a gift that can't be taken away

Our children have not yet flown from our nest, but it is getting to be more and more rare to have them all three home at the same time. With Robert working out of town so much in the past few months during the week, then youth group on Fridays when he's home, working a lot of Saturdays, and church activities on Sundays, we don't see him much anymore. Barbara works and goes to college, so she's gone several nights a week and of course she has plans with friends too more and more. And Matthew works a few nights a week.

So it's just not too often that we can do something as a family anymore. Rob and I are learning to get used to this and try to look on it as "practice" for when the empty nest does come.

This Thanksgiving we had a wonderful lunch together before Robert went to church and Barbara went to work. We all worked together to make a delicious meal. Matthew and Barbara learned how to make pumpkin pie. And the kids made all the veggies. Matthew helped me make the dressing (it was the best I think I've ever made!) We talked to our parents back home, had time with our kids; it was a very nice day.

I think, though, the thing I will cherish the most was the past two evenings. Robert and Barbara don't usually stay up too late. Robert is used to getting up very early so he's early-to-bed. Barbara usually goes to bed around 10ish (or when she gets home from work). She may stay up late upstairs working on homework, reading, texting, playing on her computer, but she's not one to stay up late downstairs. She likes to have her downtime in her room before bedtime. Matthew is a more solitary kind of guy- he needs downtime more than the other two young people, and can often be found in his room or in the backyard just walking around spending time in his thoughts or writing.

So last night, when Matthew got home from work at 9 o'clock, I was surprised when they all came in the living room and watched a movie with us. We watched the Jim Carrey version of "The Christmas Tale." The boys threw down pillows and blankets on the floor and Barbara spread out on the loveseat. We had a movie night together- all five of us. :) I can't even remember the last time we had a family movie night!

Then today no one had to work, so us ladies did groceries (my first time in a month!), the men worked in the yard on leaf duty and took down all the fall decorations. We went to a matinee movie at the dollar theater a block away from our home. Barbara's friend, Jonathan, went with us. Then we all came home and just hung out here- talking, laughing. Robert cooked some delicious Greek chicken and couscous for us. Now they're watching an old English Christmas comedy, and we're all here together again.

I will cherish this weekend's time together. So very, very thankful for a chance to be together -and a wonderful time too. In 24 hours life will go back to "normal," and we won't see each other as much or have time to watch movies or talk as much. Thank you God for giving us another time to be together as a family.

Thanksgiving

I know it is the norm for people to express thanksgiving at this time of year. I'm not trying to be cliche, and if you were my FB friend you'd know I've been trying to take time every day to express my thanks for I have figured out just how blessed I am. But what I'm learning from the past year or two is that even when, at the moment, I might not "seem" blessed, I still am. I am learning in my late 30s' and now early 40s that time adds perspective and with perspective you can start to get a glimpse of a bigger picture. I can only imagine God's perspective- how amazing it must be!!!!

I can see how those unplanned pregnancies were some of the greatest joy-givers in my life. I can see how three babes in diapers under the age of three years old grew up to become the laughter, joy, spunk in my life and how much richer my life is for having them. When I feel lousy about myself, which we all know I do fairly often, all I have to do is listen to my young people talking/laughing/joking, listen to them talk about the world or their passions or about God (that's the BEST!), and I realize I this- I may have done nothing else right in this world, but I did that! I helped to raise three amazing, wonderful young people. That's no small feat! That's a lot of hard work and persistence and love and tears and tons and tons of prayers. I had a hand in that. The world will be a better place; they will touch the lives (already have) of many others and how can I not at least be thankful for that? How can I not be blessed by being their mom? I

am! And I am so thankful that I got to be their mom and that we have each other and that I finally realized all this before it was too late for me.

I can see how that man I took vows with has become my best friend. How those hard times we struggled to make it through, where we loved each other but probably didn't like each other so much at times, how they helped pull us together and wound our hearts together so tightly. I can see that because we made it through that junk we are now bonded together so much more and so much better. And because I didn't give up on Rob and Rob didn't give up on Rebekah, we have a friendship, a companionship that survives other rough times and makes them not seem so bad.

I can see how all those times when we could barely pay the rent or worried how we'd keep a roof over our heads led to me TRULY appreciating buying a home in a way that I wouldn't have if I hadn't ever had those worries. This place we live is so much more precious to me than it would have been otherwise, and crazy as it sounds I am so thankful that it took so long and so much to get here because I am really, really grateful to God for a home.

The same with food- because I have gone without, I am so much more thankful for having food on the table. Not a day goes by that I don't open the pantry or frig and see food there and think, "Thank you God that we have food in the house to eat."

And now, because I have known a minor degree of helplessness and having to depend on others through an illness/injury, I have a new appreciation for being able to do for myself and I look forward to being able to cook again, prepare my own plate, and do all the things that I took for granted before.

And what seemed like the "year-from-you-know-where" last year has taught me a lot, and I actually am thankful for that. I think I am turning out to be a better teacher for that year, and I'm finding out that even in my hardest time as a teacher I still helped some kids somehow-that one is totally on God. And for that I am more humbled and thankful than I could ever say. It's really a moment of awareness when you realize that even when you are brought down a notch or two or a lot by your critics, God can still use you- that God doesn't listen to the critics. And that God used me at all in the midst of all that hurt, betrayal, and anger I felt last year, that God could use me to reach some hearts in some bruised children... well I am honored to have been there. And yes, I know after all my hurts and venting I did last year, I am actually thankful that I got to be the teacher that was there. I thought I had failed, and that thought drove me crazy last year, but I am finding out this year that maybe, just maybe I didn't fail Him or them. And for that realization I am very thankful.

There are so many other things I could say I'm thankful for, but the material things really don't matter. I'm thankful for the loved ones I have, for God opening up the lines of communication this year with a couple of my cousins that I have dearly missed & that they loved me enough to come out here to spend time with me and mine- what a gift- they will never know how much that means to me. I'm thankful for time with my family, for His provision and care, for being able to be a part of so many children's lives over the years, for the love I get to give every weekday (and for the love He sends back my way through the smiles and hugs of some pretty neat children). I'm thankful that even though 1,000 miles separate me from my "home" family, we still have each other and remain close. I'm thankful that this year my sister and her husband have a little bundle of love named, Zoe Nicole Rose, to share Thanksgiving with. I'm thankful that Momma still has Pop with her this year and that he has her too.

So this Thanksgiving, though I may not be able to cook the meal as I'm limited to crutches still, I am going to take time to say thank you to Him for helping me to see the really, true blessings in life and for helping me to grow up some more, for helping me to have a heart of thanks in a time when I could have not.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. I hope He shines down some extra love, laughter, and joy to you wherever you are!

Rebekah/Beka/Bekaboo :)

I COOKED!!!!

I know that sounds silly, but after not being able to for a while now, I'm so happy to have been able to help cook supper. Tonight I made all of us homemade veggie fried rice. So yummy!!!! And it's healthier too because I don't use much oil and no extra preservatives or stuff- just egg, brown rice, veggies, fresh chopped onion & garlic, sesame oil, soy sauce and black pepper. mmmmmmmm :)

And a sweet, cute, funny thing I heard today in my room- When I took a few steps (and I am talking just a few) with just one crutch, one of my kids saw me and told the other kids- "She's walking!!!" Then I heard the kids saying, "Mrs. Thomas, you're WALKING!!!" I turned around to see my kids clapping, cheering, and smiling from ear to ear. Kids are so funny!!!

So happy to be getting closer to "normal"- got a ways to go yet to be back to good health all the way, but I'm happy to be one day, one step closer today. And so happy for the prayers of many. Today one of my sweet girls told me that she had asked her church to pray for me. So somewhere in High Point is a Spanish-speaking Baptist church praying for a very silly, very clumsy teacher. Talk about feeling loved tonight! :)

Tonight when you pray can you pray for a little girl from my "back home" who is in desperate need of God's intervention? Her name is Marissa, and she needs a miracle from heaven.

little reflections

I've worked two days in a row! :) If (make that "when") I make it through tomorrow I will have worked more in one week than I have in the past three weeks. :) Here's to my new favorite #- 3! :)

I have a new/better appreciation of some things after the past two or three weeks.

• Continuing to grow in Christ- for that I'm more thankful than I can say!!!!!! I am finally getting better at handling trials- I hope this lasts, not the trials but the growing up in this area!!!! I've tried to be tough and strong many times in my life, but always felt like a failure at that. This time, I kept laughing, kept smiling, kept thinking about the positives, and (fingers crossed) I think I am about to leave that storm behind.
• my family- words just can't say enough how much they mean to me. Through all this stuff I've had my family's prayers, love, calls, texts, facebook messages. And here at my home, my husband and children have taken such loving, good care of me. It makes me cry when I think of how good Rob has been to me- from helping me bathe and dress to waiting on me hand and foot to picking up the slack around everything else that needed to be done that I couldn't do, to cleaning up after I got sick- he's been a dream husband. Matthew has been super sweet to his mom. He has taken naps with me and watched movies with me while I was trapped in bed. He talked with me, joked with me, bought food and fixed me delicious, healthy lunches, helped me get up and down, came to check on me when he heard me crying... he's just been so good to me!!! We've had some really nice times together these past few days. Barbara has helped me bathe and dress and laugh and taken care of me. She's kept me joking and making fun of myself and keeping it light. :) Robert works out of town during the week, but he's called me and texted me and sent me pictures of the ocean while I was in the dr.'s office to cheer me up. He's prayed for me. My Momma has worried and prayed and called and worried and prayed and called. I have a new appreciation for what my Momma must have gone through with her cancer battle- I just can't imagine it all, but this gave me a tiny, tiny taste of what being ill for a while might feel like.
• Being "able-bodied"- I try to be thankful for things. I don't take a lot for granted- there were really hard times in our marriage and family, and I see a lot in my job- so I know I'm blessed. But still, I never really understood how awesome it is to be able to do for myself. First it was surgery, then I got the silly staph infection/allergic reaction, then I did a header in the parking lot. Now, I am doing better day-by-day, but I still need one of my guys to help me get up out of the chair. I can't get a shower without Rob or Barbara helping me. I just started driving again today. I haven't been able to carry anything, and then on crutches can't even go fix my own plate of food or get a glass of water. I have had to have help to bathe, get dressed... I don't like to ask for help, don't take help easily, don't like to be needy... All of this has helped me appreciate simple things like taking a warm shower, driving myself to work, being able to walk and move on my own, putting on my own shoes....
• Being able to work- after last year I can't believe I'd say that- but working is feeling pretty stinkin' good to me this week. :) Nice to feel needed by my children, missed and loved, and to feel like I'm contributing to something, to my family, to my school children... I was beginning to feel totally useless- not a feeling I liked!
• being healthy- I didn't have cancer or major surgery or even a serious injury. But those combinations of things I did have put me out of work off and on now for three weeks. I've drained my sick days. I'm so grateful to be feeling better today (was SO sick last night), to be starting to move around more easily. I'm SOOOOOO looking forward to being totally back to good health, able to move easily, walk without taking headers, and get back to walking and losing more inches/weight! I will NEVER take that for granted again!

I can think of more, but that'll do for tonight.

I have loved this verse for years, since I worked for a really mean person way back in Illinois. This verse got me through some really rough, long days. But after all this stuff that's been going on, this verse has taken on new meaning. And a personal hope that it can be taken LITERALLY. :) :) :)

Psalm 121- I lift up my eyes to the mountains; where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip. He who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you; the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm. He will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

Night!

prayers please

I'm going back to work (again) tomorrow. Please pray I don't fall again, don't get tripped up or do anything else stupid. I'm really not feeling too hot, my hand is getting infected, and I'm still on crutches so I hope this week goes quickly. Most of all, I'm praying I actually make it through this whole week without any sick days or any other "issues." I haven't worked a full week the past three weeks.

Hope your week is drama free and full of joy!

Rebekah :)

I think I need a bubble. :) hahahahaha

I have tried twice to post an entry here, but Blogger and I don't seem to get along the last week or so, and it keeps losing my posts. :( Let's try one more time.

I'm alive and still laughing, though today I finally did cry. Twelve days ago, I had surgery on my back. The doctor took out a grapefruit sized tumor. I had a local and made it through with flying colors- no tears, didn't holler or be a baby about it. Came home, started recovering, stayed tough. For me, who is always hard on herself, I was proud of myself for being a "big girl" about it all.

Went back to work last Wednesday, two hours in, my incision started bulging. The short version is I have a staph infection. Got medicine, doc was concerned about it possibly being MRSA... by Thursday night I was starting to have an allergic reaction- stupid me went on to school Friday thinking, "Oh I can make it through the day... until I go in anyway for my followup." Yeah, no. Had to leave after lunch because my throat was feeling like it was swelling. So I started a new prescription and Benadryl. By Saturday I was feeling lousy- sinus stuff on top of everything else and I just didn't feel good. Still, I was trying to be tough.

Today on my way into school, I fell in the parking lot. Busted up my knee really badly and one hand, and have a badly sprained ankle. Doc doesn't think it's broken, but says he thinks I have torn all the major ligaments in the ankle. I am in a brace & crutches and waiting for an ortho appointment time. This is painful, and I have to confess I did cry today. I made it through the bloodied up knee and hand and the ride home, through the appointment, but when I got home and remembered (oh yeah!) I had to get up some stairs to my house, I started crying. I am home, in my pj's and have some lovely pain medicine left from surgery plus the prescription he gave me if I need it. I can't go to work tomorrow since my class is going on a trip to the circus. :( I feel so bad for being out again, but I'll get through it I know.

Right now, I just want everything to be healed up, the infection to go away, and to be able to walk with my husband and sleep in my bed without pain. The good news is even with all this stuff, and the lousy back, and not being able to walk for a while now, I'm holding my weight loss pretty well. :) :) :) So, how's that for a BIG HUGE "I like me" today? :)

So even though, I feel like crud, am embarrassed about falling and looking like a clutz (which I am), I am still making way in the battle against the lard. :) I WILL get better, my back will heal and the staph germs will go away, my ankle will get better, and I WILL get back to walking with my hubby and back to losing weight. It may take me a while, but I am going to win this war against my fat.

In the meantime, anybody know where I can buy a big bubble? I think for my own health, maybe my family needs to wrap me in a bubble wrap or a big bubble. My dear daughter, told me she thinks the family should all go in and buy me a Hover-round chair. hahahahahahaha Knowing me, I'd still find a way to injure myself and fall even with that! :)

Okay, here goes. Let's see if Blogger is going to let me post this.

Love,
Rebekah/Beka/Bekaboo :)

home from hospital

Made it home from the hospital this morning and survived my surgery, which is always a good thing. :) :) :)

These GORGEOUS flowers came from my wonderful parents. Thanks Momma & Pop!!!! They are really the prettiest flowers- LOVE LOVE LOVE the sunflowers and the autumn colors and the ribbon. Looking forward to being home to enjoy them these next few days.

So the short version is the "thing" is out of me. It was very large- about the size of a grapefruit. I have 25 stitches and steri-strips to show for it. There was a nerve wrapped up in the tumor- believe me I felt that! It was a wee bit painful at times and I could feel some cutting, but I made it. I kept telling myself, "I can do all things through Christ." and "I'm saving myself an anesthesiologist's bill this way." Barbara gave me her dog, Red, to take with me and I squeezed that poor thing to death a couple times. He has been to every family surgery since I bought him for her when she was three and had her tonsillectomy, plus he has traveled on all family trips and many of my adventures too. He went to Asheville with me in August for my work retreat. I woke up this morning to see my beautiful, compassionate 20 year old standing beside the recliner with Red in hand waiting to give it to me. I LOVE that girl o' mine!!!

I hated being away from my students; I had to work really hard yesterday afternoon to not cry in front of the kids because I could see the sadness and worry in their faces, words, and actions. One girl brought me a special personal belonging that she wanted me to have to think of her. Yeah, that almost made me cry too. They didn't want me to go and kept asking me this week, "Mrs. Thomas, is your back better? Are you going to be okay? ...." Barbara said they missed me today but did a pretty good job for the sub. They're going to be disappointed on Monday when I'm not there, but I hope I can make it back in on Tuesday with lots and lots of hugs (gentle, avoiding the back kind of hugs, but hugs anyway).

So now I have pain meds and a wonderful family to take care of me. I'm home until Monday anyway and pray that there are no complications in the hole in my back. Here's to hoping I feel better soon.

sweetest email ever!

I have never received an email from a student before. I had a 2nd grader who tried to email me yesterday but didn't know quite how to do it. We talked today about it; he had been visiting my class website and was so excited to see my photos and learn more about his crazy teacher.

He is one of the most thoughtful children I have known. I could tell you lots of stories. He hugs me EVERY day and then gives me another hug and says (every day, seriously) "Mrs. Thomas, please hug Barbara/Matthew and tell them 'goodbye' for me." Every day. When the 2nd graders left for their trip the other day, he came running back after they'd left with Barbara to hug me one more time and told me, "Mrs. Thomas, please tell the 1st graders I will miss them and I said, 'Have a nice day.'"

Today, I told my children very, very briefly today that I would be having surgery and would miss a day next week. I tried to keep it low key and very positive. I don't want to scare them. I came home today to find this email from my young friend.

"hey mrs thomas i will missyou are you goning to be oka i dont want to stay with mrs huks ar you goning to come back ar you gon fill bether dont for get to sent something back as soon as you can beybey or rith now"

Oh, God, THANK YOU for helping me to survive last year. Thank you for letting me love those kids last year who needed me to love them and be in their corner. And thank you for giving me this group this year and such loving, thoughtful children. Thank you for helping me to learn and grow from a hard place, and then blessing me with a joyous, peace-filled year so far to help me heal and regain my "groove."

And God, THANK YOU more than I can say for the wonderful results from one of my "last year" friends on her benchmarks this week. Maybe You helped me make a real difference after all. I am loved. You are showing me that. This week another teacher came to me to tell me that every kid she has asked said I was their favorite teacher. Wow! That stunned me!!!!

And then one of my kids this week asked me, "Mrs. Thomas, why do all the kids know you and hug you and shout at you?" THANK YOU God, for loving me through all these children, and more importantly letting me love them for You.

Blessings

I think I've shared this before, but I am really being reminded of this lesson in the last few months.

19 years

I should be asleep, but before I finally crash I wanted to write this down as a small prayer between God and me.

Thank you God for being there - always.

Even in the darkest times. You really are.

When it doesn't seem You are there. You really are.

Even when one can't sense Your presence. You really are.

When life hits you so hard it takes your breath away. You really are.

When you think you can't survive or go on another moment. You really are.

When no one is on your side and the world seems to be set against you. You really are.

And someday, down the road, you can see things more clearly. You realize that God was there through it all. And you're oh so humbled and grateful.

And, God after 19 years with a child I almost didn't get to have, I'm still humbled and grateful for every moment of every day of every one of these last 19 years. Thank you for my "gift of God," Matthew Lane Thomas, born 10/20/1992.

But most of all, God, thank You for being there 19 years ago when life fell apart and got really hard, and for all the other hard times in our lives (there have been more than a few, God, and You know them all and have been there for them all) that You were really there and I just couldn't see You. Thank You for not giving up on me then, or now. Let me never forget You and Your faithfulness. Let me be just a little more like You each day.

Hi

I miss being here! Teaching two grades sure is a lot of work, and I am going solid every night and most of the weekends. When I go back to just teaching one grade, I am not sure I'll know what to do with myself. :) But I'm keeping up, staying pretty organized, keeping my classroom looking nice... thanks to a lot of work on my part and two pretty AWESOME young people who volunteer in my room a couple days a week each. :) :) :) Thank you Barbara Rose and Matthew!!!!! I have a great group this year, and we are off to a great start. It will soon be the end of the 1st quarter already! :)

Rob and I took a mini-retreat to Asheville last weekend. We had to do schoolwork in our hotel room, but it was so nice! I have a love affair with the mountains I tell you!!!! We got up on Saturday and ate breakfast at the hotel and walked around downtown A'ville- such a neat place. I got a start on a few Christmas items too- can't wait to send my niece her gifts for her 1st Christmas! :)

I'm having some issues with my back- an ongoing problem for a few years now, but finally maybe I'm going to get some help and hopefully some healing. I started physical therapy this week, though I cried all the way home because I can't afford to do it. He says I need to come 2-3 times a week (at $65 a visit- YIKES!!!). I won't be doing that, but hopefully he can still help me. I also see a surgeon this week for the removal of a tumor in my back. The p.t. doc says that has to be causing some of my problems, so hopefully I'll feel better down the road.

My smiles lately include:

• taking time to get away with my hubby/best friend
• the mountains- God sure made a BEAUTIFUL world!!!!
• fall is here!
• getting back my "groove" in the classroom- thought it was gone forever, but it's coming back, and for that I'm more thankful than I can possibly say :)
• refinancing our house - thank You God for a home after all these years and the opportunity to lower our payment too
• Saturday grocery trips with one of my young people- LOVE that time just them and me. Matthew and I always play this guessing game as to the final price of our cart. Barbara and I always pick on each other while we check out. Whoever is with me, we always make the cashiers laugh and smile. :) I like doing that!
• weekends home with my family- my haven from all the craziness of life
• phone calls from my Momma- she doesn't know how much I love that!
• leaving phone messages for my Momma at her work on my way to school- knowing it will be the beginning of her workday when she gets them :)

prayer request

Please pray for my sister and her hubby and infant daughter. Jessica has meningitis and Scott is starting to not feel well too. Please pray for Zoe and my parents that none of them will come down with this.

Thank you SO much for your prayers!!!!

Rebekah :)

Thinking of a friend tonight

I've been working hard all night on grading papers, evaluating my 2nd graders place value pretests, creating a spreadsheet to do said analysis... Matthew & I also made my fruit dessert for the 4th grade teachers tonight.

But I've been checking on a friend too in between all that. Today was her daughter's first day of Kindergarten. Her daughter, Hannah, died a few years ago, and I knew today was going to be quite a day for her. I'm sitting her crying after reading her blog. Her Hannah sure blessed a lot of people in her short time here. Her bus driver still remembered Hannah, and is still carrying a card Hannah made for her all these years later.

Rach, I don't know if you still come here, but THANK YOU for sharing your Hannah with those of us who visit you. Thank you for being honest and real with everybody- the good and the painful. I'm praying for you sweet lady!!!!! And sending you hugs and a lot of love tonight!!!!

God is love!!!!

Oh wow, I just got done writing and then watched this video my sister sent me. Talk about timing and reading each other's minds! :)

God is love!!!!

Christians give God a black eye sometimes. :(

Disclaimer: I am a Christian, but I have NEVER claimed to be much of one- in fact, I am often saying how I am not a good Christian. I know that I am sinful, have major issues, and am a long way from where I want to be, let alone far from the mark God wants me to be. And because of that, I don't go around spouting scriptures or trying to tell others how to live their lives. I know that I am a full time job and am no expert in a position to tell others how it is supposed to be done.

Now, on to my soap box. :)

First of all, I know Facebook is not a place for truly intelligent conversations. A while back, I "liked" the Bible page on FB. A few weeks ago, there was this huge, ugly debate there about tattoos. It was truly ugly. People were quoting verses from Leviticus right & left and saying how people with tattoos were going to hell, that God hates tattoos, etc. Other people were quoting a scripture in Revelations that talks about Jesus returning with a mark on his thigh (and saying that sounded like a tattoo)... It truly got to the ridiculous point. I broke my policy of not talking religion and politics, and stupidly commented with some scripture about how we are supposed to love one another and isn't that the way we are known... A couple days later it was still going on and I stupidly again posted a comment about how it was wrong for Christians to be tearing each other up so much. I will NEVER again break that policy of mine. Just dumb. People that stuck in their ideas aren't likely to be convinced anyway. I just get upset. Moving on. I now no longer "like" the Bible- at least on FB. :) That just kind of cracks me up. I do like the Bible though, so don't worry.

Today I see on Casting Crowns page this comment, "Well I've been thoroughly rebuked for mentioning Amazon since apparently they sell books written by sinners. Go figure." Seriously??? Give me a break! I'm just not going there. But really people.

I think a lot of judgmental Christians either need to read or reread the gospels. They must have missed Jesus' life. Folks, he ate and associated and "hung out" with SINNERS- oh my!!!! People accused Him of being a drunkard because of who He associated with. Jesus did not condemn people (oh so many he could rightly have done so too). He didn't cast the first stone, he ate at the tax collector's house, he was friends with a prostitute. Maybe I have it all wrong, but it sounds to me like this Jesus we find in the gospels wouldn't have been liked by our modern-day church people either. Oh my, maybe He would even have had a tattoo. He probably would have hung out with the homeless, he might even have listened to rap music- you never know.

What I do know is that He told us to LOVE. He loved people from young to old, sick to healthy, poor to wealthy. He wept over a city filled with people who didn't know the truth. Over and over and over in the letters of the New Testament, I keep reading "love, love, love, love...." We are known by our love. We are to love our brothers and sisters. We are His if we keep His commandment to love... I think LOVE was a big deal to Jesus and still is.

So why do we go around beating each other up, what in the world do we expect the "outside" to think???? We represent Christ, God's love, and we supposedly want to bring others to know Him. Well, I know if you were telling me you were some follower of a great teacher but you acted rude, called each other names, told each other where to go (as it were), I would think your teacher was awful and have nothing to do with him/her. As a public school teacher, if my students say I'm the best but they go around unable to read, not able to do basic math, write horribly, the public would say I'm not a good teacher. The same thing is happening every time we Christians tear each other down.

It can't please God at all. I think it has to hurt His heart a great deal. And though I'm so far from what I need to be too, it all just makes me sick. To be honest, it's a lot of why I'm just done with church. I go, and will continue to work on improving that, but sometimes my heart is just not in it and this is mostly why.

God, help me to not judge others and be this way. Help me to change my own sinful ways. Let me not give You a bad reputation or black eye with my words and deeds. Help me to bring You honor through my life and the example I live. I know I have a long way to go, but help me get there.

Out of the blue...

I had a good day at school. I am enjoying my new students. My daughter and son have volunteered a lot and helped me much more than I could ever say or repay! I came home and have had a nice evening with my husband and Matthew.

Then out of the blue, it hits me. It hasn't been here for a few days. And now it's back. And I hate it. I wish it would go away. Maybe I'm just pyscho.

And, why, I ask myself, am I doing this tonight? Why did the blues hit me hard? Because somebody said something and it made me feel like they think I failed. I'm tired of being told, "You're back where you belong." I can't tell you how many times I've heard that in the past month. And, I don't know why that statement bothers me at all, except that it makes me feel like all these people think I sucked and failed last year. I'm tired of hearing about bad teachers and how badly our school sucks, and then to hear it from people I like or look up to, and I'm hearing it more and more from people I care about. I know my school is a "failing school," and I don't make excuses. I am HARDER on myself than anyone could ever be to themselves. I don't think anybody could push themselves more than I do myself. Yeah, I agree that graduation rates and test-pass rates around the nation are atrocious. I just am struggling to understand how that many teachers are that bad. And am I one of them?

I think anybody who knows me knows I CARE about my kids, probably more than most. But what if that's not enough, because these days it seems it's not in most people's books. And caring a lot doesn't give the almighty test score a boost, and that's all that matters.

I hope I wake up with "it" gone because right now I am just very, very blah.

On a happier note:

• I am so thankful for my WONDERFUL young people. I have the BEST kids in the whole wide world!!!!! Barbara & Matthew have been volunteering in my classroom and helped me tremendously get moved and unpacked and set up. My new kids love Barbara & Matthew too, which is sweet! :)
• Thanks to my kids' help and a lot of work on my part, I am more organized than I've ever been in all my years of teaching- even with two grades in one room!
• My classroom looks nicer than ever before, and I've gotten lots of compliments on it. It's so nice to walk into each morning- just makes me smile. And at the end of the day, I know it's silly, but I just look around my room because it looks so good. :)
• My new class- they're sweet and eager and my biggest problem, so far, is some chattiness and a class clown or two. No violence, no racial slurs, no fighting and bullying, no drugs or weapons. Refreshing!
• Charlotte, who co-taught with me last year and still believes in me- she will never know how much that means to me. She doesn't think less of me and still wants to be my teaching partner. :)
• A 4th grade teacher came to me today and what she said just touched my heart so deeply. She probably will never know how much it meant to me too, but being needed and helping others just makes my day. And she made mine! :)
• Payday- we made it to payday. Sure we are major overdrawn and behind on bills; we didn't have enough to make it all the way, but we made it. Thank God for a job and for money coming back in once again, even if it is less money than last year.

Limeades for Learning- please vote

I'm needing to get serious about work stuff- have Donors Choose screening to do, lesson plans to write, assessments to score and analyze, spelling words to upload online, and bills to pay (thank God, we made it to paydays again!)...

But I have to put my plug in (sorry to seem like such a beggar). It's that time of year again when Sonic does their Limeades for Learning deal. This is such an awesome way to help a teacher you know & love or even one you don't know or love, and it doesn't cost you a dime! :)

All you have to do is go here and vote every day with every email you have. You have one vote per email each day. Plus if you do visit Sonic between now & Sept. 30, you will also get a code to enter online for a bonus vote.

If you don't know any teachers who have projects on Donors Choose, I just "happen" to know a lot of teachers who would love to get some wonderful teaching resources and materials for their students. Here are a few:

• My hubby & best friend, Rob is trying to get netbooks to create a mini computer lab in his classroom. This project is for one netbook.
• Mrs. Hauck is a fourth grade teacher at my school. This is her first Donors Choose project ever, and I would sure like to help her get it funded!!!! :) She is asking for funds to purchase Time for Kids newspapers for her students to read and take home.
• I have a couple projects live right now, this one is for an iPod. I'm hoping to build a small set of iPods to use as a learning station as well as to use in having kids record themselves reading and listen to audiobooks and music. I'm trying to get them one at a time.
• There are lots of other great projects out there. You can search the site by state, city, county, school. If you are looking for other great teachers, search High Point, NC, Allen Jay Elementary!

Many thanks!!!!

Rebekah :)

Hurricanes and Other Things

Irene has come & gone, and other than a very windy day we didn't see anything here in our neck of NC. I have been keeping tabs on one friend to see if they made it through alright. I emailed a second cousin to check on her before/after, but haven't heard from her. I'm guessing she's okay, just without power, but I know her area was hit hard. I watched a photo slide show from the areas of NC & southeastern VA that were hit. OH MY!!!! It was so surreal to see photos of the Outer Banks and Morehead City. Oh, how I love that area- so beautiful!!! I just kept calling Rob, "Come look at this! Rob, come see this!" There were photos of Highway 12 that runs through the OBX, and the ocean has washed the road away in several places!!! I am praying for all the families who have lost loved ones or suffered losses from this storm.

Irene brought me a gift this weekend too. But first, I have to back up a little bit, or a lot.

I was pretty quiet in high school, just sat as far back as I could in class and prayed to not be noticed. I was in the honors classes and graduated high in my class. I knew all the kids I was in classes with, but usually sat there quietly watching and listening and never interacted much with any of them. They were all popular, partied and did things together. I was just the nerdy, shy girl in there with them. I didn't think that any of them would even really remember me, let alone like me. Hmmm... you couldn't get me to relive those teenaged years again for any price in the world!!!! I even graduated early because I was so lonely and miserable in high school.

Fast forward all these years later (23 to be exact) and lo & behold, a few of them do remember me and are now my FB friends. Who'd a thunk it? :) Certainly not me!

Sarah lives in the Norfolk, VA, area. Her hubby is in the Navy and is stationed out there. He had to go with the helicopters before the storm hit, and she decided to leave and not ride the storm out in case in got bad. She FB'd me and next thing you know she was headed to G'boro! So Saturday morning, she pulled up and hopped out, and she hasn't changed much at all- still the ever-present smile I remembered from class all those years ago! It was so nice! We tried to feed her a good home-cooked meal and chatted. Barbara was excited to meet Sarah too, and we ladies had a good time! I was surprised because it didn't feel like I was meeting a stranger I sort of knew from years gone by (which is what I would have expected), but it felt like I was meeting a friend I haven't seen in years. That's, I'm sure due to FB where we've been able to get to know each other a little. And as we talked I realized how a lot of those silly teenaged insecurities were for nothing as everyone else was dealing with their own very similar insecurities and issues. Oh, if this Rebekah could go talk to that one!

And the rest of the weekend- well it was normal life stuff- Donors Choose screenings, lesson plan writing... yeah, like that. And may I just say that I forgot that it is a bit challenging to fit two grades' lesson plans into mine. I am going back and forth between two grade levels' curriculum planners, two grades' lesson plans, plus a lot of other resources too. I better get going- newsletter, seating charts, reading logs, and more are still waiting on me.

One funny thing before I go. Saturday afternoon, while the wind was gusting pretty good and the clouds were swirling around (the sum total of the non-drama we saw from Irene), I heard an ice cream truck go through our neighborhood, and I PROMISE, I'm not lying, it was playing "Silent Night!" In August, with a hurricane brewing just an hour away and the wind, clouds, humidity churning up here quite a bit. I was sure that if I looked out my window, I'd see Rod Serling telling me I had just entered "the Twilight Zone." :)

School supplies

I'm going to be a beggar here. Sorry. If you don't want to read, please just come back another day. I promise I won't do it too much.

We were told on Friday that there would be very limited to no funds for instructional supplies this year. One ink cartridge for our printer, limits on paper, no money for field trips....

So as I sit here tonight trying to make my school supply list, I am stuck. Many (probably most) of our families at school can't afford much for supplies. Every year, I end up supplying a majority of what my room uses- extra glue, crayons, kleenex, soap & sanitizer, pencils, toilet paper even... I don't mind; it's what Rob & I do. We buy what our kids need to help them learn and don't even think about it.

But this year, it's August 21 & I've been overdrawn for at least two or three days. I have $100 cash to get us groceries and gas for the rest of the month. I can't buy anything for school right now.

And I am NOT the only teacher who is feeling the pinch after several years in a row of paycuts or pay freezes. So if you're a friend or family from home or just a stranger who visits here, and ONLY if you felt so led, I'm asking you to consider helping a group of hard working teachers at a school I know so very well. If you know of ANYONE who might help, would you please pass this info on? If your employer is looking for something good to do, could you share this info?

All of us could use, and would be SO grateful for extra supplies (if you're shopping some of these great back to school sales):

• looseleaf paper
• single subject spiral notebooks
• copier paper
• pencils
• erasers
• glue sticks, glue sticks, glue sticks
• hand sanitizer or soap
• crayons, colored pencils, or markers
• pocket folders
• page protectors
• Sharpies
• whiteboard markers and/or cleaner
• staples
• tape refills

Someone on Facebook also suggested gift cards to Walmart, Staples, or Office Max. That would be great too!

If anyone wants to help, please leave me contact info & I can send you my address at school. I will share anything we can get with my fellow teachers, or if someone has a particular grade they want it to go to, I will direct your gift to those teachers. I would be so thankful if you'd pass this info on to your colleagues, family, boss, church, anyone. THANK YOU!!!!!

Making this quick since it's right at 10 PM and I need to do lots of stuff still tonight. Just finished cutting out 70 yarn necklaces/chains and over 300 pieces of yarn for one of the activities tomorrow at staff meetings.

This was the fourth day of training, and I have to admit I got SUPER stressed when the tension level rose in the room. I think that's the problem- me and conflict are not bff's. I HATE when people are rude to one another, when people get snotty and are condescending. By lunch I wrote a note to myself and the teacher next to me. It said, "I've had enough estrogen for one day!" :)

But I made it. Getting a couple more students tomorrow! :) I like to have larger classes, and if there's anything I want it is to NOT get preferential treatment (combo class or not). I want to give no one room to say, "She has a smaller class." or "She has all the 'good' kids." or anything else like that. I pull my own weight!

One more day this week; praying the meetings go quickly and that we get a nice chunk of time to work in our rooms. My dear, sweet daughter has worked hard this week to help me get unpacked. We're almost there. Matthew came also and has helped and is going with me tomorrow to help me finish unpacking and get bulletin boards up. That's my goal for tomorrow. Then next week, I have to get the library, discovery, math, and literacy areas set up plus nametags, cubby tags, and all that other stuff ready plus my materials for Open House. Here come the long days! I'll post some photos next week as I get my room finished.

My :) for today:

• as always, having my daughter nearby makes my day- seeing her smile, hearing her laugh, when she stops and gives me a hug, when she can sense that I'm having a bad day or see the stress and she just grabs my hand and gives me our "secret" family I love you signal or a hug, and says, "I love you Mommy," seeing her love the kids I love- well all these things make it easier to get through hard days
• all the help my family has given me- moving me to my new room, helping me unpack and get set up
• my daughter's FB comments in defense of her ideas and in defense of her mommy :)- Go Barbara, you ROCK!!!
• my sons- Matthew & Robert- who sometimes don't mind me being mushy, let me give them hugs & kisses still, and help me out from time to time (Matthew, as I mentioned, has been a big help to me this week. Robert went out tonight and bought yarn for me with his own money tonight for this school project.)
• a lunch out with a coworker who insisted on paying- thank you friend!
• playing with some of my coworkers' kids today- chasing them in the hallway, playing tag, sticking out tongues, tickling... I love kids! :)
• made it through another day- thank you Father for helping me!!!!!!!!
• yummy grilled salmon and a salad for supper
• a back that is still hurting a LOT but is not quite as bad as the other day- thank you God!!!!

We heard today that we are not going to have money for basic school supplies that we might normally get some help with. This means that on top of everything I spend money on, I will now have to buy my own paper (lesson plans, learning materials, worksheets, newsletters, etc.), staples, tape, glue, etc. We can't ask our families for more since many of them are strapped for cash too. Pray for our school please- for our kids to have a good year, that they will grow & learn and make leaps & bounds in their learning! Pray for our staff to be in unity, to be encouraged and lifted up and to grow in their abilities, pray for our families that their needs will be provided and that they will grow as families. Pray for our nation and its leaders. We need some major changes in the education system.

Love to you all!

Rebekah :)