I made it to spring break!

Today began my three day reprieve from all things insane :). I had to work like a crazy woman, but I was able to leave Tuesday afternoon with EVERYTHING planned and prepared for both myself and my tutor- all copies done, spelling words loaded online, lessons prepared, copies done and stapled and filed... kind of scary being that with it. :)

I was beyond thrilled when my body and mind mostly cooperated and let me sleep in- something I can rarely ever do. After Rob and the kids all left for work, college, and high school, I drifted off to sleep and dozed until mid-morning. I felt guilty because I am Rebekah, it is what I do. But it felt sooooo wonderful, and I felt more rested than I have in ages and ages! I stayed in my pj's until I left this afternoon to pick up my kids. :) The rough draft for one of my grad school projects is now done. Tomorrow I hope to start polishing it up. I have that and the summative 2 year program capstone exam to do this week. Then two or three more projects/assignments, the course final exam and the capstone portfolio and I will be done in one month.

This afternoon, I picked up Barbara, ran her to High Point to trade uniform pants, went to Winston/K'ville/Walktertown-wherever East is actually at???? to get Matthew and take Rob supper. We came home and ate the YUMMO chicken/bean tacos I had started in the crockpot, took Barbara to work, and then Matthew and I took Samson along for my walk. Matthew was my DI and did cadences for us to walk to and set a pretty brisk pace for me. I shaved a few minutes off my time today. :) I sure wish it would get a smidge easier so I could go further or that I could walk faster, but I'll get there eventually. I keep telling myself to be patient, that in a year I will see a big difference.

As Matthew and I were dropping Barbara off a song came on the radio, can't remember the name of the song, but it's about wishing for one more day - "One more day, one more time, I'll be satisfied.... but it'd leave me wishing still for one more day with you..." Couldn't help thinking of how my "baby" is soon to graduate from high school. Soon this stage of our lives as parents will be over. We're still waiting to hear from the Army as to the disposition of Matthew's enlistment. He has an appointment next week to see his ENT to schedule a surgery/procedure that the Army is requesting. Matthew is hoping that this will remove the final block to let him in. If you'd be in prayer for this, I would appreciate it as would Matthew.

I am so thankful for God's help in making it to this small break, for time spent with my children and husband, for still working on living healthier and getting smaller eventually, and for a little rest- I am soooo in need of that!

Hope you are having a great week wherever you are!

Beka :)

I Did It! I really, really did it!

I got to do something new today- an adventure I really was nervous to try but enjoyed and made it through with flying colors. :) I participated in my first 5K! (Yes, I did say 1st!) And though tired, and a little winded from that last hill, I made it without having to be pushed, pulled, or towed to the finish line.

That's right! Big ol' Rebekah, who would NEVER in her wildest imagination have dreamed this up, walked for a really long time! :) I had the company of my devoted husband, an adorable, sweet friend, Matthew, for whom we were all walking, and his wonderful family. I enjoyed talking with others and most of all just getting to walk with some really nice people!!! Crystal & Bryan, I love you and your little man so very much!!! Thanks for letting me (and Rob too) join Matt Matters and allowing me to love your little boy and be a part of his life too!!!!!

So back injury, hurting knee, and crazy work/college schedules aside, I am not a failure. I, me, Rebekah Rose Thomas- I can do this!!! I was really having a hard time lately with my back and life being so crazy and feeling like a failure. I got in the car and realized what I had done and started crying tears of happiness. For the first time, I felt what I think was a little pride in myself. I hope you'll understand- it's not the sinful, puffed-up kind of pride- just happy that I stepped waaay out of my comfort zone, didn't let my obesity rule my actions or limit what I did, and happy that I have stuck with exercise now for three months. :) When I started I was only walking 3/4 mile and huffing and puffing at the end of that. Today I walked over three miles and did it while talking, laughing and ended with a smile. :)

And if you'd like to give to the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation, it's not too late. Rob & I had each set a goal of $100. I have reached that goal thanks to an anonymous donor and my sister. You can still give to me or help Rob reach his goal of $100 or just give to our Matt Matters team. Thanks!

a very happy Beka :)

Working Hard :)

Rob and I are working hard to take care of us. We have been walking consistently for almost two months now. :) And we've been extending our distance/time and pushing even more lately. Rob jokingly now calls me the "taskmaster." So I got this idea that we could walk to our favorite restaurant down the road from us (I knew it was around a mile there). So we did. We walked there, ate supper, and walked home. It was fun, we were tired, but we did it!

Today is our oldest child's birthday- his 21st birthday! I can't believe we have been parents for 21 years!!!!! And now our birthday factory ends for a few months.

My :) List:

• We are still walking, and tonight we did just a tiny bit more than 2 miles! :)
• I had a major meltdown this morning working on my next big grad school assignment, but I pushed through it, Rob checked it for me when I was done, and it is turned in- early too!
• I have about 1/2 my papers graded- it was a HUGE stack, and now it's down to just big. :)

18, 20, 20

Those are the ages of the kids in our house. "Kids" is a relative word I guess. They are my kids and always will be just as I am still my own Momma's kid at 40 years old. :) I am smiling as I type because I remember when Barbara loved her birthday for obvious reasons, of course, but also because she loved being the same age as Robert for five days. Oh, how she used to torture him! Sweet memories! (Jessica, makes me think of you and that whole, "I was there when you were born" thing.) :)

Barbara had to work tonight :(, so Rob, Robert, and I went to McDonald's in hopes of seeing her for a second. She was working the back drive-thru window, so we bought Robert a shake, got back in the car and went through the drive thru just to shout "Happy Birthday" at her, drive through and tell her we love her and go home. :)

I'm continuing to walk. Tonight I noticed that we are slowly inching the distance up and the time. So this is pathetic to those of you who are fit & healthy, but I still want to share it. Hopefully you won't think less of me for being a fatso. :) In the six weeks since I started walking, I've doubled the amount of time and distance I was walking, and I've increased the number of days I walk too.

My :) List for today:

• I made time for Rob & me this weekend. Paid a big price for it perhaps, but I am getting MUCH better about putting family and even myself first.
• I continue to walk, drink more water, eat less.
• I like making fun memories with our kids and Rob. I LOVED going to see the kids at McDonald's tonight, especially hollering Happy Birthday to Barbara through the order screen. :) hehehehehehe

:)s for today

Keeping it short. I'm "supposed" to be working on a research paper for grad school, but I must confess that I am struggling with this course!!!! I'm not sleeping well, so I think, honestly, I may just try to go to bed at a decent hour and hope & PRAY for sleep tonight!

My happy list for today:

• My pants are getting really lose on me in several places- I love this feeling!!! :) :) :)
• I didn't get the materials needed to complete mandatory assessments until last Thursday and couldn't start until Friday, but I am working like crazy to get them done by the deadline. I am done with one assessment- WOOHOO!!! and close to the halfway point on another. Hopefully I'll get done by next Friday so I can get back to teaching which is what I want to do desperately!!!!
• Another walk with my hubby- and the past two nights, I have to say were harder because I was just plain wiped out, but I did it anyway. Don't know why or what it is, but Rebekah is definitely changing for the better.
• I saw an "old" coworker and dear friend today. Kristen came by the school and brought Elizabeth with her. It MADE MY DAY to see them both. Oh, how I miss working with her. She was a dear!!!! And Elizabeth, what a smile that kid has!!! My class was oohing & aaahing over her. :)
• I did something tonight that I've NEVER done before, and though Jesus probably wouldn't have done it, I don't think I did anything wrong or sinful (I hope not!). I stood up to something rude and it felt so nice!!! My two oldest were with me, and though I think they were a little embarrassed (Sorry you two!!!!!), they both commented to me afterwards that they noticed the rudeness and were proud of me for speaking up. They both said how stunned they were and shocked that "their mom was doing that." :)

hodgpodge

Heard today in my room:

C: Mrs. Thomas, are you perfect?

Me: No I am not! No one is perfect except for God of course.

J: Mrs. Thomas, you are too perfect!

Me: Really, J, I promise you that no human being is perfect. We all make mistakes and do things we shouldn't.

J: Mrs. Thomas, don't say that. You are perfect for me! :)

Awww, J doesn't know how much this touched me. He is quite a challenging friend many days, but together we are working hard, and he is growing up. I am NOT perfect, but I can live with "perfect for him." :)

On the family back home front- My mother-in-law lives in St. Louis which was forecast (according to the Weather Channel) to get an inch of ice! And my parents & sister & brother-in-law are supposed to get 18" of snow. This sure has been a big storm winter so far, and this one will definitely go in the record books. Rob talked to his mom a little bit ago, and she is safe inside her apartment. My momma is home from work and said everything is shut down for tomorrow so unless Baby M decides to make an appearance, they'll all be safe inside and staying put.

We're about to eat dinner- fried chicken, Rob's DIVINE mashed potatoes, salad, and peas. Then I'm hitting the streets before I start trying to put together this research paper. I need to pay the bills and get my February menu together since it is February.

Wonder what the groundhog will see tomorrow. :)

Just because I'm "sensitive"

Yes, I am sensitive, thin-skinned, hard on myself, etc.- too much so at times. I admit that! Yes, I am hormonal; I admit that too. Yes, I am my own worst critic, too hard on myself, don't see the good that others see in me, only take the negative things, yada, yada, yada...

But that doesn't make what I say not true or somehow, slightly less than the whole truth. I can be all those things, and what I say still be exactly what it is.

And for the record, I hate that I am too thin-skinned, hate that I can be sensitive, hate those hormone swings. I TRY like the dickens to let things roll off my back. I try to look for the good and let the less than good things go. I will keep trying. I wish God had made me some other way and not this way because it is a fault of mine I know. But also because people don't take me seriously. And sometimes it is just an excuse for others to be ugly and then blame it on me for being too sensitive.

My :) list for this weekend:

• I continue to put in the walking, and it's starting to become a habit, I think. :) But even better, I am liking it and it's not so much "exercise" as just a time with Rob and stress relief. I find myself wanting to go for a walk- craving it, kind of. :) I HAVE to get some new tennies though soon as my current ones are totally shot!
• I am totally feeling inadequate for this semester's graduate projects, but I am not quitting (though I'd like to drop out and quit my job both). I'll get through the next six months and then, hopefully, be glad I did.
• I found a way to relieve some of my personal stress during a difficult day this week, and it was funny to boot! :)
• I stood up for my class this week. Don't know if it will do any good or if I'll even get a response, but I have made up my mind that no one else will treat my class like that again. They may "be the 'worst' third grade class at our school," and I may "be the 'worst' third grade teacher," but my students don't deserve to be told that, and for that matter, neither do I. Enough is enough!
• I am working on forgiving myself when I mess up, when I am less than I ought to be. Not an easy thing for me to do, but I'm working on it!
• I am also working on forgiving others and at the same time, though, not letting myself be a doormat. So I have kind of removed myself and gotten a little aloof. Trying to not be ugly, just not be available as much for the drama, comments, or other negatives. If I'm not around, then I can't be so "sensitive," and can't get my feelings hurt. :) Hope I can find the right balance between these two.

My :) List

It's been a hard day, and I really don't want to say much, but I was thinking about my little blog this morning and remembered that I'm supposed to be putting down some positives about me when I write. I haven't done that the last couple posts. So before my accountability friends catch me :), I am putting down what I can think of for today. It's not much, but it's better than nothing.

• I continue to walk and take care of me. I even got myself a pedometer. I walk waaaay more at school than I realized! I realize for those of you who are very active, this will not be much, but I just didn't realize how much walking around I did at school! I put in a mile today at work and that was on a testing/guarded time day with no playground time, no specials and such! My kids were so curious about what I was wearing, and then SERIOUSLY cheering for me all day as they checked my steps! Thinking I might have to work this into my math lessons.
• I am doing this even though I am absolutely in the pit- that is growth!!!
• I am seeing a change in my body for the better! :) That's all I'm saying for now. :)
• I am not an award-winning, stellar, out-of-this-world teacher, but I care for my kids, and they KNOW it!

Okay, I did it! I'm sick with a cold bug/sinus infection/something, but there's a warm bowl of white chili (my favorite soup) waiting for me, grad school assignments to finish before midnight, papers to grade, writing samples to score, report cards to finalize, and reading test results to analyze.

I know it will sound silly, but please pray for our dog, Samson. He just started throwing up- not something he's ever done before. I hope it's nothing wrong and just something passing.

Oh lovely :)

Last night I actually SLEPT all night (about 7 hours) and woke up with very little back pain!!!! It was more wonderful than I can say!!!!!!!! I can't honestly remember when I've done that it's been so very long. THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!!!!

We went to the first church service, and after church, drove the two walking routes I'm trying to use to measure their approximate distance (much further than I had thought!), went to get a soda, and came home to fix lunch. Lunch was yummy- broccoli cheese soup, wraps, and I had fresh blackberries- my favorite! I did a couple things I needed to do for grad school, and I have taken a lovely nap- another thing I don't get to do often thanks to insomnia and a busy life. I have a lot to do, but I have just sat here vegging out a bit and enjoying this fire Rob started- so peaceful to watch. :)

I'm going to work on report cards next and try to get them as close to done as I can today.

This weekend's list-

• I went for a walk with Rob yesterday between my grocery run and the funeral, and Rob, Barbara, Matthew and I walked again today (and now know exactly how far I am walking)- it is getting a little easier this week so yeah! :)
• I did NOTHING Friday night- no lesson plans, no grading papers, no college, nothing!, and I took a nap today- hey, I could get used to this. :) I know this sounds silly or maybe lazy or self-centered to people who don't know me, but if you know me, you'll know this is rare for me.
• I was in a funky mood (stress, truly sick of work, one of my "I hate me" moods, plus the funeral) but I went out anyway with my daughter and a coworker to get some dinner and buy a baby shower gift for another coworker. That was fun. I loved my Greek salad. Thanks Barbara for buying the dinner! :) Thanks to B & my coworker for putting up with me when I was moody & tired and still loving me in spite of it. Not too many coworkers do that for you. :) Not all moms get daughters that will love you as much as mine does! I know that and am thankful!
• I went to church today. God is good and still loves me and spoke to me.
• Matthew and cooked tonight after our walk- the yummy veggie pasta salad. With Greek dressing and a little feta cheese on top. Oh. my. word. Soooo good!

I better quit being a bum now, and get to work. Think I'll take another walk first. :) This could become habit-forming, and I pray it does. :) That's my goal anyway. :)