Home at last- hopefully to stay for a while

I am keeping this short and sweet.  Rob and I just returned home from our 2nd trip to St. Louis.  I'm feeling pretty lost on what day it is, what time it is, or where I am.  So is Rob.  Guess driving about 4,000 miles back and forth across country in two weeks will do that.
Rob's mom had heart surgery on March 1st and had complications.  She stayed in ICU until she passed away last Saturday, March 17.  We left NC to go visit her for a few days, and as we were on our way back home to NC, she began to deteriorate even more.   Rob had to make a difficult decision last Saturday to let his mom go, and as the dr.'s turned off her life support and she slipped away to heaven, we turned around, loaded the car and took off for STL once again.

Last week was really rough, and though I'm glad that part is over and I wanted to see my kids, I didn't want to come home because that would mean this was all real.  Add to that, being out 8 days of school this month, and I'm feeling a little lost with school too.  I know it's real, and I know we will deal with it.  I just don't want to.   We have the cremation/memorial service behind us, her apartment emptied out, most of her financial things dealt with.  Now I just have to finish the money stuff, file the death certificate with her various insurance companies and utilities and creditors and write thank you notes.

Today was also the day my daddy went to heaven 30 years ago.  I miss him more the last two years or so than I did when I was younger- weird I guess, but it's true.

Think I'll take my tired, worn out self to put on some jammies now and try to sleep.  Night world. 

love the ones you're with

I haven't written anything in quite a while.  I've been swamped with work (teaching two grades is a lot of work, just so you know) :).  I've had more issues with my stupid ankle and what appeared to be a gall bladder attack.  Between those I've spent more time in a dr.'s office then I care to say. :) 

And mostly, I have just felt quieter of late.  Nothing important to share, no deep thoughts (Sis, I went back to the shallow end to splash and play). :)

My mother-in-law died this past weekend, and the past two weeks have just been hard.  That's the short version.  I don't feel like the long version today.  This experience is definitely teaching me a lot- not sure where I'll file all this new knowledge though- probably in the "this stinks" file.

I've always felt like I am too "clingy" with the ones I love, and I probably bug them to death with all my "I love you's" and talking too much, and I know my kids probably wish I didn't hug them so much.  I don't mean to be a pain, it's just that I learned very young that no one is guaranteed tomorrow.  When my daddy died, I was 11 and I found out that you can't always say goodbye or tell someone one last time, "I love you."  Now I see that even when you do get to say goodbye or I love you, you still wish you could say more.

So family, I'm sorry, but you're stuck with this clingy, hugging, big mouthed, "I love you" ten million times person.  Because when my time comes, I want you to KNOW in your heart that I loved you, that I was proud of you, that I thought more of you than I could ever say, that I will always love you, that you were important to me, and that I will not forget you in heaven.  I don't want to get to heaven with regrets, and I don't want you to have any either.

I know they won't all see this, but I am saying it here anyway.  Rob, Robert, Barbara, Matthew, Momma-mine, Pop, Daddy (though you're in heaven, still), Jessica, Scott, and Zoe- I LOVE YOU.

Hug your family today and tell them you love them. 

Goodbye

I have been a part of your life for 24 years, and for most of that I have felt like an outsider around you.  I grew used to it and wished it were otherwise, but tried to make the best of it.  I wanted to have a good relationship with you, but my efforts never seemed to reap any results. I have shed so many tears over this, and spent countless hours feeling guilty about the situation. 

Now you're gone.  I am going through your belongings and personal things.  I see little things that make me wonder- Did you like me after all?  I found the posts from my blog that you had printed off and had with your Bible study things.  Oh, how that has made me cry these last few hours.  We found the photo of B in  your firebox, and I wish you would have let her know she meant more to you than she knew.

I see how bad your health was and how limited your abilities were these last few months, and I wish you would have told Rob and me.  I don't know what we could have done from NC, but we should have known.  I'm so thankful now that we came at Christmas. 

You had a hard life I know, and I would have liked to have been closer to you.  The kids and I would have brought you much joy and laughter if you'd have let us in more.  I am saddened for you that you didn't because you missed out on something good, especially with the kids.  I am saddened that you didn't have a better relationship with Rob.  He is a wonderful man- one that you would be proud of.  He's been my best friend since we started dating.  He's stuck with me and never left me or been unfaithful to me even through so many hard times.  He's a terrific dad!  He is a compassionate, gifted teacher; I wish you could have seen him or talked with him about his daily life as a teacher. 

I know you are at peace today, having a wonderful time in heaven.  I can see from your things that following God was important to you.  I'm so proud to see all the Bible study things you printed off, the things that show how involved in your church you were while you were able-bodied and knowing how even when you became more limited in mobility, you kept involved in a Bible study group.  I am hearing all these wonderful things about you from your neighbors and friends, and I am glad you brought joy to others around you.

I hope that somehow in heaven you can know that Rob loves you, that I do too.  I'm sorry that I wasn't a better daughter-in-law.  I hope you will be able to watch your son as he grows older and that you will see the good he does for God.  I hope you will know about your grandkids as they continue to grow and mature and begin their own adult lives.

I hope you know that I did care.

Goodbye.
Rebekah

Prayers

Please pray for my mother-in-law.  She's been having health problems and is not feeling well.  She spent about a week in the hospital earlier this month and has had just about every test known to man run it seems with more to come.  Thank you!

Other stuff for tonight:

• Two days of half day "data meetings"-I don't like to attend meetings that leave me feeling "Ugghhh."  Teaching children- I LOVE! :) The education system leaves me just tired and disgusted. :(
• Went back to the ortho doc today.  I'm on medicine now to heal up the inflammation/infection in my ankle and have been put back in the ugly, uncomfortable brace to immobilize my ankle.  If it's not better in three weeks, I'll be getting cortisone shots and maybe an even prettier walking cast/boot.
• Three more hours and we will have made it to payday.  Is it bad that I am counting hours until payday? :)
• One of my second graders brought me a pint of grape tomatoes today- her parents let her buy it for me because she knows I love tomatoes.  :)  Cute, sweet, funny. :)  I do so love my kids!!!!  
• My kids have had a little trouble completing their work the past couple weeks with the "testing" phase going on in our room.  I told them they couldn't pick on me anymore until they started getting their work completed- a real motivator for some of them.  We have a mutual pick-on-each-other thing in my room. :)  They LOVE to pick on me- punch buggies, calling me "Rebekah" (they think that's just awesome), sticking their tongues out at me, "stealing" my lunch bag or cell phone or other stuff. :)  Today one of them said, "Oh yeah, we can't pick on you yet.  I'm GOING to get my work done this week so I can pick on you again!" :) :) :)  Too funny!

Well, I'm off to pack up for tomorrow and try to be crashing by 10 PM for a change. :) Night world!

Hope the week is good to you wherever you are!  Praying for many of you!

Rebekah :)

Dear Person,

Something was said this week, and the more I think about it, the more it bothers me.  I would just like to say...

Dear Person,

From your comments to my six year old student, I assume you are anti-war/pro-peace.  Whatever label you put on yourself, I can respect your viewpoint.  I don't like war either.  I hate the death it brings, the loss and sadness people have to live with as a result, the horrors that come from war, and the aftermath.  I have never had to face those things directly really, not up front and personal in my own town, on my own street or in my neighborhood. Neither have you.  We are so lucky, no blessed, here.  We have never had to hide from the enemy, worry about going to the store and being killed by a stray bullet or blown up by a bomb.  We don't have to worry about our children playing in the yard and being killed in the crossfire...

But, I understand that you have your personal views, just as I do.  Here is where I disagree with you, however.  Whether we like war or not, whether we think our soldiers should go into foreign countries and fight or not, we live in an imperfect, flawed world filled by fallible, messed up human beings who cannot live perfectly.  Conflict happens.  And our soldiers do what they're told to do.  It isn't always what they want, and I'm sure that many times they personally disagree with what the country does, but they serve our nation to protect us- the people.

It is an honorable thing to serve our nation in this way.  Somebody has to do it.  If we have no military, we would be sitting ducks for everyone out there who hates us and wants us dead.  I recognize that I have a biased viewpoint here, and want to tell you that up front.  My grandfather fought in World War II.  My daddy was wounded in Vietnam. My Pop served in the military for twenty years.  I have relatives who have been in all the branches of the military.  My cousin's husband was nearly killed serving in Afghanistan and will have serious lifelong health issues now as a result.  His family paid a heavy price allowing him to give back to our nation- to protect us! My youngest son's greatest desire is to serve his country by being an infantryman, and at the time, he is not able to because of an ear problem.  Many, many soldiers pay a price (and their families right alongside them) to allow us the freedom to dissent, to speak our minds, to publish our own opinions, to meet in public and so many other rights we often take for granted.

So when you treat a kid rudely because you disagree with his desire to be a soldier someday (and yes, even a sniper in the Army), I take offense.  There is NOTHING wrong with his desire.  Maybe his dad or uncle or grandfather or neighbor or a friend of the family did that job.  Maybe he just thinks it would be cool.  Maybe he's just a kid who is, like many kids, fascinated by those things.  Perhaps in your manicured, middle-class world that is unacceptable, but please recognize that not everyone lives in your world.  Please recognize that many people have fought, died, and yes, killed people, so that you could have that viewpoint and express it freely.

You have that right, but in MY classroom, you do NOT have the right to put my students' thoughts and ideas down, even if you don't agree with them.  Because in MY classroom, everyone has a right to say what they think and feel, even when I don't agree with them.  That's because in MY classroom, we are a family- a family I am trying to teach and lead by example to be respectful, thoughtful people who can treat others well even when they don't like what someone else eats, thinks, says, wears, or does.  If the world would be more that way, maybe in the end we wouldn't need soldiers to go off and "kill people" as you put it to my child.

end of week thoughts

Just a few things I want to write down so I can remember some other day:

• Today I did something I don't think I've ever done- I confronted someone about something I thought was unprofessional and inappropriate. I stood up for a student.  It was HARD for me to do- way more than you know- but I did it.  Might not have done it well, but I did it.  May cause me problems later, but I did it.  I felt so proud of myself that I pushed myself past a roadblock in my personal growth! 

• One of my kids lost a tooth this week.  She forgot to take her tooth home that afternoon, and when I saw her after that evening's concert, she wanted to go get her tooth from the classroom, but our building was locked so I wasn't sure she could get in.  Her dad asked her to wait until tomorrow and being the super sweet, obedient child she is she agreed, but I could see it in her face that she was very disappointed.  I leaned over and whispered that I was pretty sure the Tooth Fairy would visit the classroom for her.  When I got home and just started mentioning this to Rob, before I could get two words out, he pulled out a dollar bill and gave it to me and said, "This is for ...."  Sweet man!  I wrote my kiddo a letter from the Tooth Fairy and printed it off in a different font than I ever use to try to throw her off, and left the money and the note on her desk with the tooth.  She was so excited and it was so stinkin' cute!  Then today I got the nicest email from her mom thanking me for the note and dollar.  She told me that last night she found her little girl brushing the tooth (which the school tooth fairy let her keep to show her family) so that it would be nice and shiny for the home tooth fairy. :) :) :)  Awwww....

• And the last thing for tonight...

This is a chalk portrait drawn by one of my first graders while I was at a mandatory meeting this morning.  On our way to the buses she stopped me to show me and said, "Look, Mrs. T. that blond girl on the ground over there... I drew that. It's you. She's pretty."  Now as I sit here thinking about this, it seems kind of "deep" to me.  Maybe it's just the end of a long week, a lot of tired and being in pain, but this makes me think...  Maybe my kids see something, the real me, beyond the blubber that I see.  Maybe they see who I am way down deep inside- a lady who loves them an awful lot, but most of all I hope they see God's love.  And when I think of that, this photo just makes me cry. :)

craft club adventures

I've been so busy and wish I had more exciting things to say here.  I'm not that exciting I think. :)

But these craft club projects were exciting! Matthew taught kirigami today, and I taught quilling. I loved how our work is going so far on these! :) Next week we will continue these two and add pop-up cards for Valentines' Day.

Nothing Much, Just Life

I wish I had more interesting things to say.  I would love to come on here and write profound things every day, but I'm not that exciting a person. :)
I hope 2012 has been good to you so far.  Time sure does seem to go by faster and faster; we're already halfway through January!  I've gotten back into my school groove and am hard at work completing the eighteen million assessments we have to complete with our children.  So far this week I gave five 2 different minute math "probes." I love that word-probe- think it is just a really ironic word for educators to have to use. :)  I completed my spelling assessment with all the kids, completed the DIBELS testing and the next math chapter pretest with my second graders. I also started the lovely TRC reading assessment this week.  I did all that while continuing to teach some actual real lessons too. :)  Now all I have left is to finish the TRC with ten kids and administer two grade level writing prompts.... and there seems like there should be something else I should do..... oh, yeah, wait for it-  TEACH! :)  I almost forgot that's what it is I started out to do- be a teacher. :) hahahahahahaha  In all seriousness though, I am happy with the testing results for my kids so far.  No one will be able to label me a "bad teacher" this year- thank God!!!!

Everything at home is good too.   Robert is hoping to buy his first vehicle today; he's going to with Rob to make an offer on a used truck in a little while.  By May, he'll be back on the road with his job and gone most of the rest of the year (out of town on the weekdays travelling and working- home hopefully some weekends).  Barbara was able to get two classes this semester and is still working at McDonald's while hoping for more gainful employment with more than two days a week soon.  She found out she has enough college credits to substitute so she's started that ball rolling.  I hope she can get some sub jobs before too long. :)  Matthew is looking for work and starting to move on as it looks as though his ear will not cooperate and will prevent him from following his dream to join the Army.  I know it's been hard for him, and I'm praying that he will be able to find his place in the world soon.

My mother-in-law was in the hospital pretty much all week this week.  It was hard for Rob to be here and not know really what all was going on.  I was trying to scramble some grocery funds together for him to go home, but she's home from the hospital and hopefully doing better.  Please pray for his mom that she will continue to heal and feel better. 

What other minute details can I bore you with? :)  I made my third grocery cart seat cover this week for a coworker's baby shower, and it looked really nice! :) I'm actually getting better at sewing!  I'm almost ashamed of that first one now that I finally figured out a tricky part of the pattern/directions (thanks to my awesome hubby!), but thankfully the last two have looked nicer and probably not too many people see all the mistakes I know about.  I'm so thankful for the nice machine I was blessed with last summer and the push to get back to sewing my cousin gave me!  I wish we had an extra room where I could set up a little studio.  I haven't done as much with card making or crafting this past year, and a large part of it is there is no place to do it unless I just permanently take over the small kitchen table and clutter up our kitchen.   My next project is to make a walker bag for my mother-in-law.  Barbara and I found a really pretty quilted fabric for her, and I hope to get it done this week. Someone at work said I should open up a shop.  I think about that a lot more than anyone knows, actually. I would love to have a small gift shop where independent crafters/artists could sell their stuff- including me, of course.  I just don't have any idea if that's actually a good idea or how to go about finding out or getting started. 

Barbara, Matthew, and I are doing an after school craft club still, and we started paper mache snowmen this last week.  We used small styrofoam balls as our base and I think they're going to be really nice when we get done.  Now I need to start practicing (in my spare time) how to do origami and kirigami because I have to be able to teach the kids how to do that in a couple weeks!  I have a couple books for my research; I started that over break but I didn't have the paper with me to try it out.

Well, I have probably put you to sleep by now.  I should get my grocery list finished and get on out the door.  I have a TON of assessments to score this weekend and data to enter into excel forms.  Report cards are due Friday too, and I have projects I need to do. 

So bye!  Hope January brings you something wonderful!  Love from NC!
Beka :)

Uncle Rob

Rob LOVES Zoe!  And it seemed that Zoe kind of liked him too.  I share evidence of these two facts here.

 Eating and talking and just hanging out on our last day in their corner of the world.

 playing with the blocks together

 I know she's a bit blurry- she doesn't sit still so it was not easy to get a photo of her without her being " in action." :) 

 Loved this one!!!!  Uncle Rob was reading and making all the animal sounds for her as they read together.

These are my absolute favorites!!!!  These tell another story.  Rob and Zoe would play "chase" and then he would hide around the corner and call out to Zoe.  She turned around to come chase/find him.

 Not sure what she was doing for sure, but she would holler and point at Rob.  So stinkin' cute!!!  She knew where her Uncle Rob was hiding though!

 Or, she thought she did.  "Where did he go???"

 "Boo!"  "Oh, there you are!"  hahaha  Zoe has the best laugh!!!!

Zoe and her Uncle Rob from Rebekah Thomas on Vimeo.


Untitled from Rebekah Thomas on Vimeo.

And the last one, Zoe gave Rob some kisses and hugs.

Zoe part 2

Yeah, I know. :) You'll have to pardon me. I'm partial to that niece of ours!!!

These first few tell a "story"- Zoe loves phones and wanted Barbara's.

 So, Barbara, being a good cousin tried to show Zoe her phone.  Zoe just wanted the phone, though.

 Barbara, not to be bossed around either, kept trying to show it to Zoe and talk to her about the phone.

 But, as you can see, in the end, Zoe won the phone battle. :)

 Bathtime with Aunt Beka

 She puts that tongue out a lot- cracks us up!

 I loved this face- it was like she was saying, "Aunt Beka, what are you trying to do- drown me?"

 And with that, she was done and ready to get out. She was trying to climb out of Grandma's sink.

 Yay!

Zoe's Sleepover with Aunt Beka, Uncle Rob, Grandma & Papa

My sister and Scott wanted to "trade" kids so we had a kid swap one night.  The "old folks" got to keep Zoe, and the young adults went with Jessica and Scott for a late night of movie watching, eating video games, and talking.  

So, what did Zoe do with us?  It's our secret.  You know- what happens at Grandma's stays at Grandma's? :) hahaha

Well, first we had some dinner.  Uncle Rob enjoyed this!  And one thing we learned while we were home, do NOT get in between Zoe and food.  She promptly let us know if we did not feed her quickly enough.  My kind of kid!

 playtime with Uncle Rob (another post coming with tons of pictures of Zoe and her Uncle Rob)

 Zoe got to campout downstairs with us.  While we played Scrabble, Zoe played in her playpen with her toys.  It was so sweet when she started talking to the Ernie character on the toy there in front of her.  She just held it, looked at it, chewed on him, and jabbered at him. Awwwwww...

 Hi Papa!

 Helping her Papa spell some good words!

 She was getting sleepy by now and not too sure what I was doing with my camera.

 I promised Zoe we wouldn't tell on her and she promised to not tell on Uncle Rob and me because we let her stay up late with us and watch some t.v.  :)  Just our little secret!

Then she slept downstairs with Uncle Rob and me.  She woke up about 5:45 not sure of where she was I think, but came and slept/snuggled with me on the love seat.  I will CHERISH that memory for a long time to come!!!

Zoe and Aunt Beka at our 1st Sleepover from Rebekah Thomas on Vimeo.

Zoe

Rob and I are thrilled that we got to be back home for Zoe's first Christmas.  Zoe is our niece- our first, much anticipated, and much adored niece.  It hurts to be so far away from her and not be a part of her day-to-day life, so this was a special treat for us.
I'll try to not bore you to death or make your eyes bleed from photo overload, but I can't hardly restrain myself.  Here are some of my favorite "Zoe" pictures from Christmas.

Let's start with this cute video.  Zoe was not too sure about all of us big people of course.  On that first night we were there, though, she was fascinated with Robert and all his hair. :)

Zoe, Meet Your Hairy Cousin from Rebekah Thomas on Vimeo.

My Momma and her pride & joy, Zoe. :)

 I know I'm partial, but isn't she a cutie?!? :)

 Our oldest, Robert with his cute cousin.  I love their faces in this photo. :)

 She was, as all babies are, more interested in the wrapping paper than the gift. :)

My sister, Jessica with her sweet baby.  For some reason, I didn't take any photos of Scott.  Sorry about that, Sis.  Not sure why that is???

 Zoe is looking up at Uncle Rob.  He wanted a photo of her with his Cardinals blanket.

 On our last day together these two cousins decided to get together finally.  Zoe smiled at Matthew while we were there, and was mesmerized by his height.  Matthew is timid of Zoe because he is so big and she is so little.  I loved these pictures of them together.

 This is my favorite!!!!  She just tucked up to him and grinned so big.  So precious!

 getting tired 

  sleeping beauty

Love how Papa and Zoe are looking at each other here.

 blurry photo- but Robert and Zoe were laughing so hard together- it was adorable

 Zoe wanted to put Barbara's necklace in her mouth.  She just kept sticking it in Barbara's mouth and laughing.

 fascinated by Barbara's face

 Zoe kept playing with Matthew's chain and the ring he put on it.

 tickle time!