability to love people despite their faults that adults sometimes lose. My kids don't see me as a fat lady, an ugly lady, or any of the other things I've heard in public or even say about myself. My children love me for the person I am inside, the person they see, the real me. Just like my heavenly Father. Azka told me this week, "You're beautiful." Timera said, "You pretty." Maybe God was speaking through them too.


Whatever the case may be, I know God used my children to speak to me in a difficult time and to give me back some of the love I've given away to them. I needed it Lord, it was a "rainy day" for me on the inside, and though you didn't take away the rain, you sent a ray of your light into my little storm to make a beautiful rainbow in my day. I thank you for that. And though I can't give you back much, I offer you whatever I have that I can do or say. And I share these photos as my testament of the love You sent me today on a bad day.

I've Got Peaches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last year for Mothers' Day, the kids bought (with their own money) me a peach tree. We watered that tree as much as we could with water restrictions and even prayed for that tree when it was so hot and dry. :) Matthew just came running in to tell me we've got peaches! YEAH! How cool is that! I've never grown any fruit before, so this is really neat!

Bring the Rain

Mercy Me sings:
"I am Yours regardless of the clouds that may loom above... You who made a way for me, suffering your destiny. So, tell me what's a little rain? So I pray, bring me joy, bring me peace. Bring the chance to be free. Bring me anything that brings you glory. I know there'll be days when this life brings me pain, but if that's what it takes to praise you, then Jesus bring the rain."

Okay, God, no matter what I'm going to praise You. So if you must, well, bring on the rain. I'm ready because I know You go with us. :)

Romans 8:35-39 (my paraphrase) Who shall separate me from God's love? In anything that comes my way, I will finish this journey with Him because He loves me (even when I doubt myself or how He could possibly love me). I am convinced that there is nothing on this earth, no problem, no sickness, no lack of strength, no trial, no person, no power, nothing in the past or the future, no self-doubts or worries that can keep me from God's love.

Nice Evening

Matthew and I just spent some time planting two flower beds with seeds I bought last month in my eagerness for Spring! :) Pop bought good soil and mulch and put it around our magnolia tree last Thanksgiving when they came out, so we planted a mix of flower seeds (blues, pinks, whites) all around under that. Then we planted the bed next to the carport with mammoth and Mexican sunflowers, echinacia, black-eyed Susans, gillardia, shasta daisies, alyssum, morning glories, and moonflowers. I can hardly wait until they all start growing!!!! Last year, the Mexican sunflowers, especially, attracted TONS of butterflies and hummingbirds.

We're going to plant a couple more big patches of sunflowers and more. Just not sure how quickly that will get done in the next couple weeks with all the jobs, drama club, sports, school functions, and more, but hopefully soon. At least, we got a start on it today.

It was a nice evening. Hey, I even felt good enough to cook dinner after too, that's an accomplishment! :)

Night!

It's Done!

Well, yesterday, I drove downtown after picking up Robert from school and before going back for Barbara :) and delivered my packet of TOY portfolios to the human resources office. Whatever the outcome, whatever God has planned for me, I did the best I could and it's done. It's in His hands now.

Momma, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for proofreading, offering your comments and constructive criticism to me. You helped me make it a whole lot better!!!!!!!!!!! I start to say "I couldn't have done it without you," but yeah, I could have, it just wouldn't have been anywhere nearly as good as it ended up being. I got compliments from the two fellow teachers I shared it with, my principal, and our CF at school brought it back to me with this comment, "Only one word, Rebekah, 'outstanding!'" :) :) :)

So now I can go back to being who I am: goofy, quirky, Big Mama, loud, and silly me. :)

Laughing Out Loud- on the inside where it counts

I have to put this down to remember. I'm dying laughing inside, but being the good mommy I should be, I am not letting it show so as to not hurt someone's feelings.

Barbara is doing her schoolwork and just asked me an interesting question.

"Mommy, what's cannabis?" I told her it was pot. Okay, now I'm quoting here folks! "Really? When did they change its name?"

Serious as a heart attack! Oh my word! That kid is so smart, but sometimes she can be a complete and total ditz! :)

HA! HA! HA! I'm dying to tell Rob this one! :)

It's been a beautiful day here in NC (at least this part of NC anyway). :) I drove home with all four windows down and enjoyed the warm breeze and the sunshine.

Rob, Robert, and Barbara are all working for the Greensboro Grasshoppers this year, and ball season has started so there is someone working almost every night now. Rob is tired after teaching all day, running home from school to grab a sandwich and turn right back around to go to the ballpark. I will be starting the second job soon and then things ought to get really interesting around here.

I'm still fighting the dizzies, but I can make it. :) I haven't had to take any of my "zombie medicine" since Tuesday, so that's a plus. I've just been toughing it out as much as I can.

I have my teacher of the year portfolio done and all the copies printed and assembled as instructed, and will be dropping it off downtown tomorrow afternoon. Whew! Glad that's done! :)

Okay, I've said nothing really, but that's okay, do I ever really? :)

Appreciation

There are a few simple things in life I've learned to appreciate more lately:

• taking a shower
• driving down the highway
• taking a walk (and enjoying it)
• feeling good
  
  I'm really tired of this vertigo/meneire's crap! I don't like me, and don't know how my family can even stand to put up with my constant not feeling good. Yeah,
  I definitely appreciate the days when I feel at least less sick.
  
  And, no today isn't one of those days. But, I'll live to take a walk, enjoy a hot shower, drive without weaving or at least feeling like I am, and feel good another day. Thank you God for helping me until then.

My Dogwood Tree

Well, okay it's not really "my tree" since it belongs to the landlord, but while I pay rent & live here, it's mine. :) I went out into the rain tonight to get a picture or two from my dogwood tree. I love these trees!

One Way Streets

I've just decided- I don't like one way streets.

Happy Spring!

I went to the Bog Gardens today with two of the kids! It was beautiful!

Miss You Daddy

Today was the day you left us, 26 years ago. I know it's been a long, long time now, and I'm all grown up with a family almost grown up of my own now. I just wanted to say that though I'm now older than you lived to be, I still think of you and miss you. Your oldest grandson will graduate in just a couple months, and I think of how proud you would be of him. I think of how you would love picking on your granddaughter, like Rob does. How much you would enjoy sitting with Matthew and watching sports. How you would enjoy Rob's sense of humor and joking around with our family. How you would love to sit and play the guitar with Rob or hear the kids play their instruments or wrestle with the boys. You would fit right in with us, and I can almost hear your laugh as we sit around and kid with each other and pick on each other. I can almost see you here with us, laughing and being part of us. I guess you do live on in the kids. I just miss you and wanted you to know.

Love,
Your Rebekah

In Memory of Uncle Ralph & My Daddy

Yesterday my uncle was buried in Illinois. I was unable to attend the funeral being way out here in NC and without enough funds to see my way there and back again. This song has become one of my favorites, it helped me think of the place where my daddy died and better understand that is where he "flew to meet Jesus." When my momma was sick with cancer, and I wasn't sure if she would make it or not, I listened to this song a lot. When I die, I hope a long time from now, this is a song I'd like played at my funeral.

So, in honor of my aunt and two cousins, and in memory of my uncle and my own daddy who died 26 years ago this month,

Sometimes Love

I'm listening to Chris Rice today. I had forgotten this song, "Sometimes Love," but it says to a "T" how I feel about this world & what I'm doing in it. I know how sinful I am (who claims to be His child) & so I often doubt that I can possibly be doing much or that my puny efforts can be very effective against so much evil, but I have to hope and pray.



Is our world spinning backwards?

What has brought about this change?

Can’t you see that people aren’t the same...


I wish I were dreamin’, and could wake up from my sleep,

and find us all the way we used to be...

‘Cause the love that used to be is dyin’. Is anybody even tryin’?

And I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but somethin’ in my soul is cryin’


Sometimes love has to drive a nail into its own hand.

Sometimes love has to drive a nail into its own hand.



One pair of hands broke some bread and washed some feet.

Opened eyes and soothed an angry sea.
Belong to a man who could see our deepest need, and showed us love the way it has to be.


‘Cause he knew the price that love requires. And he laid down his own desires...

He stretched out his hands to save his friends, and said "no other love is higher."



Sometimes love has to drive a nail into its own hand.

Sometimes love has to drive a nail into its own hand.


Love can change us, love can make a way. Only Jesus' love can change us, love can make a way.





Please God, let Your love change me and help me to show Your love to others so that they can be changed too. Let Your love shine through me to give hope to those in need.

Very Weary

This has been a long day, and I am "dog-tired!" This was the day for our monthly parent meetings, entitled "Kinder Coaches." Ms. Jackson came up with this idea last summer before we started Kinder Camp, and I have been helping her with every one; it's been her and I each month planning it, and me doing a lot of the work to help her out. I enjoy putting together handouts and learning centers for parents and children to do together! That's right up my alley!

Today, I had to set up for two of these parent meetings, one at 7:30 AM & another at 6:00 PM, and I had little/no help at either one. I had to put tables down for other teachers and back up for the p.e. teacher, then back down again this afternoon for the 2nd meeting. There was little/no participation from other teachers, and our attendance was significantly down from previous parent meetings. We had only 7 kids and their parents this morning, and only three this afternoon. :( This evening, I had to get the food from the store, come back and ended up setting everything from food, to handouts & sign in sheets, to all the learning stations without any staff help. Thank God for Barbara, who came and helped me out! I wouldn't have made it without her! I don't mind doing stuff and it's okay if I have to do a lot; in fact, I prefer to do the behind the scenes type work. I'm just really tired, and my back & feet are hurting.

I'm happy to be home. Good night!

I hate death!

I know it's part of life, and I know it's not healthy or normal for me to feel the way I do about it, but I HATE death. It causes so much hurt and leaves people lonely and sad and having to figure out how to move on.

I had a bad day....

I know there's a song with that line in it, but I don't know what the rest is. Oh well. It was a bad day at work today, and I'm really frustrated. I'm really glad it's Friday.

Dear God,
It's me, your wacky child. So, You know I've been working on this portfolio for this nomination for t-o-y. You know it's got me really frustrated. Lord, I know people think I'm all that braggy stuff- it's embarrassing sometimes, but You know me better than anyone else, and I know me, know my day in & day out, my failings (many they are!), my strengths and weaknesses... I so don't feel worthy of winning something like this. And I so don't know how to write what needs to be written for this portfolio.

And then, I feel a bundle of emotions too, because though I don't really feel like I should win such an award, I won't lie and say it wouldn't be a really neat thing to actually win county, or especially state t-o-y. I can't even begin to imagine that! I don't see how it could happen; I'm sure I'm not enough of the kind of teacher that could would that. I'm just me, a teacher who really loves her kids and families and tries to show that in everything I do. I try to see the best in each child, no matter how badly they behave. When I teach my kids, I imagine it's You that's teaching. When I hug my kids, pat them on the head or shoulder, smile at them from across the room, cafe, sidewalk... when I show them the "I love you" sign language sign and they show it back, well all those times I feel like it's You doing it and it's just my hand or face or arms. But, sure, I'd really like to win that. It would probably boost my self-esteem, but then again, You probably know whether it would make me conceited too. ??? I don't know.

So, anyway, will You help me with this portfolio? Will You give me the words I should say? Will You help me to represent You as I write this and when it goes to whomever it goes to? Will You let the people who read my portfolio see You in it? That's what I really want, no matter what. And help me to keep my eyes on You and nothing else.

Thanks God! I'm more appreciative of all You do for me, more than I can say. I hope You can see it inside me- where I hope it really counts...

Rebekah :)

Oh My Goodness!

I did something today, I don't think I've ever done in my adult life. If I have, it's so rare I don't remember it.

I slept until noon! WOW!!!!!!!!!! That's so unlike me, and I don't even feel very guilty- that's even more rare!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's all! I'm just shocked at myself!

AJE Teacher of the Year

Oh my! Momma said she wants to see this posted on my blog, so for you Momma, here it is. I was voted Allen Jay Elementary "Teacher of the Year" this past week. I'm still kind of shocked/surprised, and a more than a bit embarrassed at the attention and honor. I had been nominated last year too, and as I figured, I didn't get it. Another teacher, Mrs. Grubb, received the honor, and she was far more deserving of it than I. I was asked by several people this year if I would allow myself to be nominated, and I almost said no.

My momma has "lectured" me about not saying stupid things that I actually do want to say, such as "I don't really deserve this honor," or "I'm not really that good a teacher." So, I've been practicing obeying my momma and just saying "Thank you" to the coworkers who offer congratulations.

I have to do a portfolio and a lot of writing for this. My principal and a couple coworkers have told me that I will have to work extra hard to "brag" on myself since that is hard for me. In fact, my principal said I had to turn my writing in to her to critique and check beforehand since she knows this will be an issue for me. :)

I can't imagine it ever happening, it would be conceited to think I'm good enough to do it, and I don't know if I could handle it, but it might be neat to actually "win" this and become the county teacher of the year or even state teacher of the year. Yeah, I'm sure that would be conceited. It would be neat though.

Oh well, enough of that. I'm just happy to be what I've always wanted to be- a wife, a mom, and a teacher. That was my dream, and I've been living it for a long time now. Whatever else happens is just the "icing on the cake."