Twenty years ago today Rob & I welcomed our firstborn child into our lives (man were we just kids!!!) and started down this road on an adventure we had no clue about. We have made many mistakes and learned hard lessons, fallen down only to pick ourselves back up again and go on. This has been a hard road at times, but at many others it has offered us beautiful views and joys and pride and love I've never known the likes of anywhere else.
Happy Birthday Robert Michael Dale. I have loved being your ma-ma, mommy and now mom, and I always will.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Matthew Made Me Cry
My 6'4" (or more???) "baby" just emailed me this note:
Ich liebe dich
Je t'aime
Is tu mo ghra
Mina rakastan sinua
... ... ...
... ... ...
I love you mom
:-P
He went online and found an online translator and found as many ways to say "I love you" in as many languages as he could find (the ... ... ... were other symbolic languages - ??? Arabic, Hebrew, Asian something???- Blogger won't let me cut & paste it into this entry.) It was his idea and he so surprised me. My tall, bashful, more quiet boy thought of his mom and did something so sweet.
I am still crying.
And then a little later he brought me this paperwork to sign. He is registering for his senior year. My baby isn't a baby anymore. That tiny baby that almost died, that we were told to say goodbye to, that wasn't expected to live past his birth-night, that was supposed to be tiny, sickly, puny, that miracle boy of ours is almost grown! This is the beginning of the end of a lifetime of raising babies, children, teenagers... I'm beginning a new chapter in my life.
Ich liebe dich
Je t'aime
Is tu mo ghra
Mina rakastan sinua
... ... ...
... ... ...
I love you mom
:-P
He went online and found an online translator and found as many ways to say "I love you" in as many languages as he could find (the ... ... ... were other symbolic languages - ??? Arabic, Hebrew, Asian something???- Blogger won't let me cut & paste it into this entry.) It was his idea and he so surprised me. My tall, bashful, more quiet boy thought of his mom and did something so sweet.
I am still crying.
And then a little later he brought me this paperwork to sign. He is registering for his senior year. My baby isn't a baby anymore. That tiny baby that almost died, that we were told to say goodbye to, that wasn't expected to live past his birth-night, that was supposed to be tiny, sickly, puny, that miracle boy of ours is almost grown! This is the beginning of the end of a lifetime of raising babies, children, teenagers... I'm beginning a new chapter in my life.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
busy
life is crazy busy but work is getting better thanks to some major answered prayers!!! THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am making monogrammed note card sets. these are two sets i made for a coworker and my momma :). hope you all have a terrific end to your workweek! 
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
a conversation with God
I sat there at the computer in my classroom. The children were gone leaving silence, crayons, and little messes here and there. Piles of work awaited me. I was drawn to look out the window at the woods behind my classroom. The wind had caught my attention. We were under high wind warnings all day.
The tall, old trees behind my classroom were swaying and bending more than usual, bending almost as if they were younger, more limber trees. I sat there watching, thinking and wondering if any of them would topple and amazed at how much they could stand, even as large as they are and yet, stay upright. I just sat and stared for quite a while. It was so peaceful. And in the silence I heard a thought in my head. I know it wasn't me. I'm not this smart.
And after the past few weeks of feeling like my prayers hit the glass ceiling, after last night when I sobbed in my bed and questioned Him (my maker, father of the universe) and asked Him why I feel so far away from His presence, after asking Him if He was just ticked off at me and begging Him to forgive me of anything I'd ever done (you know, hiding the asparagus in the garbage when my mommy wasn't looking, not telling my parents I got spanked back in 2nd grade- uh, Momma, I got spanked in 2nd grade :)- fighting with my sister, flipping the bus driver and all the kids on the bus off, not being the kind, wonderful, PERFECT person I think I am supposed to be.... you fill in the blank, I probably said it)... after all that I was humbled and so thankful that He would still speak to me.
Before I go on, please let me say I don't think of God as only that mean, vengeful, horrible kind of God. I have "issues" obviously. :) I see God in many, wonderful ways; please read below and you will see what I mean. I'll save the rest of that baggage for heaven, where it will all get worked out. :)
Going on... God and I began to have a conversation, sort of. I felt like I should type what He said down, and then I just started putting it in a conversation type of format, and it kept going. I'd type and then I'd hear something else... this went on for about twenty minutes. I cried as I typed and listened.
God- See those trees... they sure are blowing. A lot of them are leaned way over in the wind. Did they do something wrong?
Me- No, God, it's just really windy?
God- But they sure are leaning over. They must have done something wrong to be so bent over like that.
Me- God, it's REALLY windy out there. No tree could stand immovable in that force.
God- You mean, those trees aren't bad? They aren't wrong?
Me- (The light bulb is beginning to flicker very dimly...) No, God it's what they're supposed to do so they don't break.
God- Life is windy sometimes; it is hard. The winds are fierce today. Those trees didn't do something wrong to make the wind blow at them like that. It's just weather. The trees aren't being punished; it's just part of life. Sometimes life can just be hard and cold and fierce. But it won't last forever. The weather will improve, it will warm up, the sun will shine again, the winds will be pleasant breezes another day.
Me- So You're not mad at me then? This isn't some punishment because I've been a bad girl, broken some law of Yours, or been less than perfect?
God- No Rebekah Rose. Life just has hard spots.
Me- (silence...) So, I will do my best God to bend and not break. Please help me to not break God. I don't want to do that. I feel like such a big baby, such a weakling. I'm the baby and weakling in my family (or at least that's my perception). But God, the single, most important thing to me, what I want more than anything in the world (more than a husband, a good marriage, loving parents, good children, a warm home, food, a job that fulfills me or anything else in the world) is to make You proud of me. I want to see You smiling at me and just know that when You think of me it is with pride and not regrets. It pains me horribly to think of all the times I've failed You. I only want to bring You pride and happiness.
God- Rebekah Rose, those trees won't break. You know why? Their roots go way down deep. Those roots hold them strong in even the toughest circumstances and harshest conditions. Those trees may suffer temporarily because of the wind; it may pain them to have to bend and give so much, but they won't break. They will stand back up when it's all done.
Me- God are you the roots?
God- Now you're starting to understand child.
All this time, I have been thinking there must be some lesson, some reason for the troubles this school year, something that God wanted to teach me. Maybe not. God can obviously teach me without causing me pain- He just did. I'm not that dense or stubborn that He has to get through my thick skull by being mean to me.
Though I feel at the end of my threshold of what I can take right now, though I am drained physically, mentally, emotionally, though I don't know how I can go another, single step... I will keep going. This wind storm will pass. I will be able to stand up again and spread my limbs. The spring will come, and the Son will warm my days. There will be fruit from this time. One day soon, a soft, gentle breeze will blow on my face and I will be a better, stronger person who understands another life problem/crisis. I will be better able to help someone else who is struggling because I will be able to say "I have been through that storm, and I survived."
The tall, old trees behind my classroom were swaying and bending more than usual, bending almost as if they were younger, more limber trees. I sat there watching, thinking and wondering if any of them would topple and amazed at how much they could stand, even as large as they are and yet, stay upright. I just sat and stared for quite a while. It was so peaceful. And in the silence I heard a thought in my head. I know it wasn't me. I'm not this smart.
And after the past few weeks of feeling like my prayers hit the glass ceiling, after last night when I sobbed in my bed and questioned Him (my maker, father of the universe) and asked Him why I feel so far away from His presence, after asking Him if He was just ticked off at me and begging Him to forgive me of anything I'd ever done (you know, hiding the asparagus in the garbage when my mommy wasn't looking, not telling my parents I got spanked back in 2nd grade- uh, Momma, I got spanked in 2nd grade :)- fighting with my sister, flipping the bus driver and all the kids on the bus off, not being the kind, wonderful, PERFECT person I think I am supposed to be.... you fill in the blank, I probably said it)... after all that I was humbled and so thankful that He would still speak to me.
Before I go on, please let me say I don't think of God as only that mean, vengeful, horrible kind of God. I have "issues" obviously. :) I see God in many, wonderful ways; please read below and you will see what I mean. I'll save the rest of that baggage for heaven, where it will all get worked out. :)
Going on... God and I began to have a conversation, sort of. I felt like I should type what He said down, and then I just started putting it in a conversation type of format, and it kept going. I'd type and then I'd hear something else... this went on for about twenty minutes. I cried as I typed and listened.
God- See those trees... they sure are blowing. A lot of them are leaned way over in the wind. Did they do something wrong?
Me- No, God, it's just really windy?
God- But they sure are leaning over. They must have done something wrong to be so bent over like that.
Me- God, it's REALLY windy out there. No tree could stand immovable in that force.
God- You mean, those trees aren't bad? They aren't wrong?
Me- (The light bulb is beginning to flicker very dimly...) No, God it's what they're supposed to do so they don't break.
God- Life is windy sometimes; it is hard. The winds are fierce today. Those trees didn't do something wrong to make the wind blow at them like that. It's just weather. The trees aren't being punished; it's just part of life. Sometimes life can just be hard and cold and fierce. But it won't last forever. The weather will improve, it will warm up, the sun will shine again, the winds will be pleasant breezes another day.
Me- So You're not mad at me then? This isn't some punishment because I've been a bad girl, broken some law of Yours, or been less than perfect?
God- No Rebekah Rose. Life just has hard spots.
Me- (silence...) So, I will do my best God to bend and not break. Please help me to not break God. I don't want to do that. I feel like such a big baby, such a weakling. I'm the baby and weakling in my family (or at least that's my perception). But God, the single, most important thing to me, what I want more than anything in the world (more than a husband, a good marriage, loving parents, good children, a warm home, food, a job that fulfills me or anything else in the world) is to make You proud of me. I want to see You smiling at me and just know that when You think of me it is with pride and not regrets. It pains me horribly to think of all the times I've failed You. I only want to bring You pride and happiness.
God- Rebekah Rose, those trees won't break. You know why? Their roots go way down deep. Those roots hold them strong in even the toughest circumstances and harshest conditions. Those trees may suffer temporarily because of the wind; it may pain them to have to bend and give so much, but they won't break. They will stand back up when it's all done.
Me- God are you the roots?
God- Now you're starting to understand child.
All this time, I have been thinking there must be some lesson, some reason for the troubles this school year, something that God wanted to teach me. Maybe not. God can obviously teach me without causing me pain- He just did. I'm not that dense or stubborn that He has to get through my thick skull by being mean to me.
Though I feel at the end of my threshold of what I can take right now, though I am drained physically, mentally, emotionally, though I don't know how I can go another, single step... I will keep going. This wind storm will pass. I will be able to stand up again and spread my limbs. The spring will come, and the Son will warm my days. There will be fruit from this time. One day soon, a soft, gentle breeze will blow on my face and I will be a better, stronger person who understands another life problem/crisis. I will be better able to help someone else who is struggling because I will be able to say "I have been through that storm, and I survived."
How I see God...
This is a prelude to the next thing I want to journal about. It is part of a conversation I had with my momma today via email.
I have struggled for years with how I see God. How I got there is a loooong, boring story full of melodrama and silliness, and to be honest I hate female drama- see it plenty in my classroom and workplace. So moving on! I see God as a loving, kind God who obviously loves us so much. I mean He came down, lived as a human, allowed Himself to be beaten and murdered... puts up with us wicked humans, puts up with me and somehow still chooses to love us, bless us, and even more amazingly use us. But sometimes I feel like God is mad at me, that He isn't speaking to me- sort of a God-silent-treatment, that He isn't proud of me, or that He is disciplining me for some secret/hidden/unknown sin... There's a long story to that, but it doesn't really matter here.
But I don't only see God that way. I have that issue when I am low, struggling with lack of sleep, sickness, and hit life's speed bumps. I know it's a trick of the enemy to get me down and discouraged, and I'm learning to fight it. But, as I frequently tell people in real life, I "ride the little bus..." I'm a slow learner when it comes to God. :) I promise when it's my "time to go," God is going to send a little bus to pick me up.
I see God in many wonderful ways though, in all seriousness. And here is how I put it to my momma today in an email.
"I also see God as amazingly loving. Blessing beyond description. Kind. Merciful. Amazingly creative.
I see Him in the laughter and smiles and hugs of my children and my students and the kids at my school. I feel Him more than anywhere when I hug a child and get loved back even more than I could give. I see Him and His kindness to me EVERY SINGLE day when I get to go home and see my bright red, cheery car sitting in the parking lot and when I pull into the driveway of this really pretty home and know that He gave them to me. I see Him through my parent's lives and the examples they lived and continue to live (more than what they've ever said to me). I see Him in the trees gently swaying in the wind, in the clouds as they float by, and in a pretty sunrise on my way to work each day. When we visited the ocean I saw His great power. When we traveled through the mountains I saw His beauty and art and appreciation for diversity. I see Him in my flowers in the backyard, in the snow that falls gently and covers the earth with His cleanness and quietens the noises that surround us. I see Him even in something silly like our loving, devoted dog or the adorable kittens that were born in our home.
I see Him as especially kind to me, which in fact I've been struggling with as well. I know God does not have favorites, but I cannot explain why He would bless me more than others, or seemingly so.
I have struggled for years with how I see God. How I got there is a loooong, boring story full of melodrama and silliness, and to be honest I hate female drama- see it plenty in my classroom and workplace. So moving on! I see God as a loving, kind God who obviously loves us so much. I mean He came down, lived as a human, allowed Himself to be beaten and murdered... puts up with us wicked humans, puts up with me and somehow still chooses to love us, bless us, and even more amazingly use us. But sometimes I feel like God is mad at me, that He isn't speaking to me- sort of a God-silent-treatment, that He isn't proud of me, or that He is disciplining me for some secret/hidden/unknown sin... There's a long story to that, but it doesn't really matter here.
But I don't only see God that way. I have that issue when I am low, struggling with lack of sleep, sickness, and hit life's speed bumps. I know it's a trick of the enemy to get me down and discouraged, and I'm learning to fight it. But, as I frequently tell people in real life, I "ride the little bus..." I'm a slow learner when it comes to God. :) I promise when it's my "time to go," God is going to send a little bus to pick me up.
I see God in many wonderful ways though, in all seriousness. And here is how I put it to my momma today in an email.
"I also see God as amazingly loving. Blessing beyond description. Kind. Merciful. Amazingly creative.
I see Him in the laughter and smiles and hugs of my children and my students and the kids at my school. I feel Him more than anywhere when I hug a child and get loved back even more than I could give. I see Him and His kindness to me EVERY SINGLE day when I get to go home and see my bright red, cheery car sitting in the parking lot and when I pull into the driveway of this really pretty home and know that He gave them to me. I see Him through my parent's lives and the examples they lived and continue to live (more than what they've ever said to me). I see Him in the trees gently swaying in the wind, in the clouds as they float by, and in a pretty sunrise on my way to work each day. When we visited the ocean I saw His great power. When we traveled through the mountains I saw His beauty and art and appreciation for diversity. I see Him in my flowers in the backyard, in the snow that falls gently and covers the earth with His cleanness and quietens the noises that surround us. I see Him even in something silly like our loving, devoted dog or the adorable kittens that were born in our home.
I see Him as especially kind to me, which in fact I've been struggling with as well. I know God does not have favorites, but I cannot explain why He would bless me more than others, or seemingly so.
- I had a father who loved me very much.
- I have a mother and pop who love me dearly and would do anything for me.
- I have been raised in a good, secure home by loving people who provided for my needs and many of my wants, who taught me how to love and live for God, who gave me a good, moral compass, taught me how to care about others, helped me seek God's will for my life, and who have supported me my whole life.
- I have a husband who loves me deeply and has for 21 years of marriage.
- I have three beautiful, wonderful, funny, compassionate young adult children.
- I have known pain, death, loss, hunger, financial problems, marital problems, health problems, but God has kept me/us through them and it could have been oh, so much more, terribly worse.
- I was born into a free nation that is so much more monetarily blessed. I could have been born into any number of countries where even a loving family wouldn't have been able to keep me safe from the horrors of war, rape, murder, famine, disease...
- I have never had to stand on a street corner and beg for money or food.
- I have never had to spend a night on the streets, in the woods, or have to worry about where to go at night.
- I have never known the rejection of a parent or suffered abuse or neglect by their hand.
- I know that my parents and family are very proud of me.
- I have material blessings too numerous to name.
- I am free to worship without having to worry about death, imprisonment, or persecution.
I see Him in a most loving, wonderful way. I just am painfully aware of how little I deserve it (I know that's the point of the whole thing- I'm just saying.). And I am very aware of how guilty it makes me feel to have all these things and see/know/work with/read about those who don't have so much of God's blessings.
Monday, February 08, 2010
100th Day
i had very little sleep last night and am going to try to be in bed by 10 so i better make this quick. :)
today was the 100th day of school! my kids BEGGED me to do a pajama party. with the craziness of snow days almost all last week, some of the kids forgot but we had a great day! they even bugged me to wear my 'jammies and i humored them. it was a comfy way to spend my day in my warm 'jammies and robe. :) and the kids were so cute seeing their teacher in her pajamas. i think maybe they didn't know i sleep too. :) haha
i had a new t.a. start today. it was a lovely day. :) only a couple negative comments from people, but i tried to head it off at the pass.
i've done a bunch of school work tonight and am ready to try to sleep now. wondering what tomorrow will bring since we're forecast to get some freezing rain and snow/sleet early in the morning before turning into just a cold rain. wonder if it will be a late start or no school again.
so goodbye 100th day. good night world! hope you all have a terrific tuesday!
today was the 100th day of school! my kids BEGGED me to do a pajama party. with the craziness of snow days almost all last week, some of the kids forgot but we had a great day! they even bugged me to wear my 'jammies and i humored them. it was a comfy way to spend my day in my warm 'jammies and robe. :) and the kids were so cute seeing their teacher in her pajamas. i think maybe they didn't know i sleep too. :) haha
i had a new t.a. start today. it was a lovely day. :) only a couple negative comments from people, but i tried to head it off at the pass.
i've done a bunch of school work tonight and am ready to try to sleep now. wondering what tomorrow will bring since we're forecast to get some freezing rain and snow/sleet early in the morning before turning into just a cold rain. wonder if it will be a late start or no school again.
so goodbye 100th day. good night world! hope you all have a terrific tuesday!
Saturday, February 06, 2010
Happy Saturday
yeah, it's saturday! :) i started the day fixing the family a big breakfast/brunchy feast complete with bacon/sausage, some chorizo, potatoes, eggs, and pancakes for those who wanted them. we don't do that very often because it's not healthy of course, but it was a yummy treat! :) we've been jammin' to tom petty & the heartbreakers this morning too. i LOVE when we just have music playing through the house!!!! i've facebooked and emailed back and forth with my momma so now it's time to get to some serious work on grad school assignments and readings. ugh!!! so without further ado i'm off to read, read, read, write, write, write, and start completing this HUGE geometry assignment plus find/create a triangles task to turn in, comment on the readings on the forum. then do my lesson plans and prepare for 100th day!!!
happy saturday all!
happy saturday all!
Thursday, February 04, 2010
snowday #4
we went back to school today, but are already called off for tomorrow. unbelievable! :)
tomorrow's plans include a card project i'm late on, grad homework is a MUST, and mailing out resumes. i MUST be productive tomorrow. i MUST get motivated and accomplish these biggies!!!
if it's not too bad out, i really should try to venture out with the southerners and clean up my table and get ready for 100th day which will hopefully be next monday. :) wonder what next week will bring as they're already predicting more wintry something for next tuesday! i will be starting the week with a new t.a. hoping and praying that goes well.
happy friday all!
tomorrow's plans include a card project i'm late on, grad homework is a MUST, and mailing out resumes. i MUST be productive tomorrow. i MUST get motivated and accomplish these biggies!!!
if it's not too bad out, i really should try to venture out with the southerners and clean up my table and get ready for 100th day which will hopefully be next monday. :) wonder what next week will bring as they're already predicting more wintry something for next tuesday! i will be starting the week with a new t.a. hoping and praying that goes well.
happy friday all!
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
Odell
rob and i went to borders today to get some books for my tutoring group. i promised them i'd buy them some books at payday. while we were checking out a young lady came in and was worried about an old man in a wheel chair out in the street. rob and i knew it was odell.
odell is a homeless vietnam vet we've met and talked with at different times. he hangs out at the corner of the borders' parking lot. sometimes he is quite friendly and enjoys talking. sometimes he gets angry at people as they pass him by or ignore him. i admit that at one time he scared me too when i heard him screaming at passersby. he made me laugh one time when he called some guy who ignored him the "spawn of satan." but then i really thought about it- God loves odell. he is someone's son. maybe he had kids or brothers/sisters. how did he get to be here? what happened to the young man who served our nation? how does a veteran end up like this? so rob and i started talking with him and taking him food sometimes when we can find him. he likes chicken sandwiches, dr. peppers, and strawberry shakes from mcdonalds. he has a place he sleeps he told me once in some woods. he never refuses food from us and he has never begged money from us. he always tells us "God bless you." and once when barbara was with me and we got out to talk to him for a minute, he told us "I'll never refuse food from two beautiful women." :) his mom lives in an apartment complex for seniors that is just a couple blocks from us, and sometimes we have seen him over here. he told me he goes to visit her sometimes and can stay there a night or two a month. my two oldest have seen him on their way to/from the bus stop and have talked with him too.
tonight rob went to check on him while i finished paying after the young lady said he was slumped down in his wheelchair in the street. i walked down there after i paid. he was definitely not sober, and even me with my naive and ruined nose/sense of smell, i could smell the liquor before i even got up to him. we took him some dinner back and he was out cold. rob tried to wake him up without startling him, but he was out. so rob left the food by his bottle on the ground. hopefully he found it when he woke up. i felt horrible leaving him there. we had a bad situation the last time someone came to our house with me in the car, so rob won't let us bring him home.
God be with odell tonight. keep him safe out on the streets and wherever he sleeps. help him to find You.
odell is a homeless vietnam vet we've met and talked with at different times. he hangs out at the corner of the borders' parking lot. sometimes he is quite friendly and enjoys talking. sometimes he gets angry at people as they pass him by or ignore him. i admit that at one time he scared me too when i heard him screaming at passersby. he made me laugh one time when he called some guy who ignored him the "spawn of satan." but then i really thought about it- God loves odell. he is someone's son. maybe he had kids or brothers/sisters. how did he get to be here? what happened to the young man who served our nation? how does a veteran end up like this? so rob and i started talking with him and taking him food sometimes when we can find him. he likes chicken sandwiches, dr. peppers, and strawberry shakes from mcdonalds. he has a place he sleeps he told me once in some woods. he never refuses food from us and he has never begged money from us. he always tells us "God bless you." and once when barbara was with me and we got out to talk to him for a minute, he told us "I'll never refuse food from two beautiful women." :) his mom lives in an apartment complex for seniors that is just a couple blocks from us, and sometimes we have seen him over here. he told me he goes to visit her sometimes and can stay there a night or two a month. my two oldest have seen him on their way to/from the bus stop and have talked with him too.
tonight rob went to check on him while i finished paying after the young lady said he was slumped down in his wheelchair in the street. i walked down there after i paid. he was definitely not sober, and even me with my naive and ruined nose/sense of smell, i could smell the liquor before i even got up to him. we took him some dinner back and he was out cold. rob tried to wake him up without startling him, but he was out. so rob left the food by his bottle on the ground. hopefully he found it when he woke up. i felt horrible leaving him there. we had a bad situation the last time someone came to our house with me in the car, so rob won't let us bring him home.
God be with odell tonight. keep him safe out on the streets and wherever he sleeps. help him to find You.
snowday #3
this is so silly, but we were out again today. we actually saw a snowplow on our street today, though the warm temps and rain did the job mostly anyway and much better than the plow. :)
Toto, we definitely aren't in Kansas anymore. :)
tomorrow we go back with a late start. wondering about friday as we're predicted to get ice/snow again. hmmm... at this rate we'll be going to school all summer.
Toto, we definitely aren't in Kansas anymore. :)
tomorrow we go back with a late start. wondering about friday as we're predicted to get ice/snow again. hmmm... at this rate we'll be going to school all summer.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
snowday #2, also known as germ warfare
we're out again today... i am supposed to go in on these "snow days" or take leave but didn't even try to go in as i was up all night with a sick husband. :(
barbara started this nastiness on sunday then was better by sunday night. rob said he felt bad yesterday off and on but wasn't sure if it was just being tired. well at midnight we found out, and he was up and down all night. ICK!!!!
robert and i went to walmart today to buy gatorade, sprite, juice, broth, chicken noodle soup and crackers for the sick ones. i also bought a big thing of clorox wipes and more bleach cleaner for our bathroom. i usually keep one in each bathroom and one under the kitchen sink. i didn't know if we were out in the kitchen but my bathroom was.
we came home, ate and went to work bleaching anything and everything we could think of- doorknobs, faucets, counter tops, banisters. i even bleached the shower and bathroom trashcan.
DIE GERMS DIE!!!!! :) the dishes were washed by me too so that i could put them in super hot water and now matthew is helping me wash blankets and clothes.
tonight i better get those bills paid and i hope i will sleep! tomorrow is another day out of work- grrrrr..... don't know if i'll go in or not. this is going to be a lot of make up days and a lot of makeup time on top of that. double grrrr..... oh well, i'm glad we were off when this sick stuff hit and after last week i needed the time away from "the crazy place" as i call it. i would have ended up having a nervous breakdown if i'd had to go in. :) wonder if we'll ever go back. this is truly hilarious to us midwesterners!!!
barbara started this nastiness on sunday then was better by sunday night. rob said he felt bad yesterday off and on but wasn't sure if it was just being tired. well at midnight we found out, and he was up and down all night. ICK!!!!
robert and i went to walmart today to buy gatorade, sprite, juice, broth, chicken noodle soup and crackers for the sick ones. i also bought a big thing of clorox wipes and more bleach cleaner for our bathroom. i usually keep one in each bathroom and one under the kitchen sink. i didn't know if we were out in the kitchen but my bathroom was.
we came home, ate and went to work bleaching anything and everything we could think of- doorknobs, faucets, counter tops, banisters. i even bleached the shower and bathroom trashcan.
DIE GERMS DIE!!!!! :) the dishes were washed by me too so that i could put them in super hot water and now matthew is helping me wash blankets and clothes.
tonight i better get those bills paid and i hope i will sleep! tomorrow is another day out of work- grrrrr..... don't know if i'll go in or not. this is going to be a lot of make up days and a lot of makeup time on top of that. double grrrr..... oh well, i'm glad we were off when this sick stuff hit and after last week i needed the time away from "the crazy place" as i call it. i would have ended up having a nervous breakdown if i'd had to go in. :) wonder if we'll ever go back. this is truly hilarious to us midwesterners!!!
Monday, February 01, 2010
snowday
today was a snowday. :) tomorrow we'll be off again. we're supposed to get freezing rain & ice in the morning, and maybe more ice & snow this weekend again. i have a card project to finish and ship tomorrow and maybe work on lesson plans for next week. i have a lot to do for grad school, and will try to work on that too.
i've been a bum this weekend. i feel guilty about it a little, but after the past couple weeks i'm trying to tell myself it's okay. i wonder- is this how burnout feels???? good news is i finished reading my book robert got me for Christmas about Rwanda. i started reading The Shack last night. i think i'll do some more reading tonight. :)
i have sure enjoyed the beauty of the snow. today rob and i drove out for a little while. the snow was soooo beautiful and sparkly in the sunshine. it looked like thousands of diamonds lying around catching the sun's rays. in one place we drove there was snow falling off of a pine tree in the tiniest bits like sprinkles or powder falling and they sparkled as they fell. it was truly beautiful!!!!
i've been a bum this weekend. i feel guilty about it a little, but after the past couple weeks i'm trying to tell myself it's okay. i wonder- is this how burnout feels???? good news is i finished reading my book robert got me for Christmas about Rwanda. i started reading The Shack last night. i think i'll do some more reading tonight. :)
i have sure enjoyed the beauty of the snow. today rob and i drove out for a little while. the snow was soooo beautiful and sparkly in the sunshine. it looked like thousands of diamonds lying around catching the sun's rays. in one place we drove there was snow falling off of a pine tree in the tiniest bits like sprinkles or powder falling and they sparkled as they fell. it was truly beautiful!!!!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Snowstorm 2010
our snowstorm photos:
i love icicles...
We actually got a good amount of snow- the most we've seen in five years and to the people down here a big deal. :)
my herb garden is almost all covered except for this lavender and another one (i can't remember which one we planted there)
rob and i had to take barbara to work... we played around being silly (i don't like photos of me, but thought i'd oblige my family) :)
the front porch is buried deep in a drift
and in other news, matthew gave himself a mohawk (ten years after he started asking me for one...) :) snow, snow, snow, snow, SNOW!
it's snowing- "real" snow- here in NC! :) WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! rob and i woke up around 7 AM this morning and there's a lot of snow on the ground- more than we've seen in five years since moving here to the balmy south.
the t.v. meterologist is saying 6-8 inches has fallen so far here with another inch or two to come. it's mixing with bands of sleet now too.
we were down to close to bare cupboards and fridg since it was the end of the month. today would have been my normal monthly grocery shopping day, but with the "storm" i was afraid i wouldn't be able to get the food- everything has shut down here. so rob and i braved walmart last night - OH MY WORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! talk about culture shock. i have never in my whole midwestern life seen so many people in a store- not at Christmas, not at Black Friday, not the day after Christmas- never! it was HILARIOUS!!!! you'd have thought the rapture or Armageddon was about to happen or something. :)
EVERYTHING is closed- even the hospital is scrolling across the tv screen with some sort of emergency plan in place. my coworkers are talking about us not getting back to work for quite some time- HILARIOUS, and from what i've seen even when we do go back i'm sure we'll be late starting everyday. the late start part i don't mind, but the missing i do- we'll be going to school until july at this rate.
as i've said often since moving here, "Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore." ;)
the t.v. meterologist is saying 6-8 inches has fallen so far here with another inch or two to come. it's mixing with bands of sleet now too.
we were down to close to bare cupboards and fridg since it was the end of the month. today would have been my normal monthly grocery shopping day, but with the "storm" i was afraid i wouldn't be able to get the food- everything has shut down here. so rob and i braved walmart last night - OH MY WORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! talk about culture shock. i have never in my whole midwestern life seen so many people in a store- not at Christmas, not at Black Friday, not the day after Christmas- never! it was HILARIOUS!!!! you'd have thought the rapture or Armageddon was about to happen or something. :)
EVERYTHING is closed- even the hospital is scrolling across the tv screen with some sort of emergency plan in place. my coworkers are talking about us not getting back to work for quite some time- HILARIOUS, and from what i've seen even when we do go back i'm sure we'll be late starting everyday. the late start part i don't mind, but the missing i do- we'll be going to school until july at this rate.
as i've said often since moving here, "Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore." ;)
Thursday, January 28, 2010
today my heart broke
7:50 AM- The school day has just begun. My classroom is a busy, bustling place filled with happy faces and busy children & teacher. We are preparing to leave for our various "Reading Club" classrooms. It is Spotlight Breakfast day and two of my children are being honored and receiving awards from me. One of them came back early, slamming the classroom open, stomping in, and throwing his award into his cubby quite angrily. Before I knew it, this very, VERY tough little boy who does not like hugs or accept physical attention/affection but rarely is in my lap, head on my shoulder, sobbing. And so was I. I think I felt my heart break.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
I Wish I May, I Wish I Might...
Okay, first off, I have NEVER done this before, but Ruhiyyih did a post on her blog about her wishes, and it got me to thinkin'. So, I hope she won't mind but I am stealing her idea and doing the same. If you would, leave me a comment and let me know something you're wishing for and I'll pray for you too along with all my other wishes (which for me are really prayers).
I wish & pray for the world:
I wish & pray for the world:
- that people would come to know Jesus' love- not just about Him or to think about all the bad things they know about Christians or the church or whatever their preconceived ideas are & associate that with HIM, but that somehow, someway they would just come to KNOW His unending love.
- that the horrors of war, genocides, famine, starvation, and tragedies would come to an end- I've been reading more about Rwanda most recently (been doing a lot of reading about war-torn African countries in the last couple years)- it breaks my heart. How it must sadden God.
- that no one would go to bed hungry.
- that orphans around the world would find love and forever homes like my nephew has.
- that the homeless would find shelter, food, friendships.
- that the world would learn to set aside their differences, their political views, their ideas about race, gender, likes and dislikes and learn to live peaceably with one another.
I wish & pray for my students ("my kids"):
- that God would somehow help me find ways to reach through the learning difficulties, past drug and alcohol damage, past hunger, past dysfunctional homes and hurting hearts and teach my children and help them grow and reach their full potential. I pray this a lot as I work throughout the day, when I hug the kids, when I sit down at the table to teach, when I see them struggling to understand something I am saying.
- that God would keep my kids safe from harm at home, in the world, wherever they go.
- that God would comfort A tonight whose heart is sad because of the death of his cat.
- that God would bring K safely back to us from his faraway trip.
- that God will bless & help my children grow up into happy, confident, responsible, and most important of all compassionate adults who bring up their families to be the same.
- and that God would be with kids whose names/initials I will not list but whose lives are not good. That somehow He would love my children through me and heal their hurts and mend their small, so young, but already broken hearts and lives.
I wish for my family:
- that my children would continue on the path God has chosen for them, that they would seek His will for their lives and continue to live for Him and serve Him. That they would make Him proud of them!
- that my momma and pop will continue to live healthy, active, long lives. I'm so, very, utterly thankful for the "extensions" on life God has recently granted them, and I would just like to have them as long as we can. (Okay, that's a selfish "me-wish" also.) :)
- that my sister and b-i-l would be blessed by God and granted the desires of their hearts!
- that God will allow our family to serve Him and please Him all the days of our lives.
- that our family will have "enough" of the things we need.
I wish for me:
- that Rob & I would see clearly God's path for our future and follow it.
- peace at work (either at the current place or a new one).
- to be acid/heartburn/ulcer free (which means a less stressful workplace I believe)
- to really have the stick-to-it-iveness to do what I need to do.
- that I would take care of me and live to be an old lady. (On that note, I am trying really hard to make some serious life changes, but don't want to say more until I prove it to myself).
- that I would be a more gracious, loving person.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
whew, i'm just not that smart!
today was the first face-to-face session for my new class- a geometry course. i knew that being geometry it might be a bit more challenging... i am the only teacher in the cohort who has been solely a lower elementary teacher and i have forgotten sooooo much geometry!!!! i felt so stupid and was the only one who was not understanding/remembering some of the stuff they were all talking about. i sat there several times thinking, "oh, i know that i learned this in high school..." or "oh, wow i used to know this..." but that knowledge is lost in some deep recess of my mind that has been locked so long it's rusted shut. :) then the prof gave us this "talk" about how we were graduate students now and it was time we started reading/writing/being more intellectual, yada yada yada... i'm just not that smart!!!
this course will end at the end of april/beginning of may, then we will start two courses at the beginning of may while we are entering one of the most crazy busy, stressful times of the school year! on top of the already stressful things going on at work, it's going to be a very interesting 2nd semester. i have to make some decisions about what i'm going to do after this program in the next couple months as well. if i'm going to go ahead and finish my master's degree, then i have to apply this spring and take the gre (which TERRIFIES me!!!).
then there's the whole job hunt thing too. praying for wisdom about all that too. resumes are going out this week!
i came home and my brain is just totally fried. i have managed to redo my lesson plans for this week (that's a whole 'nother Oprah!). i still have paperwork to do for the tutoring company, but to be honest i'm thinking about putting it off. i haven't even gotten paid yet. if they don't get me a paycheck soon, i'm going to quit and look for a tutoring job elsewhere. after working for them since the beginning of December, i think i should have a check, don't you?
well, i'm dead tired. it's been a long week. i hope this one quiets down.
this course will end at the end of april/beginning of may, then we will start two courses at the beginning of may while we are entering one of the most crazy busy, stressful times of the school year! on top of the already stressful things going on at work, it's going to be a very interesting 2nd semester. i have to make some decisions about what i'm going to do after this program in the next couple months as well. if i'm going to go ahead and finish my master's degree, then i have to apply this spring and take the gre (which TERRIFIES me!!!).
then there's the whole job hunt thing too. praying for wisdom about all that too. resumes are going out this week!
i came home and my brain is just totally fried. i have managed to redo my lesson plans for this week (that's a whole 'nother Oprah!). i still have paperwork to do for the tutoring company, but to be honest i'm thinking about putting it off. i haven't even gotten paid yet. if they don't get me a paycheck soon, i'm going to quit and look for a tutoring job elsewhere. after working for them since the beginning of December, i think i should have a check, don't you?
well, i'm dead tired. it's been a long week. i hope this one quiets down.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Proposition for God
So it's Friday night and I'm reading some boring, dry math stuff for my class tomorrow.
So I have 30 pages to go and I am telling myself, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
So God, um, how about this? I will read the 4 page article with bigger print, and You can do the 20 something page with tiny print that's got lots of big words... ???? Deal???
hahahahahah, I crack myself up sometimes. Hope I make God at least grin once in a while. :)
Night all, back to the work. Tomorrow will be grad class from 8-3:30.
So I have 30 pages to go and I am telling myself, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
So God, um, how about this? I will read the 4 page article with bigger print, and You can do the 20 something page with tiny print that's got lots of big words... ???? Deal???
hahahahahah, I crack myself up sometimes. Hope I make God at least grin once in a while. :)
Night all, back to the work. Tomorrow will be grad class from 8-3:30.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Ponderings of the Heart
I've asked these questions many, many times before over the time I've been a teacher. This is nothing new. But the intensity of the sorrow I am feeling I think might be more than I've ever felt before. Maybe it's just the lousy school year, the stress, my age, or hormones contributing to my feelings, I don't know. But the questions, I think, are good despite the emotions, I think. ???? And whether they are good or not, I am still pondering and asking....
Why God? Not why do bad things happen to me (as I have been guilty of selfishly asking before). But why did You bless me with so much in life? Why did you give me a safe home, parents who loved me, parents who taught me about You from birth, parents who never mistreated me, who always took care of my needs and never neglected or abused me? Why did you give me a stepfather who took me in and loved me as his own, who didn't abuse me or mistreat me? Why did you give me a good, loving, God-loving husband (yeah, I know I asked for that one in prayer) who has stuck through the hardest times with me and never left me, cheated on me, abused me, or stopped loving me? Why did you give me three great kids who love their parents, honor and respect them, are usually, most of the time, obedient and now trying to live for You? Why jobs? Why a nice home? Why food on my table? Why an education? Clean water and disease free living? Why me here in America where I am safe from famine, wars, genocides, starvation?
I mean, yeah we've had our share of "bad" things too. We've gone through unemployment, no food to eat, almost being homeless, almost losing our marriage and love for each other, serious health issues with the kids, sicknesses, money problems, credit problems... Yet, Rob and I have still hung on to each other. And now, today, I sit and blog on my own laptop in my own home. Right now, Rob and I are facing some serious money issues, yet I am still making payments on two vehicles and a house, things I thought were impossible even three or four years ago. My momma lost her husband; my sister and I, our daddy. We were, for whatever reason, separated from a whole family for years. We saw dysfunction on all sides and the hurt that it caused. Yet, we were loved and have turned out okay (well mostly :) haha).
But when I look at what's happening in the world, when I see the horrors of wars, famines, genocides, nations and cultures crumbling around their citizens' feet, earthquakes that destroy lives by the thousands.... I want to ask "Why me God?" I don't even have to look that far either. Right here in the "God bless America" nation of our own, when I look at the children's lives that Rob and I see each day, I have to ask again, "Why me God?" Why was I born to the parents I was? Why was I born into a nation that gives its citizens so many freedoms? Why was I given the opportunity to grow into a healthy child, to be loved, to be free, to get an education, to have clean water and grow up in a disease-free environment, to have books and learn the love of reading?
I know that the Bible says God is no respecter of persons. I know that I've always thought God doesn't play favorites. I know there is more, so much more to life, than material blessings, but I am really talking about so much more than the stuff I could accumulate here. I know the Bible says that "to him who much is given, much is required." I would say that I am one to whom much was given, but why does God give more to some and less to others? Why? I want to know. Why was I chosen as one of those who would get more? I'm so very undeserving of it. Truly, I am. I know it, God knows it.
I wish I understood these things. Everyday, I try to live up to the "requirement" for what God has given me, but I wish I understood. It's so hard to take some days, coming home to all the good that God has given me when I know that just down the road are little ones who are going home to a family/home where there may not be food for supper or where there may be food but the parent, for whatever reason, may not cook any. It's so hard to come home and hear Rob talk about a student who is being made fun of because he has no way to wash his school uniform, or hear his hungry student stories, to know that many of his kids are involved in gangs and drugs and to think of the future (or not future) they may have, or to watch as students I have taught change in the older grades into tough, hardened students who will not be successful. It's so hard to see kids hoard food and know that the little I can do is still not enough or to hear a child say "I wish you were my mom," and feel your heart breaking as you hug them and know that you would take them in but can't. Some kids literally haunt my heart. I see their faces and the pain in their eyes, and I think I always will. Did I do any good? Did I really do anything that will really help them survive abuse, neglect, hunger, danger or help them become the human beings God planned for them to be?
God it's an ugly, ugly world we've made- from a beautiful thing you created. It just seems to me it gets uglier and uglier as we go. We humans are ruining everything. God my heart is breaking, and I am tired. I am so thankful for all you have given me, please don't take me as anything but grateful. I just don't understand Your ways. I know the suffering that is on the planet isn't You, it isn't Your will. I know it is the evil that man brings- wars, diseases and all that garbage. I know natural disasters are just a part of this fallen world. But God, how can You stand it? How can You even bear to look down here and see all the suffering that is occuring throughout the world? Why do some have to suffer so much? I mean just look at Haiti. God isn't it enough that they have little/no clean water, that they are a horribly poor country, that there is so much civil unrest already there, that they are hit by hurricanes? Why did they have to have this on top of it all? Rwanda, Somalia, Sudan, Uganda... Why God?
I could just not look at the news or read about what is happening in the world. I could just turn my eyes and focus on my own happy little life. Though that might be better for my mental health, I don't want to do that. I don't want to be self-absorbed. I want to care and to do some good, but God what can I really do? How am I supposed to solve all these problems? I can't. Only You can. But God what am I to do? They're only children, helpless children, who can't solve their problems either. I mean I love on them for You, like You've told me to. So does Rob in his own ways. But God the simple love we can give (a hug, an encouraging word, a little food, washing a student's clothes, school supplies...) can't fix all this garbage. It can't fix dysfunction, can't help a child grow up to be a happy, healthy adult. Your love can, but I am so limited in what I can do. Teaching kids to read, write, do math, understand history and loving them while we do it, is that really all there is? I'm so confused God, so confused. Please help me to understand.
Why God? Not why do bad things happen to me (as I have been guilty of selfishly asking before). But why did You bless me with so much in life? Why did you give me a safe home, parents who loved me, parents who taught me about You from birth, parents who never mistreated me, who always took care of my needs and never neglected or abused me? Why did you give me a stepfather who took me in and loved me as his own, who didn't abuse me or mistreat me? Why did you give me a good, loving, God-loving husband (yeah, I know I asked for that one in prayer) who has stuck through the hardest times with me and never left me, cheated on me, abused me, or stopped loving me? Why did you give me three great kids who love their parents, honor and respect them, are usually, most of the time, obedient and now trying to live for You? Why jobs? Why a nice home? Why food on my table? Why an education? Clean water and disease free living? Why me here in America where I am safe from famine, wars, genocides, starvation?
I mean, yeah we've had our share of "bad" things too. We've gone through unemployment, no food to eat, almost being homeless, almost losing our marriage and love for each other, serious health issues with the kids, sicknesses, money problems, credit problems... Yet, Rob and I have still hung on to each other. And now, today, I sit and blog on my own laptop in my own home. Right now, Rob and I are facing some serious money issues, yet I am still making payments on two vehicles and a house, things I thought were impossible even three or four years ago. My momma lost her husband; my sister and I, our daddy. We were, for whatever reason, separated from a whole family for years. We saw dysfunction on all sides and the hurt that it caused. Yet, we were loved and have turned out okay (well mostly :) haha).
But when I look at what's happening in the world, when I see the horrors of wars, famines, genocides, nations and cultures crumbling around their citizens' feet, earthquakes that destroy lives by the thousands.... I want to ask "Why me God?" I don't even have to look that far either. Right here in the "God bless America" nation of our own, when I look at the children's lives that Rob and I see each day, I have to ask again, "Why me God?" Why was I born to the parents I was? Why was I born into a nation that gives its citizens so many freedoms? Why was I given the opportunity to grow into a healthy child, to be loved, to be free, to get an education, to have clean water and grow up in a disease-free environment, to have books and learn the love of reading?
I know that the Bible says God is no respecter of persons. I know that I've always thought God doesn't play favorites. I know there is more, so much more to life, than material blessings, but I am really talking about so much more than the stuff I could accumulate here. I know the Bible says that "to him who much is given, much is required." I would say that I am one to whom much was given, but why does God give more to some and less to others? Why? I want to know. Why was I chosen as one of those who would get more? I'm so very undeserving of it. Truly, I am. I know it, God knows it.
I wish I understood these things. Everyday, I try to live up to the "requirement" for what God has given me, but I wish I understood. It's so hard to take some days, coming home to all the good that God has given me when I know that just down the road are little ones who are going home to a family/home where there may not be food for supper or where there may be food but the parent, for whatever reason, may not cook any. It's so hard to come home and hear Rob talk about a student who is being made fun of because he has no way to wash his school uniform, or hear his hungry student stories, to know that many of his kids are involved in gangs and drugs and to think of the future (or not future) they may have, or to watch as students I have taught change in the older grades into tough, hardened students who will not be successful. It's so hard to see kids hoard food and know that the little I can do is still not enough or to hear a child say "I wish you were my mom," and feel your heart breaking as you hug them and know that you would take them in but can't. Some kids literally haunt my heart. I see their faces and the pain in their eyes, and I think I always will. Did I do any good? Did I really do anything that will really help them survive abuse, neglect, hunger, danger or help them become the human beings God planned for them to be?
God it's an ugly, ugly world we've made- from a beautiful thing you created. It just seems to me it gets uglier and uglier as we go. We humans are ruining everything. God my heart is breaking, and I am tired. I am so thankful for all you have given me, please don't take me as anything but grateful. I just don't understand Your ways. I know the suffering that is on the planet isn't You, it isn't Your will. I know it is the evil that man brings- wars, diseases and all that garbage. I know natural disasters are just a part of this fallen world. But God, how can You stand it? How can You even bear to look down here and see all the suffering that is occuring throughout the world? Why do some have to suffer so much? I mean just look at Haiti. God isn't it enough that they have little/no clean water, that they are a horribly poor country, that there is so much civil unrest already there, that they are hit by hurricanes? Why did they have to have this on top of it all? Rwanda, Somalia, Sudan, Uganda... Why God?
I could just not look at the news or read about what is happening in the world. I could just turn my eyes and focus on my own happy little life. Though that might be better for my mental health, I don't want to do that. I don't want to be self-absorbed. I want to care and to do some good, but God what can I really do? How am I supposed to solve all these problems? I can't. Only You can. But God what am I to do? They're only children, helpless children, who can't solve their problems either. I mean I love on them for You, like You've told me to. So does Rob in his own ways. But God the simple love we can give (a hug, an encouraging word, a little food, washing a student's clothes, school supplies...) can't fix all this garbage. It can't fix dysfunction, can't help a child grow up to be a happy, healthy adult. Your love can, but I am so limited in what I can do. Teaching kids to read, write, do math, understand history and loving them while we do it, is that really all there is? I'm so confused God, so confused. Please help me to understand.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
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