Goodbye 2009

We are home alone tonight, just Rob and me. Robert is at work and the other two are at his church for the lock-in with the youth. He fixed us a good, simple meal and we ate a quiet dinner together in the kitchen with a small candle and cleaned up together. This is how life will be in just not that much longer.

Then as we cleaned up the last things he took me in his arms and said a few things about 2009 and then asked me to blow out the candle with him. I said goodbye to 2009.

2009 has brought us bills and more bills (many I can't figure out how to pay) but God also brought us our own home (a major miracle and a first for us). It has brought us a job Rob is not the most thrilled with, but on the other hand God brought us a job that provides a roof over our head when he lost his job and could have been without work. It brought us difficult work situations, but then it also brought us the joy of helping kids. It has brought us lots of blessings for our classrooms through family, friends, and strangers who gave to our classroom projects online. It has brought hard times, good times, sorrow, hurt, and joy. But God has been in it all.

God is more than a year on a calendar and He has blessed me oh so much more than I deserve.

Goodbye 2009. Thank you God for all You've done for us, for how You've been with us in it all, and always have in our whole lives, for the good times to rejoice and the bad times to grow. Thank You for another year to be alive and live for You.

Christmas 2009

Another Christmas, another day to be alive and thankful. This Christmas I was especially thankful for what Christmas is really about. I get so homesick at this time of year and miss my family, and miss my daddy and miss the memories of family Christmases past and gone. I had to really remind myself of what Christmas really is. Though family is super important, Christmas isn't about presents, about pretty trees and lights, about spending, about good food, or even about being together with family. Christmas is about God giving us the greatest gift there is.

Father, I am so thankful for that gift You gave to us. I didn't deserve Your present, but out of Your great love, You gave it to me anyway. Thank You for that. Help me to remember that this gift is mine everyday and not just one special day of the year. Christmas should last all year long because this gift doesn't just end when we take down the tree, the wreath, the stockings, the decorations. Christmas is with me all year long. Help me to live that way Father.

Merry Christmas Jesus!

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Christmas morning, Matthew started the fire and was eagerly waiting for us to get ready. :)

We woke up to a slightly white, very wet Christmas day. I just couldn't believe the snow from last week had lasted even this long. I was happy to have even a little snow left on Christmas day; I'm sure this is the closest thing to a white Christmas we'll ever get in NC.
It rained a lot throughout the day. Our yard was flooded, and it has taken a whole week to dry out. There was a LOT of water out there. Poor Samson couldn't even find a dry place to go out for his restroom breaks.

Loving this fireplace- our first "real" fire and so pretty on a chilly Christmas morning
Loving our first Christmas in our first home- a special one that I will cherish in my memories always

We tricked Matthew (naughty Mom) and this was a surprise to him after all. We did the whole "Christmas Story" kind of thing to him. He was thrilled that we actually went ahead and bought him this air rifle with plastic bb's. :)

Robert had said he'd like an electric razor; looks like it was just in time too. :)

Rob has been needing new slippers for months, so now he has new ones.

Barbara and her new watch set with interchangeable faces/bands.

The kittens were thrilled with the wrapping paper we had accumulated. You can't see her in this photo, but Charlotte is under the paper in this photo, hiding from her sister, Emily, and her daddy, Cinnamon. In this photo, Emily is trying to figure out why the paper keeps moving, and Charlotte is hiding and reaching out at Emily and popping back under. It was too cute!!!
My family blessed me with tools and items I will use and need for my cardmaking projects, and Robert knows I am always eager to read anything on the genocides, wars, and social issues of Africa so he bought me this book about Rwanda.

Robert all dressed up and waiting for his ride to church.

One of the girls all curled up under the tree. They love it under there! A quiet end to a beautiful day.

Christmas Eve in photos

We had a nice, quiet Christmas Eve, just the five of us here in NC.

We fixed a healthy meal- vegie & fruit trays, a big pot of minestrone- YUM, cheese, crackers, summer sausage...

I baked cookies- chocolate chip, snowball, brown-eyed Susans... These were yummy while they lasted. :)

Rob and the Barbara and Matthew played Life while I baked cookies. The only bummer part of the day was that Robert had to work, but we ate early so we could all be together and the day was still wonderful. Just a quiet, peaceful day.

Matthew and I baked pies for Christmas day- an apple pie and this cherry pie for Rob.

Christmas Eve night- all the creatures were asleep and Mrs. Claus was enjoying the pretty lights in a dark room.

Introducing....

BekaBooCreations is blogging- I stayed up waaaaayyy late and made a blog for the business and linked the etsy store and ebay auctions and posted photos and started getting things set up...

big ideas...

i've been working hard on break (don't worry family, it's been a great, relaxing, fun, creative kind of working hard). :) i've been creating lots of card sets for my site and have made a bunch of winter/snowman/snowflake cards as well as valentine's sets... then this week i did a lot of business research, found some sites where i can order supplies in bulk and save money, made my first bulk order of adhesive (next month envelopes, then in march i will start ordering cardstock online), bought my 1st really bigger price/size piece of equipment, and found a couple new projects to try to teach myself. so yesterday i tried something new and have made (and already sold!!!) these cute boxes with little note cards in them...

started thinking hard about an idea that was suggested to me a while back by a friend of my momma's and ran it by a few people today, and just keep thinking and thinking and thinking. my sister gave me a TON (literally) of feedback on the questions i sent her and took my simple idea and stretched it out to be even way cooler and better...

so here's the deal. i'm TERRIFIED and EXCITED and NERVOUS and EXCITED all at the same time. i know i am not as talented as so many other people out there- i have always wanted to scrapbook but have not been successful in actually doing it. i have only been making cards for a few months, and when i look at other's cards online they are so much more detailed and in-depth and beautiful than mine- i keep mine simpler out of lack of funds on my part and because i'm also trying to start turning a profit eventually... i feel a little like it might be conceited to think i could start a business when i've not been doing this for very long. i am afraid i will look silly to myself, to others who know me, to people who might be watching...

but i'm going to start taking this thing i've started to a new level very soon i think. i will be sharing as i go i'm sure. until then, i would sure appreciate any prayers you can give because i'm nervous and excited and terrified (did i mention that yet?)... it would be so neat to really be able to make money and get a business going out of this. it would be so helpful to our family if i could start to make money and actually make this viable... well, i'm just excited and so thankful for my family that is here in nc who has to look at everything i make and tell me what they think, help me figure out the little problems when i get stumped or can't get a design to lay out the way i want, and to my family back home who has been supportive of my new idea, bought some cards and helped me spread the word to their friends, and who are now listening as i bounce ideas off of them and offering me their constructive ideas...

FAIL!!! :) :) :)

We were on our way home from the movie theater today when we found this sign (HONEST) at the Walgreens near our home. HILARIOUS!!! Rob pulled into their parking lot so we could get photos of it because it cracked us up!

Someone suggested I post it to failblog.org so I did. You can go see it here and leave a comment if you'd like. I'm hoping they'll post it to their webpage. :)

Christmas Eve 2009

I'll post photos tomorrow. For tonight, I will say that though I am so homesick and it's not the same 1000 miles from "home," I am so VERY thankful to be spending my first Christmas in my own home. One year ago tonight, Rob snuck out of the rental home we lived in without my knowing it and put one of my Christmas bows on the door of this house (that we had signed a contract on and just begun the buying process on) and took me out on Christmas day to see a "surprise" he had for me. :) He reminded me of it tonight.

It was a nice, quiet day. Last night Rob and I stayed up until 2 AM lying in bed and talking. Then we woke up this morning and talked some more for a while. We are too old for that, but it was nice. :) Robert made a big pot of minestrone while Matthew, Rob, Barbara, and I put together a vegie tray, fruit tray, cheese, bread, and crackers. I filled my tummy with fresh vegies and fruit and cheese- YUM, and the soup was DELICIOUS!!! We ate early since Robert had to go to work this afternoon/evening. Matthew and I baked a cherry pie and an apple pie for tomorrow. I made double batches of chocolate chip and "snowball" cookies this evening and made up containers of cookies/candy for our neighbors which Rob will deliver tomorrow. I also finished up the 8 sets of cards I started last night, and Rob put one in the mail for me. I posted the rest to my etsy site and am trying my hand at ebay as well- posted three sets there to see what will happen.

I am having a lot of mixed emotions about things- missing my family "back home" but so very grateful and appreciative of the blessing of a home here that God gave us and very aware that it might not have happened had we not been willing to pack up and leave there to be here. So thankful for my own family- I am very, very blessed with a wonderful husband and a strong, wonderful marriage and three terrific young adult children. I am thankful God helped Rob and I stick it out through some rough parts to make it to this "good stuff." I am, as I usually am at this time of year, a little melancholy too though. I miss my daddy, miss the family I used to have and the memories of all that which was lost when he died, miss my cousins on my momma's side especially and all the family gatherings we used to have. I know life would have changed anyway even if he hadn't died, it's just a loss I feel more at Christmas for whatever reason. I saw something today on facebook that made me really miss "the way it was," but again, I am so blessed, so I will do my best to not dwell on the past. I am blessed, more than I ever deserved.

Christmas isn't about money, gifts, food, a pretty tree, or even really about a large family celebration, though being with your family to celebrate is wonderful and what I really wish for.
It is about Jesus. It is about His love- a love so great that He left heaven and came down here with all of us sinful, wicked, undeserving people. He did that because He loved us each one in a way I will never understand this side of heaven. Thank you God for coming to earth, for giving up Your heavenly treasures and the things You had there that I cannot even begin to fathom. Thank You for the multitude of sacrifices You made for me. Please help me to be mindful of them on this holiday, Your birth-day, but also all year long. Let me never forget what You did for me.

Thank You for coming Jesus. Happy Birth-day. Merry Christmas Jesus!

Merry Christmas Daddy, Momma, Pop, Jessica, Scott, Sandy! I love you all!!!! Very, very much!!!

thank God for donorschoose.org and for all those who have given!!!

rob and i just got funded, AGAIN, today on donorschoose!!!!!! hooray!!!!

i am so thankful for all the family, friends, and strangers who have given to our classrooms this year. this calendar year alone, rob has had 22 projects funded and i have had 16 projects funded. this is amazing!!!! each project has brought at least $100 worth of teaching tools/learning materials to our students. it's just really something to think about. i am so amazed and thankful!

:) :) :) :) :) :) :)

card making marathon weekend!!!

I've been a VERY busy girl this weekend!!! :) I made over 130 cards- a new record for me. I had so much fun creating and not having to do schoolwork and only this creative, fun stuff. I made a bunch of cards for gifts, but I can't say to whom or identify which cards yet 'cuz the recipients haven't gotten theirs yet. :) I can't wait to surprise them though, that's for sure!!!

all the cards I made

I recently bought my first embossing materials and have been learning how to do that. I absolutely LOVE these cards. SO pretty. I'm going to have to make myself some of these!!!

Can you see it? I'm also experimenting with the photography part because a couple customers now have told me that my etsy site doesn't do the cards justice, so I'm trying to improve the photos I take to help get my sales going.

This was my favorite picture today. I loved the angle and the way the card looked. I like the charms I found for these cards too.

Well, two more days of teaching and then I'm home for a little bit! I wonder what I'll create over break????

It's snowing!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's snowing in NC in December!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOO HOO WOO HOO WOOOOOOHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are forecast for up to 4-8 inches. We'll see, but I'm SOOOO hoping it happens. It won't last until Christmas I'm sure to make a white Christmas like I would so love, but it's close enough, and it's just what I needed to help with some homesickness which has been really bothering me this month.

No, snow doesn't take the place of my momma or pop, or being home all together our whole family (Momma, Pop, Jessica, Scott, and us five crazy people), but it does make it seem more like Christmas time with some more cold-ish weather and pretty white stuff. It's just hard to believe it's Christmas when you don't have to wear a coat and the most you might need is a light jacket.

So, pardon me while I cheer, cheer, cheer and hope, hope, hope for lots more of the stuff to come. Right now we're getting some HUGE snowflakes. I'm off to go stand at my door and watch and enjoy.

midweek prayer

Hi God, it's me again. It's Wednesday night, and I'm really dreading tomorrow. I had a great day with kids and only a couple bad things today, but once again I left school feeling like a big flop. I cried all the way from High Point to Winston to pick up Matthew today. :( I'm NOT the teacher I want to be or that I have been. I feel as if I'm making excuses for myself when I try to remind myself that I am teaching two grades, that I have no assistance, that I am also very loaded with other responsibilities, jobs, etc., but that is no excuse. I feel very lonely, not really a part of anything (which is my fault too), but I also feel like an embarrassment to those who work around me. I'm pretty sure none of the teachers around me really like me much. Then there's the situation in my room, and well, God, I just feel like I've failed in so many ways this year.

Now I'm tutoring and it's quite challenging dealing with the behaviors of a couple students, and frustrating because the other two really want to learn...

I need to spend a lot of time in my room to get it rearranged and organized. It's not that I'm a slob God, but I can't keep up with things when I have no time for anything it seems. God I just want to quit, and it's not the kids God. It's me, it's the negativity and the chaos of someone else that is driving me crazy. God I need something to change. Please God, please. God I don't know how I'll even make it to next Tuesday, let alone the end of the year.

a note to my class

Dear Kids,

Do you know how much I love you guys?!?!? I had so much fun watching you today at the assembly! You were such good audience members, so polite, so attentive, and I was so very proud to be your teacher at that moment! I always am, but was especially so today. You were so cute to watch as you listened to the music and the story and imagined the picture in your mind.

I had a lot of fun today from the assembly to making our special "surprise" for Ms. Melissa, to being a lunch buddy with someone, to writing letters with you to Donors Choose, to the chilly playground where my constant shadows were hanging out with me as I watched the rest of you climb the dinosaur and run and play and laugh and try to stay warm.

Thank you for having such a great day, for the good attitudes some of you are focusing on keeping and the hard work you do most of the time :), for your love of learning and school, for your happiness and joy you share with me, for your enthusiasm, and most of all for loving your "Mrs. Thomas" even when she is cranky, tired, sick, or stressed out. Your love has made a difference in my life each and every day. Your love and smiles and hugs are what has kept me going through one of the hardest school years of my life. You are truly the one and only reason I come to work every day, and I do adore you more than you will ever know!

Love now and always,
Your "Mrs. Thomas" (Mrs. T, Mrs. "Omas," silly goose, and all the other silly names you have for your goofball teacher)

missing you

i am missing my parents a lot.

the holidays, though a beautiful, wonderful time to reflect on God's gift to me, make me feel melancholy at times. i wish this weren't so. but i think it's probably just part of life (i hope i'm not just mental). :)

i miss my daddy, long, long gone now. funny, how you could know and love someone for only a part of your life and yet miss them so deeply even years and years later.

i miss my momma and pop so much too and long to be home and all of us together for Christmas, but it is not to be again this year. i hope that someday we won't have to be apart for the holiday.

overwhelmed

i came home feeling utterly tired and overwhelmed and disgusted- another banner day. i turned off KLove on my way home at the "feeling" i should, and just was quiet for a bit, then told God that i truly, truly wanted to throw in the towel but can't. i didn't get any answers or sudden inspiration, but i felt like i was supposed to just talk to God and tell Him how i feel. i did.

robert had asked me to take him somewhere to get rob's Christmas gift, so i pulled in after work and we took off again to do that. it was nice to walk around and just talk with him and look. i came home, had some good food cooked by matthew tonight (may i just say my boys can cook!!!), and started on grad work. i have no clue if i'm doing it "right" but i'm starting to put a small dent in this big, final assignment. less than a week and i'll have this course done. two weeks and i'll be able to be home again for a little bit! i'm going to spend part of Christmas break at work trying to get things ready for the new year. i have no help in the classroom and with two grades, picking up my kids after work, tutoring... i'm just not keeping up very well and it's getting to me!

going to call it a night now. good night God, good night world.

just a quiet December Sunday

Our backyard today at 5:30 PM. I just thought the different shades of blue (which don't show as well here) and the silhouette of the trees was pretty.

It has been a quiet Sunday. We're starting to have to get used to the two olders being gone more. Between their church activities, work, and college, it's getting to be Matthew and us more and more. Matthew is our "quieter" child so the house is definitely changing as we enter this new phase of our lives. In a couple more years we will probably start losing some or all of the kids, so I'm trying to get used to this new silence. :)

As I said it was kind of quiet around here today- Not a creature was stirring, not even the animals. Here are the girls, Emily & Charlotte. We still have not found homes for them and cannot bring ourselves to take them to the pound. I know we're suckers!!! And Samson, who never lets me take his photo, even was relaxing! :)

I was working to fill orders today and made some extras while I was at it to post on my etsy site. I just loved "Frosty!"

Trying my hand at making gift tags.

Now it's time to prepare my tutoring plans and start (YIKES!!!) my last HUGEMONGOUS grad class assignment due in one week!!!

Happy Sunday all!

a very nice birthday

I had my 39th birthday this week, and it was a very nice birthday. My students were absolutely sweet to me. They kept asking me all day if they could sing to me, and I heard the Happy Birthday song at least three or four times from my class- too cute! I received a bunch of cards and pictures and a craft stick snowflake from the kids who worked "in secret" trying to make things for me. :) They were adorable! They didn't know I could see and knew what they were up to, and I didn't ruin their secrets for them. ;)

I celebrated with my family the night before since Robert & Barbara had to work on my birthday. We couldn't really afford it, but we spent the money and went out to an Italian restaurant near our house that we've never eaten at. R & B bought their own meals (thanks you two!!!!) and that helped a lot! Then we went out and found our Christmas tree, got some sonic for dessert and came home to put the tree up and string it with lights. A really nice family evening together!!! We laughed and laughed; and I laughed so hard I thought I was going to die laughing. :)

My momma called my phone and left a voice mail on my birthday and sang Happy Birthday to me about the time I was born into the world- a family tradition I hope to carry on with my kids. I checked the message very quickly while my kids had snack to make sure that there wasn't anything wrong with Pop who is recovering from his heart attack and close call with death. My students are absolutely sweet. Several of them were asking me while I waited for the phone to dial (I had explained that I needed to check this message from my momma to make sure everything was okay.) "Is your Pop okay, Mrs. Thomas?" "Mrs. T, is Pop going to be okay?" They were truly concerned, and that made me feel so good. When I realized it was Momma singing to me I turned my phone onto speakerphone so they could hear my momma's voice. One of them said, "Oh, that's what your Momma sounds like?!?" :) They thought it was funny that my momma would be calling me to sing happy birthday to me. Too cute!

I took my class on a "field trip" in the rain the other day to go to "Rosie" (my car) so they could help me carry in the tons of stuff I bought at Walmart for school. I haven't made a shopping trip like that in ages, but I needed to buy things for their Christmas gifts and materials for the kids to make thank you Christmas gifts for our two volunteers and treasure box and class store items as our stock is getting depleted... The kids were so excited when I said we'd go on a field trip to Rosie. They LOVE my car and wave hello to Rosie when they see her in the parking lot. :) Didn't you know that teachers actually live outside of school too, can drive, go out to stores and restaurants, and even have a home and a mommy/daddy/husbands/wives/kids too!!! These things all amaze them!!! They LOVE to hear about my life outside of school!

Cracks me up how I can take almost anything that is not a big deal and make it a big deal by just being excited and presenting it in a hyper kind of way! They were really excited!!! HILARIOUS!!! So we went out and it was raining and that made it even more adventurous; I mean come on, there were puddles to avoid and raindrops to catch on your tongue and the wind was blowing. It was fun!!! And a neat little break in our rainy day. Plus there was the excitement of knowing they were bringing in their gifts and things for the treasure box! Oooohhh!!! I know, I know- it doesn't take much for me to get excited either! :) I'm just as silly as the kids which is why I belong with little people. :)

no answers

I care very deeply for the people I get close to- I mean truly, very deeply. That includes so many kids I cannot even name them all anymore. Most of my days are filled with lots of joy and love, hugs and fun and laughter as I learn and work with my kids in the classroom and on the playground and wherever we are.

But sometimes there are moments of great sorrow and hurt. Sometimes a child opens up and shares things that break your heart; often they don't even know how to express it or you have to learn to read the behavior, the attitude to see beyond that to the heart. Recently I was asked "Mrs. Thomas, why does ___ have to cuss me out everyday when ___ drops me off? Why?!?!?" The hurt in the eyes of this child broke my heart and made me want to cry, but of course I couldn't do that there in class.

Sometimes there just are no answers you can give. Sometimes you can only listen and care and be there. Those moments are hard, but I am thankful that I get to be the one who is there. I just hope and pray that my being there will somehow, in some way, make a difference.

Thanksgiving break 2009- photo memories

This is picture heavy. It's just a bunch of photos that show the fun we had together as a family on Thanksgiving break. It was a much, much, much needed break. We are so thankful for our first home, our first big holiday in our home, and for our family (though we often argue and get on each other's nerves- we do really get along well and love each other and their company alot!!!)

Robert and Dad pretending to fight- goofy boys!

Matthew "breaking it up" :)

my little "ducklings" all grown up now!

Matthew guarding this bridge- "None shall pass."

Late November and there are still beautiful leaves. I just can't get used to this even after 5 falls here in North Carolina. :)

my goofy son, Robert

I love my kids!!!!!!!!!!!! And our dog, Samson too!

I love this man!

We went for a walk at the Arboretum, and I saw these pretty berries- American Beautyberries.

Samson and Matthew explored the little creek that runs by the Arboretum.

my hubby and best friend

my sweet, happy-go-lucky daughter

It was NOT anywhere near cold enough to be dressed like this. We teased her a lot about it, to which she replied, "I'm being cute! It's called style!" :)

I just liked these pretty steps. :)

Sammy is happiest when he is with us, and he LOVES LOVES LOVES going for rides!!!

our 1st Thanksgiving in our 1st home! THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

our backyard still has tons of leaves falling down and not yet fallen- we'll be raking leaves all winter at this rate!

Robert makes the funniest faces! We kicked off Thanksgiving break with cookies & milk and game time.