Happy Saturday

yeah, it's saturday! :) i started the day fixing the family a big breakfast/brunchy feast complete with bacon/sausage, some chorizo, potatoes, eggs, and pancakes for those who wanted them. we don't do that very often because it's not healthy of course, but it was a yummy treat! :) we've been jammin' to tom petty & the heartbreakers this morning too. i LOVE when we just have music playing through the house!!!! i've facebooked and emailed back and forth with my momma so now it's time to get to some serious work on grad school assignments and readings. ugh!!! so without further ado i'm off to read, read, read, write, write, write, and start completing this HUGE geometry assignment plus find/create a triangles task to turn in, comment on the readings on the forum. then do my lesson plans and prepare for 100th day!!!

happy saturday all!

snowday #4

we went back to school today, but are already called off for tomorrow. unbelievable! :)
tomorrow's plans include a card project i'm late on, grad homework is a MUST, and mailing out resumes. i MUST be productive tomorrow. i MUST get motivated and accomplish these biggies!!!

if it's not too bad out, i really should try to venture out with the southerners and clean up my table and get ready for 100th day which will hopefully be next monday. :) wonder what next week will bring as they're already predicting more wintry something for next tuesday! i will be starting the week with a new t.a. hoping and praying that goes well.

happy friday all!

Odell

rob and i went to borders today to get some books for my tutoring group. i promised them i'd buy them some books at payday. while we were checking out a young lady came in and was worried about an old man in a wheel chair out in the street. rob and i knew it was odell.

odell is a homeless vietnam vet we've met and talked with at different times. he hangs out at the corner of the borders' parking lot. sometimes he is quite friendly and enjoys talking. sometimes he gets angry at people as they pass him by or ignore him. i admit that at one time he scared me too when i heard him screaming at passersby. he made me laugh one time when he called some guy who ignored him the "spawn of satan." but then i really thought about it- God loves odell. he is someone's son. maybe he had kids or brothers/sisters. how did he get to be here? what happened to the young man who served our nation? how does a veteran end up like this? so rob and i started talking with him and taking him food sometimes when we can find him. he likes chicken sandwiches, dr. peppers, and strawberry shakes from mcdonalds. he has a place he sleeps he told me once in some woods. he never refuses food from us and he has never begged money from us. he always tells us "God bless you." and once when barbara was with me and we got out to talk to him for a minute, he told us "I'll never refuse food from two beautiful women." :) his mom lives in an apartment complex for seniors that is just a couple blocks from us, and sometimes we have seen him over here. he told me he goes to visit her sometimes and can stay there a night or two a month. my two oldest have seen him on their way to/from the bus stop and have talked with him too.

tonight rob went to check on him while i finished paying after the young lady said he was slumped down in his wheelchair in the street. i walked down there after i paid. he was definitely not sober, and even me with my naive and ruined nose/sense of smell, i could smell the liquor before i even got up to him. we took him some dinner back and he was out cold. rob tried to wake him up without startling him, but he was out. so rob left the food by his bottle on the ground. hopefully he found it when he woke up. i felt horrible leaving him there. we had a bad situation the last time someone came to our house with me in the car, so rob won't let us bring him home.

God be with odell tonight. keep him safe out on the streets and wherever he sleeps. help him to find You.

snowday #3

this is so silly, but we were out again today. we actually saw a snowplow on our street today, though the warm temps and rain did the job mostly anyway and much better than the plow. :)

Toto, we definitely aren't in Kansas anymore. :)

tomorrow we go back with a late start. wondering about friday as we're predicted to get ice/snow again. hmmm... at this rate we'll be going to school all summer.

snowday #2, also known as germ warfare

we're out again today... i am supposed to go in on these "snow days" or take leave but didn't even try to go in as i was up all night with a sick husband. :(

barbara started this nastiness on sunday then was better by sunday night. rob said he felt bad yesterday off and on but wasn't sure if it was just being tired. well at midnight we found out, and he was up and down all night. ICK!!!!

robert and i went to walmart today to buy gatorade, sprite, juice, broth, chicken noodle soup and crackers for the sick ones. i also bought a big thing of clorox wipes and more bleach cleaner for our bathroom. i usually keep one in each bathroom and one under the kitchen sink. i didn't know if we were out in the kitchen but my bathroom was.

we came home, ate and went to work bleaching anything and everything we could think of- doorknobs, faucets, counter tops, banisters. i even bleached the shower and bathroom trashcan.
DIE GERMS DIE!!!!! :) the dishes were washed by me too so that i could put them in super hot water and now matthew is helping me wash blankets and clothes.

tonight i better get those bills paid and i hope i will sleep! tomorrow is another day out of work- grrrrr..... don't know if i'll go in or not. this is going to be a lot of make up days and a lot of makeup time on top of that. double grrrr..... oh well, i'm glad we were off when this sick stuff hit and after last week i needed the time away from "the crazy place" as i call it. i would have ended up having a nervous breakdown if i'd had to go in. :) wonder if we'll ever go back. this is truly hilarious to us midwesterners!!!

snowday

today was a snowday. :) tomorrow we'll be off again. we're supposed to get freezing rain & ice in the morning, and maybe more ice & snow this weekend again. i have a card project to finish and ship tomorrow and maybe work on lesson plans for next week. i have a lot to do for grad school, and will try to work on that too.

i've been a bum this weekend. i feel guilty about it a little, but after the past couple weeks i'm trying to tell myself it's okay. i wonder- is this how burnout feels???? good news is i finished reading my book robert got me for Christmas about Rwanda. i started reading The Shack last night. i think i'll do some more reading tonight. :)

i have sure enjoyed the beauty of the snow. today rob and i drove out for a little while. the snow was soooo beautiful and sparkly in the sunshine. it looked like thousands of diamonds lying around catching the sun's rays. in one place we drove there was snow falling off of a pine tree in the tiniest bits like sprinkles or powder falling and they sparkled as they fell. it was truly beautiful!!!!

Snowstorm 2010

our snowstorm photos:

i love icicles...

We actually got a good amount of snow- the most we've seen in five years and to the people down here a big deal. :)

my herb garden is almost all covered except for this lavender and another one (i can't remember which one we planted there)

rob and i had to take barbara to work... we played around being silly (i don't like photos of me, but thought i'd oblige my family) :)

the front porch is buried deep in a drift

i love our home that God gave to us- in every kind of weather :) i still almost a year later can't believe we live here, that we don't rent it, that it is ours, that what was impossible was given to us by God's good grace... and now on this snowy, icy, cold day, here i am, sitting here curled up under my fuzzy blanket enjoying a pretty fire and am so thankful for His provisions.

and in other news, matthew gave himself a mohawk (ten years after he started asking me for one...) :)

snow, snow, snow, snow, SNOW!

it's snowing- "real" snow- here in NC! :) WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! rob and i woke up around 7 AM this morning and there's a lot of snow on the ground- more than we've seen in five years since moving here to the balmy south.

the t.v. meterologist is saying 6-8 inches has fallen so far here with another inch or two to come. it's mixing with bands of sleet now too.

we were down to close to bare cupboards and fridg since it was the end of the month. today would have been my normal monthly grocery shopping day, but with the "storm" i was afraid i wouldn't be able to get the food- everything has shut down here. so rob and i braved walmart last night - OH MY WORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! talk about culture shock. i have never in my whole midwestern life seen so many people in a store- not at Christmas, not at Black Friday, not the day after Christmas- never! it was HILARIOUS!!!! you'd have thought the rapture or Armageddon was about to happen or something. :)

EVERYTHING is closed- even the hospital is scrolling across the tv screen with some sort of emergency plan in place. my coworkers are talking about us not getting back to work for quite some time- HILARIOUS, and from what i've seen even when we do go back i'm sure we'll be late starting everyday. the late start part i don't mind, but the missing i do- we'll be going to school until july at this rate.

as i've said often since moving here, "Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore." ;)

today my heart broke

7:50 AM- The school day has just begun. My classroom is a busy, bustling place filled with happy faces and busy children & teacher. We are preparing to leave for our various "Reading Club" classrooms. It is Spotlight Breakfast day and two of my children are being honored and receiving awards from me. One of them came back early, slamming the classroom open, stomping in, and throwing his award into his cubby quite angrily. Before I knew it, this very, VERY tough little boy who does not like hugs or accept physical attention/affection but rarely is in my lap, head on my shoulder, sobbing. And so was I. I think I felt my heart break.

I Wish I May, I Wish I Might...

Okay, first off, I have NEVER done this before, but Ruhiyyih did a post on her blog about her wishes, and it got me to thinkin'. So, I hope she won't mind but I am stealing her idea and doing the same. If you would, leave me a comment and let me know something you're wishing for and I'll pray for you too along with all my other wishes (which for me are really prayers).

I wish & pray for the world:

• that people would come to know Jesus' love- not just about Him or to think about all the bad things they know about Christians or the church or whatever their preconceived ideas are & associate that with HIM, but that somehow, someway they would just come to KNOW His unending love.
• that the horrors of war, genocides, famine, starvation, and tragedies would come to an end- I've been reading more about Rwanda most recently (been doing a lot of reading about war-torn African countries in the last couple years)- it breaks my heart. How it must sadden God.
• that no one would go to bed hungry.
• that orphans around the world would find love and forever homes like my nephew has.
• that the homeless would find shelter, food, friendships.
• that the world would learn to set aside their differences, their political views, their ideas about race, gender, likes and dislikes and learn to live peaceably with one another.

I wish & pray for my students ("my kids"):

• that God would somehow help me find ways to reach through the learning difficulties, past drug and alcohol damage, past hunger, past dysfunctional homes and hurting hearts and teach my children and help them grow and reach their full potential. I pray this a lot as I work throughout the day, when I hug the kids, when I sit down at the table to teach, when I see them struggling to understand something I am saying.
• that God would keep my kids safe from harm at home, in the world, wherever they go.
• that God would comfort A tonight whose heart is sad because of the death of his cat.
• that God would bring K safely back to us from his faraway trip.
• that God will bless & help my children grow up into happy, confident, responsible, and most important of all compassionate adults who bring up their families to be the same.
• and that God would be with kids whose names/initials I will not list but whose lives are not good. That somehow He would love my children through me and heal their hurts and mend their small, so young, but already broken hearts and lives.

I wish for my family:

• that my children would continue on the path God has chosen for them, that they would seek His will for their lives and continue to live for Him and serve Him. That they would make Him proud of them!
• that my momma and pop will continue to live healthy, active, long lives. I'm so, very, utterly thankful for the "extensions" on life God has recently granted them, and I would just like to have them as long as we can. (Okay, that's a selfish "me-wish" also.) :)
• that my sister and b-i-l would be blessed by God and granted the desires of their hearts!
• that God will allow our family to serve Him and please Him all the days of our lives.
• that our family will have "enough" of the things we need.

I wish for me:

• that Rob & I would see clearly God's path for our future and follow it.
• peace at work (either at the current place or a new one).
• to be acid/heartburn/ulcer free (which means a less stressful workplace I believe)
• to really have the stick-to-it-iveness to do what I need to do.
• that I would take care of me and live to be an old lady. (On that note, I am trying really hard to make some serious life changes, but don't want to say more until I prove it to myself).
• that I would be a more gracious, loving person.

whew, i'm just not that smart!

today was the first face-to-face session for my new class- a geometry course. i knew that being geometry it might be a bit more challenging... i am the only teacher in the cohort who has been solely a lower elementary teacher and i have forgotten sooooo much geometry!!!! i felt so stupid and was the only one who was not understanding/remembering some of the stuff they were all talking about. i sat there several times thinking, "oh, i know that i learned this in high school..." or "oh, wow i used to know this..." but that knowledge is lost in some deep recess of my mind that has been locked so long it's rusted shut. :) then the prof gave us this "talk" about how we were graduate students now and it was time we started reading/writing/being more intellectual, yada yada yada... i'm just not that smart!!!

this course will end at the end of april/beginning of may, then we will start two courses at the beginning of may while we are entering one of the most crazy busy, stressful times of the school year! on top of the already stressful things going on at work, it's going to be a very interesting 2nd semester. i have to make some decisions about what i'm going to do after this program in the next couple months as well. if i'm going to go ahead and finish my master's degree, then i have to apply this spring and take the gre (which TERRIFIES me!!!).

then there's the whole job hunt thing too. praying for wisdom about all that too. resumes are going out this week!

i came home and my brain is just totally fried. i have managed to redo my lesson plans for this week (that's a whole 'nother Oprah!). i still have paperwork to do for the tutoring company, but to be honest i'm thinking about putting it off. i haven't even gotten paid yet. if they don't get me a paycheck soon, i'm going to quit and look for a tutoring job elsewhere. after working for them since the beginning of December, i think i should have a check, don't you?

well, i'm dead tired. it's been a long week. i hope this one quiets down.

Proposition for God

So it's Friday night and I'm reading some boring, dry math stuff for my class tomorrow.

So I have 30 pages to go and I am telling myself, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

So God, um, how about this? I will read the 4 page article with bigger print, and You can do the 20 something page with tiny print that's got lots of big words... ???? Deal???


hahahahahah, I crack myself up sometimes. Hope I make God at least grin once in a while. :)

Night all, back to the work. Tomorrow will be grad class from 8-3:30.

Ponderings of the Heart

I've asked these questions many, many times before over the time I've been a teacher. This is nothing new. But the intensity of the sorrow I am feeling I think might be more than I've ever felt before. Maybe it's just the lousy school year, the stress, my age, or hormones contributing to my feelings, I don't know. But the questions, I think, are good despite the emotions, I think. ???? And whether they are good or not, I am still pondering and asking....

Why God? Not why do bad things happen to me (as I have been guilty of selfishly asking before). But why did You bless me with so much in life? Why did you give me a safe home, parents who loved me, parents who taught me about You from birth, parents who never mistreated me, who always took care of my needs and never neglected or abused me? Why did you give me a stepfather who took me in and loved me as his own, who didn't abuse me or mistreat me? Why did you give me a good, loving, God-loving husband (yeah, I know I asked for that one in prayer) who has stuck through the hardest times with me and never left me, cheated on me, abused me, or stopped loving me? Why did you give me three great kids who love their parents, honor and respect them, are usually, most of the time, obedient and now trying to live for You? Why jobs? Why a nice home? Why food on my table? Why an education? Clean water and disease free living? Why me here in America where I am safe from famine, wars, genocides, starvation?

I mean, yeah we've had our share of "bad" things too. We've gone through unemployment, no food to eat, almost being homeless, almost losing our marriage and love for each other, serious health issues with the kids, sicknesses, money problems, credit problems... Yet, Rob and I have still hung on to each other. And now, today, I sit and blog on my own laptop in my own home. Right now, Rob and I are facing some serious money issues, yet I am still making payments on two vehicles and a house, things I thought were impossible even three or four years ago. My momma lost her husband; my sister and I, our daddy. We were, for whatever reason, separated from a whole family for years. We saw dysfunction on all sides and the hurt that it caused. Yet, we were loved and have turned out okay (well mostly :) haha).

But when I look at what's happening in the world, when I see the horrors of wars, famines, genocides, nations and cultures crumbling around their citizens' feet, earthquakes that destroy lives by the thousands.... I want to ask "Why me God?" I don't even have to look that far either. Right here in the "God bless America" nation of our own, when I look at the children's lives that Rob and I see each day, I have to ask again, "Why me God?" Why was I born to the parents I was? Why was I born into a nation that gives its citizens so many freedoms? Why was I given the opportunity to grow into a healthy child, to be loved, to be free, to get an education, to have clean water and grow up in a disease-free environment, to have books and learn the love of reading?

I know that the Bible says God is no respecter of persons. I know that I've always thought God doesn't play favorites. I know there is more, so much more to life, than material blessings, but I am really talking about so much more than the stuff I could accumulate here. I know the Bible says that "to him who much is given, much is required." I would say that I am one to whom much was given, but why does God give more to some and less to others? Why? I want to know. Why was I chosen as one of those who would get more? I'm so very undeserving of it. Truly, I am. I know it, God knows it.

I wish I understood these things. Everyday, I try to live up to the "requirement" for what God has given me, but I wish I understood. It's so hard to take some days, coming home to all the good that God has given me when I know that just down the road are little ones who are going home to a family/home where there may not be food for supper or where there may be food but the parent, for whatever reason, may not cook any. It's so hard to come home and hear Rob talk about a student who is being made fun of because he has no way to wash his school uniform, or hear his hungry student stories, to know that many of his kids are involved in gangs and drugs and to think of the future (or not future) they may have, or to watch as students I have taught change in the older grades into tough, hardened students who will not be successful. It's so hard to see kids hoard food and know that the little I can do is still not enough or to hear a child say "I wish you were my mom," and feel your heart breaking as you hug them and know that you would take them in but can't. Some kids literally haunt my heart. I see their faces and the pain in their eyes, and I think I always will. Did I do any good? Did I really do anything that will really help them survive abuse, neglect, hunger, danger or help them become the human beings God planned for them to be?

God it's an ugly, ugly world we've made- from a beautiful thing you created. It just seems to me it gets uglier and uglier as we go. We humans are ruining everything. God my heart is breaking, and I am tired. I am so thankful for all you have given me, please don't take me as anything but grateful. I just don't understand Your ways. I know the suffering that is on the planet isn't You, it isn't Your will. I know it is the evil that man brings- wars, diseases and all that garbage. I know natural disasters are just a part of this fallen world. But God, how can You stand it? How can You even bear to look down here and see all the suffering that is occuring throughout the world? Why do some have to suffer so much? I mean just look at Haiti. God isn't it enough that they have little/no clean water, that they are a horribly poor country, that there is so much civil unrest already there, that they are hit by hurricanes? Why did they have to have this on top of it all? Rwanda, Somalia, Sudan, Uganda... Why God?

I could just not look at the news or read about what is happening in the world. I could just turn my eyes and focus on my own happy little life. Though that might be better for my mental health, I don't want to do that. I don't want to be self-absorbed. I want to care and to do some good, but God what can I really do? How am I supposed to solve all these problems? I can't. Only You can. But God what am I to do? They're only children, helpless children, who can't solve their problems either. I mean I love on them for You, like You've told me to. So does Rob in his own ways. But God the simple love we can give (a hug, an encouraging word, a little food, washing a student's clothes, school supplies...) can't fix all this garbage. It can't fix dysfunction, can't help a child grow up to be a happy, healthy adult. Your love can, but I am so limited in what I can do. Teaching kids to read, write, do math, understand history and loving them while we do it, is that really all there is? I'm so confused God, so confused. Please help me to understand.

Haiti

Please consider giving to help the Haitian people. There are many ministries working there to help. I posted a link to a ministry our family cares about that is in Port au Prince on the right hand side of my blog, but there are many organizations you could choose from.

a nice end to a truly bad day

friday night- i came home in a very stressed and frustrated frame of mind. i'll just say it was a truly awful day at work. 'nuf said. i was very, very glad to be home with my family, except that my family is all off and gone to their various places so it's me and the animals tonight. not liking this alone-ness i'm having to learn to adjust to. i will get there, it's just that i've never been alone. i went from 17 and living with my family to 17 and married and living with rob to 19, 20, 21 and having kids and i've never lived on my own or been without people around. i need company; our son, robert, is like me in that way.

so there i was starting to have a pity party in the car when matthew didn't want to get dinner with me before he left for youth group.... started to get my feelings all hurt. i came home and began fixing myself something to eat, trying not to be silly, trying not to allow myself to wallow in a pity party, told myself to knock it off and get over myself. :)

(okay, the picture's not too hot- it's a cell phone photo- but it was delicious even if i do say so myself and i just threw it together)

i did the dishes (would you think i was weird if i said i kind of like doing dishes???). i took myself and got a very much needed, VERY past due haircut. it is the best haircut i think i've ever gotten- i LOVE it!- and then i stopped at the mcdonalds where our daughter, barbara, works which is across the street from the beauty shop and surprised her and got myself an oreo blast. i had never had one and they are good too. i have come home and gotten my post-haircut shower to get rid of all that itchy hair, lathered myself up in some vanilla body creme (oh that smell is my favorite!- yum, yum), put on my favorite clothes item- my pj's, am curled up in my recliner under a fleece blanket and now i am feeling so much better- body, spirit, and soul-wise. i feel more human again now that i've shed all that hair. i ate a healthier meal that was prepared with all fresh vegies. i did a small chore. i am comfy in my pj's and under my warm blankie, and have this delicious scent wafting around me... i am feeling much, much better. thank you God!!!

i am going to load a movie on the computer while i start scoring reading and writing samples and begin all the work to complete report cards.

i'm really glad i didn't let myself wallow in some stupid self- pity thing all night. i am really thankful i took some time to take care of me- i feel so much better. thanks God for helping me out of the pit before i got into it. :)

have a great weekend. :)

heard today in my classroom

"Mrs. Thomas, I have the hippups!" :) Picture about the tiniest little 5 year old you can imagine and you've got it! :)

lonely

i am lonely. i am homesick and lonely.

busy, busy, busy

whew, i'm tired, and i still have a lot to do before bed! just popping by to say hello. i am still feeling run down and feverish and achy. :( but the good news is i made it through the day, got a lot accomplished at school and here at home. after driving from work to pick up barbara at the college, then to winston to get matthew, then home to pick up robert and then dropping the two olders at work, i came home and matthew and i fixed dinner. yum, yum!!!!

i worked on card projects while dinner was cooking and just finished up several small sets and even posted them to my store. i'm trying my hand at making cupcake decorations, waiting for them to dry- not sure if they'll turn out... hmmm..... hoping to work later this week on some monogrammed note cards and invitations that i could post and sell...

am working like a crazy woman at school on getting ALL of the assessments completed this week with the kids. i promised them if they helped me get them done we'd celebrate with ice cream on friday.

okay, i better get going. need to get tutoring stuff ready, look over the assessments from today and get to bed. i hope these chills go away. i wore my jacket all day in class today and i NEVER do that- i'm sure i looked a little silly...

Barbara's 1st Marriage Proprosal

My daughter, Barbara, has volunteered her last week of winter break in my classroom. She has done an AMAZING amount of work for me and our class; I mean seriously more than has been done - copying, laminating, making games, organizing.... For this tired teacher of two grades with effectively no assistant and a kind of messed up situation.... well it's been so refreshing to have help and really good help who is good with kids and has the patience and joy to work with them (though she says she doesn't, she's been great!). On top of that it was just a wonderful experience to have a week together working together and having fun... She said she has "learned a lot" about teaching, about what I do and why I say & do some of the things I do... :)

This afternoon, one of my kinders asked my daughter (who is about to turn 19), "Miss Barbara, will you marry me when I grow up?" It was the sweetest, funniest, cutest thing I've heard in a looong time. :) She handled it really well. I had to work hard to not bust laughing, it just tickled me so much. Barbara told me later he had been trying to smack her on the behind all day (I had no clue!) and when we got ready to walk to the buses, he BEGGED her to walk out with him and he literally grabbed her hand and held it all the way to the buses.

Too cute!!!

school night sleepover

i have had a lovely afternoon/evening today!!! i brought home one of my kids from last year who is now a big 2nd grader and his older brother. i was helping out their mom who had to sub in the afterschool program. she's a TERRIFIC mom!!!! and her kids are great so i was more than happy to help. when we were getting in the car to leave the boys said they wanted to stay the night, so a few minutes of conference with their mom and a few minutes of their family talking and voila- we were all on our way home. we stopped at wally and got pizza, mac 'n cheese, and vegies, and of course dessert and headed home.

WHEW! i had forgotten about having to sit and help kids with homework, but we are having a great night! a well balanced meal fixed and served, homework (they even got to type their spelling words on my computer!), a little playstation after homework, ice cream too. We're about to put in a movie and crash (well they are, i still have a bunch of schoolwork to do)...

this was a great, fun night! i have so enjoyed the sounds of little boy laughter in my house once again- it's been a long time!!! praying they will both be able to truly sleep and be comfy here tonight away from home. up early to eat breakfast and go pick up their mom and head to school...

thanks God for a fun evening with all these boys (my own and these other "adopted" kids) :) and thanks for some fun time and memory making with one of my "old" kids- it's so nice to have these friendships with all the little people- they mean more to me than all the world!!!!